by L. J. Swartz
I knock once then walk through the door. "Carmen." I call out. She doesn't answer me. I know Luke's not here. I left him at the shop. "Car." I call out as I take off my coat and kick my shoes off. I walk back the hall to her room. I walk in to see her fast asleep in her bed. "God you're gorgeous." I whisper. I can't let myself fuck this up. Letting a woman like her go would be fucking stupid. I walk around the bed and slide in behind her. She sighs as she turns to me mumbling, "Dalton." She grabs my shirt in her hands snuggling in. I hold her close breathing her in as she breathes slowly. I sigh then close my eyes. I can do this.
I'm pulling hard. Why can't I get her out? "Dalton help me." She screams clinging to me. The heat is starting to get to me. I tug harder yelling for Greg to help me. I look down. She's passed out. I hate that I feel relieved by that. Greg pulls on my shoulder yelling something about it not sounding good. He gets me to my feet. I fight against him, but ultimately let him pull me away from her. Just as he gets me far enough away, it dawns on me what's going on. The car bursts into flames. "GRETCHEN." I scream and start back toward the car. "No man. It's too late. We gotta go." Greg yells pulling me by my arm toward the tree line. I vowel to never love anyone else and take off with him.
My eyes pop open. I look down at Carmen instantly feeling guilty. I vowed to never love anyone, but Gretchen. I haven't. Until... I run my hand through her hair. I don't love her do I? She snuggles in pulling me closer. I look to the wall. I don't..... yet. I should have never let her move here. I knew better than to give in. I gave in and now I need to make her go. I let Gretchen die. I can't move on and be happy. It's not fair. I unwrap her hands from my shirt and slide from the bed. "Dalton." She mumbles reaching out for me. I just stand there. After a minute she snuggles back into the pillow. I walk quietly from her room. I clear the hall just as Luke closes the door behind him. He turns to see me leaving. "Hey man aren't you staying?" I shrug. "She's uh passed out, so..... I'm gonna go." He huffs as he takes his cost off. "She can't give it to you one night, so you gotta go find it else where?" I glare him down. He has a lot of fucking nerve. "Fuck you." I hiss then walk pass him to get to my shoes. "Dalton?" Her voice stops me dead. "Are you leaving?" I stand and look to her. She gives me a look then nods. "Um ok. I'll see you tomorrow." I don't say anything as she turns and walks back the hall. "You're gonna fuck this up. And when you do, I will be there. I won't let you hurt her again. You hear me?" Luke hisses. I don't look at him as I pull my shoes on. I just grab my coat and walk out closing the door behind me. I slip my coat on and walk. I don't know where I'm going, but I need to walk. I don't really pay attention to where I'm going until I end up outside Kiki's. I look to the door. I could go in and have a drink. I haven't been here for a bit now. Carmen has been the distraction I need. She's so much more than a distraction. I shake my head and turn to walk back to her place. I know for a fact she won't mind if I come back. "Dalton." A woman's voice calls out to me. I look over my shoulder. It's perky tits. "Hey." I nod then start to walk again. "Hey wait. Where ya been? Um Lynn and I have been waiting to see you again." I swallow hard. This is who I am. The dick head who has threesomes and fucks random woman then wakes up and goes to work. I turn to face her "That so?" I ask as she steps to me. She nods sliding her hands up my chest. I look off to the side shaking my head. "I can't." I huff then turn and walk away. "Wow. whatever." She hisses. I hear the door to the bar slam. Yeah no shit, whatever. I can't believe I just turned down a repeat of the most incredible sexual experience of my life. Even as I think it I know that's totally bullshit. I pick up to a jog. I get back to Carmen's in no time. I grab the door knob. It's locked. I knock lightly, but don't hear anyone coming. I knock a bit louder. I don't want to wake their neighbors. I hear foot steps. The door lock clicks then the door opens to Luke in his boxers. "You better not have been anywhere near her." I hiss as I step in bumping him out of the way. He huffs. "You're a fucking idiot if you think she'd ever do that to you. She's better than you." I shake my head he's right, but I can't let her go. I walk back the hall. Her bedroom door is closed. I knock lightly then open it. She looks over her shoulder at me as I step in. Her eyes are red like she's been crying. I close the door behind me, but don't go any further. "You're back?" She whispers. I nod. She moves to sitting on the edge of her bed facing me. "Dalton if this is..." I hold my hand up stepping toward her. She stops talking. "It's not. I just had a dream about Gretchen and I freaked out a bit. I just needed to take a walk. I'm sorry." She nods. "Is that all you did?" She looks at me like if I tell her I did anything else I'll break her. "Yes baby." I tell her walking over and kneeling in front of her. "I just.....when I got here you were asleep and I had been waiting all day to talk with you. Then I had that dream. I'm sorry I shouldn't have just walked out like that. But all I did was go for a walk ok?" I slide my hand to her face flexing my fingers as she slides her hand over mine. "What did you need to talk about?" She asks sweetly. I smile. "It can wait." She shakes her head back and forth. "I'm wide awake now. I won't be able to sleep until I know anyway." I nod. After making her cry I'll tell her anything she wants. "I, uh had a moment today where I felt like this was moving fast, but then I touched you and everything was right again. I don't..... I'm not used to this Carmen. But I want it." She searches my face. "As long as I see that look in your eyes. I'm not going anywhere no matter what you say." She tells me with determination. I lean forward pressing my lips to hers. She sighs then pulls away. "Let me go brush." I press my hand to her cheek more firmly then crash my lips to hers. She doesn't taste bad, not even a little bit. She tastes like Carmen and I want more. I start to stand. She pulls me too her as she lays back on the bed. I cover her with my body holding her face in my hands as I kiss her with everything I feel, but am scared to say. I can't let losing Gretchen keep me from loving again. It may already be too late. She pushes my coat off my shoulders. I move from her pushing it off letting it drop to the floor. She grabs the hem of my shirt pushing it up. I pull my shirt off the whole way then move back to her. She slides her hands up my back as I slowly press my lips to hers. I don't think I could stop this now even if I really truly wanted to. I don't. She moves beneath me grinding against me. I reach between us opening her legs so I can be where I need to be. She pushes on my chest. I take my lips from her smirking. "What's wrong?" She shakes her head back and forth. I feel like she can see into my head. "I ended up at Kiki's tonight." I whisper not sure why I just told her that. She raises her eye brow. "I didn't go in, but the brunette happened to come out. She offered me a repeat. I turned her down and came back." She takes her hands from me. Fuck I thought telling her would be good. I should have just kept my damn mouth shut. "That's never happened before for you has it?" I'm not sure what she means, so I just look to her to explain. "You've never turned a woman down have you?" I sigh then move to my heels running my hands through my hair. "I hadn't no. Not until recently." I clear my throat. She sits up running her hands up my stomach to my chest. The look in her eyes makes me feel wanted, for me. I will never hurt her. I can't. I slide my hands to her face. "You're the only woman I want Carmen. Do you know that? Since I saw you that first day..... it's only you." She doesn't say a word. She doesn't have to. The look in her eyes tells me all I need to know. I crash my lips to hers pushing her back to the bed. She groans loudly as I lower myself on top of her. I slide my hands up and down her body. I feel her tremble underneath me as I press my body to hers everywhere I can. She wraps her legs around me moving against me. She smiles against my lips then slides her hands between us working on my pants. I lift up a bit letting her get them unbuttoned and unzipped. I'm actually a bit nervous I've never felt so connected with someone. I don't know if I should do something different now, or.... "Dalton?" She has her hands on the waistband of my boxers ready to push them off. I look to her. "Don't think. Just be with me." She whispers. I nod then slide my hands to her face pressing my lips to hers as she pushes my boxers off my hips. I don't stop kissing her for a long time. Finally it's just too damn much. I
need to be inside her. I slide my hands down her body pushing her shorts and panties down and off her hips then sit back pulling them off the whole way. I stand letting my boxers drop to the floor. She's trailing her eyes up and down my body. I smile and just stand there until she meets my eyes again. "You're body is this gorgeous work of art." I shake my head back and forth. I'm pretty much covered all over like every other tattoo artist. I've only been tattooed by one person and myself. I'm not even ready to go there right now. I move back to the bed. She opens to me. I push into her immediately burying myself deep inside her. She grabs my hips holding me to her as she moves with me moaning loudly. I smile hoping Luke can hear everything. I want him to know what I make her feel. I groan loudly as I pick up the pace. She wraps her legs around my waist tightly. For all the bigger she is, she is strong. I love it. My tiny powerhouse. I press my lips to hers wrapping my arms around her back holding her to me. I keep up my pace. The need to feel her over and over is too strong. She takes her lips from mine placing kisses to my neck and ear. I've never really been into that shit, but I like it when she does it. I close my eyes letting her lips heat where she presses them. "I lo....." She starts then stops. I stop moving as my heart rates jumps to dangerous levels. I don't know if I can hear that yet. She knows it, or she wouldn't have stopped. "I'm sorry." She whispers. I shake my head back and forth then move inside her again letting the feel of her around me make me forget what she almost said. She wraps her arms around my neck holding me tightly as I slow my pace. I can feel what she didn't say. I can feel it growing between us. I close my eyes asking Gretchen to forgive me. I turn my face into Carmen's hair letting all my senses take her in as she groans loudly clenching around me. I sigh then whisper, "I love you." She holds me close as I come inside her never having felt anything like it. I can feel her heart beating against my chest. Or is that mine? I haven't made love to anyone, ever. Not even Gretchen. She slowly loosens her hold on me. My body is trembling all over. I'm scared of what I just said. She lays back looking up at me. "I love you Dalton. I love you so much." Tears spring to her eyes. I close my eyes as her voice echoes through my head. She slides her hand to my face. I lean into her touch swallowing hard. "I love you." She whispers again then adds, "And I can't even..... I'm so lucky to have your love." I open my eyes slowly. I can't do anything but stare at her. I surprised myself. But it was like as soon as I asked Gretchen for forgiveness I knew I had it. And I knew letting another second go by that Carmen didn't know just how important she is to me, was impossible. "I'm the lucky one baby." She smiles then sits up getting her lips next to mine. "No Dalton. I am. You're worth it all. I'll never take that for granted." I swallow hard. How did this beautiful creature ever come to love me? I shake my head. She starts to smile. "Just let it happen Dalton." I nod then press her to the bed. She giggles as I trail kisses up her side. I plan on letting this just happen. I'm over trying to figure out if I deserve her. She wants me. I want her. I'm leaving it at that.
I smile as the bell above the door dings and my gorgeous girl walks to me with a huge smile on her face. My phone rings. I pull it out. Same weird ass number that's been calling for a few days. I stand and slide it back into my pocket as she wraps her arms around my neck. I wrap her up in my arms holding her close. "I love you." She whispers then pushes on my chest. I smile as she steps back. I nod letting her know I love her too. I don't say it unless we're alone. It's weird and I now that, but she gets it, so.... "How's it going?" I nod then pull my phone out handing it to her. "You know that number?" She takes my phone and looks to the missed call. She shakes her head no then hands it back to me. "Why?" I shrug. "Whoever it is has been calling for a few days. Never leaves a voicemail." She raises her eye brow. "What?" I slide my hands to her hips leaning forward to kiss her. She places her finger tips to my lips. I stand up getting a little pissed she just pushed me away. Guess I know how she felt all that time. I look to her expectantly. "Dalton maybe you should answer." I shrug as I take my hands from her. I've been too scared to. Things have been good. I know this number, or rather whoever is calling, will bring the bad. I'm never allowed good without bad. She reaches for me catching me around my waist. I look around then to her. "I'm scared ok." She searches my face then reaches back taking my phone from my pocket. "Then let me find out who it is." I clench my jaw a couple times trying to decide if that's such a great idea. Whatever, I won't do it, might as well let her. I nod then step away. She walks over to the waiting area and sits on the couch before pressing something on my phone then holds my phone to her ear. I can't watch. I walk over to the drawing table. I need to not think about it. I don't know who that is or what she's going to find out. I start to draw. I get lost in my drawing and before I know it Carmen steps up next to me and gasps. I look up. She has my phone in one of her hands but has then both over her mouth. I look back to my drawing. It's her wrapped around me holding on for dear life as I try to push her away. I don't know what made me draw it, and now I'm not sure it was a very good idea. "I love it." She whispers saving me from the panic attack I was about to have. I smile up at her then move patting my legs. She takes her hands away and sits. I wrap my arms around her needing to touch her as she tells me what she found out. I raise my eye brow. "Ok so who was it?" She looks down then sits my phone next to my drawing. "Your dad." She mumbles then looks to me. I swallow hard. I feel like I've been punched in the chest. I can't get a good breath. I feel light headed. Why the fuck? How? I don't say anything. I can't. She takes my face in both her hands. I look into her eyes. I need to just let myself get lost in them. I feel crazy lost right now. "Babe..." I shake my head. She nods then stops talking and just sits there looking at me as I stare right into her eyes letting them calm me. I knead my finger tips into her hips. I need to..... I need a distraction. I stand taking her with me. She holds on, but doesn't say anything as I walk to the bathroom holding her to me. I walk in and kick the door shut behind us. I sit her on her feet then crash my lips to hers as I pull her to me a bit harder than I meant. She groans more in frustration. I don't care. I keep kissing her harshly then spin us around slamming her to the door. Her head hits hard. She pushes on my chest. I don't let her stop me. I need to not think right now. She bites my lip hard. I hiss against her lips. If she thinks that will stop me..... it only fueled the fire. I press her to the door. She pushes on my face knocking me backwards a bit. I stumble but stay on my feet. "I will not let you fuck me right now." She hisses then turns opening the door. I swallow hard as she walks out slamming it off the wall. I look to the side then go after her. "Carmen." She is just about to round the front desk but stops and looks to me. I walk to her not stopping then wrap my arms around her lifting her off her feet holding her to me. She doesn't even hesitate she just holds onto me. "I'm sorry baby. I love you. I didn't mean to scare you." I tell her frantically not wanting her to leave me right now. Not wanting her to leave me ever if I'm being totally honest with myself. "I wasn't scared babe. I just will not let you run from things by using me to get away." I nod into her neck then hold her even tighter. She just let's me. I don't know how long we stay like that before the bell above the doors dings making me come back to reality. I look up then look to her. How dare she do this. I sit her on her feet shaking my head. She keeps her arms wrapped around me. "Don't be mad Dalton. Things are not what they seem. You need to hear him out." I don't know what to say so I just stand there searching her face. She would not tell him to come here if she knew it would hurt me. I nod then push on her hips lightly. I look up as my dad walks toward me.
I shift uneasily in my seat. Carmen reaches over taking my hand in hers. I didn't let my dad say a word before I walked away. Carmen talked to him then came and found me to tell me he would be waiting at Mabel's for me. I did two appointments before coming here figuring he'd be gone. No such luck. The time I wish he'd leave and he sticks around. I can't look at him. I don't know what the hell he wants from me. "Dalton...." I swallow hard then look to him. He looks like my twin. Well my older, not tatto
oed twin. I always wondered what he looked like since a 5 year olds memory isn't super reliable. I remembered him differently. More devious looking. What else would I remember him as? He left. "Look I'm not here to justify why I left. But I want to explain it and to explain why I didn't come to you until now." I nod curtly. That's all I want from him then he can go back where he came from. He clears his throat and glances to Carmen before looking back to me. She rests her free hand over our joined hands. I like how strong I feel with her next to me. "First off I didn't want to leave." I raise my eye brow not believing him for a second. I watched him leave. He never looked back once. I shake my head. If he's gonna lie, I don't even want to do this. "Dalton listen to me. Lauren told me if I didn't leave she'd force me out. I didn't go at first then she started to tell her friends I was hitting her. I never did. I never laid my hands on her even though I sure wanted to when she opened her mouth." I can't help but smile. I know what he means. That woman fights with words and she goes straight for the heart. "I knew she'd just keep it up and tell everyone I was hurting you too. I didn't want you having to go through that. I knew she'd go to lengths to prove it. And you know her. Everyone would believe her. I left with every intention of coming back to get you once I figured out a plan. She changed your name and moved so many times I tried so hard son. Finally I gave up. I'm not saying it's right, but I had hopes that you would come to find me. You didn't. A few years ago I heard about this amazing tattoo artist. I just knew you were my son, but needed to get proof before I came to you. It took longer than I thought it would then you moved." I search his face. Part of me is struggling to believe him since all these years I had still held out a bit of hope that he didn't want to leave. I know my mother. I always wondered if she had run him out with her crazy. I wouldn't have blamed him if that was the case. She ran me out. I clear my throat. "What did you two originally name me?" He smiles. "Kirk Dalton Wells. My last name is obviously Wells and hers is Hart so....you can figure where she got it." I nod. "So my name is Kirk?" He shakes his head back and forth. "No she had it legally changed when you were 8, I guess. She moved so much with you every time I got close she was gone again. It's hard for me to know for sure." I nod. "She didn't move around with me. I lived with my grandma the whole time from when I was 6 to when she died when I was a teenager." He widens his eyes. "No she enrolled a child in schools and was seen with a little boy." I shrug. "Not me then." He shakes his head back and forth. "Wow she's good." I look to Carmen. She gives me a look then looks to my dad. "So...." I ask not knowing where to go from here. "I love you Dalton. I always have. If you never want to see me again I understand, but I need you to know I've loved you all this time. I wanted you." I swallow hard as tears spring to my eyes. I wish he had just kidnapped me that day. He would have obviously been the better parent. "Well I don't know what I want yet, but I'm glad you came here." I'm not sure what else I should say. He nods. "Thank you for hearing me out." I search his face. He seems genuine, I think. He motions to Carmen. "You have an amazing woman here. She was very sweet to me on the phone. I honestly was shocked by her acceptance of me and my side of everything." I look to her smiling. "She is the best thing to ever happen to me." I don't take my eyes off hers as I say the words. She mouths, "I love you." I wink at her. "I'm relieved to see you turned out so great. I really didn't think you would having been raised by Lauren." I nod as I squeeze Carmen's hand. My grandma made me who I am, not my mother. She helped I suppose by ignoring me. Made me want to be better so she would notice me just once. She never has, but can't say that I care now knowing what I know about everything. "Well my nana raised me, so..... if she was alive you could thank her." I start to stand. He stands as I move from the bench pulling Carmen with me. He steps to me holding his hand out. I take it shaking it. I feel better knowing what I know, but I'm still not happy about it. He still left. He let her scare him away from me. "Can I call?" He keeps a hold of my hand. I nod as I take mine from his. "Yeah sure." He smiles then looks to Carmen. She lets go of my hand and steps to him pulling him into a hug. He holds her tightly whispering, "Thank you." She nods a couple times and says something to him that I can't hear then steps back sliding her hand into mine. He waves then turns and walks from Mabel's. I look to Carmen. She raises her eye brow. "Go ahead let me have it." She takes her hand from mine crossing her arms over her chest giving me attitude. I chuckle as I step to her pulling her to me. "I'm not going to let you have it. Thank you. I needed to know he didn't leave on his own. I mean, he still left which pisses me off, but I know how my mother can be. I at least understand it now." She smiles as she looks up at me. "Are you going to see him again? You know you didn't ask, but I did. He never had anymore children. He did get remarried, but he told me on the phone he could never bring himself to have more that he was involved with when he knew he had one out there that he wasn't." I swallow hard that kind of changes things. I look to the door then back to her. She pushes on my chest whispering, "Go." I walk to the door and push it open. I look up and down the street. He's gone. I hear a car door open and look up. My dad stands from a bright blue sporty looking car. "You never had kids?" He shakes his head no. I nod as tears spring to my eyes. He walks around the front of his car and pulls me into his arms. I don't hug him back right away I just stand there. "I love you son." I hug him back. "Thanks for finding me dad." I mumble then step back. He nods with tears in his eyes. He swipes them away. "Ok kid. I'm gonna be in town for a bit, so maybe we can hang out." I point over at the studio on the corner. "Wanna come see where I work?" He gets a huge smile on his face. "Yeah I'd like that." He walks over and shuts his car door then hits the lock button. Carmen is still inside. "I'm gonna grab her." I tell him then walk over and open the door. She's sitting at the counter talking to Mabel. She looks over her shoulder. A soon as she sees me she stands and waves at Mabel who winks at her then waves at me. I wave back then take Carmen's hand in mine as she steps up to me. "He's coming to check out the shop." She smiles then lets me lead her outside. We walk up the street toward the shop. I can honestly say I never thought this day would come.