by L. J. Swartz
"Dalton." I look up at Sunny. I've been busy all day. I had two walk ins that took up the open times I had. "Your mom is on the phone." I raise my eye brow. "She said she tried to call you back this morning, but that you never answered." That's because I broke my phone. I nod. "Tell her I'll call her back in a bit. I'll be done here in like 20." She nods and walks away. My client looks to me. She's a hot ass blonde I've been tattooing for the last three years. She's super chill and her husband is always real cool when he comes in with her. "You and your mom close?" She asks innocently. I shake my head no and keep on tattooing. I can feel her eyes on my face. I'm not getting into this shit right now, or ever for that matter. "Dalton?" Her tone makes me stop and look to her. "I feel like I know you a bit after being tattooed by you over the years. You've never mentioned your family once. You ok?" I nod then get back to work. I get her finished up and sent on her way. Part of me wanted to tell her everything. I just can't. I've never been able to just lay it all out there like some people can. I'm sure I'd feel a hell of a lot better, but fuck it. I'm handling it. I walk around the counter and pick up the phone. I don't want to call my mom back, but she called me here, so I'm worried something is actually wrong. I dial then take a deep breath. "Hello." She snaps. "Hey." I mumble turning so no one can hear me. "DALTON. I have been trying to get a hold of you all day." I don't say anything. I called her this morning and she didn't seem to care, so why does she need to talk to me so badly now? "The next time one of your tattooed freaky ass girlfriends shows up here I will call the cops." She hisses. I have no clue what she's talking about. My mother has always been a bit of a crazy ass, but this is pretty worry some. "I don't know what you mean mom. I'll, uh call you in another month." I start to take the phone away. "Why the hell are you dating Mr. LeSage's daughter. She didn't even look legal Dalton." I stop not sure what the hell to do now. Why the fuck would Carmen go to my mother? I knew the second she pulled out that sketch shit was about to get fucking worse. "What?" I ask calmly hoping I heard her wrong. "You heard me. Don't play dumb Dalton. That is one thing I know for sure. You're no idiot." That may be the closest thing to a compliment she's ever given me. I'm starting to feel a bit uncomfortable about having this conversation here. "Mom can I call you back?" She huffs loudly. "I don't want you to ever call me back. What the fuck did you tell her about me? I never wanted you. Sue me. But I did the best I could. I don't need some little girl telling me I fucked up my son." I widen my eyes. I'm gonna fucking kill her. "I didn't tell her anything mom. She came and got tattooed the other day, and I sent her on her way. She must be just some fucked up crazy." I hiss tightening my grip on the phone. I hear it cracking. "Well fuck you Dalton. You're a grown ass man get over whatever you think I did to you. Don't call me ever again. We're done." She hangs up. I slam the phone off the counter. It shatters into pieces. "FUCK." I hiss then jog out around the counter to Luke. He's at the drawing table. I grab his arm pulling him to his feet then kick the chair out of the way as I get in his face. "Where the fuck is she?" He widens his eyes. "Uh wh, who?" He stutters. "Carmen. I'm gonna fucking kill her." I hiss tightening my grip on him. I must look as crazy as I feel because he hisses, "I'm not telling you." I widen my eyes feeling the urge to rip his fucking face off. He gets red faced. "She told me ya know. How you treated her all good. Which I gotta be honest, I didn't believe for one second. Then you show up with someone else. Fuck off Dalton. Leave her alone." I let go of his shirt. He stumbles as he catches himself. "Fine." I hiss then walk over to my station grabbing my coat off my chair. "Dalton you have an appointment in 30." Sunny calls out. I wave over my head. "I'll be fucking back ok." I walk to the door slamming it off the wall as I leave.
I'm sitting at my station. My last appointment just left. I look down at the new phone I got earlier today. I just barely got back in time for my appointment. They were able to put all my contacts on this one since apparently my other phone backed them up or some shit. I don't know, but I can't seem to hit call. Carmen's name is in the middle of my screen. I need to call and rip her a new one for showing up at my moms. I can't believe she would do that. She knows nothing about me. I shake my head then slide my phone into my pocket. I'll call her from my room. I get my station cleaned up and am heading out about an hour later. "Hey Dalton." Sunny calls out as she comes from behind the desk. "You want company tonight?" I smile as I look to her. All I can think about is her mouth on my cock. "Yeah you ready?" She holds up her finger then walks over grabbing her coat and purse. She comes back with a smile on her face. I press my hand to her back leading her out. She stops on the sidewalk looking to me expectantly. I give her a look. "I have a car. Wanna ride?" She motions to a black four door car parked right along the curb. I swallow hard. I haven't been in a car in almost 4 years. When I moved here I made sure I could walk everywhere I needed. My buddy who I lived with was the one who suggested I move and see how that went. It was great until he got himself thrown in jail. I shake my head back and forth. "I gotta stop and get a couple things, meet me there?" She shrugs. "Sure I'll run home quick and grab a shower then." I walk to her pulling her to me. She slides her hands up my arms. "Yeah do that. I'll pay you back for the amazing blow job you gave me." She stands on her tip toes pressing her lips to mine. I plunge my tongue into her mouth then step away wiping my lips. She winks then gets in her car and drives off. I walk toward the hotel. I didn't have anything to get, just didn't want to explain why I will never get in a car again unless it's a life or death situation. The drive here almost killed me.
There's a knock at the door. I know it's Sunny. I really don't want to do this, but any distraction I can find to keep me from having to call Carmen is welcomed. I pull my shirt off chucking it aside as I walk to answer it. I pull it open and am shocked to be staring into emerald green eyes. I shake my head as I search her face. I want to be pissed, but everything in me is excited and relieved that she's the one standing here not Sunny. Then I remember what my mom told me. I clench my jaw. She holds her hands up. "Ok so I guess you talked to your mom." I nod curtly having to fight a smile from my face. She's so fucking adorable. "I'm sorry ok. I was hurt by....." She shakes her head looking down. I don't know why I do it, but I reach out tilting her head up. She looks surprised by my gesture. That makes two of us. She trails her eyes down my body then back up. I lick my lips. We can talk later. I step to her pulling her into my arms. She moans as I crash my lips to hers. I walk backward pulling her into the room with me then slam the door shut as I tug on the hem of her shirt. She holds her arms up letting me pull it off. I grab her ass lifting her up my body as she wraps her arms around my neck. I plunge my tongue relentlessly into her mouth over and over again. She takes my face in her hands as she takes her mouth from mine. I clench my jaw as I look into her eyes. "Don't fucking tell me to slow down or whatever it is you were about to say, Carmen. I'm pissed at you. We either do this my way or you can leave." I hiss instantly feeling like a dick. She nods then pulls my lips back to hers. I spin around then slam her to the bed dropping on top of her grinding myself against her. She groans against my mouth. I feel like shit for how rough I'm being when I remember her tattoo. I move from on top of her standing at the end of the bed sliding my hands up into my hair. I feel so fucked up around her. I'm so pissed off at her, but I don't want to hurt her. Part of me just wants to take her in my arms and hold her close. That's fucked up. I tug on my hair then walk over to the door opening it. Sunny is standing there ready to knock. Fuck this looks bad. Carmen sits up and waves at her. "Hey Sunny." I look to her with a raised eye brow. She smiles at me. "It's ok. I could tell she was different." She waves at Carmen and walks away. I feel like I'm in the fucking twilight zone. I just stare out the door as Sunny gets back in her car and drives off. "Am I?" Carmen asks from behind me. I look to her confused by her question. "Are you what?" I hiss. She doesn't look upset or thrown off by my hostility. "Am I different?" I don't know how to answer that. She is all I can think about since meeting her. I've never wanted a woman like I do her
, and even though she fucking went and said whatever she did to my mother, I still can't send her on her way. Fuck me. She is different. I'm not ready to admit something like that out loud. I close the door and walk to the bathroom shutting and locking myself in. I sit on the toilet dropping my head into my hands. She knocks lightly. "Dalton I'm sorry. Please let me in." I don't want her to come in here. I feel... I feel with her. It scares the shit out of me. The last time I let someone in I fucked it up beyond repair. I'll do it again. I know myself. Everything good in my life gets taken. "No." I bark staring at the floor. I hear her fucking with the door knob not even a minute later the lock pops and the door opens. I sigh then sit up as she steps into the bathroom. "You don't fucking listen." I hiss pointing at her. She shrugs getting the cutest damn smile on her face as she states, "Nope." I can't help but smile a bit. She drops to her knees in front of me sliding her hands up my thighs. "I'm sorry I went to your mother. I really am. I just..... I needed to know why you pushed me away. I figured, but god...." She makes a face shaking her head. "What?" I ask simply. I want to hear what my mother said. She meets my gaze. I motion with my hand for her to tell me. She lets out a breath. "I knocked on the door and asked for you. She huffed asking who the fuck I was. I told her Mr. LeSage's daughter. She just crossed her arms and looked at me like I was shit on her shoe." I nod knowing that look. I got it all my life. "I explained that I had a sketch of yours." I smile at how clever she is. She relaxes a bit. "She told me you left and that she hoped you were never coming back. Then she mumbled something about how fucked up you are. I don't know what happened....." I search her face as tears spring to her eyes. "I hated her instantly. I told her she fucked you up then turned and walked away. I knew she was the reason you pushed me away. Because she never told you how amazing you are. Because she let you feel like your dad leaving was your fault." She moves between my legs sliding her hands to my face. I can't help myself. I slide my arms around her needing to touch her. "It wasn't your fault Dalton. I can promise you that." I feel tears spring to my eyes. My grandma told me the same thing. I've had one other person make me feel like I do with Carmen. I shake my head back and forth then start to release my grip on her. I can't. I'm not ready. I'll never be ready to be with someone like Carmen. She reaches back holding my arms around her. "Don't." She pleads searching my face. I tighten my arms back around her wishing I had the strength to push her away. I'm screaming in my head to just stand up and get the fuck out. But the look in her eyes is holding me in place. She takes her hands from mine sliding them back to my face. "I think I found that picture so that I would come find you some day." I shake my head back and forth. I don't believe in all that fate and destiny shit. She holds my gaze. I know she does. I know she believes she needs to help me. No one can help one. Not now. Not after...... I take my arms from her. She looks desperate as she pulls my lips to hers kissing me. I don't kiss her back. I just sit there wanting to so fucking badly. She slips her tongue into my mouth not taking my lack of participation as a hint. I feel myself giving in. I wrap one arm around her then plunge my tongue into her mouth. She moans loudly. I slide my free hand to her face touching her perfect skin as I slow my kiss. I don't know what she's doing to me, but one thing I know for sure is she makes me feel like I could actually be better. I want that more than anything. I let myself forget all the shit, my mother, my father, other things, and just kiss this amazing creature in front of me. She pulls away after a bit. "Are you still mad at me?" I nod then smile. She touches my face. "Dalton I see something in you I can't walk away from. Please tell me you feel it to." I feel like I can't breath. I haven't told a woman not to go since...... I swallow hard. "I don't want you walking away." I whisper not really sure I said it out loud. She smiles. "Good." She stands taking me with her. I smile as she turns and leads me back to the bedroom. She lets go of my hand to crawl onto the bed then lays down. I stand there just looking at her. She's fucking gorgeous in her tight black jeans and bright red lacy bra. I move to the bed. She slides her hands up my arms around my neck pulling me to her. I press my lips to hers. I hate how much I feel, how much I need her already. She slips her tongue into my mouth as she opens her legs to me. I slide my hand to her back releasing the clasp on her bra. She hisses. I take my lips from hers whispering, "Sorry I keep forgetting." She shakes her head searching my face. "Roll over." I demand. She smiles then does as I ask. I move from the bed and go grab my lotion. I move back to the bed then put some on my hands. I rub them together then massage it into her back where a mans head is turned into his sons neck. I move my hands down further to where his arms are wrapped around him tightly, further still to where the tears drop from his eyes. I shake my head remembering, how when I drew this, all I wanted was for this moment to have been real. For my dad to have come back and told me he was wrong for leaving me. To cry for the son he left behind. It never happened of course, but at least when I drew it, I could feel what that may have felt like and I could let the pain go. I massage the lotion into her back then sit back on my heels. She rolls to her back and looks up at me. I don't know why, but I feel the urge to explain to her why I am how I am. I don't blame her for thinking it was all my mom, it wasn't. I knew my mom tolerated me at best. I learned to accept it and didn't really think much about it growing up. She never cared how late I stayed out or who I was with. Sometimes that was a blessing, except for one night. I just open my mouth and start talking not warning her what she's about to hear. "I was driving home from a party one night. I assured everyone I was fine to drive. We all had a lot to drink, but I stopped like two hours before we had decided to leave because I got sick. I would have never got in that car if I had known what was going to happen." She searches my face saying nothing. I don't know if I can actually say it. She sits up sliding her hands up and down my thighs. "It's ok Dalton. You can tell me. I won't judge you, I promise." I huff. "Yes you will. But you need to know how amazing I am." I hiss sarcastically. She shakes her head but says nothing. I take a deep breath. "I was going 60, which for the road wasn't much over the speed limit, but for my state it was too damn fast. We flew around a turn and on the other side of it was a car broke down on my side of the road. I panicked of course and swerved into the other lane. We flipped. I had my two best buddies in the back seat and my, uh, girlfriend in the passenger seat." I close my eyes. I can't watch the disgust on her face as I tell her the rest. "I was ok except for a couple broken fingers. My one buddy was dead. The car landed on him crushing him, the other guy just had a gash across his head. But Gretchen....." I feel tears spring to my eyes, but force myself to get it out. "Her leg was pinned under the car. I tried to get her free. She was screaming in pain. Just......" I take a deep breath. I will never forget how hysterical she sounded. "I could smell the gas and knew we needed to get her free and fast. So we just started pulling on her even though she begged us to stop...... I can still feel the heat. I couldn't breath, but I couldn't just leave her there..... My buddy pulled me away before the car burst into flames. Thank god she was passed out probably from the pain by then, so I didn't have to hear her scream as she burned to death." Carmen gasps loudly bringing me back to the room. I open my eyes slowly. I'm sweating from the heat of the flames. It was like I was there again. I was back right there pulling on her trying like hell to get her free. I meet Carmen's gaze. "So yeah I'm amazing alright. I took off into the woods. They never figured out that I was the one driving. They never knew I was there at all. My buddy who survived with me got addicted to drugs after that because he refused to rat me out, but couldn't deal with the guilt. I moved here because of him. To try and help him get better, but he's in jail now. I murdered two people and no one knows." She swallows hard as she moves to her knees. "I think you've made yourself pay much more than any court would have." I shake my head as tears spring to my eyes. I hate how she doesn't seem to hate me. I hate me. Why doesn't she? I wrap my arms around her holding her to me whispering, "I'm so sorry," over and over again.
I look down at my phone in my hand
as I trace "Gretchen" on the inside of my wrist. I dial then hold the phone to my ear. "Hello." She sounds different. Older maybe. "Mrs. Marks, it's Dalton Hartwell." There's a long pause then I hear her sniffle. "Dalton hunny how are you?" I blink my eyes. I will not be a pussy about this. "I'm, uh, honestly Mrs. Marks I'm not great. I need to tell you something and then whatever you want to do I will totally understand." I swallow hard. "Dalton hunny I know you were the one driving that night. We just loved you too much to press charges. Gretchen wouldn't have wanted that." I can't help it as I burst into tears. "I'm so sorry." I whisper as I drop my head to my hand. I tense up as Carmen slides up behind me wrapping her arms around my stomach. I sit there sobbing into the phone like a pussy with Gretchen's mom. After a while she clears her throat. "I knew this day would come. I wish you hadn't waited so long hunny. We still love you. Nothing will change that." I sob harder. No one ever told me they loved me except Gretchen, and I killed her. I move my hand to Carmen's linked hands on my stomach as I mumble. "I love you both like parents." She sniffles. "Tell me your happy hunny. What have you been up to?" I wipe my eyes as I clear my throat. "Uh I've just been tattooing. Been where I am now for 4 years." I can hear her smile into the phone. "Are you married? Any kids?" I feel like I'm about to disappoint her. "No ma'am." She sighs loudly. "Dalton hunny what happened was horrible, it was, and I can only imagine what you saw. But hunny we forgive you. You hear me. We forgive you. Don't make yourself pay any longer. Gretchen would want you to be happy." I nod knowing she can't see me. I can't say anything though. She said exactly what I needed to hear. "Thank you." I barely get out. "Oh hunny your welcome. Live your life for her, Dalton. It's what she deserves." I let out a loud breath. "Yes ma'am." "And Dalton. Call in from time to time. I've missed you." I look down to the floor. "Yes ma'am I will." "Ok hunny. It's time to let yourself heal. We love you." I clear my throat. "I love you too." She hangs up. I drop the phone to the floor unable to even comprehend any of that yet. I had braced myself for her to yell at me or tell me how I ruined her life. To tell me how I ruined her daughters. All she did was tell me she loved me and to forgive myself because she forgives me. How the fuck can she forgive me? I can't handle this. I can't handle forgiveness. I stand abruptly ripping myself from Carmen's arms. "Dalton?" I shake my head as I walk toward the bathroom. I look to her before I shut the door. "Get the fuck out." I hiss then slam the door locking it. I turn the shower on and climb in before it's warm. Tears stream down my face. I don't deserve to cry, to feel relief. But I do. I can't stop either from happening. I hear the lock pop. That fucking woman is going to make me be a dick to her. I don't want to, but I know myself. I will ruin this. I can't do relationships. Not since Gretchen. I know her mom wants me to move on. I can't. I promised my life to her, and I killed her. The shower curtain moves back. I glare at her. "Get the fuck out Carmen." I hiss angrily. She doesn't look hurt or shocked as she shakes her head no whispering, "I can't." I huff then turn off the shower and step out grabbing a towel off the rack. I walk out around her. I need to get dressed so I can get away from her. I dry off quickly. Water is running down my from my hair. I slip on boxers, jeans, a black hoodie, and my black beanie then grab my shoes, keys, and wallet as I walk out leaving her standing there.