Would it be so bad to tell him? News travelled fast in a small town, but Charlie was undoubtedly keeping his share of secrets.
“I… it’s… can you keep a secret? Seriously, an important secret.”
Charlie glanced behind him, then looked back at Ash. “Do we need to go upstairs?”
Ash hesitated. He didn’t want to leave the store unattended, and he wanted some warning if Declan was going to interrupt them.
“The reading nook,” Ash said, nodding over at the two plush, mismatched armchairs he’d set up in the corner. “I’ll keep a lookout.”
Charlie went over and settled in a chair without another word, his face suddenly serious. He seemed like he was used to being told secrets.
That was probably a good sign. If people were in the habit of trusting him, Ash could, too.
Ash sat down in the other chair, keeping an eye on the door, his stomach in knots.
Declan owned the place now, or would do as of Monday. No one could take it away from him. Charlie wouldn’t hate him for this. He’d understand his reasons. Everyone had only had good things to say about Charlie.
And Ash really needed a friend right now.
“Okay, so… I have a confession to make, and I’m really sorry for lying to you before, but it was a condition in Marv’s will… I’m gay, but Declan… uh… isn’t? Or he wasn’t until yesterday, maybe? He kissed me and that’s never happened before and I told him it was okay to be unsure, but… now I’m freaking out because he’s my best friend and…”
“And you love him,” Charlie finished for him.
“Yeah,” Ash said. That wasn’t exactly how he’d been about to finish that sentence, but it got right at the heart of the entire problem. “But I gave up on a romantic relationship and now I just… don’t know what to do. Which I think is normal?”
“Totally normal,” Charlie confirmed.
“But he’s been off-limits all this time and now he’s maybe not?”
“So you haven’t…” Charlie trailed off to a vague hand gesture that was probably supposed to mean had sex.
“No.” Ash shook his head. “He just kissed me. And then he bought me dinner to apologize for it, so… kinda still recovering from the whiplash. And I want to be supportive. I really do. But it’s a lot, all at once, and I have feelings, too.”
“Of course. And it’s okay, and your feelings also matter,” Charlie said. “You sound like you need a cup of tea.”
Ash flopped back into the armchair, breathing a sigh of relief. As it turned out, that was what he needed to hear.
He could see why people only had nice things to say about Charlie.
“There’s no tea. Only coffee,” Ash said. He’d never been much of a tea drinker, but he could have gone for a nice soothing peppermint tea right now.
“I’ll get you some,” Charlie said, stretching his legs out in front of him. He wasn’t a particularly tall man, maybe half an inch shorter than Ash—who also wasn’t tall, and was glad they had a sturdy stepladder in the store—but he seemed to be all leg.
“They must put something in the water here,” Charlie continued after a moment. “You’re the second person who’s come to me with something exactly like this. Although… I kinda knew the other guy had never been entirely straight.”
Ash looked over at him, raising an eyebrow.
“He was my brother.” Charlie grinned. “Not-straight runs in the family.”
“I hear you have two of those. Brothers, I mean,” Ash said. Not that he’d been collecting information about Charlie, but people in this town loved to talk.
They never said anything cruel, but he was still wary of that tendency. Adorable as it was, Hope Springs was still a small town.
“Yeah. They’re great, and I hope you get to know them. There are people who aren’t related to me in town, but you kinda moved right into the middle of the people who are.” Charlie shrugged. “Which is fine. You can totally be part of the extended family.”
“So you’re not mad at me for lying before? About my relationship with Declan?”
“You moved here to spend the rest of your life with him,” Charlie said.
It clearly wasn’t a question, but Ash felt compelled to answer anyway.
“Yeah. Yeah, I did.”
That had more or less been his thought process. If there was anyone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, it was Declan.
He just hadn’t expected that to be as anything other than friends.
Charlie smiled at him. “Good enough for me. And I understand.”
Ash took a deep breath, let it out slowly, and then closed his eyes for a moment. Everything was okay. His heart could stop racing now.
“I’m scared of losing him over this,” Ash said. “Sex is… complicated.”
“If you need a diagram, I can get you a book all about it,” Charlie said, a tiny, impish smile making his eyes light up.
Ash rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop himself from smiling in response. “I know how sex works. I’m not very good at all the stuff that happens to a relationship once there’s sex involved.”
“More orgasms?” Charlie asked.
“I’m starting to think you aren’t taking this as seriously as I am,” Ash said, though he couldn’t be mad at Charlie. He knew he was worrying over nothing. He knew that he and Declan were the same people they’d been last week.
“Experience tells me that two best friends who’ve been in love for a long time are a lot happier once they start having sex. I’ve seen it personally.”
“That’s more comforting than it should be. Maybe they do put something in the water here?”
“I actually know why Hope Springs is the way it is,” Charlie said. “A whole bunch of queers started a kind of commune here back in the sixties when it was practically a ghost town, figuring it was a good way to get away from a society that didn’t want them. They bought up a bunch of the main street stores and stuff. And then other people, other misfits joined them. My grandparents were among them. It didn’t exactly stay small enough for a barter economy for long, but the roots of it are still here. We take care of each other and most of us are gay.”
“Or bi?” Ash asked.
“Or trans, or asexual, or… you know, anything like that,” Charlie added with a shrug. “Gay was an umbrella term there. I got yelled at on the internet for saying queer the other day, so it’s still fresh in my mind that some people don’t like it and I don’t have a better replacement. Our current mayor is a trans woman.”
“Wait, really?”
“Absolutely.” Charlie grinned. “She’s been awesome, honestly. Our mayors generally are. They’re a reflection of the community they serve.”
“Wow.” Ash looked out the front window, marveling at the town he and Declan had accidentally stumbled across.
No wonder Declan was finally comfortable with some feelings he might have been feeling for a while. It was a comfortable place for Ash, because he was used to being gay. For someone who maybe had some not-straight feelings they’d never processed, this place would probably force them to deal with them.
Ash wondered if Marv had known or sensed something in Declan that he’d been too close to see. If that was why he’d wanted Declan to live here.
That didn’t explain the marriage part, but the will had been written after marriage equality passed, so… maybe?
He’d have to ask Declan sometime.
“Anyway… you and Declan will be fine. I’ve seen the way he looks at you. Just be kind and patient, which I know you can do.”
Ash nodded. Charlie was right. What Declan needed right now, more than anything, was kindness and patience. He’d come to terms with whatever was going on in his own time. In the meantime, Ash needed to make an effort not to be weird about it.
“What if he’s terrible in bed?” Ash asked.
Charlie shrugged. “He seems like the kind of man who can learn new tricks. If you love him, he’s worth teaching.”
�
�You’re wise beyond your years,” Ash said.
“I hear that a lot,” Charlie responded, just as a shadow darkened the door. For a split second, Ash thought it might be Declan, but it turned out to be a customer.
“I gotta…” Ash nodded to the woman who’d just come in. “Sorry.”
“No need to apologize. I’m on my lunch break, anyway, so I need to get back. I’ll see you later, though?”
“Absolutely.” Ash beamed at him, grateful to be sure now that he had a friend.
“And all your secrets are safe with me,” Charlie said, winking and touching the side of his nose in the universal gesture for secret-keeping. “Promise.”
Ash watched Charlie go, feeling as though he could cope with everything that was going on, now. Declan hadn’t changed. He hadn’t changed.
Declan just needed time and space to figure himself out, and Ash could give him as much of that as he wanted.
Chapter Nineteen
“I can’t believe you brought this with you,” Declan said as he took the controller Ash was offering him. He hadn’t played a video game in years, and he was pretty sure he was about to embarrass himself.
“We moved to a small town. I wasn’t expecting much in the way of nightlife,” Ash explained.
Ash wasn’t wrong, exactly. There were a few bars around the place, but he hated to go to a new bar alone, and no one had invited them out yet. Not that he’d been expecting them to. The number of friends they’d already made was a lot more than Declan had been expecting.
That was because of Ash, though. Ash had never had any trouble making friends.
Declan had never been great at it, and he’d been grateful to have Ash from the moment they’d bonded over him mumbling a half-unintelligible coffee order at Declan, who’d somehow gotten it right.
Ash hadn’t trusted anyone else to make his coffee until they were out of college after. That might have been part of why Declan had come to care so much about coffee, even if Ash didn’t. He still appreciated it when it was better, and Declan had wanted it to be better for him.
He was starting to realize that his feelings about Ash had always been complicated.
“I guess it’s too much to ask you to go easy on me,” Declan said, blowing dust off the controller. Ash had clearly put it away a while ago.
“Yep,” Ash said, putting the disc in the machine. “You know, I got this to play with you in the first place. I was so disappointed when you quit on me.”
Declan’s heart sank at Ash’s tone. He hadn’t realized he’d hurt him, but it really sounded like he had. “Oh. Well… I’m here now?”
“Only because you have to be,” Ash responded.
“No,” Declan said softly. “I’m here because I want to be. I like hanging out with you.”
“That was sweet,” Ash said, grabbing the remote to switch the TV on. “But I’m still gonna kick your ass.”
Declan chuckled. “I wasn’t expecting any different. Is this gonna give me a tutorial, or…?”
“You’ll figure it out,” Ash said. “I’ve got faith in you.”
Declan watched Ash go through all the menus to get started, taking a deep breath after he picked a car and the level loaded.
He might not have been good at this, but Ash wasn’t, either. They’d both been constantly driving off cliffs or into the water last time, so at least they were kind of evenly matched.
Getting his car to take off proved more difficult than Declan had anticipated. He started out in reverse and took a few seconds to figure out how to go forward, but a glance at Ash’s screen showed that he’d hit a wall early on and was trying to navigate around it now.
Declan burst into laughter as he passed him, getting the hang of the steering as he rounded the first gentle corner.
A marker on the screen showed Ash catching up to him, but he was still ahead, and he planned to stay that way.
At least, until Ash nudged his shoulder right as their cars ran into each other.
“Oh, I see how it is,” Declan said, nudging back. “You wanna play dirty.”
“Always,” Ash said, and Declan didn’t need to look at him to know he was grinning ear to ear.
Declan wasn’t quite ready to admit it, but he was having fun, too. Ash obviously hadn’t put in any practice at this, so they were both as hopeless as they had been last time.
He whooped as he drove his car into the side of Ash’s, hitting him so that he rolled off the cliff beside the road.
Ash gasped beside him, indignant, tapping his foot while he waited for his car to be put back on the track.
Declan had been so excited by his victory that he’d driven straight into a tree, so it wouldn’t take him long to catch up. Not unless Declan did something about it, anyway.
He reached out and took the controller from Ash’s hand, ignoring his protests, and then pounced, his hand moving to hold Ash’s face still as their lips connected.
Ash made a tiny, surprised noise, but then parted his lips. A soft, happy sigh broke free of them as Declan pressed his mouth against Ash’s, parting his own lips just enough to feel out the shape of them, taste the bite of the peppermint tea he’d had earlier lingering there, and something else that was so clearly Ash that Declan didn’t need to put another name to it.
His stomach bottomed out as he realized what he was doing, but it was too late to stop now.
Besides, he wanted this. He wanted to kiss Ash.
Especially when he was so happy. Ash was beautiful when he laughed.
Declan had never really noticed before, but he was noticing now. Noticing every tiny, wonderful thing about Ash.
“What happened to warning a guy?” Ash asked as Declan backed off for air, his lungs burning for breath. His whole body seemed to be going at a million miles an hour right now, everything tingling and intense.
“Sorry,” Declan murmured.
He wasn’t really sorry, and Ash wasn’t really complaining, either.
Ash reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, pushing Declan back onto the couch. The controller fell from his hand, hitting the threadbare carpet below with a dull thud, the pause menu flashing on the screen.
Declan didn’t even care a little bit about the game anymore, though. He had something way better.
Ash climbed on top of him, letting Declan take most of his weight.
“Hi,” Ash said, smiling a slow smile full of promise. “I’m not mad about the lack of warning.”
“I can tell,” Declan said, spreading his legs apart to give Ash room to get closer, his stomach swooping as Ash settled between them, pressing their hips together.
“So… now that I’ve got you here…”
Declan licked his lips.
“Kiss me?” he asked. That, he could handle.
Ash’s smile turned into a smirk as he leaned in, missing Declan’s mouth at the last moment and nipping lightly at his jaw instead, pressing soft, quick kisses along the length of it, making the skin there tingle. He paused at Declan’s ear, running the tip of his nose along the shell.
“Maybe,” Ash murmured. “I’d need to hear the magic word, first.”
“Please?” Declan wet his lips again, nerves starting to get the better of him. He did want this, and he knew that, but…
It was a lot. He wasn’t sure how much he could take right now.
Ash chuckled, sealing his lips over Declan’s again, his hips rocking against him. Declan moaned lowly, a deep, echoing sound that only added fuel to the fire in his gut, the heat of arousal already overwhelming.
His cock twitched in his jeans, blood rushing to it, his thighs tensing up. Ash was rocking his hips in slow, rhythmic circles, and Declan wanted to meet them.
He wanted to hold him in place and grind against him, feel Ash’s cock next to his own, hard and hot, proof positive that Ash wanted this, too, that he wasn’t just humoring Declan.
That suddenly felt important. Declan didn’t want an experiment. He didn’t want to know if he liked g
uys.
He wanted Ash. And maybe it was only Ash he wanted.
And that was okay. As long as Ash was into it, too.
Declan steeled himself and reached out, sliding his hand between their bodies to touch the top button of Ash’s fly. Ash paused as soon as he did, looking up from where he’d been nuzzling Declan’s neck, his eyes dark and his eyelids heavy.
“Can I…?” Declan asked, his throat going dry. He just wanted to touch. Just a little.
Ash nodded, lifting himself up a little so Declan had space to open his pants.
The moment he got Ash’s fly open, Declan’s knuckles brushed against the length of his cock, hard and trapped in his underwear, straining to get free.
The shock of it made Declan’s heart pound in his chest, his ears ringing with the blood rushing through them.
Ash grunted, his hips jerking forward. Declan moved his hand away automatically, but he’d already felt what he needed to.
Ash was into this. At least, as far as he could tell.
Declan’s head spun. His whole world was shifting, and it was all he could do to hold on.
Before he had a chance to react, Ash was sitting up, flicking the button of Declan’s fly open deftly.
Declan gasped as Ash’s fingers grazed the length of his cock through his underwear when his pants fell open, blood rushing to his face. His eyes rolled back in his head as Ash shifted his weight again, rocking their hips together, his cock brushing against Ash’s with just two thin layers of fabric between them.
This was more than enough. Declan grabbed Ash’s wrist as he saw him reach out for the waistband of his underwear.
He didn’t have to say anything. Ash just nodded, planted his hand on the arm of the couch behind Declan’s head, and leaned in again, smiling the entire time.
Declan hummed happily as their lips met, rocking his hips as the movement and the position brought their hips together, still wanting to feel Ash. He’d never imagined that just grinding against him would feel so good.
The deep, aching need inside him eased off whenever Ash’s cock made contact with his, flaring up again with every movement.
It was hard to remember being this eager, this turned on before. Declan wasn’t sure he ever had been.
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