by Beth Massey
Miss Bingley, for her part, refused to accept defeat. In the absence of Miss Darcy’s ability to communicate, she usurped her role as hostess. She spoke to Mr Darcy as though she had already been granted the job of mistress, and brought his attention to the array of food available. “Mr. Darcy you must partake of some of these marvellous fruits. Your orchards and vineyards are beyond compare. Never have I enjoyed such delicious morsels.”
Darcy, who had been worried about Elizabeth losing her composure, suddenly felt the need to wound one woman and remind the other of his admiration. “I thank you for the compliment, but only yesterday I had the most luscious peaches and raspberries. I am still savouring the memory of their delights. I feel no need to imbibe in any of these specimens.”
Elizabeth raised her napkin to her mouth to prevent anyone from seeing her mischievous smile.
Georgiana finally spoke when she heard his words. “But brother, I was told by the gardeners there were no raspberries. Where did you find some?”
Darcy was only momentarily taken aback. He sought out Elizabeth’s eyes as he said, “It was sheer serendipity. They were the most luscious wild berries I found while making a search of the grounds.”
Elizabeth made a small choking sound, before she recovered. She followed her momentary discomfort with a wicked look.
Their visit did not continue long after the question and answer regarding fruit. While Mr Darcy was attending his guests to their carriage, Miss Bingley was venting her feelings in criticisms on Miss Eliza's person, behaviour, and dress. However, Georgiana had observed, this day, enough of her brother’s feelings, as well as Miss Bennet’s, to determine what she was hearing from Miss Bingley was sour grapes. Her brother had spoken of Elizabeth in such terms as to leave Georgiana without the power of finding her other than lovely and amiable. When Darcy returned to the parlour, Miss Bingley could not help repeating some part of what she had been saying to his sister.
"How very ill Eliza Bennet looks, Mr Darcy. I never in my life saw any one so altered as she is in so little time. She is grown so brown and coarse. Louisa and I were agreeing; we should not have known her. As you know from the day she walked to Netherfield, she has long had the abominable habit of going about without a bonnet; more than is appropriate if a woman wants to preserve her complexion."
Mr Darcy wished he could have been more forceful in his defence of Elizabeth… particularly about her going about sans bonnet. Instead, he contented himself with coolly replying that he perceived no other alteration than her being rather tanned, which he found to be the natural consequence of travelling in the summer. His thoughts, once again, reverted to the part of her that was not tan. Their discussion of fruit had unleashed such pleasant memories. He wondered whether his thoughts were reflected on his face.
Miss Bingley refused to notice what was before her, and wondered what his slightly comical expression meant. This man who seemed to always wear an inscrutable mask was almost grinning… perhaps it was a grimace. Not knowing what to make of his altered mien, she unwisely continued, "For my own part, I must confess that I never could see any beauty in her. She is much too short, and her complexion has no brilliancy. Her features are not at all handsome, and she laughs too much. This tendency toward laughter has given her mouth a peculiar appearance. Her teeth are tolerable, but not out of the common way. As for her eyes, which have sometimes been called fine by you, I never could perceive anything extraordinary in them. They have a sharp, shrewish look that I do not like at all. However, the thing about her that is most unpleasant is her air of self-sufficiency, and she has a type of boldness that is not at all fashionable."
Mr Darcy’s odd face seemed to broaden into a full-fledged smile when she mentioned Miss Eliza’s boldness. He seemed to think better of his lapse, and narrowed his eyes in the process of converting his expression to censure.
Considering Miss Bingley’s fears that her host admired Miss Elizabeth, her attacks were, perhaps, not the best method of recommending herself. However, angry people are not always wise; and she had settled instead on disconcerting him. When at last she saw the slightly silly look he had been displaying change to a somewhat nettled countenance, she believed she had been successful. He was resolutely silent, and from a determination of making him speak, she continued, "I remember, when we first knew her in Hertfordshire, how amazed we all were to find that she was a reputed beauty; and I particularly recollect your saying one night, after they had been dining at Netherfield, 'She a beauty! I should as soon call her mother a wit.' But afterwards she seemed to improve on you, and I believe you thought her rather pretty at one time."
Darcy cringed at his cruel words, but Miss Bingley’s goading had been successful. He could no longer contain himself. "Yes, but that was only when I first knew her; for it has been many months now that I have considered her one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance."
He turned and stalked out of the room, and Miss Bingley was left with the satisfaction of having forced him to say what gave no one any pain but herself.
6
DARCY AND BINGLEY REFLECT, CONFESS AND PLAN
Darcy’s long legs, and a compelling need to be away from Miss Bingley, allowed him to arrive at his study in record time. He was not fit company for either the gentlemen or the ladies still on their uniquely different fishing expeditions. Shutting the door purposefully, just short of banging it, he took a deep breath. How dare that woman attack Elizabeth in his presence? His face still registered the fury she had provoked as he sat at his desk. He pulled the packet from his pocket, opened it, and allowed the token of their afternoon in the cottage to tumble out. The ribbon she had given him now secured the curl. First he brought it to his lips, inhaled her scent, and then rubbed the lock against his cheek. It worked its magic, and his anger began to lessen.
Miss Bingley’s repetition of his words had reminded him of his conduct, his manners, and his expressions those many months ago in Hertfordshire. The remembrance of those events was still an inexpressible agony for him. Soon his reflections turned to Kent and an instance of pain of a much greater magnitude. Her reproof, he would never forget, ‘Had you behaved in a more gentlemanlike manner.’ He was certain she had yet to realize how that had tortured him. Someday he would have to confess the full extent of the transformation she had wrought… a conversion as profound as Saul’s on the road to Damascus.
He could not easily reconcile himself to those hurtful words… despite her love, and the gift of her body. Up until her rejection, he had not realized he had been such a selfish being; in practice. His parents and his tutors had given him good principles, but left him to follow them in pride and conceit.
During his first foray into the London Season, he learned his father’s values were very different from those of most of the ton. In that marriage mart, he had been encouraged to be selfish and overbearing… to care for none beyond his own family circle. The acquisitiveness and insincerity of the rituals only encouraged poor behaviour. After his first Season, he had determined that all women who participated, despite their flattery, cared for nothing but his fortune and connections. They inflamed his natural reticence, and had driven him to mask his true character in an aloof arrogance. His mission had been to keep all women and their mamas at arms’ length. In the midst of all his confusion over proper behaviour in choosing a bride, his father and mentor left him forever.
In telling Bingley of his apprehension, he had described eyes that glittered, cold and calculating, as they took their measure of him. His Lizzy’s look had been different, but, still, it had frightened him.
Caroline Bingley had flung his own hateful words about his beloved at him… in front of Georgiana, no less. What would she think of him? How could he explain to her that his words were an attempt on his part to ignore the enticement of Elizabeth? How could he confess such a thing to one so young and innocent? He would say he was attempting to persuade himself she was unworthy.
In Kent, he had proposed to her without a d
oubt of his reception. Her final observation that day came pushing and shoving into his consciousness. ‘I had not known you a month before I felt that you were the last man in the world whom I could ever be prevailed on to marry.’ He was struck by the truth she revealed with her words that day—she had had obviously not been schooled in how fashionable young ladies should behave when offered a lucrative proposal.
With a shudder, Darcy returned to pondering his youth. As he had grown and matured, he realized his parents were grudgingly envied because of the affection they obviously felt for each other. His desire to emulate that feature of their relationship, more than anything brought him in contention with the rules of the game. Amongst the ton, marriage was rarely about even admiration or respect; and almost always about property and status. But he desired something more—a love that quenched the thirst of his soul, his body and his mind. His mind wandered to his cottage and all those books and sighed. All the literary and historical examples of true love were such tragedies – Troilus and Cressida, Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde – offered death as the reward. Heloise and Abelard offered castration for him and a nunnery for her. Darcy winced and decided he needed to end this line of thought.
He returned to Miss Bingley’s words. She had said Elizabeth was short. He preferred to think of his beloved as light and pleasant. An image swirled into his consciousness. She was the perfect size for him to lift and carry effortlessly up the hill to his waterfall. A flash of fantasy of that event intruded… the warmth of her nestled in his arms as he walked with her into the pool caused a constriction in his groin—so much better than pondering castration. He laughed at his thoughts and remembered fondly her oft indulged in mirth. Deeming it inappropriate to indulge his arousal just now, he forced himself to consider Caroline’s statement that Lizzy laughed too much and that her frequent laughter distorted her mouth. To him, it made her mouth always appear as though it needed to be kissed as a thank you for her delightful humour. And, what did Miss Bingley know of eyes? She said Lizzy’s were sharp and shrewish. No, she was wrong! They could be fiery and fierce sometimes, but at other times they were impish and impertinent. Best of all, two days ago they had grown wide and sparkled with passionate expectation.
A few moments with that memory caused his mind to wander to Miss Bingley’s statement that Elizabeth had a type of boldness that was not at all fashionable. Finally, she had uttered a perfectly precise characterization, and he could not believe he had secured the love of such a woman. She was bold enough to both demand and give pleasure. Miss Bingley, he was beginning to believe, was a very fashionable woman who would never enjoy lovemaking. She was one who would send her husband into the arms of a mistress.
As he once again drifted into erotic recollections, someone knocked at the door. Georgiana entered warily. He smiled broadly at his sister and encouraged her to sit. It was time he explain his rude words that Caroline had disclosed.
As she sat in the chair opposite his desk, she had a look of exasperation. “Oh Will, why did you leave me alone with them?”
Darcy gave his sister a sheepish grin. “I am sorry Georgiana. It was unkind of me to forget your feelings, but I am afraid anger got the better of me. The danger was great! If I had remained, I was concerned that I would say something totally inappropriate to our guests.”
“Is it because you love Miss Elizabeth? The words Miss Bingley quoted from you momentarily confused me. But then I remembered what you wrote to me of her when you were in Hertfordshire. You were complimentary, and I assumed then you might be smitten.” She paused and seemed to be seeking out his eyes for confirmation. “Never, as long as I have known you, have you commented favourably on any other woman. Even after you returned, you continued to speak of her… but your words were tinged with regret.”
“Yes, I love her. I wanted to tell you yesterday, but the journey of my growing affection for her has been fraught with obstacles. It has caused me to be cautious.”
“Something happened in Kent between the two of you?”
Darcy laughed at the artless innocence of her words. “Yes. Something did, indeed, happen in Kent. She rejected me… quite vociferously. I went to visit Aunt Catherine for no other purpose than to have the opportunity to propose. The idea that she might have scruples with regard marriage to me never crossed my mind. I was in for a very rude awakening.”
“Brother, you are the best of men. To what could she have possibly objected?”
“The evening we met in Hertfordshire, she had heard me tell Bingley she was only ‘tolerable and not handsome enough to tempt me.’ Then I added an insult to my original injury by saying, ‘I am in no humour to give consequence to young ladies who are slighted by other men.’ Miss Bingley’s words earlier were also accurate as to my spoken evaluation of her beauty.”
Georgiana’s eyes grew wide with disbelief as she said, “Brother, I find it difficult to believe you could be so unmannerly. Is it a common practice for men to critique women so openly? If so, I am now quite worried about being out! I am sure my fragile spirit would wither upon hearing such a remark.”
“No, I was incredibly rude and, more importantly, full of disguise. Those words in no manner reflected my true beliefs. I was attracted to her the moment our eyes first met. I said what I did to convince others, and myself, that the feelings stirring within me had no merit.”
“She appealed to you, but you felt the need to deny the attraction. Why Will?”
“She was not of our circle, her mother was common, and her two youngest sisters were inappropriately forward. I believed the attraction to be unbefitting to our family’s reputation. I left Hertfordshire with the goal of dismissing her from my memory and persuaded Bingley that her sister was indifferent to him.”
“Bingley felt attraction for her sister? Brother, your actions seem so unlike you. Why would you interfere in an affair of the heart professed by your best friend? Did you actually believe Miss Elizabeth’s sister was indifferent?”
“In retrospect, it is hard for me to determine whether I did or did not. My plan was to purge Miss Elizabeth from my mind, and it would have been a very inconvenient reality if my best friend became connected with her family.”
Georgiana stared at her brother in disbelief. “But what of Mr Bingley’s feelings?”
Darcy shrugged his shoulders and looked out at the wooded hills, remembering their secrets. “Everything else became subservient to my goal. I struggled with my appreciation and ardour for months.”
“Was that why you were so distant at Christmas? My belief during that time was that I was the cause of your distraction and despair—because of my disgrace with George.”
“Oh, my dear sister, how I neglected you after I returned from Hertfordshire! You were not my paradox. Miss Elizabeth simply refused to leave my consciousness. Many a day I would be sitting here trying to work and her presence would steal into my memory, and soon I would be reliving one of our verbal jousts. She is very witty and was forever forcing me to defend some of my most cherished beliefs.”
“Will, I wish you had spoken to me of your struggle. I believe we could have helped each other. Besides my mortification of being the victim of Wickham’s deception, it was so very painful to realize he did not love me. The knowledge of his chicanery did not take away my desire to be loved, and the memories of how it felt when I believed him to desire me refused to desist.”
“Georgie, your words tell me just how deficient I am as your guardian. Last Christmas, I did not know how to find love and happiness for myself; much less was I equipped to guide you. If it is any consolation, my feelings of inadequacy to help you through your sadness did come to my aid. Elizabeth is one of five sisters. She and her sister Jane, the one Bingley admires, have a closeness that I envied for you. Observing Elizabeth’s care for Miss Bennet when she was ill at Netherfield, set me to thinking of how I wished you had such a sister to be your confidante and best friend. My realization of how beneficial she could be to you, made me re-eval
uate what I would gain by marrying her.”
Darcy’s gaze once again returned to the window, as he remembered the ride in the hills and his enlightenment upon seeing the cottage after so many years. He turned back to his sister and smiled. “After several months of her tormenting my soul, I decided to set aside my misgivings and propose. However, Miss Elizabeth knew nothing of my admiration. She believed me to disapprove of her, and was convinced I only looked at her to find fault.” Darcy’s face lit up with the humorous facets of what were very painful memories.
“Why do you smile?”
“Because, when I proposed I told her of my love. But I also felt it necessary to explain my mortification with becoming part of her family that I had spent months overcoming. Ah, I see you have the same look on your face Charles did when I told him. You look as if you believe I misspoke, and that no one could be that obtuse.” Shaking his head and broadening his smile, he continued. “I was, indeed! But now that Miss Elizabeth and I have resolved our differences, I am able to find the humour in my boorish behaviour.”
Georgiana caught the infection of her brother’s self-deprecating humour and giggled as she replied. “At least you know she is not a fortune hunter. Had she been one, she would not have cared what you said of her as long as she secured you.”
Will’s laughter this time came from his belly as he threw his head back and indulged, “No, she is no fortune hunter.”
“I am glad we had this talk. This is the first time the age difference between us has seemed to disappear, and we are just brother and sister attempting to help each other through the slippery slope of affairs of the heart.”
“Yes, I feel in the future the lines of communication will be greatly enhanced by this conversation, and by bringing Miss Elizabeth into our lives.”
Darcy’s face reverted to seriousness, and he attempted to clear his throat of the sounds of dread before he continued. “Georgie, I need to confess something else to you. When I was rejected by her, she also threw my treatment of Wickham at me. He had told her the lies of my denying him a living. His considerable charm had worked on her much as it worked on you. Though she had no fortune to collect, I believe he hoped to besmirch my good name with the people of Hertfordshire and Elizabeth in particular. I have wondered whether he knew of my admiration, but that seems improbable, as even Miss Elizabeth knew not.”