by Megan Derr
She highly doubted that was the real reason, but she would have to figure it out another way. For once she was grateful these meetings happened so early, because if she’d already eaten breakfast it might be coming back up right then. Why was he rushing? Why? Mercen was patient, careful; this rushing wasn’t like him. Was he spooked? Was Kallaar more of a threat to him than she’d realized? “And if I don’t choose one of these three?”
He looked up, not bothering to smile. “Do not test me.”
She tucked the list into a pocket of her gown, turned, and walked out of the room. But even when she was in the hallway with the doors firmly shut, Shanna couldn’t relax. Rather than going to breakfast as she’d intended, she went to the garden. Being there always hurt, because so often it was where she and her mother had talked. Neither of them had been much for the stiff formality Mercen favored.
It was also where she’d stupidly thought the man she had been fucking had been as invested in finding pleasure as her. The memory of ordering him to find release, so sweet and hot before, now left her cold. He’d said it was because she was important and they had other matters, but maybe he’d preferred not to find pleasure with anyone but Ahmla. And she’d forced the matter.
Swallowing, Shanna hastened her steps until she was finally in the relative privacy of the garden. Avoiding the bench where she’d been with Kallaar, she settled instead on a smaller bench beside an artificial pond and waterfall, propping her chin in her hand and staring at the blue and pink fish swimming idly through the water. Occasionally one came up to grab a bug or a petal mistaken for a bug.
What was she going to do?
Shanna looked over the names again, which only increased her sense of helpless frustration. After balling up the list, she shoved it back in her pocket. If she chose any of those suitors, her fate was sealed—provide an heir, and then she would die. Her stepfather would have her consort and child under his thumb.
Honestly, why was he so intent? It was not as though he would live forever. What did he hope to accomplish by stealing power from her? Hadn’t he had it long enough? Did he really need more so badly it was worth killing her and destroying her family?
“Here you are.”
Tension set her shoulders to aching all over again, but Shanna pulled on her cloak of queen-in-waiting and smiled at Kallaar and Ahmla. Standing, she extended her hand as they bowed in greeting. “Good morning, Highness, Master Ahmla. I hope you both slept well.”
“Very well,” Kallaar said, a hint of mischief in his frustratingly pretty smile. Even knowing it was for show did not make her terribly strong against it. More than ever, she wanted to believe everything he’d said and done. But look what that had already driven her to do. “How are you? I fear the answer is not well, but one always hopes to be wrong about these things.”
She forced a laugh. “Unfortunately, you are correct. It has not been a pleasant morning. But it’s a problem for me to solve, I’m afraid, no one else.”
Kallaar made a scoffing noise and sat next to her on the bench, so close they pressed together. She felt the heat of him, smelled a hint of his flowery soap, enjoyed the soft brocade of his jacket, and a soft, sweetly spiced cologne. She wanted to kiss him, climb into his lap, and enjoy again what it was like to have him come apart beneath her. Wanted to drag Ahmla into the mix, learn what his kisses were like, how it felt to kiss them both after watching them kiss each other. If she’d stayed in her room last night and was still blissfully ignorant of just how much of a fool she was, she would have done all of that. And they would have wanted none of it, so thank goodness she knew…but gods, some small, selfish part of her wished she didn’t. She was pathetic.
Kallaar kissed her fingertips in that way of his. “A problem for you is a problem for us, my queen.”
Withdrawing her hand and folding it in her lap with the other one, Shanna said, “You’ve been most gracious in all of this, Highness. I know my mother is the reason you are here, but I’m certain there are things back home you would rather be doing.”
“Well, of course I enjoy being home where I do not have to worry I will forget a word, or say the wrong word, and I admit my father is vastly more relaxing to be around except perhaps during festivals and tax season…” He wrinkled his nose, and Ahmla lifted one hand in a failed attempt to smother a laugh. “There is nowhere else we’d rather be than here with you, I promise.”
Shanna mustered a smile. “It’s sweet of you to say so.”
Kallaar’s levity faltered. “Forgive me, but I feel like something troubles you, and that something pertains to me.”
“No, please, I am sorry. It’s all me. My stepfather has made it clear that last night was a warning, and if I do not comply with his wishes, more people will die. He gave me a list of three suitors, and I must pick one of them tonight.”
“I see. I think it’s safe to assume my name is not on that list.”
“No, it’s not. Your country is of no use to my stepfather, and I think at least part of this rushing me to choose may have to do with your presence. I don’t know for sure, but I would say it’s a fair guess.”
Kallaar’s smile then was razor-sharp, reminiscent of the look he’d given Teth last night. “It’s also likely that he’s reacting to the three councilmen we’ve taken care of.”
Shanna stared at him. “We only took care of Teth last night.”
“After we saw you to bed, we took care of the other two,” Kallaar said.
“You made me think you were going to bed!” Shanna replied, scowling for all she was worth, praying she was convincing. “Why didn’t you take me along on the other two?”
“Our duty is to protect you,” Ahmla said. “I said before, my job is to do what Kallaar needs even if it goes against what he wants—the same applies to you.”
Shanna huffed, hoping her annoyance hid the fact her heart was cracking anew. Why did they keep making it sounds like they cared, like they wanted to be here? Why were they such good liars? “How did you persuade the other two?”
“Money. Favors. Thankfully, they were easier to deal with than Teth. I do not like using threats.” His eyes gleamed with mischief and triumph. “So I would imagine this morning your stepfather is rather angry to find he’s lost three of his pawns, and rather than try to regain them, he is pushing on with his primary plan.”
“Me. Yes. And the only piece I can play is to pick a consort he cannot touch, but doing that will bring harm down on whoever I pick.”
Ahmla chuckled, soft and deep, the sound rolling deliciously down Shanna’s spine. Shunting aside the momentary distraction, she watched as they exchanged a look. “What?”
Kallaar made a face. “Are you certain you would not simply like for us to slit his throat?”
“Tempting, but messy in a number of ways.” And she did not want to kill if she did not have to: becoming queen would force her to get her hands bloody soon enough, and she did not want to start with her stepfather, even if he had very likely killed her mother. Revenge, while a pleasant thought, wouldn’t accomplish anything.
It was also a luxury she couldn’t afford, not if she wanted to keep her throne and protect her people.
“So who are your options, out of curiosity?” Kallaar asked.
“Dorni, Benn, Cormiana.”
“I see,” Ahmla said.
Kallaar wrinkled his nose. “I don’t, but I’ve always been abysmal at politics.”
Ahmla huffed a soft laugh. “That is sadly true.”
“My mother pounded politics into my head,” Shanna replied. “I am envious you were not treated the same. These countries all fall along my kingdom’s north and east borders. They’re landlocked, save for Cormiana, but the strip of ocean on its east side is rocky and dangerous, useless for building harbors. But all three have direct access to Alagahara. All three have close alliances. Make nice with one, and you’re halfway there with the other two. We’ve always refused to work with them because we won’t condone or tolerate their slav
ery.”
“We avoid them for the same reason,” Ahmla replied. “Most call us fools, because we’re so small they practically have piles of wealth and power and would make for a strong ally.”
“Alagahara certainly doesn’t care about slavery, but we do, and so trade relations with all four countries have always been, at best, strained. If I marry one of these three—all of them weak sons and daughters that can be afforded to send on what they think is a wasted trip—then my stepfather forms an alliance. From there, it won’t be hard to build further alliances, and eventually one with Alagahara, who won’t trade with us until we make nice with those three.”
“And with access to Alagahara…” Kallaar said. “All your stepfather would need is a foothold and he could gain significant power over the whole continent. But that’s quite the kingdom to overtake. Alagahara hasn’t lost a war in four centuries.”
“He wouldn’t need war,” Shanna said bitterly. “He would just need my child, whom he’ll marry off to one kingdom, and my widowed consort he’ll marry to someone else, and the children from those two marriages will gain him power and influence across the whole continent.”
Ahmla added, “Given the power your country holds over trade, your more impressive navy, and the foothold you already have in the first three countries…a few well-placed murders and strategic displays of force, and your stepfather could be an emperor in less than twenty years. He’s just shy of forty, plenty of years left to him yet, so that would be quite the throne to someday die upon. It would work. Nobody has managed such a thing here for a very long time. They’ve all gotten cozy either getting along with or politely ignoring each other.” He rubbed his chin with the back of one finger. “Especially if he brought the slaves to his side.”
Shanna nodded. “Yes.”
Kallaar blew out a loud breath. “I am starting to truly appreciate why my mother always looks as though she has a headache. I’ve always had some inkling, but Sun, I am happy to leave these troubles to others and be the faithful protector.”
“I’m the faithful protector,” Ahmla said. “You’re the useless prince.”
Kallaar scowled. “Protectors should be respectful at all times.”
“Ha!”
Shanna laughed, but the amusement faded as both men turned to look at her. “Pardon. You’ve been so formal since you arrived, it’s nice to see you lapse back into the way you behaved when you were still pretending to be merchants. It’s obvious you’re very close; I envy it.”
They both looked amused, but the confession that they were lovers, which she both dreaded and hoped for, did not come. They did not want her to know. And she could think of no good reason not to tell her.
Nonsense. Subterfuge. The words hurt more with every recollection.
Shoving that pain down to join all the others in the recesses of her mind, Shanna said, “Anyway, you can see my conundrum. I cannot choose any of those three, but if I don’t, more people will die. If I choose someone else, I do not want to know what may happen to them during the betrothal period or shortly after the wedding.”
“I think you are overlooking a valuable playing piece in your possession, Highness,” Ahmla said.
Her brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Oh! I know this one!” Kallaar said gleefully. “Me! He can’t say or do anything if you choose me because our parents were friends and hoped we would someday build an even greater alliance. I know he has made it clear he doesn’t consider me a suitable prospect, and you’ve assured him I’m merely a dalliance, but if you bring your mother into it, what can he possibly do that would not rouse suspicion? How could you not fulfill one of her wishes?”
The words felt like a punch to the gut. How could he sound so enthusiastic about the idea when they were counting down the hours until they could leave? But then, Kallaar was royalty and duty came first, and he and Ahmla had made it clear they took the debt to her mother seriously. So this was probably just more of that. And he was only suggesting a betrothal, not marriage. No doubt once she was safe he’d find a way to politely withdraw the offer. “That…is mad, and exceedingly dangerous, but it will at least buy us time to either figure out how to remove him from power or until I come of age.”
“Especially if we leave, hmmm?” Kallaar suggested. “If we remain here, there is no telling what he will do. But if we are safe in my kingdom, he will not so easily be able to touch us.”
“Or he could more easily blame my death—or yours—on someone or something else,” Shanna said, worrying her bottom lip as she reconsidered the plan.
Ahmla shook his head. “He wouldn’t dare kill you, not after he killed your mother and everyone strongly suspects him. Murder is a method that can only be used once when it is used on powerful people. Spies and servants and assassins—those are killed frequently to little consequence, regretfully. But he cannot kill your mother and then you. Even if he contrived it to look like an accident, it would be suspicious—your mother dying of illness and you of falling off a horse. Too much coincidence, and he’s too careful to be that sloppy.”
“And he wouldn’t bother killing me, because what would that accomplish if we are not here? I would be dead, you would be safely amongst my family, and you could remarry faster than he could kidnap you to force you to marry whomever he wanted. No, this is perfect.” Kallaar clapped his hands together, looking pleased. “You declare me your choice, we become engaged, and we will flee in the night to Morentia. We’ll be safe there until you come of age.”
“That…sounds like a fine plan, though there will be plenty of danger along the way.” Shanna stifled her own misery. “Though you make it sound like you actually want to marry me.”
Kallaar looked sheepish. “Apologies. I got carried away. Certainly, I would find it no hardship to be your consort—even just temporarily if you prefer, and once you are of age we can separate, and you can marry whomever you want.”
“Let’s stick with the betrothal for now and worry about the rest later,” Shanna said, because she might have to go along with this farce, but she would be damned if she carried it all the way to an actual marriage. She’d rather die than marry a man who did not want her, who was in love with someone else, and who considered her only a troublesome duty to be carried out. Lying and hiding. Nonsense. Subterfuge.
She hadn’t thought it was possible to be more miserable than she already had been, but thinking she could have someone as wonderful-seeming as Kallaar—and Ahmla, for that single, sweet, too-brief moment—only to find they detested having to deal with her.
Why, oh why, couldn’t they simply have been peddlers like she’d thought for so long?
“Then I think we have a betrothal, my queen.”
“Are you absolutely certain?” Shanna asked. “This goes far beyond whatever obligations to my mother you think you have.”
Kallaar’s eyes glittered, and he exchanged a brief look with Ahmla that she could not interpret. “How could I complain? I am the second-youngest of seven children. It’s my eldest siblings who get to marry monarchs and future monarchs. I’m a spare, easily overlooked and often forgotten. I am honored that so fine a queen would want to attach herself to me for even a brief span of time.”
“There is no lover back home who would be offended?” Shanna prodded.
That strange smile appeared again briefly. “No lover back home who would be offended, I promise.”
Shanna nodded. So they definitely did not want her to know about their relationship. It shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t. But here she was struggling not to cry anyway. “Very well, then. I’ll declare you my choice tonight, and let us hope it is not someone else who pays the price for my defiance. Now if you will forgive me, there is much to be done before the ball this evening.”
Kallaar rose as she did and pressed a lingering kiss to the hand she offered. Shanna bowed her head and departed, mind and stomach roiling with too many unhappy thoughts, fears, and disappointments.
“There you
are!”
“I am hearing that a lot today,” Shanna said, but couldn’t stay somber in the face of Penli’s mischievous grin. “What has you looking like a cat that got the mouse, the cream, and the mistress’s fat canary?”
He snickered and tossed his long, heavy braids over one shoulder. “Me? Hardly. I wish, darling. No, I would say it is you who is the satisfied cat, and you’ve caught two fine-looking birds to be sure. They look like they would beg to have you eat them.” He waggled his brows. “Getting in your last bit of fun before you must become a properly wedded woman? If I’d known Morentia produced specimens like that, I might have volunteered to be ambassador.”
“I doubt it. You’d have to behave there, and isn’t one of your schoolyard mortal enemies from there?”
“Ugh, don’t remind me of that bastard.” Penli wrinkled his nose and muttered a few choice words, but in the next breath, his smile and chipper manner had returned. “So are they as delightful as they look, crumpet?” He hooked his arm through hers as they walked the halls.
“I wouldn’t know. I’m not sleeping with either of them.”
Penli gasped, pressing his free hand to his chest. “Tell me you lie. I thought you were finally getting what you wanted, at least for a little while.”
“There was a small something in the garden with His Highness—”
“I knew it—”
“But nothing since, certainly not with both, and there isn’t going to be.”
Penli frowned, some of the flamboyance she loved so much fading as he stared at her with stone-gray eyes that seemed at complete odds with so vibrant a man. “Honeydrop…”
“Please, Penli, just let it go. I have enough on my mind without other distractions to further muddy the waters.”
He huffed but nodded. “As you wish, my darling. But the way those two looked at you, I think you could be having an even more marvelous time in the garden right now.”