Keeping Him

by Kennedy Fox

  Kiera looks up at me. “If you beat my time, I’m gonna be pissed.”

  “Get ready to get pissed, sweetheart.” We’re both so damn competitive when it comes to things like this that I can’t help but chuckle as I turn the horse around and trot toward the starting point. Kiera resets the clock she had built for practice and training that hangs at the end of the arena.

  I’m right out of the gate, and as soon as I hear the buzzer, I gently dig my heels into the horse, and we take off at a full sprint. With a tight core, and my arms close to my body, we round each barrel, so closely that I almost feel my pants brush against the metal. We’re going at a full sprint back to the finish line when I hear Kiera let out a loud woohoo.

  When I turn around and see the time’s in the thirteens, I pump my fist in the air. It felt right going around the barrels, running at full sprint.

  She’s got her hands on her hips and is walking toward me with a smile, but her eyes are narrowed.

  “How the fuck did you do that?”

  I loop my leg over the saddle and hand her the reins. “I told you. You’re stressed. It’s obvious.”

  “No, I’m not.”

  I cross my arms over my chest. “Really? You seem like you’re as tense as a virgin on prom night, Kiera. As long as you’re riding with stress, you’re not ever going to make your time. The horses know. You know that. Come here,” I tell her, and she does. I turn her around and place my hands on her shoulders and begin to squeeze, trying to loosen the built-up tension. Her head goes limp on her shoulders, and it makes me smirk. Just touching her like this, as harmless as it is, drives me fucking crazy, and I know I should stop. But when I notice her chest rising and falling and hear the moan escape from her lips, I’m only encouraged to keep going. Once her muscles are loosened, I pat her on the back, and she turns around and looks at me, rolling her shoulders.

  “Better?” I give her a shit-eating grin.

  “Actually yeah. Can you come by every day and do that after lunch?” she asks with a laugh.

  “Only if you dare me,” I tease.

  She walks past me, leading the horse with her, and climbs back on. Before she does the run, she resets the clock, takes a deep breath, then shoots me a wink. Kiera is so damn fearless. She rounds the barrels closely, keeping her core tight, and as soon as she crosses the line, I see the time. Thirteen seconds. She gallops back, hops off the horse, then runs toward me. Kiera’s smiling from ear to ear, screaming out in happiness, as she practically knocks me over. Her arms wrap around my neck, and I stumble to catch her. It all happens so fast as I pull her into my arms.

  “I knew you could do it. I told ya so,” I tell her, swinging her around.

  She’s giddy with excitement, and it covers her from head to toe. Eventually, she releases me, taking a step back as if she just realized how close we were. Her breaths are ragged, and I swallow hard, looking at her. We haven’t had a moment like that since before she started dating Dr. Douchebag.

  “We should do this again sometime. I miss you,” she finally says.

  I clench my jaw, wanting to tell her everything I’m feeling at this moment, but settle for barely anything. “I miss you too. I miss my best friend.”

  She turns and looks at me. “We’ll always be best friends, Jackson Bishop. Don’t you ever forget that, okay?”

  “And that’s a promise?” I ask, climbing over the wooden fence, knowing we’ll need to load Chief up soon because she’ll need to get back to work.

  “I promise you with everything I am.” Her words circulate around in my head, and when I look at her face, I know she means it.

  I might not have her the way I want, but at least we’ll be friends forever, and that’ll have to be good enough for me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Kiera

  Running that horse at thirteen seconds was unbelievable. Everything felt right, and having Jackson encouraging me like old times was amazing. He’s always been my lucky charm. Another reason he has to stand up in my wedding.

  I ride around the barrel racing area toward the barn where Chief is waiting in a stall. I had my assistant, Alexis, get him washed and brushed for Jackson since he decided to pick him up. After I dismount, I tie Hershey to a post and meet Jackson at the entrance of the barn. The way he looks at me is so damn intense, I can barely stay focused on my surroundings. All I can see is him looking at me, and it’s as if he can read my thoughts and knows all my secrets. Well, he basically does.

  Back there in the arena, we shared a moment, and I feel as if the invisible wall that’s been keeping us apart since I started dating Trent is finally starting to crumble. I’m so happy to have my best friend back—or at least that’s what it feels like—even if it’s only a temporary feeling.

  “I’m so proud I could teach you everything you know,” Jackson gloats, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  “Oh shut it.” I laugh. “But yeah. I do kinda have you to thank for all this.”

  Jackson smirks and nods. “You’re welcome.”

  When we were fourteen, Jackson taught me how to be a better rider and have more confidence in the saddle. Him being the one to teach people who stay at the B&B was the best choice. I wouldn’t be where I was now without him.

  “It only took falling off and getting back on about a million times.” I smile back at him.

  “But the real question is, did you die?” Jackson lets out a soft chuckle.

  “It felt like I did,” I say truthfully. When I first started riding, I’d fall off all the time. I’ve been bucked off, had the breath knocked out of me, and even broke my arm once. Jackson was conveniently there for all my riding mishaps. Then one day, my parents bought me a horse that wasn’t broken. Jackson spent the entire summer with me, teaching me everything I now know. He was always so patient. Starting with the basics, he’d spend every free moment he had with me. Of course, years of experience with horses helped get me to where I am today, but Jackson laid a solid foundation, and he really wanted me to be successful. But even looking at him right now, standing in front of me, I know he’s a million times better than I am. I’ve begged him to train professionally, asked him to join me in my ventures, but each time, he denied, staying true to his family and the B&B. I know he can train all the horses he sends to me, but he claims he doesn’t have time. Personally, I think it’s just an excuse, but I don’t mind. It gives me extra work and a reason to see him, even if sometimes it’s painful.

  “Chief didn’t give you any issues, did he?” Jackson asks as we walk side by side toward the barn.

  “No, not at all. He’s going to be a great horse. Has a little wild spirit to him, though. Sometimes he gets stubborn when we’re galloping and wants to keep going. Eventually, he stops, though. I think I wore him out more than he did me.” I laugh.

  “I don’t doubt that one bit,” he says.

  Our arms brush together as we walk to where Chief is. I lean over the stall door, feeling Jackson’s eyes on me. I glance over at him with a smirk, and when our eyes meet, it’s as if everything around us freezes. My breathing increases, and I notice the faint smell of his cologne. It brings back so many memories of our teenage years. Jackson lifts his hand and tucks loose strands of hair behind my ear. Instinctively, I grab his hand.

  “Please don’t,” I whisper with our eyes locked.

  “Don’t what?” he asks, searching my face, but he’s wearing his infamous shit-eating grin. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

  “Don’t make me question everything.” The words fall out of my mouth before I can stop myself, and even I’m shocked by them.

  He places his hands in his pocket and focuses on the horse who’s lazily eating hay. Things get awkward too quickly, and everything is quiet. There are a million words I want to say but can’t find the courage to do it. Instead, I’m lost in my thoughts, trying to distract myself, but everything about him surrounds me. The only sound I hear is my heart pounding in my ears.

  “Kiera, you can’t
force Trent into a mold, okay? You want him to be someone he’s not. Someone he’ll never be…”

  Heat hits my cheeks, and my mind is spinning. He doesn’t finish the rest of his sentence. He doesn't dare say what he’s insinuating—Trent will never be him.

  Jackson turns, resting his back against the stall door, and crosses his arms over his broad chest. I notice his bulging biceps, his dark, messy hair, and then I find myself focusing on his lips. Shit. What the fuck am I doing? Why does he still have this strong hold on me? I’m getting married in four months, and I’m practically undressing him with my eyes. I place my back against the stall door as well, taking my focus off him and pushing the thoughts out of my head.

  “Do you remember when we were seventeen and snuck out to go skinny-dipping in the pond during the winter?” he asks.

  I burst out laughing. “And you were convinced that the more whiskey you drank, the less your balls would shrivel up.”

  We both laugh, reminiscing. Jackson glances over at me with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “Do you remember what you told me that night as we sat by the fire trying to warm up?”

  I think back, replaying our conversations from over a decade ago. Lately, I’ve noticed I’ve been doing that a lot. To be a teenager again, when all we worried about was our weekend plans and what we’d spend our summers doing. So much has changed and life isn’t as carefree as it used to be. I suck in a deep breath, remembering it all. The times we spent together flash by like photographs, and while those memories make me happy, they make me sad too.

  “I said I’d never settle,” I finally answer.

  “That’s right. And somehow I can’t help but think you are.” He doesn’t look at me this time.

  I swallow hard. “You’re not being fair, Jackson.”

  All he does is shrug, which frustrates the fuck out of me.

  “Look at me,” I demand, reaching for his hand. “Why are you being like this? Why can’t you just be happy for me and support my decision?”

  He sucks in a deep breath and looks down at my hand holding his. When his eyes finally meet mine, I feel like I’m falling deeper. And it’s not fair—I shouldn’t feel this way anymore. He opens his mouth to say something, but it’s interrupted by a voice behind me.

  “What the fuck is going on in here?” Trent shouts at the entrance of the barn. I release Jackson’s hand and immediately turn around, forcing a smile on my face.

  “Hey, baby!” I say, pushing my shock away.

  Trent’s jaw ticks, and he’s staring at Jackson like he’s ready to beat his face in. I glance back at Jackson and notice his tight fists at his sides. Honestly, if the two of them were to get in a fight, I know Jackson would destroy Trent. He’s been fighting his brothers since he could walk. Not to mention, Jackson has so much built-up rage that he would scare the shit out of anyone who dared to fight him.

  I suck in a deep breath, wishing they could get along, but I know that’ll never happen. Trying to dissolve the situation, I walk toward Trent with a smile, but he only glares at me in return.

  “What the fuck is going on in here?” he asks again, quieter this time.

  “Jackson’s just picking up a horse. And what are you doin’ here anyway? I thought you had a call in San Antonio today?”

  He lets out a deep breath and speaks between gritted teeth. “It was canceled, and I wanted to surprise you, but it looks like I’m the one who’s surprised here. We’ll talk about this when you get home tonight.”

  “About what?” The fact he’s treating me as if I did something wrong pisses me off.

  “About you and him.” He looks over my shoulder toward Jackson. I turn around and glance at Jackson who’s wearing the biggest grin ever. He’s not intimidated by Trent at all, which doesn’t help the situation. I shake my head at Jackson and turn my attention back to Trent.

  “Is it always going to be like this, Kiera?” Trent asks, scowling.

  “Like what?” I whisper, searching his face.

  Trent shakes his head and turns around to walk back toward his truck.

  “Trent!” I shout, but he just lifts his hand up in the air and keeps walking. I watch as he gets inside his truck, pulls out of the driveway, then takes off down the gravel road. My heart is racing, and I’m so fucking pissed about all of this. Trent treated me like I was cheating on him, which is something I’d never do. Maybe he shouldn’t be so fucking insecure about our relationship and lose his temper like a child. It only encourages Jackson when he acts this way.

  Footsteps come up behind me, and Jackson stands next to me, watching Trent drive off the property.

  “And that was my point being made,” he sneers. “Fucking settling for Dr. Douchebag.”

  I turn and look at Jackson as he walks to the tack room, grabs a lead rope, then goes to Chief. The lead rope clicks, and soon, Jackson is leading Chief through the barn past me. My hands are shaking as I try to get ahold of my emotions.

  “Jackson, wait!” I yell, and he stops and immediately turns toward me.

  “What, Kiera?” He pauses, then continues when I don’t speak up right away. “Notice who doesn’t keep walking when you say their name? Surely wasn't your fiancé, the man you’re supposed to be spending the rest of your life with. I almost feel sorry for you, but then I remember that you chose this—he’s what you want.”

  I stomp my boots toward him, ready to give him a piece of my mind about staying out of my personal business, but once I’m beside him, he starts walking again, and I know he’s pissed, too.

  “You better be glad I didn’t beat his fucking face in for disrespectin’ you like that.” Jackson hands me the lead rope and opens the door to the horse trailer. I walk in, loading Chief inside, and feel my emotions bubbling.

  When I step out, Jackson locks the door. I run my hands over my face before tucking them into my pockets.

  Jackson studies me, and his face softens. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice softening.

  I just stare at him, because the truth is, I’m not okay. Trent has never just walked away from me like that. He didn’t even give me a second thought before he drove off.

  I nod, trying to cover up what I’m feeling.

  “No, you’re not.” Jackson comes to me and wraps his strong arms around my body and holds me. That’s when my emotions take over, and the tears start to fall.

  Jackson gently holds me, and we stand there for several minutes while I let it all out. Once I suck it up and wipe my face, he places his hands on my shoulders and forces me to look into his eyes. For a moment, it’s like we’re sixteen again, and he’s comforting me over something stupid. He’s witnessed all my moods and been there through all my ups and downs. Jackson has never left my side.

  “If he ever hurts you, I swear to you, he’s a dead man. One tear is one tear too many. But I’m trying hard to respect your decision regardless if I know it’s a bad one.”

  I exhale, relieved. “Thank you.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” he adds, reminding me of where we stand—where we’ve always stood. Before he walks away, he squeezes my shoulder. “If you need a couch to sleep on, mine is always available to you.”

  I let out a laugh. “I don’t think it’s gone that far. But thanks.”

  He shrugs and smiles. “One can only hope.”

  “Don’t be an ass,” I scold him.

  “Too late.” He walks to his truck and gets inside. Jackson rolls down the window and gives me a wink. “Don’t let it bother you. He’s just jealous of us.”

  “I know,” I admit. “I don’t care, though. You’re my best friend, Jackson Bishop. You’ll always have a place in my heart.”

  His eyes soften, and I watch him swallow hard. “You too, Pippi.”

  The nickname makes me smile. Jackson gives me a head nod, places the truck in drive, and I watch as he disappears in the distance. I suck in a deep breath and let it out slowly. Today turned into a shitshow really quick, one I didn’t expect when I wo
ke up this morning.

  I walk back to Hershey, untie him, and decide we’re done training for the day. My headspace isn’t right, and that’s the number one way to get hurt. I’ve learned that the hard way over the years. After I unsaddle him and brush him down, I lead him back to the open pasture and let him loose. As soon as he’s free, he rolls around in the dirt, bucks a few times, then gallops off. I burst into laughter and walk back toward the barn.

  I decide to send Trent a text, but when that goes unanswered, I call him but am sent straight to voicemail. Instead of focusing on how he’s treating me, I spend the rest of the day cleaning stalls and doing bitch work, because it helps to keep my mind busy, which is what I need right now.

  Once the sun begins to set, I drive home with a racing heart. Trent still hasn’t answered any of my texts or returned my phone calls. You’d think he walked in on Jackson and me having sex by the way he’s acting.

  By the time I make it home, he’s already there. His truck is parked in the driveway, and all the lights are on in the house. I sit in silence for a few minutes before gaining enough courage to walk inside.

  As soon as I open the front door, I see him exiting the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He glances over at me but then continues to the bedroom as if he can’t be bothered by my presence. I’m trying my best to calm down because I really don’t want to argue about this. It’s stupid and petty. So instead of following him and begging him to speak to me, I start cooking dinner. I’m not the type of woman to apologize when I haven’t done anything wrong. Never have been, never will be.

  I stand in the kitchen and decide to make tacos tonight. I take out the meat, taco seasoning, and all the extra toppings. By the time the meat is cooked, Trent enters.

  “Hey,” he says as he grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

  “Hey,” I reply, trying to keep my tone as flat as his. “Dinner is ready.”

  “Great.” He grabs plates from the cabinet, and we scoop food onto them.

  As we sit at the table and eat, the silence draws on, and it basically devours me. There’s so much spinning through my mind, not only from today but from the past couple of months.