by Beth Massey
Her naivety prompted her to ponder his impressive ability to please her. She wondered whether all men were as skilled, and how they came by their knowledge. Probably he had been taught at Cambridge or Oxford, or wherever he attended school. Anger intruded. Men were educated in important things while women were taught how to embroider, net purses, and paint tables. On the other hand, she had been forced to point out that special spot… the spot she had only found after meeting him had awakened it. Could it be she was the only one who had such a place? Still, he seemed to know more about her body than she did. The whole business seemed very unfair.
She had learned much today about his body… how beautiful he was… how broad his shoulders were and how slim his hips… how strong his arms and how big his feet… that pointing trail of black hair had directed her to the object between his legs that grew and stiffened… how those secret balls became tight and wrinkled just before his convulsive release at the end.
Whether it was the smell of him clinging to her skin that was the cause she knew not, but that night she had a most peculiar dream. Will was carrying her up the hill to his waterfall, and he was glaring at her with disapproval. They were wearing no clothes, but she was wearing a matron’s cap and he was wearing a helmet. She awoke covered in perspiration with her heart racing.
5
THE KINDNESS OF FRIENDS
Lizzy woke from her dream and lay trembling with her eyes closed. As she allowed her heart to return to its normal cadence, her body began to cool. Her mind was in a state of vague restlessness, and soon her conscience began berating her for her decisions of yesterday. As with her rejection, she had acted impetuously. Now in the solitude of her room, without his reassuring presence, she determined her behaviour had been ill advised… and more importantly immoral.
How could he ever respect her, and without respect how could she ever hope they would be happy? Yes, he seemed to be mightily infatuated with her… now… but once he had satisfied his obsession, he would be free to marry the kind of woman suited to his sphere. What had he said about the ‘family obstacles’ in his letter? He had said that the situation of her mother’s family in trade had not been his greatest objection but wrote instead of a total want of propriety by her mother, by her three younger sisters, and occasionally even by her father. She had now given him evidence that she belonged with them in his disapproval. Perhaps, he would assume that given her enticing him to ‘poke’ her before marriage, she would consent to be his mistress. As the tears started to gather, she pulled the image of the cottage, with its shelves of books to the fore. Oh no, Lizzy, he did not write all those dedications for a mistress. He created that enchanted place for a wife, and more importantly, he proposed and this time you accepted. He is an honourable man and would never renege on his promise.
Lizzy slipped out of bed and retrieved the lock of his hair from the pocket of her gown. She caressed the dark curl nestled there. Within her drawer she found a length of amber coloured ribbon and cut it in half. One part secured his curl, and she determined she would find a way to give him the other half when next they met. With her treasure tied, she rubbed the lock against her lips. Though it might have been her imagination, or perhaps her desire, she believed she could distinguish his scent in the treasured token. It seemed to calm her, and she crawled back into bed and put the packet under her pillow.
Sleep overtook her as she remembered the feel of his hands, his lips, his tongue, and being filled by him. That fleeting moment of pain had been lost in a profusion of delightful sensations. She giggled as she thought of her attempt to return the favours he had bestowed. Awkward and halting compared to his practiced attentions, he still had seemed pleased with her effort. Someday she would know the way to touch to elicit the maximum response, and learn to be as adept as he by watching his face when she delivered her caresses. Now that she knew the terrain and would no longer be distracted by uncharted discoveries, she should be able to concentrate on his reactions. Her last conscious thought was to believe she would be very lucky to have such a lover for her husband.
Elizabeth and Darcy had settled that she would meet his sister when they visited Pemberley on the morrow. The very thought of him made her ache for his presence, but she did her best to rein in her desires. Her duty to their common mission depended on keeping her aunt and uncle from becoming suspicious. It would not do to have them suspecting Mr Darcy was something more to her than… a friend with whom she had disagreed. Acquaintance… that would sound more proper than friend to begin her explanation… Yesterday, they had managed to reconcile their differences, and now it was important that her Aunt and Uncle Gardiner believed they had accepted each other as friends, but nothing more. Her father deserved to know first that they desired to be more.
Today they would visit acquaintances, or perhaps they were friends, of her aunt in Lambton. She expected Mr Darcy and his family to be a topic of conversation, once it was discovered she knew him and they had been invited to Pemberley as his guests. Learning delightful morsels of gossip about the family to which she would soon be connected gave her the feeling of indulging in something illicit, and she could not help but chuckle at her slightly perverse desire. Perhaps some additional information on Wickham would be forthcoming. Part of her scheme to persuade her father to accept her marriage to Mr Darcy meant she must point out how she had been blinded to both the lieutenant’s dubious character and his maligning of Mr Darcy’s. She would also appeal to her father by using his becoming betrothed to a young woman who he had never cared three straws for, as an example of his mercenary motives. Luckily Miss King’s uncle had saved her from his clutches. Not to mention, his indebtedness to the Meryton merchants was more evidence of his unworthiness.
Mr Bingley, Miss Bingley, Mr and Mrs Hurst and Georgiana arrived mid morning. However, Darcy gave them adequate time to rest from their journey before he had them summoned for a midday meal. The delay gave Mr Bingley time to plan what he would say to his friend about his intention to return to Hertfordshire.
During their repast, Charles observed a difference in his friend. That hint of sadness that had existed for months was gone. In fact, he seemed uncharacteristically ebullient. Charles wondered whether it was due to his being back at Pemberley. Darcy had told him he needed to arrive back at his estate as quickly as possible as he was leaving them the previous morning. Whatever he had done yesterday had worked wonders at erasing the gloom from his countenance. Charles hoped his return to amiability would happen as quickly, once he returned to Netherfield to renew his acquaintance with his angel.
The invitation to join Darcy at Pemberley had provided him with an opportunity to tell Darcy of his plan to return to Hertfordshire, in pursuit of the beautiful Miss Bennet, despite his friend’s wishes to the contrary. For months, Charles had been unable to shake the feeling he had treated her abominably. Since the 26th of November, he had revisited every conversation, every glance, every smile, and determined that though she had a natural reserve, she had not been indifferent. Unlike his friend, who had looked at none in Hertfordshire with anything but disdain, he had had the privilege of looking deeply into those big, beautiful, blue eyes and seeing his angel’s soul. Had he the right to even think of her that way anymore?
As he toyed with his cold meat, he prayed their friendship could survive his decision, but more importantly, he hoped she could forgive him for allowing himself to be persuaded. Darcy’s advice of exactly how best to grovel for his spineless behaviour would have been appreciated, but it was probably not meant to be. The best he could hope for was a grudging acceptance of his decision.
Darcy observed Bingley studying him. His joy was impossible to conceal so he was not trying. Though elated at resolving things and more with Elizabeth, he still dreaded losing Charles’ friendship. He was determined to confess everything… well, no, he could not tell him everything. Nothing about the cottage, including what took place there yesterday, would be revealed.
No disclosure of his second pro
posal now, but he would tell him about the first, her rejection, and the resolution of some of their differences yesterday—much as they had agreed to tell her aunt and uncle, but enhanced. Most importantly, he would disclose Miss Elizabeth’s resentment of his interference, and her belief her sister was far from indifferent toward Mr Bingley. That must come out. The part Darcy feared most was his need to reveal his inexcusable behaviour with regard to Miss Bennet’s presence in London. He would have to admit he had been too busy making plans to win her sister to relay that crucial bit of information. Had he known, Darcy was certain Charles would have been convinced to visit her in Cheapside. His return to Hertfordshire would have happened months ago had he known. Oddly, he seemed less sad than he had been a month ago in London. There was an air of determination about him. Pray he had not met someone to replace his latest angel—Lizzy would not forgive him if that had happened.
Caroline Bingley also noticed a certain felicity emanating from her Mr Darcy. He had not been so convivial when he had been in London, but he definitely was filled with good humour since arriving at Pemberley. His extension of the invitation to Charles, to include her, she concluded must be connected to his newfound happiness. Surely, he had finally come to a decision with regards to her. In her mind, it was the only thing that could explain the change in his mood. She looked around the room, and made a mental note of what she would like to change. The furnishings were at least twenty years old and she was not fond of the shade of blue on the walls. Lastly, she hoped he was not one who insisted on marital privileges too often. She hoped she could be as successful at avoiding those unpleasant duties as her sister. Once she had performed the duty of producing an heir, she would suggest he take a mistress if he was too insistent.
Caroline smiled smugly as her brother and her host retired to his study after the completion of the meal. As they left, she persuaded herself the only possible reason for their conference was Mr Darcy’s need to ask Charles for the right to a private audience with her. She would retire to her room and change into her most fashionable day dress—so she was prepared for the auspicious occasion that would surely follow.
“Charles, I have a confession to make.”
Bingley looked perplexed at his friend’s words. “How interesting and coincidental, Darcy! I have something of a confession to make to you.”
Fitzwilliam feared the delay might shake his resolve but determined politeness was in order. “Since you are my guest, you should go first.”
“You should know before I begin, I fear my disclosure about my intentions will disappoint you.”
Suddenly, Darcy had an inkling where the conversation was headed and tried to keep his face composed as he said, “My heavens, Bingley, do you believe I would interfere in your decisions?”
“Once you did, and I acted dishonourably by allowing you to persuade me that Miss Bennet was indifferent to me. It would have been more courageous to believe my own convictions and ignore your advice.”
“You are correct. I should not have interfered. That was what I wanted to confess to you. My reasons for persuading you were self-serving, and if it is any consolation, I paid a heavy price for my treachery.”
Bingley looked at his friend with shock, “What price did you pay?”
“I fell in love with Miss Bennet’s sister, Miss Elizabeth, almost immediately upon meeting her in Hertfordshire. However, I believed her to be beneath me, and that led me to refuse to acknowledge my feelings. It even caused me to say demeaning things about her.”
“Yes, I remember your slight at the Meryton Assembly. Then afterwards, you agreed with my sisters that she was no beauty. I was quite disgusted with your haughty attitude.”
Darcy winced with remembrance of his words. He cleared his throat and continued his confession, “My struggle to convince myself to abandon her caused me to persuade you her sister was indifferent. I could not in good conscience make the argument that Jane Bennet was beneath you. She is the daughter of a gentleman, and you do not particularly have the need for a wife with a large dowry. Her connections and knowledge of the workings of an estate would have been assets with regards to your status and aspirations.”
“I should have questioned your belief in her indifference. Miss Bennet is very reserved, but I have re-evaluated our interaction. We spoke of shared enjoyments and hopes for the future. I do not find her encouragement of me wanting.”
“Her sister agrees with you.”
“How do you know? Have you spent more time with Miss Elizabeth?”
“I have, but first let me tell you of the particulars. In vain I struggled to forget Miss Elizabeth after we left Hertfordshire, but my feelings would not be repressed. I could think of nothing other than her while at Pemberley for the holidays. Finally, I stopped struggling and realized she was the one for me. Once my decision was made, I knew not how to tell her of my feelings. A letter from my aunt solved my dilemma. She was to visit Charlotte Lucas, now Mrs Collins, for Easter. I made plans to visit my aunt with the hopes of proposing. Before I left for Kent I spent time in London. I was absorbed in my plans to win Miss
Elizabeth, and I did not take the time to tell you Miss Bennet was in town.”
“Miss Bennet was in town last winter?”
“Yes, I think she was there until April.”
“I wonder why she did she not visit my sisters while there?”
“She did, and they chose not to tell you. Caroline wanted me to help them keep the information from you. Miss Bennet’s attempt to continue a friendship with you and your sisters was deemed a threat to their plans to keep the two of you from forming an attachment. I refused to go along with their duplicity. However, I was too preoccupied with my own mission to propose to Miss Elizabeth while at Rosings to consider your feelings and act. I was not the friend I should have been.”
Darcy noticed a flash of anger in Bingley’s eyes, as he spoke, “Somehow, I do not find much comfort in the fact you did not agree to go along with my sister’s betrayal. You had proof your words to me of her indifference were false. Still, you felt no urgency to correct my belief in your assumption. Your actions are definitely wanting in attempting to convince me of your enduring friendship.”
“Bingley, believe me I value your friendship. While in Kent, I suffered a disappointment that opened my eyes to the needs of others in a most painful way. It was precisely my disdain for Miss Elizabeth’s feelings, as well as yours and her sister’s that almost destroyed my hopes for bliss. When I proposed, I naturally spoke of how ardently I admired and loved her, but I also spoke of other sentiments beside those of my heart. I felt the need to explain my reluctance, and I was as eloquent on the subject of my pride as I was of my tenderness for her. My intention had been to convey the depth of my feelings, and what I had overcome to seek her hand. I told her with great warmth in deference to the strength of my feelings for her of my sense of her inferiority, of it being a degradation to connect myself with her and her family."
Charles’ astonishment at his friend’s arrogance was splashed across his face and in his rigid stance. He stared at Darcy with incredulity but remained silent.
“Instead of the acceptance I was expecting, my words unleashed a rejection filled with much rancour, and the accusation that I had been the means of ruining the happiness of her beloved sister—and she generously included your happiness as well. My cousin had just told her of my interference, and her words stung as she chastised me for dividing you from each other.” Charles was still looking at him with disbelief, so he tried a little levity. “She was quite eloquent in her fury. She charged me with exposing you to the censure of the world for caprice and instability, and her sister to its derision for disappointed hopes. Her final denouncement said I had involved you both in misery of the acutest kind."
“Oh, I must leave for Hertfordshire immediately. I must apologize to Miss Bennet for my spineless behaviour. To think of her being miserable pains me.”
“Patience, my friend. There is additiona
l news. Yesterday, Miss Elizabeth was touring Pemberley.” He struggled to appear serious when mirth was more what he felt. Forcing a sombre face, he said, “She agreed to visit my estate because she had been told I was not at home. It was her hope to avoid me; but, as you know, I returned a day early—so we met and were able to speak of our disagreements. You see, besides her accusations with regard Miss Bennet, she had also impeached my character as to my history with Wickham. After her rejection, I had written Miss Elizabeth a letter explaining the truth of the living he said I had denied him, and my words convinced her he was far from honourable. Long and short, both of us experienced guilt at our words that day of my proposal.” Charles was still looking stunned. “During the intervening months, we have both felt remorse with the outcome.” He leaned toward his friend, captured his attention and spoke firmly. “I must tell you, Charles, she has not changed her mind concerning my interference between you and her sister.”
“Miss Elizabeth is here in Derbyshire?”
“Yes, and she and her aunt and uncle are spending the day at Pemberley tomorrow. I would like to travel to their inn in Lambton this afternoon, and introduce her to Georgiana without your sisters being present. Would you, like to accompany us?”
Darcy smiled as he saw the glee on his friend’s face. “Oh, yes, please. May we go immediately?”
“Certainly. I should also let you know I plan to travel to Hertfordshire once Miss Elizabeth’s sojourn in Derbyshire ends. She has agreed to allow me speak to her father of a courtship. Perhaps, you would like to travel with me there as well.”