by Kate James
Paige nudged her gently. “Mrs. Bennett. I’m home.”
Mrs. Bennett’s head jerked up, and a hand flew to her chest. “Oh, my goodness. I must’ve fallen asleep.” She smoothed her short, wavy hair. “Sit down, honey. I’ve made our tea.” She lifted the cozy and tested the temperature of the pot to make sure the tea was still warm.
“I appreciate that, but it’s quite late. You should go home.”
“Nonsense!” She waved dismissively. “I said we’d talk when you got home, and we will. You shouldn’t keep things bottled up inside.”
“Mrs. Bennett...”
“We’re going to talk,” Mrs. Bennett declared emphatically.
Paige realized it would be useless to argue. “All right. Let me check on Jason first.”
She opened his bedroom door quietly. In the glow of the nightlight, she could see her little boy snuggled in his blanket. His arms were wrapped around his teddy bear, his eyes closed and his mouth slightly parted. She heard his even breathing. Satisfied that he was sleeping peacefully, she closed his door.
Mrs. Bennett was pouring their tea when Paige rejoined her. “Go ahead, dear. Tell me what happened,” she said.
“Oh, Mrs. Bennett. It’s awful,” Paige began. “Jason’s tumor has recurred since his last checkup a year ago. His oncologist, he...he believes Jason has less than a year left. He...” Paige dropped her head into her hands and struggled to hold back the tears. Mrs. Bennett folded Paige in her arms and held her tightly as Paige’s body shook in despair.
When the tears changed into dry, hitching gasps, Paige pulled back and wiped her eyes with her fingertips. Accepting the tissue Mrs. Bennett offered, she blew her nose and fought to collect herself. “The doctor...he feels Jason’s only chance now is surgery to remove the tumor. But even if I could afford it...” She choked back a sob. “The tumor’s too big right now, and the risks are significant. His chances of survival are...low.”
Mrs. Bennett’s eyes filled with tears, too. “I know it’s hard. But think about all the challenges he’s already overcome.”
Paige raised anguished eyes to Mrs. Bennett’s.
“Wasn’t Jason just three when he was first diagnosed? And didn’t you both get through it, despite his father deserting you?” When Paige was about to interrupt, Mrs. Bennett raised her hand. “I know what you’re going to say in his defense. ‘It wasn’t that simple.’ But let’s face it. He abandoned you. You and Jason were both strong and determined, and you made it through. Then the tumor came back.”
The horrific day when Paige learned the tumor had recurred the first time was indelibly etched in her mind, as today would be. “Yes, it came back five months later.”
“And?”
“And...” Paige said in a whisper, “Jason underwent treatment and made it through again.”
“Twice you’ve beaten it. Twice. Can’t you believe you can beat it again? And this time for good?”
“I’d like to think so, but I don’t know.” Paige shook her head. “I just don’t know.”
“What did the doctor say about treatment?”
“Jason has to undergo aggressive treatment again.” She tried to stay composed, but the tears welled up in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. “The oncologist is recommending a new cancer drug that’s still in the clinical trial stage. It specifically targets the cancer cells to shrink the tumor so they can do the surgery. With the size of the tumor now, surgery isn’t an option. The drugs are going to make Jason very sick, just like the last time. How much can he take?” Paige broke down again.
“There, there,” Mrs. Bennett soothed. “As much as he needs to.”
“But Christmas... He’ll be going through the worst of it at Christmas. And this might be his last...” Her voice trailed off, and she glanced at his bedroom door. “With the limitations on my healthcare plan, I have no idea how I’ll handle the medical expenses, let alone give him a special Christmas.”
“If you need to work more hours, it’s no trouble for me to watch Jason. And what about one of those charities that helps people with sick kids?”
Things might have been tight, but Paige had always managed. She knew there were many needy, deserving people who relied on the generosity of the more fortunate, but she didn’t feel comfortable with receiving charity. She thought of her ex-husband, and her resolve grew. It was pride speaking as she said, “Jason is my responsibility.”
“But there are organizations that help parents make sick kids’ Christmas wishes come true. That’s all I’m talking about.”
Paige relented a little. “Oh, yes, of course. But I’ve also heard they have long waiting lists. This close to Christmas, they probably have more families than they can handle.”
Mrs. Bennett patted Paige’s hand. “Leave it with me. Let me look into it for you.” Her voice softened. “Dear...?”
When Paige’s eyes met hers again, Mrs. Bennett continued. “Have you told your mother?”
Paige’s shoulders sagged. “Oh, good heavens, no.”
“Now, Paige. You have to tell her, especially if...” She left the sentence unfinished, but Paige understood. Her parents might have limited time to see Jason.
Paige rubbed her temples. “I don’t know. Mom already has so much to cope with. Dad’s not doing well. His Alzheimer’s is progressing. Mom has her hands full just dealing with day-to-day living.”
Mrs. Bennett nodded sadly. “But do you really think your mother would want you to keep this from her?”
“No.” Paige exhaled. “No, I don’t.” She had no siblings, so Jason was their only grandchild. She had to tell them.
All of a sudden, she felt impossibly weary but somewhat steadier. “Thank you for talking this through with me. It’s helped a lot. Now we both need to get some sleep.”
When Mrs. Bennett rose to clear the tea neither of them had drunk, Paige stopped her. “Please don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it.” When Mrs. Bennett hesitated, Paige added, “Tomorrow. I’ll take care of it tomorrow.”
Still, when Paige closed and locked the door behind her neighbor, she went about the task of clearing up. She was exhausted, but she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Even mindless tasks were a distraction, and preferable to lying in bed with sleep eluding her and worries crowding her mind.
*
OVER THE COURSE of a long, sleepless night, Paige decided that not only did she have to tell her mother, she needed to do it sooner rather than later. If she didn’t, her mother—understandably—would never forgive her. She had a right to know. The question was how she should go about it...
Paige tried to be as cheerful as possible as she made Jason breakfast and helped him get ready for school.
As they were saying good-bye on the steps of his school building, Jason looked up at her, his face solemn, and asked, “Are you okay, Mom?”
She was quick to assure him, “Of course, sweetheart.”
He studied her carefully, his eyes mature beyond his years, and she wondered if he could sense that she was lying to him for the first time in his life.
“Okay.” He scuffed the toe of his sneaker on the concrete step. “It’ll be like before, won’t it?”
Paige knew he was referring to his treatment. At least in this, she could be honest. “I’m not sure, but I think so.” She recognized every expression, every nuance of his face. “Your head hurts, doesn’t it, sweetie?”
He nodded. “Yeah, but it’s okay, Mom.”
“Oh, baby. Come here.” She opened her arms. He threw his small body against hers, and she hugged him fiercely.
They held on to each other for a while. Then Paige kissed Jason good-bye and watched him walk up the stairs, open the door and disappear inside the school. Only when he was completely out of sight did her legs buckle. She crumpled to the steps. Burying her face in her hands, she let the sobs burst forth.
*
PAIGE DIDN’T GO straight home. She couldn’t stand the thought of being in the empty apartment. As
she was on the evening shift this week, she wasn’t due at work until seven. She walked along the town’s cobblestone streets. She sat on a bench in the square and watched the coal-black squirrels scurry over the light dusting of snow, foraging for food. Finally, she picked up some groceries and headed home.
After putting the groceries away, she called her parents in Great Barrington, where they’d retired years ago. “Mom, it’s me.”
“Paige. How are you?”
Paige evaded the question and hoped her mother wouldn’t notice. Before she broached the reason for her call, she wanted to see how her mother was holding up. “Is Dad having a good day?”
“He’s keeping me on my toes, as usual. Always up to something. He decided he wants to build a bird feeder.”
“But Mom—”
“I know what you’re thinking. Don’t worry. I’m not letting him anywhere near power tools. They’re long gone. I bought him a balsa-wood kit that he can assemble. The pieces are precut, and all he needs is children’s glue.” She chuckled. “You should see him. He’s having a grand time! That’s what counts.”
Paige smiled through her tears. Her mother was sixty-eight now, her father eleven years her senior. Her father was the only man her mother had ever loved. They’d enjoyed a good life, and a long and loving marriage. In two years, they would be celebrating their fiftieth anniversary. But knowing that her strong, intelligent, capable father had been reduced to relying almost entirely on her mother tore Paige apart. She had enormous respect for the way her mother was coping.
“Are you still there, Paige?”
“Yes, Mom.” Paige realized she couldn’t break the news to her mother over the phone. She’d somehow have to find the time—and the money—to take the train. “Mom, I wanted to let you know I’m coming for a visit. I want to see you and Dad.”
Her mother’s voice brightened. “That’s wonderful! When are you coming?”
Paige felt remorseful hearing her mother sound so happy. Her heart would break when she learned the reason for Paige’s impromptu visit. Why hadn’t she thought of visiting her parents with Jason weeks ago, when they could’ve had a happy reunion? Jason loved his grandparents dearly and was so sweet with his Gramps—so patient and kind. “I’m not sure, Mom. I’ll have to check my work schedule. I’ll call you back and let you know. But it’ll be soon.”
“That’s wonderful,” her mother repeated. “Your father will be very happy to see you.”
Paige doubted it, since the last couple of times she’d visited, he hadn’t remembered her at all.
“We look forward to seeing Jason, too.”
Paige paused. She considered taking Jason with her. Under the circumstances, it wasn’t a good idea. She anticipated the discussion with her mother would be a difficult one, and she didn’t want Jason to see either of them break down. “No, Mom. Jason won’t be coming with me.” Paige pulled the elastic from her ponytail and shook her hair loose. “Um...he can’t miss school right now,” she improvised. “And I’m scheduled to work some hours over the next couple of weekends.”
She felt relief when she heard someone at her door. It gave her an excuse to end the conversation. “I need to get the door, Mom. I’ll call you again soon.” They said their good-byes, and Paige went to open the door.
Chelsea Owens, her upstairs neighbor, stood in the hallway, uncharacteristically subdued, her eyes rimmed in red, her lower lip quivering. “Chelsea, what’s—”
Before Paige could finish, she was smothered in a powerful embrace. To her shock, Chelsea started to cry, and Paige stroked her back reassuringly. “Hey, what’s up?”
Chelsea pushed away, ran her fingers through her spiky black hair and tried to speak through an attack of hiccups. “Me? What’s up with me?” She began crying again. “Mrs. Bennett...” She clapped her hand over her mouth. Her eyes were huge. She bent forward to peer at Jason’s door. “He’s...he’s not...”
She pointed repeatedly toward his room.
Understanding, Paige sighed heavily. “No. He’s not home. He’s at school. Mrs. Bennett told you.”
Chelsea sniffled and swiped the back of her hand under her nose. “I’m sooooo sorry. I don’t know what to say.”
Paige gestured for her to come in and closed the door. Chelsea stepped into the small living room and collapsed on the sofa. “Jason is such a wonderful kid. This is so unfair.”
Paige dropped down beside her. She’d had the better part of a day to come to terms with it and simply couldn’t. “Yeah. It really is.”
“Is there anything I can do? Anything at all? Just say the word.”
“I appreciate it. All I ask is please don’t fall apart in front of Jason. He’s already been through this twice. As hard as it was on him, he’s coping, thinking he’ll be through it again in a few months.”
Chelsea flopped back on the sofa and stared up at the ceiling. “Poor kid. I mean, I didn’t know you back then, but I can’t imagine how he does it. How you both do it.” She turned to Paige. “And your folks. How did they take it?”
Paige rubbed her forehead where a throb was intensifying. “I haven’t told them yet. I was just on the phone with Mom. I was going to tell her, but then she went on about Dad, and I couldn’t.” She pressed her lips together. “I’m planning to go and see them instead.” She leaned forward to fidget with the decorative bowl on the coffee table. “If I can get the time off work. And put aside the train fare. I’m sure Mrs. Bennett won’t mind taking care of Jason for a few days.” Tears gathered in Paige’s eyes, and she reached for the box of tissues on the end table. “I couldn’t tell my mother on the phone. It’s not as if she can turn to Dad for comfort. I just couldn’t do it.”
Chelsea straightened. “Wait! I’ll drive you.”
“I appreciate the offer, but no, I couldn’t let you do that.”
“Then take my car.”
“I can’t do that, either. You need it to get to work.”
Chelsea shook her head. “Nah. I’ll schedule my shifts at the art gallery so they’re the same as Joel’s. You remember me telling you about Joel? He’s the cute events coordinator at work. I’ll have him pick me up. That way, I can manage without my car for a few days. You need it—so use it. It’ll be cheaper and easier for you.” Chelsea smiled. “Besides, that’ll give me a chance to spend time with Joel!”
Yes, it would be cheaper. More importantly, Paige could set her own schedule, reduce the travel time and get home to Jason faster. “Really? You don’t mind?”
“No, not at all. Honestly, it’s the least I can do.”
“It’s very generous of you, Chels. Thank you.”
*
THE NEXT FEW days passed quickly. Paige arranged for the time off, and she was working double shifts to make up for it. Jason also had a number of doctors’ appointments and tests in preparation for the start of his treatments, so he was missing school. Paige set up a journal—as she first had when Jason was three—to track his temperature, blood pressure and general well-being against his treatment schedule. She knew it would get progressively harder for Jason as his treatment cycle progressed, and she wanted to make sure she could accurately discuss his reaction to the drugs with his doctors.
The appointments weren’t easy for Jason, but he was very brave. The strain was wearing on Paige, though. She let herself into their apartment after a long day at work, thankful they were on the ground floor of the small three-story walk-up. She was tired and worried.
Mrs. Bennett greeted her excitedly. “Go say hello to Jason and hurry back, dear. I have good news for you.”
Paige thought she could use some good news as she checked on Jason doing his homework. She spent a few minutes chatting with him, then returned to the living room. “I’ve found an organization that should be able to help,” Mrs. Bennett announced.
“Sorry. What?”
“A charitable organization that can help you and Jason.”
With so much else on her mind, Paige had forgotten their
conversation. Remembering now, she wasn’t sure she wanted to pursue it. Not only because she didn’t feel comfortable with charity, but because she knew there’d be an application process. It would mean more time and effort for her, with no guarantees. “What organization?”
“The Wish I May Foundation. It’s wonderful! They make Christmas dreams come true for sick kids. Their mission is to help families in situations like yours.”
Although not convinced, Paige agreed to speak to the organization’s executive director.
“Her name is Laura Andrews. What harm is there in talking with her?” Mrs. Bennett asked.
It wasn’t at the top of Paige’s list of priorities, but since she’d promised Mrs. Bennett that she’d call Laura, she made time for it the next day.
Paige immediately liked Laura. Laura didn’t cause her to feel inadequate or as if she was unable to care for her own child. Just the opposite. Laura gave her a sense of pride in what she’d accomplished as a single mother. Laura also shared stories of children who’d overcome equally dire illnesses, leaving Paige with a glimmer of hope.
“All you have to do is send me a picture of Jason and a list of the things he’d like for Christmas. I’ll take care of the rest,” Laura assured Paige. “But please do it quickly.”
Shortly after they hung up, Paige emailed Laura a picture of Jason, with a promise to get his Christmas list to her soon. For the first time since Jason’s diagnosis, Paige felt encouraged.
*
LAURA WAS IMPRESSED by Paige’s resilience and commitment to her son. She was deeply touched by the small family’s plight. Despite the number of people Laura still had on her waiting list, she couldn’t turn Paige down. Ignoring all the obstacles she knew she’d have to overcome, she promised Paige the Foundation would ensure that Jason’s Christmas wishes were fulfilled.
It meant that Laura now faced a significant challenge—to find a sponsor for Jason, with other families still needing sponsors. She’d just have to work extra-hard. She sat at her desk, staring at the image of the tousle-haired little boy grinning at her from the computer screen, when her phone rang.