Waiting for You

by Megan Derr

  “Fine,” Kallaar said. “But you must do as we say without arguing.”

  “Agreed. So I assume our first step is getting out of here again?”

  “Correct. Ahmla, shall we?”

  “Highness.” Ahmla returned to the window he’d come in a moment ago.

  Kallaar moved to follow him. “You really should stay here.”

  “Be quiet and let’s get moving.”

  He sketched a playful bow and slipped out the window like a shadow.

  Shanna wished she could say her own exit was as graceful, but she wasn’t even half as impressive as Kallaar and Ahmla.

  “Come on,” Ahmla said and led the way across the roof, the opposite direction they’d gone earlier when sneaking out of the castle. From there, they dropped to a lower level, the roof of the servants’ rooms and storage spaces. Halfway across it, Ahmla moved to the edge and deftly swung down—then dropped.

  Kallaar simply jumped and rolled smoothly to his feet as he hit the ground.

  “Show-off,” Shanna muttered. She really wished she had considered this part, because the overhang meant there was no way to climb down. Tamping down on her nerves, she swung over much like Ahmla had, swore softly, and made herself let go.

  Rather than landing neatly on her feet the way they had, she toppled to the ground and got scraped hands and bruised dignity for her effort. Batting away efforts to help her, she pushed to her feet and said, “Across the inner yard from here, I take it? The patrols will see us.”

  Kallaar gave a derisive snort. “Unlikely. The outer patrols are diligent, but the guards inside the castle are far more lax. Five years of studying them and very little has changed. The ones who patrol the courtyard have probably gone off to play cards by this point, since His Majesty has gone to bed. And when he retires, so does everyone else.”

  “They also do their own sneaking around,” Ahmla said and smiled briefly. “No different from back home, really.”

  “Security is better there.”

  “Moderately.”

  Shanna lifted her eyes to the sky. “Shall we get moving?”

  They gave her sheepish looks. Ahmla slipped off, taking the lead as always, and it was interesting to see him the one in charge rather than Kallaar. Strangely, it seemed just as natural, or even more natural, given how easily—and happily—Kallaar obeyed.

  Minutes later, they were across the courtyard and down the hall she recognized as where Lord Teth resided. Before she could ask what was next, Ahmla crouched in front of the door and pulled out a rolled bundle of cloth. From it he drew what must be lockpicks because that was precisely what he did with them.

  The door opened after a few seconds and, motioning her to silence, Ahmla slipped into the room in that shadowy way of his, and Kallaar was equally silent as he followed suit. Feeling like a puppy still adjusting to her legs, Shanna followed them and closed the door quietly behind her.

  She thought they’d light a taper or something, but they only moved on, barely visible in the near-absolute dark. Shanna remained where she was.

  There was a startled noise that was quickly cut off, followed by thumping and shuffling. Then the acrid smell of a match, followed by a flare of light. Dull, orange-yellow lamplight flooded the middle of the sitting room.

  Where Ahmla had secured Lord Teth on his knees. Lord Teth was staring at Kallaar, eyes wide, sweat already gleaming on his forehead and at the edges of his hair.

  “Good evening,” Kallaar said. “My queen has business with you.”

  “Your queen? What are you—” Teth stopped as he caught sight of Shanna. “She’s not a queen.”

  Kallaar said, “You are in Mercen’s pocket. The truly disgraceful part is that he did not put you there. You climbed in all on your own.”

  Teth’s face tightened. “I’m not a stupid man, I went where I knew I could keep my people safe.”

  “I doubt that,” Shanna said, “given that my spies tell me just how poorly off your people are, and that you ignore more letters and messengers than you reply to. My stepfather overlooks the complaints filed against you so long as you continue to do what he says—especially as regards tax money, and facilitating between him and the smugglers that work your coast.”

  The smugglers had been an educated guess since her spies hadn’t been able to confirm that, but from the look on his face, she’d struck the mark.

  “So here is what you’re going to do,” Kallaar said, with a smile of hard lines and sharp edges. The eerie calm on his face sent shivers through Shanna. “You are going to leave tonight instead of tomorrow, Lord Teth. You are going to return to your estate. Leave a note explaining the matter; talk to no one. Make up a reason that Mercen will believe. You will not return, and you’ll stay out of his pocket.”

  “Why should I listen to a piddling boy like you?” Teth spit at his feet.

  Kallaar knelt and with a flick of his wrist suddenly held a short, thin dagger. Shanna started. He pressed the dagger to Teth’s throat. “You’ll listen to me because it’s the smart thing to do. Because you’ve been disloyal to your queen and it’s long past time you redeemed yourself. Because if you don’t…” He leaned in close and said something in Teth’s ear that made him look like he was going to throw up or pass out. “Understand me?” Kallaar asked as he drew back.

  Teth nodded and, when Kallaar pressed the dagger against his neck enough to draw blood, sputtered out, “I understand.”

  “Good.” Kallaar withdrew the dagger—then slashed open Teth’s right cheek, sending blood pouring down his face and throat to soak into his nightshirt. “But there’s a reminder should you ever think of changing your mind. Ahmla.”

  Ahmla yanked Teth to his feet and dragged him back into his bedroom, ignoring protests and pleas about tending the wound. He rejoined Kallaar and Shanna as Kallaar finished cleaning his dagger, which he vanished with another flick of his wrist.

  “That was impressively efficient. What did you say to him?”

  Kallaar jerked one shoulder. “We have been watching him ever since you gave us the list, or at least since we learned he was leaving soon. It didn’t take long, between observing and bribing servants, to learn that his manservant is quite a bit more than that—the sort of more that would break Teth to lose. So currently that man is quite lost, and if Teth wants him back, he’ll have to do what we say.”

  “You kidnapped his lover?”

  “Yes,” Ahmla replied. “But never fear, he’s not been brought to any harm and will be well-treated until we order him released. We’re hard, not cruel. That is one problem addressed, and tomorrow we’ll sort out the next one.”

  Shanna wasn’t quite sure what to think of that, but they’d done what she’d asked: taken care of a council member without hurting or killing anyone. Well, Teth had been hurt slightly, but she’d seen him do worse to himself after too many cups of wine.

  Ahmla motioned for them to follow and led the way out of Teth’s room and back to Shanna’s.

  “That was certainly a full night.” She tried not to think about the fact she had to be up bright and early for an official breakfast, followed by a long day filled with courtship events: private walks and teas and the like with each of the suitors, another banquet, and a stargazing party shortly after that would likely go on until morning.

  “I hope you are able to get some rest,” Kallaar said. “I would offer to tire you out, but I think you do not require the assistance.”

  “Brat,” Shanna replied, mouth ticking up.

  Kallaar leaned in to kiss her cheeks and her mouth, whisper-soft and full of promises Shanna wished were not simply in her head. “Goodnight, my queen. Despite the terrible night, I hope you do sleep well. Tomorrow will be a better a day. I will make it so.” He stepped back, and they both swept her bows.

  Then they were gone, and Shanna headed into her bedroom, where she stripped and washed at the basin of water that had been placed close to the fire to keep it warm. When she felt moderately clean again, she pu
lled on clean underclothes and crawled into bed.

  Try as she might, though, her mind would not settle. The recent tolling of the bells said she had to be awake in five hours. Tomorrow was going to be a long, miserable day.

  Stifling a sigh when another long bout of tossing and turning accomplished nothing, Shanna pulled on a thick robe to keep back the chill of the dark, early hours and told her bodyguards she was going for a walk—alone. Hopefully her shadow would keep his distance.

  She considered the gardens but didn’t feel like enduring the cold again. Instead, she wandered the empty halls, enjoying the silence and flickering torchlight, the sound of the ocean, and the occasional cry of different night birds.

  Her meandering thoughts were interrupted by voices—familiar voices—as she passed the gallery. She paused at the corner that would have taken her down a hall of private rooms, heart thudding in her chest as she listened to Kallaar and Ahmla speak in Morentian. What were they doing all the way over here? Their rooms were located on the other side of the castle, in the guest wing.

  Ahmla chuckled softly and said something too low for her to catch. But she definitely caught the crude reply, at least the tone and enough of the words to understand the general meaning. She swallowed, crept closer to the edge of the wall, and looked cautiously around the corner.

  Kallaar stood in the middle of the hallway, dressed more like Ahmla now, complete with daggers at his hips, though not a sword. Ahmla was crouched in front of Lord Corma’s door, picking the lock as he had Teth’s.

  Corma was another one of the names she’d given them. Her shoulders eased. The fools were still doing things for her, instead of going to bed like sensible people. She shook her head, a smile tugging at her mouth. Did they ever relax? What would they do if ordered to relax? Wouldn’t it be lovely to give that order and find out?

  With a soft, pleased sound, Ahmla rose and tucked his tools away. He turned to Kallaar—

  And Shanna nearly shrieked as a heavy hand dropped on her shoulder. She whirled around, stared angrily at the bodyguard looming over her. “Unhand me.”

  “Highness—”

  They both froze at the sound of Kallaar and Ahmla speaking urgently to each other. Shanna knocked the guard’s hand away and dove for the wide, heavy curtains that framed each massive painting in the hallway, meant to be pulled during those hours when the sun shone directly on them so they would not fade. She gathered the folds of her robe and flattened them and herself as much as possible—right as she heard Ahmla and Kallaar come around the corner.

  “I thought you took care of our shadow,” Kallaar snapped in Morentian. “And you accuse me of distraction?”

  “This isn’t our shadow. He’s one of the guards assigned to watch Her Highness.”

  Kallaar made an impatient noise and cut off whatever the guard tried to say. A moment and several rough sounds later, and Shanna heard the guard hit the ground. “Why would Mercen send one of her guards to follow us?”

  “I doubt he did. They must have noticed us sneaking out that last time, or someone did and followed us on their own. You weren’t exactly subtle going in, after all.”

  Kallaar snickered and said something Shanna didn’t catch—and almost laughed at the obvious thumping he got for the words. “If that’s what you’re in the mood for, Ahmi, all you had to do was say.”

  Ahmla muttered a reply that was quickly cut off. Then came a soft, whimpering groan.

  Heart in her throat, Shanna pulled back the curtain the slightest bit—and barely held back whimpers of her own to see them kissing. Ahmla’s hands were buried in Kallaar’s hair; Kallaar’s hands splayed across Ahmla’s chest for balance as he leaned up into the kiss. Kallaar groaned again and twined his arms around Ahmla’s neck.

  Making a few approving noises of his own, Ahmla slid his hands down Kallaar’s back to cup his ass and hoisted him like he weighed nothing, Kallaar’s legs wrapping around his hips. Both men had clearly forgotten the guard lying prone and tied up on the floor.

  Mercy of the gods, they were beautiful together. Shanna wanted to join them, wanted to pretend just for a moment she could be part of that beauty. Would they let her someday? Why was Kallaar dallying with her when he had Ahmla? Her heart pounded even faster, drumming in her ears, fit to bursting in her chest. Were her hopeless thoughts not so hopeless after all? Had she found two people who would not be averse to being three?

  Well, nothing ever came from hiding. Drawing a steadying breath, Shanna grasped the curtain and made to reveal herself.

  Ahmla drew back, biting hard at Kallaar’s lips. “I am weary of hiding and lying. This has all dragged on long enough.”

  Shanna froze and then slunk back further behind the curtain.

  “Only a little longer and it will finally be over,” Kallaar replied, dragging a soft kiss across Ahmla’s frowning mouth. “A matter of days, I think. At worst, the full two weeks.”

  “I still wish we’d done it my way. Do you know how frustrating it is? To stand there and watch you—”

  Kallaar cut him off with a harder, deeper kiss and then drew back to say something spoken too softly for Shanna to hear. As Ahmla finally let him slide to the floor, he said more audibly, “I suppose we should stop being reckless fools. Time enough for fucking later, when all this nonsense and subterfuge is at an end. Then I intend to enjoy myself in bed for many days.”

  “Since when do you bother to make it as far as a bed?”

  Kallaar snickered as they finished dragging the guard into a corner well away from the torchlight and returned to where they’d been working down the hall.

  Shanna barely noticed, heart cracked in two as Kallaar’s comments played over and over in her head—Hiding and lying. My queen. Dear queen. Lovely queen. So fine a queen. Will finally be over. Nonsense. Subterfuge.

  Oh, she really was a fucking fool. She’d told herself a thousand times Kallaar and Ahmla were too good to be true. They’d seemed so earnest, so real. But they were following orders and probably had some private ambition of their own, some personal reason they were willing to pretend to so faithfully serve her. Some reason worth pretending to want her. Though she didn’t know what that had accomplished.

  Well, no, that wasn’t true, it just stung her pride. Stung her, period. She’d enjoyed being wanted by a handsome prince who did not treat her like a child or like she should be second to his first. She’d enjoyed being wanted as a person instead of as a queen.

  Instead, she was simply a duty, and worse, a duty interfering in a relationship, hurting them both: Kallaar forced to pretend to want, and oh gods, her behavior in the garden. Shanna wanted to scream and throw up. And poor Ahmla, just forced to stand and watch. Why would they do that? He hadn’t needed to suggest they pretend to be lovers. At the very least, he could have not—

  Of course she was nothing but a duty to be carried out. Why had she ever let herself believe there might be something more there? Kallaar was clearly the flirtatious sort, she’d known that for years; why had she suddenly decided to let herself believe he meant any of it?

  Angrily brushing away tears, Shanna slipped out from behind the curtain and made her way through the castle to her rooms. The guards nodded diffidently and opened the doors. No doubt they’d soon wonder where their companion who had shadowed her had gone, but that wasn’t her problem.

  Shanna crossed to the little table in the corner, poured herself a small measure of brandy, and threw it back in one smooth motion. Then she did it a second and third time. Barely resisting the urge for a fourth, she set the glass down and went into her bedroom. After discarding her robe, she climbed into bed and, though she hated herself for it, cried until exhaustion finally won out.

  Chapter Four

  The very last thing Shanna wanted to do come morning was meet with her stepfather. But their morning discussions were canceled only when he had more pressing business, and they met so early, cancellation was a rarity. It had happened only once since her mother’s death.


  So instead of avoiding her fate, Shanna dressed in a dark blue gown that was nearly black, tightly bound her hair and decorated it with black pearls, and went to attend the meeting.

  Instead of sitting at the table by the half circle of windows where they often had tea, or standing by the bookshelves where they spoke when he was annoyed with her, Mercen instead sat behind his enormous desk. None of his staff were present. That wasn’t a good sign.

  “Good morning, darling.”

  Shanna’s mouth flattened, but she nodded. “Good morning, Father.”

  His smile was indulgent at the mouth but spidery in the eyes. “How was your evening? Did you enjoy your assignation with your little desert rat? Your jaunt to the beach?”

  “You didn’t have to kill them.”

  “I didn’t kill anyone,” Mercen replied, idly shuffling papers on his desk. “I saw to it a point was made.”

  “What point was that? You’re a murderous bastard furious you cannot kill me as easily as you did my mother?”

  Mercen spared her a brief look. “Do you think you’ll shock something out of me by being so crass and bold in your speech? Act like a queen-in-waiting, not a child, Shanna.” He signed the bottom of a paper and set it aside to dry, then picked up a smaller slip. “Here.”

  She approached the desk and delicately took the paper. “What is this?”

  But the question was answered by skimming the list—the names of three of her suitors. The weakest, most useless of the bunch, though all were from kingdoms Mercen would find useful to have an alliance with. Powerful, but not more powerful than him, and with weaknesses he could easily exploit.

  “You want me to choose one of them?”

  “Yes, and you’ll do it tonight at the ball. It’s the first night you’re allowed to do so, if a touch unconventional. But gossip will keep people occupied.”

  “Why so quickly? Surely it would be better to wait until the end and not ruffle feathers or draw undue attention.”

  “Because the outcome will not change for the prolonging, and I’d rather have this tiresome, expensive matter ended.”