“That won’t be difficult,” said Fiona, urging the reluctant horse forward.
During the first hour of the ride Fiona watched Kim and understood why she had chosen to ride Devil. ‘It’s not so she can show off to Tom,’ she thought. ‘It’s because she still thinks of me as a rival. This is her way of showing her superiority. She knows, I know and Tom knows I’d never be able to control Devil. Tom might just be able to, and she can, so that puts me on the outside. Where I belong,’ she reminded herself. ‘Aunty Ruth was right, I shouldn’t have come.’
“You’re handling him brilliantly, Kim,” said Tom. “I couldn’t do as well as you.”
Recalling Ruth’s words, Fiona said, “I wouldn’t even be able to mount him. Tom’s right. You’re fantastic, Kim. I’ll never be that accomplished.”
Kim smiled. “Thanks.”
“I could get used to this,” said Tom as they headed towards the forest. “At Eumeralla riding’s part of the work. You know, riding out to check the sheep and water tanks – rounding up the sheep for dipping, and droving them to the shearing sheds. We never ride for fun. It feels different.”
Fiona saw them look at each other. ‘Bet they wish I wasn’t here. They would have made love in the forest.’
Kim relaxed her grip on the reins, and Devil tossed his head so violently, they whipped through her fingers. While she was grabbing them back, he lunged at Snowy who shied away, almost unseating Fiona. Before anyone had time to regain control, he had bitten Snowy on the rump. Snowy neighed and bolted into the forest. Fiona struggled to recover her balance in the saddle. One of her feet had lost its stirrup. She heard the thunder of hooves behind her.
“Keep your head down, Fiona!” yelled Kim.
She lowered her head and clung to the pommel. Snowy swerved to the right and Fiona fell off. Devil galloped towards her. Kim jerked on the reins and he reared. Fiona rolled out of the way and struggled to her feet. His front hooves hit the ground and he bucked. Kim stayed on his back, but she had lost the reins and was clinging to his mane, trying to kick her feet out of the stirrups. Her riding hat had fallen sideways. Fiona saw something on Kim’s face she had never seen before. Fear. Avoiding his hooves, she dashed forward, but before she could get Kim’s foot out of the stirrup so she could jump off, he galloped away, knocking her aside and sending her crashing into a tree. The rough bark shredded the sleeve of her shirt and sliced into her upper arm. With relief she heard Trojan approaching.
“Tom!” she called.
“Are you okay?”
She pointed. “They went that way – go after them!”
“No. It will make things worse. If something’s chasing him he’ll be madder than ever, that’s why I held back.” He dismounted and looked at her ragged shirt. “You’re hurt.”
“Devil reared and bucked!”
“She’s a brilliant rider – the best I’ve ever seen. It’s a miracle she stayed on his back.”
“She couldn’t get her feet out of the stirrups.”
“You’re bleeding all over the place.”
“It only looks bad because my shirt’s white.”
“Hell,” he said running forward. “She’s lost her hat. Quick. Get on the horse. I’ll lead you.”
He helped her mountTrojan and led them through the forest.
Ten minutes later they found Kim lying on her back. A trickle of blood ran from her nose. Tom threw himself down beside her and picked up her hand. His face turned white. “Can’t find a pulse.” He put his ear to her mouth. “She’s not breathing. Can you do resuscitation, Sis, mouth to mouth?”
Fiona fell to her knees. “Yes.”
Tom ran to his horse. “I’ll go for help!”
CHAPTER 24
‘Better to suffer for one day than suffer for the rest of your life. That’s what Aunty Ruth said,’ Fiona thought as the doctor sprayed her arm with local anaesthetic. ‘If I hadn’t gone riding with Kim and Tom she wouldn’t have ridden Devil. He wouldn’t have bitten Snowy and Snowy wouldn’t have bolted and Devil wouldn’t have chased him.’
The doctor ran his finger around the wounded area. “Can you feel that?”
Fiona shook her head. The nurse handed him a pair of tweezers. Fiona had never been in the small local hospital, and the distress of the staff when the ambulance had arrived with Kim, brought home to her how intimate country communities were. The receptionist had burst into tears. The doctors and nurses, trained to control their emotions, had put their energy into comforting the family.
“Let me know if I hurt you,” he said as he pulled out the first sliver of bark. “Good girl, you’re being very brave.”
‘Because I can’t feel anything,’ thought Fiona. ‘If my arm wasn’t numb I’d be howling.’
“I think that’s the worst one,” said the doctor.
‘If I hadn’t brought Tom to the wedding would Kim be alive? Or was she destined to die when she was twenty-three? She heeded Oliver’s warning, but Tom came to her. And I introduced them. I am May. I am May. I am May.’
“Are you all right, Fiona?” asked the nurse.
Realizing she had almost been in a trance, she nodded.
“It won’t be too long now ... just got to remove a bit more of the forest from your arm,” said the doctor. “Are your tetanus injections up to date?”
“Yes.”
“Right, that’s most of them out. We’ll start you on antibiotics as a precaution. Normally I’d stitch the deepest laceration, but there’re still some bits in there so I’ll apply a poultice and they’ll work their way out. You’ll need painkillers once the anaesthetic wears off.” When her arm was bandaged, the doctor put his hand on her shoulder. “A nurse will come tomorrow afternoon and change the dressing. Is there anything you’d like me to do?”
“Bring Kim back to life,” she whispered.
He sat down and took her hand. “She had a severe head injury. Her temple was smashed – probably by the horse going under a low branch. She also had a broken neck. If by some miracle she had survived, she would have been confined to a wheelchair for the rest of her life. She would have hated that, wouldn’t she?”
“Yes,” she agreed, hearing the emotion in his voice.
“Come along. Your family are waiting to take you back to Kingower.”
An hour after Catriona was supposed to have arrived home from work, Stefan rang the surgery. There was no reply. She was rarely late and always rang if an emergency had delayed her. After checking her schedule to make sure he had not confused the times, he phoned Kingower. There was no reply. There was no reply from Kim’s cottage or Margot’s house. He was reluctant to ring Ruth in case she was asleep. Thinking that the phone in the surgery, which should be open for another two hours, might be out of order he walked down the road, but the door was locked. He tried to think what sort of a crisis would need all the vets, nurses and the receptionist. It was almost six and the shops were closed.
He drove to Kingower. As he drove through the gates the sight of an abandoned motor mower on the lawn increased his unease. The door of the homestead was open and he went inside, but it was deserted. In the kitchen he found signs that it had been left in a hurry. There were half-shelled peas and the kitchen bin was open and had attracted flies. His heart thumped. Had they been kidnapped? Margot and his mother-in-law would have been preparing dinner. He ran outside intending to go to Kim’s cottage. To his relief he saw David’s car coming down the drive, but he was not at the wheel, he was in the passenger seat. The driver, who owned the hardware shop, got out. His expression temporarily paralysed Stefan. Margot’s face when she emerged from the back seat with his mother-in-law made his throat constrict with terror.
‘Tree,’ he thought. He went down the steps, and put his arm around Margot to steady her. “David,” he managed to croak. “What’s happened?”
“Kim,” was all David could say.
Hours later Stefan, who had not thought of Fiona until he saw her, pondered, ‘My panic was for Tree. My on
ly concern was for her.’ He understood the significance. ‘Infatuation. I’ve wrecked my marriage for a pathetic infatuation.’ Recalling his cruelty to Catriona and the way he had tried to blame her equally for their problems, he was desperate to atone.
The family were so dazed by grief they hardly noticed him. When they did, they looked at him as if he was a casual acquaintance whose name they could not remember. Shock had rendered them unable to communicate properly with anyone they had not known for most of their lives. Catriona accepted his solicitude with a remote air, but he was gratified that she did not spurn him. Deciding that it would be best for him and Catriona to stay at Kingower until after the funeral he went home and packed their bags. She had no black summer dresses so he took her to Melbourne and helped her choose one. At night, when they went to bed, he handed her the glass of water and a sleeping tablet the doctor had given her. Then he put his arm around her and held her till she slept. Now that she no longer tried, he discovered that her false jollity had jarred his nerves. She was being herself again and his love for her re-ignited.
Stefan made the funeral arrangements and went through Kim’s address book and contacted her friends in Melbourne. When the local paper did a piece on the tragedy, he was the one who gave them photographs. On behalf of the family he accepted condolences and gifts. The headmistress of her old school arrived with a white rose bush to be planted in memory of Kim. Tom, who had kept himself busy exercising the horses, helped the gardener plant it. Weeping children from the riding school arrived with posies they had picked and tied with ribbons. These moved Stefan more than magnificent bouquets would have done. The vicar suggested planting a horseshoe-shaped garden of remembrance in the church grounds and asked Tom and Stefan if they would help the gardeners mark it out and dig it.
The homestead was so hushed that, until Virginia and Alex arrived from Sydney two days later, he had the illusion that he was living with ghosts. He knew they were coming, and when he heard their Jaguar he went outside to meet them. Both were shocked, but in command of their emotions. He helped carry their cases inside.
Virginia spoke quietly. “Where is everyone?”
“Tree’s in her old room, I think her parents are in the lounge, Margot’s in her house – ”
“Let’s go and see her.”
“Do you want to unpack first?” Stefan asked.
She was already out in the hallway. “No.”
He followed them to Margot’s house. When she answered the door, Alex held out his arms and she almost fell into them. “Alex. Alex.”
Stefan saw that Virginia was concerned by Margot’s appearance. “When was the last time you had something to eat?”
Margot looked vague.
“Come to the homestead. I’ll make lunch.” She interrupted Margot’s protests. “Catriona needs you ... you’ve still got a niece, her parents have still got a daughter, but she’s lost her sister. We’ve all got to help her survive this.” Her voice blended compassion with authority.
Margot nodded. Before going to the homestead Virginia went to the cottage to check on Fiona and Ruth. “They won’t come to lunch. Ruth’s weak and Fiona’s looking after her,” she reported.
To Stefan’s surprise everyone else not only arrived at the dining table at the time Virginia had stipulated, they ate the salad she had prepared and the ice cream with chocolate sauce that followed.
“Alex and I were discussing things on the drive down,” she said when they were having coffee. “We thought that a charity could be set up in Kim’s name. It would be a permanent commemoration to her.”
“Virginia and I would donate a substantial amount,” said Alex.
Finally the family began to talk. As they discussed the idea it occurred to Stefan that Virginia must have been a formidable nurse.
“Donations instead of flowers,” said Margot.
They all agreed.
“What about a foundation?” said Catriona. “To award veterinary scholarships in Kim’s name.”
“That’s an excellent idea,” said Virginia.
After lunch Catriona and Margot composed the eulogy and when they had finished Virginia typed it. Stefan promised to administer the fund until he returned to school, but knew that nothing he did would eliminate his guilt.
The night before Kim’s funeral, Fiona went to close the curtains in the lounge. It was midnight. Through the trees she saw that a light was on in Margot’s house. Making sure Ruth was asleep, she picked up a torch and left the cottage. As she neared the house she heard music and through the window she saw Margot playing the piano. Her face was haggard and her iron-grey hair, usually neatly twisted in a bun, hung untidily around her face. Biting her lip, Fiona tapped on the fly-screen door. Kim’s dog scampered down the hall. His disappointment when he saw her was so poignant that her emotions, frozen by the shock of Kim’s death, dissolved. Tears poured down her face. She saw Margot walking slowly down the hall.
“Fiona,” she said, unlocking the door. “Is it Ruth?”
“No.” She wiped her eyes. “I saw your light. Can’t you sleep? I heard you playing.”
Margot nodded. “When I’m unhappy I play Brahms Piano Concerto. Your grandfather used to call it my melancholy music. I played it when he died.”
“I’ll make you some Ovaltine.”
“The real Fiona’s emerging,” Margot said when Fiona came back with the mugs.
“How do you mean?”
Margot fondled Toby’s ears. “You used to love me when you were little. In those days I was one of the few people who could make you smile. You were a solemn little thing. When Virginia and Alex came to Kingower for the holidays this was the first place Alex brought you. He’d walk through the door with you and say, ‘She can’t wait to see her Aunty Margot.’ And you’d hold your arms out to me. Then Virginia poisoned your mind against me.”
“She told me about Acacia.”
Margot sipped her Ovaltine. “And the wicked stepmother who stole it. You’ve heard that story so many times that you believe it. You’ve never heard my side of things.”
“What are they?”
Margot sighed. “It’s not relevant now.”
“Yes, it is. I know my mother’s capable of telling terrible lies.”
“She wouldn’t see them as lies ... not the ones about Acacia. I doubt she even knows the truth.”
“What is it? Tell me. Please, Aunty Margot.”
“You’re beautiful, Fiona. You were a beautiful baby, a beautiful child and now you’re a beautiful young woman. Like all the Clarksons you’ve got an intriguing nature. I’ve been ugly all my life ... an ugly child, an ugly young woman and now I’m an ugly old woman.” She put up her hand to silence Fiona’s denial. “My hair’s coarse and frizzy – when I was young it was mousy, my eyes are too small and my nose is too big and my face is too long and square. The First World War wiped out so many young men that I didn’t have a hope of finding a husband, even though I was only eighteen when it ended. The men who survived had the pick of the women – none of them were interested in me. I accepted that I’d be an old maid so I pushed aside my longing for marriage and children and threw myself into teaching. My pupils liked me – that was my reward. In my free time I rode and played the piano. When our mother died I brought up Francesca and Ruth. Unmarried friends said I was lucky because I had an outlet for my maternal urges.
“In 1932 David wanted to buy new stallions. There was a horse sale in the Northern Territory and he asked me to go with him. I’d never left Victoria before, so it was an adventure for me. We were staying in the same guest-house as your grandfather – he was there to buy horses too. Every night for a week we had dinner together and discussed farming methods and horses. William was surprised I knew so much. David invited him to Kingower. Three weeks later he came. My family liked him and accepted him as a friend of David’s. We didn’t know then that he was forty-seven, he looked fifteen years younger. He helped with the horses and in our leisure time we rode and picnicked.
At night we sang round the piano.
But incredibly, he’d come to Kingower because he was interested in me. He fell in love with me my mind, my horse-riding skills and the way I played the piano. I was overwhelmed at the unexpectedness of it all. He was fifteen years older than I was, but so handsome and intelligent. Suddenly my life was perfect. He was a widower and had three children for me to mother, and who would love me in return. Well, that’s what I thought. I didn’t for one moment doubt that these three motherless teenagers would love me. When I first went to Acacia they were waiting on the verandah with the housekeeper. Virginia was the most exquisite girl I’d ever seen and Laurence and Jonathan the most good-looking boys.
“William introduced us. ‘This is Miss Lancaster. We’re getting married and she’s going to be your stepmother.’ I’ll never forget their horrified expressions.”
Fiona could see that Margot was reliving the moment. Having experienced the repertoire of Virginia’s expressions she knew exactly which one she would have used on that occasion and understood the effect it would have had on Margot. She wanted to say something, but Margot was still talking.
“After a tense dinner that night I heard Virginia saying to her brothers, ‘She’s the most grotesque woman I’ve ever met.’ Johnny said, ‘She looks like a hawk,’ but Laurence said, ‘That’s being horrible ... to hawks.’ Until then I’d considered myself plain. Then I knew I was ugly. Virginia started crying. It was their despair that hurt me most.”
Fiona burst out, “You’re not ugly. You dress well and you’ve got a good figure even though you’re old. You looked like Tree when you were young and she’s not ugly.”
“I wasn’t meant to hear them,” Margot continued. “The doors and windows of the homestead were open most of the time and if the wind was in the right direction even whispers were audible. I heard lots of things I shouldn’t ... most of them hurtful. When I had a miscarriage they wondered how their father could possibly have given me a baby. Laurence said to Johnny, ‘How could he have done that with her?’”
Eumeralla - Secrets, Tragedy and Love Page 33