by K. L. Kreig
Now I do.
And for the first time, I truly comprehend the depth of her loss because if I lost you…well, let’s just say for the first time I understand my mother. It’s been eye-opening to say the least.
I think the lesson I have learned is that love is the greatest gift we can give and receive in return, no matter the length of time we’re allowed to give or receive it. Love transcends loss, not the other way around. And I’d like to honor the person who taught me that.
So, while I still need to talk it over with your daddy, I think he will agree that there is only one suitable name for you…
I think we shall call you Esther.
You will be loved like no one has been loved before, Esther; of that I promise you. I can’t wait to meet you. We can’t wait.
I love you so so and then more
Your Mommy
“So…” I clear the muck from my throat. Manny hands Laurel’s letter to our baby back to me. I rub the edges, worn already. “I know I’ve been a shit friend since Laurel died and I don’t deserve the right to even ask but…is the offer still on the table? It’s okay if you’ve changed your—”
“Roth. Stop.”
I do. My heart sinks. I’d just gotten my head around this idea and I’m surprised at how disappointed I am that it could be snagged out from underneath me.
Carmen bursts out of her chair and comes to sit at my feet. Her eyes are wet. “I haven’t changed my mind, Roth. I want to do this for you and for Laurel. Laurel never asked for a thing. When she did, you knew it was important. And this, she asked of me. It’s such a small gesture—”
“It’s not,” I interrupt. “It’s monumental.”
“In the scheme of what she did for others, it’s not.” She clears her throat. “I loved Laurel like a sister. I would be honored to do this one last thing for her.”
“It won’t be the last thing you do for her. If this works, I’ll need help. I can’t do this on my own.” I’m not even sure I can do it at all.
She snickers. “Like I would let you.”
“We,” Manny pipes in. “Like we would let you.”
“We,” Carmen corrects. “You don’t get to choose your blood, but you do get to choose your family. And you and Laurel will always be mine. And your baby.”
“So that’s a yes?” I smirk when she calls me an idiot in Spanish, then slugs me in the arm. “Thank you, Carmen.”
“Don’t thank me again.”
I will. Many times over.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this, Manny?”
I’m not only asking the world of Carmen, but I am also asking the world of my best friend. Carrying a baby that’s not his? That’s a tremendous sacrifice.
“My wife is incredibly sexy when she’s pregnant.” He snags Carmen’s hand in his and nibbles on her fingers before she yanks it back, chastising him.
We spend the next few hours talking through specifics and doing some research. Laurel and I only have two viable embryos left and unfortunately, I know how these things go. The chances of an in vitro pregnancy taking are roughly 66 percent. They go up with more embryos implanted, but so does the risk. We debate the merits of both options, much like Laurel and I did, and ultimately, I decide that I only have the stomach to do this one time.
Five months later, after a clean bill of health, the required mental evaluations and the transfer cycle process Carmen had to undergo, both embryos were implanted and one of them took.
Carmen was pregnant.
“Push!” the doctor coaxes, concentrating solely on her task at hand.
Carmen responds with a grunt and more keening. She swears in multiple languages. I hear my name used several times. It’s kind of funny, though I don’t dare laugh.
Then, the air in the room shifts. The doctor gets serious. The nurses pick up the intensity of their activities. And though I’m sure Carmen’s viewpoint will differ substantially from mine, as suddenly as all of this began, it’s over.
Carmen’s wails morph into choppy, ecstatic, almost manic fits of laughter. She flops against the bed in a drenched twist of exhaustion. Manny sets his forehead to hers and they both close their eyes. The moment is so intimate, so ripe with love and devotion, I have to turn away from it. That agony of wishing this scene were Laurel and me gathers strength, threatening to overwhelm me. I have the urge to run.
What in the hell was I thinking? How can I do this without her?
I can’t.
I can’t.
I take two steps toward the door, and that’s when I hear her for the first time.
My daughter.
Laurel’s daughter.
Our daughter.
I want to drop to my knees and weep.
“She’s got a good set of lungs on her,” the young blond nurse named Kaitlyn tells me.
Does she? I don’t see how that can be a good thing.
“Apgar score is nine,” another nurse calls out.
Nine? Nine out of what?
“Nine is good,” Manny tells me, slapping me on the back. “Stop looking so worried. Congratulations, Papa.”
“Yeah,” I mutter. “Papa.”
Holy shit.
I am a father.
I can’t believe it.
I am bombarded by a dozen emotions hitting me from all directions. Shock. Terror. Disbelief. Excitement. Apprehension. Gratitude. Most notably, though, is awe. As I watch them clip the umbilical cord, clean her off, and put an identification band around her ankle, I am hypnotized by her already. She’s so small, so fragile.
They put some drops in her eyes, lay her on a small scale, and take a few measurements before wrapping her up like an enchilada. She’s still crying when they place her in my arms, and when they do…I finally understand the full spectrum of love, just as Laurel described in her letter.
It’s incredible. Life-changing.
“Meet your new daughter, Mr. Keswick,” Kaitlyn says with a soft smile.
“Esther,” I correct her, so choked up I almost can’t speak. “Esther Laurel Lucia Keswick.”
“That’s a beautiful name.”
“After three beautiful souls.” My gaze catches Carmen’s. Her eyes are red, swollen, and waterlogged. “Thank you,” I tell her. How do you adequately thank the woman who gave your child life? Impossible.
“You’re welcome,” she mouths back.
I stare at my beautiful daughter, stupefied. With tufts of dark hair and the dent in her chin, she looks exactly like her mother. I don’t even try to stem the tears from rolling down my cheeks. She is precious. Perfection. I wish Laurel could see her. I think maybe she does.
I walk over to Carmen. “Would you like to hold her?”
She hesitates. “You should let her grandmothers hold her first.”
Candice is on her way and my parents are right outside, waiting on news of her birth. When they found out that Carmen was pregnant with their only grandchild, they immediately put their house on the market and bought a condo two miles away from me. Between them, Candice, Carmen, and Manny, this little girl will be loved and spoiled and revered above no other. It won’t replace Laurel’s absence, because that’s a hole that will go forever unfilled, but I hope it will come close for Esther’s sake.
“Carmen.” I slip Esther into her arms. “You have given my daughter life, and as her godmother, you will be an integral part of hers. Hold her. Love her the way Laurel would want you to.”
“I already do, mi amada,” she coos to Esther. “I already do.”
The End
Musical Inspirations
In case you didn’t figure it out or weren’t paying much attention…each chapter heading in Time Stamps is a song title that the chapter is inspired by.
Prologue: “Let Me Hold You” by Josh Krajcik
Chapter 1: “Haven’t Met You Yet” by Michael Bublé
Chapter 2: “Nice To Meet Ya” by Niall Horan
Chapter 3: “Today Was A Fairytale” by Taylor Swift
> Chapter 4: “She’s Got a Way” by Billy Joel
Chapter 5: “Just A Kiss” by Lady A
Chapter 6: “HappySo Far Down” by C2C, Derek Martin
Chapter 7: “The One” by Kodaline
Chapter 8: “Feels Like Letting Go” by Matthew Perryman Jones
Chapter 9: “Tuesdays” by Jake Scott
Chapter 10: “Songbird” by Fleetwood Mac
Chapter 11: “Some Kind of Love” by The Killers
Chapter 12: “Tenerife Sea” by Ed Sheeran
Chapter 13: “I Could Not Ask for More” by Edwin McCain
Chapter 14: “At Last” by Etta James
Chapter 15: “I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles)” by The Proclaimers
Chapter 16: “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” by Beyoncé
Chapter 17: “A Safe Place to Land” by Sara Bareilles, John Legend
Chapter 18: “Angel” by Sarah McLachlan
Chapter 19: “Gravity” by John Mayer
Chapter 20: “Autumn Leaves” by Ed Sheeran
Chapter 21: “A Sky Full of Stars” by Coldplay
Chapter 22: “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” by Rupert Holmes
Chapter 23: “Grow Old With Me” by Tom Odell
Chapter 24: “Don’t Forget About Me” by CLOVES
Chapter 25: “Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word” by Elton John
Chapter 26: “Never Stop” by Safety Suit
Chapter 27: “Brighter Side of Grey” by Five Finger Death Punch
Chapter 28: “I’ll Follow You” by Shinedown
Epilogue: “Heaven” by Apollo LTD
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Other musical inspirations referenced:
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“Crazy” by Gnarls Barkley
“Nothing Like You” by Dave Barnes
“Llegaste Tú” by Luis Fonsi, Juan Luis Guerra
“24K Magic” by Bruno Mars
“Slow an’ Easy” by Whitesnake
“Brave” by Sara Bareilles
“Right Here Waiting” by Richard Marx
“Count on Me” by Bruno Mars
“Under Pressure” by Queen, David Bowie
“Hungry Eyes” by Eric Carmen
“Your Body Is A Wonderland” by John Mayer
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You can also find the Time Stamps playlist on Spotify using the below QR Code.
Support
Thank you for reading Time Stamps! I hope it’s given you something to think about. Need a place to discuss the book? I’ve created a Time Stamps spoiler room on Facebook. Request to join here.
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Interested in a Time Stamps Swag box that includes a signed Time Stamps paperback, a Time Stamps bookmark, a Time Stamps journal, an insulated “Cup of Tears” and other goodies? Or perhaps just a simple signed paperback of Time Stamps or any of my other works? Check it out here.
Other works
Other works by K. L. Kreig:
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Finding Me Duet:
Lost In Between (Book 1)
Found Underneath (Book 2)
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"KL Kreig nailed it! The perfect, heart stopping ending to a fantastic duet, Found Underneath is everything you hope it will be and so much more!" ~ KL Grayson, USA Today Bestselling Author
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"Forget Christian Grey, forget Gideon Cross, forget Jesse Ward, .... Shaw Mercer is it for me!" ~ reader Ana Rente
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Black Swan Affair (Standalone)
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“OMG what did I just read? This book… WOW!! It’s been years since I read a book straight through. Yes, seven hours I was glued to the pages of this book. A yo-yo of emotions that left me breathless with every scene. Black Swan Affair is a must read!!” ~ Nashoda Rose, NYT and USA Today Bestselling Author
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“I was rapt from the first page, consumed by its every word, and I still cannot stop thinking about it. This rare gem of a story is a top recommendation from me.” ~ Natasha is a Book Junkie
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The Colloway Brothers series:
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Finding Gray (FREE)
Forsaking Gray
Undeniably Asher
Luke’s Absolution
Destination Connelly
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“This series is absolutely amazing. Brilliant. Intense. Passionate. Suspenseful. K. L. Kreig really brought her all when she introduced us to the Colloway brothers.” ~ Renee Entress’s Blog
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“The Colloway brothers are some of the most swoon-worthy, panty-soaking, endearingly flawed men in contemporary romance today. They are full of grit, intelligence, and sex appeal that will leave you breathless and begging for more.” ~ Rachel Caid, Author of the Finding Home series
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The Regent Vampire Lords series:
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Surrendering
Belonging
Reawakening
Evading
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“If you like J. R. Ward, Sherrilyn Kenyon, or Kresley Cole, you’ll love K. L. Kreig. This series just got even better! Books like these are the reason we, the reviewer, should be able to give six stars!” ~ L. A. Wild, Author, Chance The Darkness
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“This author has done it again. I was captivated and transported into the story right from the first chapter. A truly fantastic vampire book with romance, suspense, twists and turns, keeping you on the edge of your seat all the way through.” ~ Hooked on Books Forever Bookblog
Book Babbles
Babbles…
As always, this is unedited, so overlook the typos and punctuation errors, please.
Gosh, where to start…
Writing is a lonely journey. It’s just you, your characters and a blank page, which you hope and pray ends with a story that touches someone somehow. This book, more than any other I’ve written was an incredibly solitary voyage and very personal to me. It’s been FOUR YEARS since I published a full-length novel. FOUR freaking YEARS. A lot in my life has changed in that time. Almost everything, in fact. In those four years, I feel as though I’ve changed as a person and an author. If you’ve read my other works maybe you think the same thing, because this was a definite departure from my usual. But that’s generally what I do…I try not to follow the troops too closely. I like forging my own path, being my own person. One thing you can usually count on, is that I am not a cookie-cutter author and I’m proud of that fact.
I was actually in the middle of another book (which will be published next!) when this one hit me like a punch to the gut, winding me. I had three chapters written in a record time and knew I needed to shift gears to Roth and Laurel’s story. Time Stamps is heavy and ends unconventionally, I admit, but if you understood that the idea came from a personal health scare (not mine, but my husband’s) would that make it easier? Cancer was ultimately ruled out after a bone marrow biopsy, yet it got me to thinking…what would I want my last few months to look like? How would I want to be remembered for navigating a challenge so daunting it would cripple even the best of us?
It came down to one simple thing, and it’s not how many assets I’ve accumulated, or which rung on the corporate ladder I’m currently stepping on or how many likes my Facebook or Instagram posts get. It’s the love I leave behind. It’s the memories I gift others of me. It’s my legacy as a human being, a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a sister, a daughter, a friend. How will you be remembered? Because there will be a day (I hope in your very distant future), that you’re not here anymore. That is the purpose of this book. Do you have changes you need to make in your own life? Fences to mend that are giving you splinters? It’s something to think about, isn’t it? Reflection can be a powerful tool if you let it.
I’d like to promise you my next novel will not be as angsty, but if you’ve read my other works, you know that not to be true. #sorrynotsorry. With so many stories blending into the next, I only hope that once the tears dry, you’ll be ab
le to say: while I wish it ended differently, this is a book I will never forget.
One more final note: you have my sister to thank for the Epilogue. She insisted that I didn’t rip her heart out entirely. I think Esther and I accomplished that. Thanks Tara!! I couldn’t ask for a better sissy.
Friends, family, bloggers, authors, betas, influencers, and most importantly MY READERS: if you supported me in any way, shape, or form, you know who you are and you know I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am nothing but sincerely, eternally grateful for your belief in me. Every message and each e-mail I get from someone who wanted to personally reach out to me and praise me for how my work touched them in some way is truly a surreal feeling and that’s why I do this. Because you all encourage me. For that, I thank you.
For the love of God…help an author out! LEAVE A REVIEW on Goodreads, or wherever you purchased this book. Even one or two sentences or simply rating the book is helpful for other readers. Reviews are critical to getting a book exposure in this vast sea of great reads.
About the Author
This is the hardest part…talking about myself.
I’m just a regular ol’ Midwest girl who moved to the South (Tennessee) and now understands the slight that “Bless Your Heart” really means. I’ve fallen in love with yoga and Jess Sims from Peleton. I don’t do as much running as I used to, but I still eat, and I still love carbs and there is still a love-hate relationship with my ass and thighs. Mostly hate. I like a good cocktail (oh hell…who am I kidding? I love any cocktail). I’m a huge creature of habit, but I’ll tell you I’m flexible. I swear too much. I love alternative music and in my next life, I want to be a badass female rocker. I still hate, hate, hate spiders, telemarketers, liver, acne, winter, and loose hairs that fall down my shirt (don’t ask, it’s a thing).