by Kate James
“And what about you?”
“The distance and my preoccupation with Jason’s needs caused me and my friends to drift apart over time. That was hard for me at first, but there’s always a silver lining. Many of the people in our apartment building have become good friends.”
Daniel cut another bite of his steak. “With everything you’ve been through, I admire your positive outlook, your optimism.”
Paige swallowed a forkful of her veal parmigiana and chuckled. “Thank you, but I just do what I have to. We love our apartment and our wonderful neighbors. One of the things that drew me to this place is the fact that it’s on the ground floor. If we can’t have a house with a yard, Jason can at least play outside on our little patio. I also like that the building is so small. I love the informality of it, and we know everyone who lives there. Like I said, our neighbors are a terrific support system.”
“Chelsea’s an interesting person. Vivacious.”
Paige nodded. “She’s a sales associate at the Sinclair Art Gallery. Then there’s Mr. and Mrs. Bennett across the hall. They’re retired. Both Mrs. Bennett and Chelsea have done so much to help us over the years. I don’t know how we would’ve gotten by without them. And our next-door neighbor is Mr. Weatherly. He’s such a sweet man, so proper and polite. He’s a true British gentleman.” She gave a small laugh. “You’d never guess he manages a supermarket. It’s a good thing he’s on the ground floor, too, as he’s an avid gardener. He helped us get a little garden going on our patio. It’s not much space, but Jason adores it.”
“Jason gardens?”
Paige laughed again. “Not exactly. Jason used to love playing in our yard when he was a toddler, and I think he misses it.” She twirled pasta around her fork. “I’d love to be able to give him that again. A house with a yard and a garden. A tree house in the back, maybe a wading pool, and a puppy for him to play with.”
*
DANIEL COULD VISUALIZE the house and the yard. He could feel the sense of welcome, of belonging. Paige was a terrific mother. It was obvious.
Despite all the adversities Jason had to face, he was well adjusted and happy. Daniel was certain a lot of that had to do with Paige. She was smart, committed, nurturing. Paige smiled, saying, “We’d love the proverbial white picket fence, of course.”
Her comment made him think of family. He could envision Paige and Jason in that house. But as compelling a picture as she painted, a white picket fence wasn’t for him. He liked her. Add beautiful to all her positive qualities, and what was not to like? But he wasn’t looking for more than a casual date. He didn’t have it in him. He was resigned to staying single. His parents’ relationship and his work were justification enough.
There was no house with a white picket fence in his future. Maybe he’d made a mistake taking Paige to dinner if she was thinking white picket fences. He should’ve known better and gone with his initial instincts, but the truth was, his emotions were already invested, and that worried him. He barely knew her.
He’d just have to stay off the subject of white picket fences and everything they implied. With that in mind, he turned the discussion to lighter topics.
As they shared tiramisu, Paige glanced out the window. “Oh, look. It’s snowing. I love those big, fluffy flakes! When it’s so still and calm, they take forever to float down, and you can catch them on your tongue.”
They watched together for a few minutes as the flakes shimmered in the glow of the Christmas lights and drifted lazily to the ground. After they finished their dessert and coffee, Daniel settled the bill and pulled Paige’s chair back for her.
It was relatively mild outside, and the huge feathery flakes of snow continued to fall.
“Would you like to go for a walk?” Daniel asked before the valet could retrieve his car. Despite his reservations, he wasn’t quite ready to have the evening end.
She buttoned the collar of her coat and raised her face to his. “That would be nice.”
They strolled past shops and restaurants still decorated for Christmas. Soon their hair, as well as the shoulders of their coats, were dusted with snow. Paige pointed excitedly at window displays, laughed at the antics of a young couple’s puppy and recounted Christmas memories from her childhood.
At some point, Daniel took her hand in his, and she didn’t resist.
He’d bought her an expensive dinner, yet she seemed more alive, more joyful now, enjoying the simple pleasure of a nighttime walk, their joined hands swinging with each step.
She turned her face to his again, and a gentle smile curved her lips. Her eyes were clear and tranquil. The worry lines he’d too often seen on her brow were, for the moment, nonexistent. Whatever his concerns, Daniel loved to see Paige so happy and carefree, even if just for a short time.
Had he ever known someone who got such pure pleasure out of something as simple as walking in softly falling snow? Not likely. The women he normally dated would’ve been horrified by the thought of it. They’d fuss about getting their designer shoes soiled or their hair wet. He had to admit he’d always been shallow enough to enjoy their beauty and ignore the rest.
“Is everything okay?”
Daniel looked at Paige. “What?”
“You made a noise.”
He’d been so absorbed in his thoughts, he hadn’t realized he’d snorted. “Yes. I’m fine. I was just thinking what a nice time I’m having with you.” He gave her hand a little jerk. “Ready to go back?”
Daniel’s car was waiting for them when they returned to the restaurant.
The snowfall was much heavier when they reached Paige’s apartment building. Daniel parked at the curb. He skirted the front of his car, opened the passenger-side door and extended his arm toward her. She placed her hand in his and swung her legs out. He steadied her, but with the slick sidewalk, she slipped, and one leg nearly shot out from under her.
Daniel managed to grab her, or she would’ve ended up unceremoniously on her backside.
Her arms went instinctively around his neck. In the process, her body bumped up against his, and their lips were a hairbreadth apart.
“Oh.” Paige’s breath fluttered across Daniel’s parted lips.
Time seemed to stop, but the snowflakes continued to drift down, transformed into minuscule beads of moisture as they alighted on Paige’s skin. A few cotton-soft flakes glistened on her long eyelashes, and Daniel yearned to kiss them away.
Instead, he dropped his gaze to her mouth. Big mistake. For a moment, he allowed himself to consider kissing her. He more than considered, he longed for it. This wasn’t just a physical pull. That he could’ve dealt with. His emotions getting all caught up with her was exactly what had worried him in the restaurant. That and the complications a relationship would bring.
He forced his gaze back up. Her eyes were fixed on his, drawing him in deeper. He felt the warmth of her breath again.
It seemed his emotions were already involved, but he could still do something about the complications. He lowered her gently to her feet.
“Let me see you to your door.”
Paige gave a nervous laugh. “Technically, I am at the door. I can make it safely to the apartment from here.” He stepped toward her, and a blush crept up her cheeks. “Thank you for dinner and a lovely evening.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it.” Daniel didn’t want to ask if they could do it again. He wasn’t sure he wanted to. More accurately, he wanted to, but he wasn’t sure he should. Even if he resolved that dilemma, he wasn’t at all certain she’d agree. He sensed a reserve in her that he was unaccustomed to.
She was about to turn away when she paused and closed the gap between them once more. She set one hand lightly on his chest. “I had a wonderful time, Daniel. Thank you.” She placed a feather-light kiss on his cheek, smiled a melancholy smile and with a wave walked through the door.
*
WHY HAD SHE done that? Well, for a couple of reasons. First, she was sincere about what a good time she’d had.
She would never have imagined it would be possible to actually relax and enjoy herself. And she’d done both those things. Daniel had transported her away from her worries, even if it was just for an evening. Second, she was attracted to him, no question about it. She couldn’t remember feeling such an attraction since...maybe never.
Had she felt like that about Mark? Yes, in some ways. He had dazzled her. She had fallen head over heels in love with him. But Daniel? It was an entirely different feeling. Yes, there was the physical attraction, but there was something so steady and solid about him, it stirred feelings deep inside her. Someone she could lean on? Unquestionably rely on? Those had been her thoughts during the drive home. As she was about to walk away, she realized it was a fantasy to think there could be anything between her and Daniel. He had his work and his life, and she was a single mom with a very sick child. And why would a man like Daniel, who had the entire world at his feet, want to get tangled up in a situation like that? She suspected dinner was simply another kind gesture from Daniel, and she was romanticizing it.
But she couldn’t resist allowing herself that one indulgence, that kiss on his cheek. Something to take away and hold dear, a memory to cherish.
She knew she’d surprised him. Stunned him, actually, if the look on his face was any indication. But what she understood—and perhaps he didn’t—was that the kiss had been a thank-you and a good-bye. She couldn’t possibly get involved right now, when Jason wasn’t only the center of her universe but her entire universe. Nor would she expose Jason to possible disappointment.
She let herself into the apartment, took off the beautiful boots and tiptoed into the living room.
Chelsea was curled up on the sofa, sound asleep.
Paige nudged her shoulder.
Chelsea made a little groaning sound, and she twisted in a way that reminded Paige of a cat roused from sleep. Stretching both arms above her head, she yawned. Opening one eye, she stared up at Paige. “You look good,” she observed. She opened the other eye, then pushed herself up into a sitting position. “But you don’t look like you’ve been messed up by a hot guy with a steamy good-night kiss.”
“That’s because I wasn’t.”
“Aw. Too bad.” Chelsea shoved aside the throw that had been covering her and patted the sofa. “Sit down and tell me about it.”
“Chels, it’s late.”
Chelsea checked her watch. “Seriously? It’s just after ten. C’mon. Tell me how it went.”
Paige gave in to the desire to talk about Daniel and her evening, and dropped down on the sofa next to Chelsea.
“Sooooo?” Chelsea prompted.
Paige rested her head against the cushion. She turned slightly so she could see her friend. “It was an incredible evening. Daniel is a considerate, intelligent, funny, wonderful guy...”
“You left out gorgeous. Still, I can feel a ‘but’ coming.”
“But...it can’t go anywhere.”
“What?” Chelsea shot upright. “What do you mean? You meet a guy who sounds like Prince Charming and it can’t go anywhere?” With the last three words, she did an uncanny job of mimicking Paige.
“Let’s get real.” Paige counted off the various points on her fingers. “He lives in Connecticut. He’s a partner in a busy law firm, which demands a lot of his time. He doesn’t have a great family history with relationships. And his lifestyle is nothing like mine.”
Chelsea was silent for a long moment. Finally, her eyes sad, she asked, “Those are just excuses. What’s really bothering you?”
Paige picked up a coaster from the coffee table and turned it over and over in her hands. “I can’t get involved right now. Jason’s sick. He’s my absolute priority. He needs all my time and attention, and all my love. There’s no room in my life for a relationship, especially one just starting out. I couldn’t do either Jason or a relationship with Daniel justice. Also, Jason already likes Daniel a lot, and if things don’t work out, I don’t want him getting hurt.”
“But—”
“But if the circumstances or the timing were different, well, then maybe...”
Chelsea reached for Paige’s hand. “We live in a complex world. The timing and circumstances are never perfect when it comes to a new relationship, but we’re given very few opportunities to get it right. If you think it could be right with Daniel, don’t turn away. Give it—give him—a chance.”
“Thanks, Chels. I appreciate the advice, and I’ll think about it. You’re one of the smartest people I know.” She drew her hand away and rose. “And thanks for taking care of Jason tonight.”
“I’m always happy to do it.” Chelsea rose, too, and straightened the bottom of her hoodie. “But if I’m so smart, why does Squirt always beat me at Scrabble?”
Later that night, lying in bed with sleep eluding her, Paige thought about Chelsea’s words. She’d made an excellent point, but try as she might, Paige couldn’t see how she could introduce a relationship into the very delicate balance she’d been able to establish among Jason, her family and her work.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
ON THE DRIVE HOME, Daniel mulled over the evening. He realized that he was shy of commitment and he understood why. Consciously or not, that was the reason he’d always sought out what he knew were shallow, superficial relationships.
He’d learned tonight that, in contrast, Paige had the benefit of her parents’ loving, loyal and committed relationship. As family-oriented as she was, it must have been extremely hard for her to have lost her husband. Based on what she and Jason had said, it was a sudden loss. She didn’t say how it had happened—an accident, perhaps? She didn’t appear comfortable talking about it. As both she and Jason still seemed to bear the scars, he’d let it go. But he sensed that she’d be the type of person who didn’t take marriage vows lightly. When she’d said “I do” to her husband, she would have expected it to be forever. Losing her husband, and so early in their marriage—so early in his life—must have been devastating for her.
Not only that, she’d implied it had been at a time that was already excruciatingly hard for her, during their first battle with Jason’s cancer.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt toward a woman what he was starting to feel for Paige. If ever. He just wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling—or what to do about it.
Once inside his house, he checked his voice mail. He had two messages. The first was from one of his partners, suggesting they grab a beer on Sunday. He was considering it as he played his second message.
He heard his mother’s voice. “I thought I’d find you in, Daniel.” Why did those few innocuous words spark such a sense of guilt in him, as her comments so often did? “You’re just like your father.” And she made that sound like the greatest of sins. He put the call on speakerphone. It was easier to listen to the message with a bit of distance. Automatically, he started to leaf through the papers on his desk to clear up what he could. “And where is he? Not at home. Not with me.”
Daniel paused. Was she suggesting that his dad was cheating on her? Impossible. Whatever problems his parents had in their marriage, his father would never do that.
“Oh, I know he’ll come rolling in around midnight, smelling of cigar smoke. He went to that cigar place again with Harold. He knew perfectly well I wanted to go to the club for dinner tonight. Pamela and her new husband were going, and with all the rumors about how much younger he is, I wanted to have a look for myself.”
Daniel snorted. His mother shouldn’t have been surprised. If his father’s first option was dinner at the club with his mother, he was a wise man to choose an alternative. Daniel listened to the rest of his mother’s message and deleted it almost before she’d finished saying good-night.
His parents had been married for, what, forty-three years now? Not much had changed in all that time. They tolerated each other’s presence, often went their separate ways and never showed much emotion. Despite his mother’s words, her voice had been matter-of-fact, not sugge
sting any great concern. What kind of life was that—devoid of mutual enjoyment and love?
He sat down heavily in the leather chair behind his desk. The mellow, happy mood he’d been in had evaporated. But his mother had bent his ear at exactly the right time. He rested his head against the back of his chair and stared up at the ceiling.
During dinner, had he really thought, however fleetingly, of a house with a white picket fence, and what it would be like to share it with a wife and kids? Specifically with Paige and Jason? Thankfully he’d come to his senses quickly. And yet...he wanted to see her again. He might have dropped her off a short while ago, but he found he missed her. He’d be her friend. But his policy about not getting involved was a sound one. He didn’t want to set himself up for a cold, loveless marriage like his parents’, or a heated, unpleasant one, the kind he saw all too often in his practice.
Was he jaded? Cynical? Yeah. But who could blame him?
He’d help Paige any way he could. She deserved that. After all, he had other female friends, didn’t he? Well...to be honest, not really. Any women he’d considered friends had invariably become dissatisfied with the boundaries he’d put on the relationships. They’d either drifted away, or the relationship ended in harsh recriminations about how he’d misled them. He snorted again. Was there no winning?
Yes, having a drink with one of his partners on Sunday was a great idea—a much safer bet. It would help him put things back into perspective.
*
PAIGE AND JASON were on the train, heading home from the hospital after Jason’s MRI scan. As brave as he tried to be, it always took a lot out of him. He was leaning against Paige, his head on her shoulder. She knew he was drifting in and out of sleep, as his body would jerk every once in a while.
Christmas was behind them. That brief period when Paige and Jason’s troubles had been magically suspended, thanks in large measure to Daniel. For a while, they could focus only on what was good and happy. Soon enough, reality had intruded again. Paige was stubborn; she readily admitted it. Sometimes—okay, most of the time—it was a fault. Hadn’t her stubbornness contributed to the breakdown of her marriage? Mark had said as much when she’d taken such a firm position with respect to Jason’s health and treatments. But she had to do what she believed was best for Jason. In the end Mark couldn’t accept her decision to proceed with treatment and ultimately surgery.