by Alex Light
I leaned in too, until our noses were almost touching.
“No,” I said. “You’ll be the first.”
Becca
LOVERS’ LAKE WAS DISGUSTING.
And crowded. And it smelled horrible.
I was trying to remember how I allowed Brett to drag me here when he tugged on my hand, pulling me forward. Yes, we were wading through grass that was covered in murky water and yes, I was purposely trying to keep my mind preoccupied with anything other than this disgusting lake/marsh/whatever-the-hell-it-was I was currently attempting to walk through. I could hear voices and see some sort of light farther down. Definitely not a fire. It was too wet. Maybe a flashlight? That would be nice. Let’s illuminate all the bugs circling my head.
“Stop pulling me!” I hissed, tugging back on Brett’s arm. “I’m going to trip and drown.”
“The water’s not even a foot deep, Becca.”
Whatever!
We kept walking. It was dark. Like dark enough that the moon seemed to be ten times brighter than normal. There were people walking behind us and a few in front, leading the way. Brett introduced me to them when we first arrived. I tried my best to remember their names, I really did, but one step into this mushy grass had me forgetting everything other than my new white Converse, which were currently being destroyed.
I still wasn’t entirely sure what Lovers’ Lake was. And it was way too dark for me to make out my surroundings. All I knew was that Brett had driven down a bumpy pathway—I flew into the window a few times—until we came to a clearing where dozens of other cars were parked. It looked like all the grass had been crushed by tires so many times it just gave up trying to regrow. That wasn’t the end of the journey, though. After we exited the car, we had to walk through this path in the forest and my life was left in the hands of Brett (literally) and whichever teenager with a flashlight was leading us to Lovers’ Lake.
For the record, my expectations weren’t high.
I could not believe people willingly came here for fun. Let alone took their clothes off and did whatever else in the trees. I kept glancing around and shuddering. I wanted to take a shower just thinking about it. Plus, the marsh had that weird fishy smell that fills the air after it rains and there were bugs flying everywhere. It was too dark to see them—which may have been a good thing—but they were buzzing in my ears and I kept imagining one flying right into my brain. The bottom half of my legs were covered in mosquito bites (partially my fault for wearing shorts). All in all, it reminded me of the summer when my family, pre-divorce, went camping. We didn’t even last the first night. After the tent collapsed, we packed up all our stuff and left.
I checked my phone and saw it was almost eleven. I couldn’t believe the night hadn’t even started yet! My curfew was one, but I suspected my mother would be okay with me coming home late as long as Brett was the one dropping me off.
The people in front of us started to cheer then, and I peeked around Brett’s back to find the narrow path opening into a clearing. Thank god. I could have cried on the spot. I had no idea what to expect, maybe some blankets or some sort of organized structure for people to sit on. Instead there were fallen tree trunks rearranged in a square, a few lawn chairs, and flashlights dangling off of branches to light up the area. People were sitting around drinking, leaning against trees, splashing each other with muddy water and, yes, as Jeff said, sneaking off into the surrounding forest.
It was all very high school. Meaning it was both completely gross and a weird kind of cool.
Brett let go of my hand when he spotted his teammates. They’d won their second football game tonight, and he spent the entire ride over replaying every moment out loud, as if I wasn’t sitting in the first row of the bleachers watching. The upside was that I was slowly learning football lingo. (My vocabulary had surpassed “touchdown.”)
I also noticed that his parents weren’t at the game. Again. I tried to ask him about it and he mumbled something about his dad having just left for Ohio. Two missed games in a row, I added to my mental tally. This wasn’t looking good. Brett, on the other hand, was looking great. That smile on his face could fool anyone. It hadn’t left since his team won. It was weird, because he’d been kind of moping around at school this week. He didn’t talk about it much, but I knew his parents were weighing him down. Especially since they’d missed this game too. But now? In this clearing? He was the normal Brett Wells that everyone loved. One-hundred-watt smile and all.
So, sure, I’d go along with it. Tonight we’d be Brett and Becca: The Couple. We already had the hand-holding part down. Even the couple bantering. And I’d yet to take one glance at the book in my bag. The night was off to a good start.
If only I could find somewhere to sit so I could take my feet out of this grass/water situation.
I was eyeing one of the tree logs. There was a puddle separating me from it. It looked pretty shallow. But it was wide, stretching right into the trees lining each side of the narrow clearing. Long too. There was no way I could jump across. Maybe if I got a running start . . .
Brett appeared beside me and bent over, nearly knocking me backward. I yelled his name, waved my arms at my sides like a windmill to stay upright. He spun around and caught me. It was those football player reflexes. And he was smiling. Always smiling.
“Sorry,” he said then, hands still on my hips. His hair was wet somehow, and a drop of water was slowly trailing down his nose. “I was trying to give you a piggyback ride across the puddle.” He turned around again, bent over, and reached behind to pat his back. “Hop on.” I only had to glance down at my white sneakers for a second before deciding that this was a no-brainer. I wrapped my arms around his neck and in one swift motion Brett hooked his hands behind my knees and lifted me onto his back. I felt like a kid being carried through the puddle, water splashing up on either side. Brett pretended to almost tip over—at this point I had a death grip on his neck—then slowly let me down where the grass was dry.
“I’m gonna get a drink. Want something?” he asked. I shook my head and he disappeared.
I was looking around for a friendly face when I spotted Jenny standing on her own, leaning against a tree. I took a deep breath and walked over, careful to watch where I was stepping.
“Hey,” I said, waving.
“Becca,” she replied, sipping from her cup.
“I just wanted to say thank you.” She looked confused, so I added, “For handing out those flyers for my mom’s bakery? Jeff told me you gave some to the football team. That was cool of you.”
She shrugged, eyes scanning the trees. “It was no big deal. The pastries were really good and you know how much the football team eats. . . .”
Well, I didn’t, but I could imagine.
“Anyway,” I said, “thanks again.”
I started to walk away, then stopped, remembering what she had said in the bakery.
“I didn’t think we were friends anymore,” I blurted out, turning around.
She looked kind of stunned. “What?”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you about Brett. I didn’t think you would care. Or even want to know. And I didn’t want to tell you, Jenny. You always mocked me for being single, you made me feel horrible about it. So why would I want to share this with you?”
“I . . . I didn’t know I made you feel like that.”
“Well, you did.”
She was staring at her cup, kicking her foot in the dirt. It was weird to see her not looking confident like usual. “Is it too late for me to apologize?”
“Maybe,” I said. “But if you keep handing out those flyers for my mom, maybe we can call it even.”
Jenny smiled. “Maybe.”
She held up her cup in a mock cheers and I took another step in the right direction, heading back over to the tree bench, and took a seat. Brett appeared a second later, kissed my cheek, and sat beside me. His hand immediately went to my knee. I reminded myself this was what couples did. This was what Bret
t expected me to do.
I placed my hand on top of his.
“Talking with Jenny?” he said, sounding surprised. “What’s that about?”
I glanced at her again, standing by herself in the trees. I knew what that felt like, to be the outsider looking in. But Jenny had never been an outsider . . . so where were all her friends?
I met Brett’s eyes and smiled. “We were talking about you,” I said, “and why I let you bring me into this mess. I don’t get the hype. At all. This is really gross. My shoes are destroyed and my legs are covered in bug bites.”
“I told you not to wear shorts,” he said.
“You told me when I was already wearing them!”
His shoulders shook as he laughed. Brett had this contagious laugh. It was loud and booming and demanded attention. Kind of like him.
“I like the shorts,” he said. Pause. “You look nice.”
He was sitting too close to me and I was wondering how he still managed to smell so freaking good in the grossest situations. He smelled like cinnamon, kind of warm. Then I started to think about this cinnamon cake my mom used to bake. It was my favorite before the jelly bells. Then I was thinking about the selfie Brett sent me of him lying in bed that night after the arcade.
I blinked. Pulled myself together. We were already in dangerous waters, literally, and I did not need this fake relationship messing with my feelings, blurring what was and wasn’t real.
This, I reminded myself, was not.
“You’ve been looking forward to this for how long?” I asked him.
“Three years,” Brett answered. “Me and Jeff tried to sneak in during sophomore year. We waited until the game ended and followed the seniors through the forest. We thought we were so smart, that we’d get away with it. No luck.”
Jeff, appearing out of nowhere, sat on my left and effortlessly joined the conversation. “It was like they could smell the sophomore on us. We barely made it out of my truck before they kicked us out.”
“You two are so weird.”
“It’s Lovers’ Lake,” they said at the same time.
“And?”
“I was an un-kissed sixteen-year-old boy looking for a little love,” Jeff said, placing his hand over his heart dramatically. “Where better to look—”
“Than Lovers’ Lake,” I finished, “got it.” I turned to Brett. “What about you? Were you looking for love at Lovers’ Lake?”
Brett held up our joined hands. “Not anymore.” Jeff made a vomiting noise and stood up, declared he was going to get a drink. “For the record,” Brett whispered, too close again; my nerve endings were on high alert, “I was not an un-kissed sixteen-year-old boy.”
“Let the world know,” I called out, “Brett Wells was not an un-kissed sixteen-year-old boy!” Brett laughed, pinching my lips. When he let go, I said, “If Jeff’s your best friend, why doesn’t he know the truth about us?”
“We don’t really talk about that stuff.”
“Right. Guys only talk about dirt and cars and whatever else is ‘manly.’ I forgot.”
“That’s not what I meant. Believe me, not telling Jeff is for the greater good.”
“How so?” I asked.
Brett gave me a face, said, “Watch and learn,” and called Jeff back over. I watched him run through the water, spraying a group of girls who shrieked, and sit back down next to Brett.
“What’s up?”
“Duuuude,” Brett said in this voice that did not sound like his, “did you see who went into the trees together?”
Jeff’s eyes bulged out. “No. Who?”
“Tallani and Ryan.” Brett nodded toward our left. “Just walked right through there. We saw the whole thing.”
“No damn way! I thought they broke up!”
Brett looked at me and winked. To Jeff, he said, “Guess not.”
Jeff, about to explode, ran away, re-splashing the same group of girls, who screamed even louder now.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“Give it a few minutes.”
We sat and waited. At first, nothing. People were milling around, minding their business. Then there was a shift. People were whispering, leaning in closer. It was kind of amazing. And slowly, I started to realize exactly what Brett had done. A guy walked up to us, shaved head, white T-shirt, and bumped his fist against Brett’s shoulder. “Did you hear about Tallani and Ryan?” he said, wiggling his eyebrows. “Explains why he’s been missing so much practice.”
I was dumbfounded.
Jeff actually could not be trusted.
Brett turned to me and brushed his shoulder in that stupid, prideful way. “See why I didn’t tell Jeff?”
I mean, it was a good display. But there was one flaw. “You realize you just started a rumor about two people that’s a complete lie, right?”
Brett began to say something. Shut his mouth. “Well—” Shut it again. Drew his eyebrows together. Then bit down on his lips, nodding. “I probably shouldn’t have done that.”
“Bingo.”
“I was trying to make this a little more interesting. You don’t seem too impressed by Lovers’ Lake.”
“Not at all.”
“What does it take to impress you, Becca? A library? Maybe a bookstore?”
I bumped my knee against his. “I’ll have you know I’m a multidimensional person, Brett. I do more than just read and study for calc.”
“Yeah?” he asked, grin stretching impossibly wider.
The way he was looking at me made me nervous.
“Yeah.” My voice was shaking. Stop shaking!
“Then why don’t you show me one of those dimensions of yours,” he said.
I wanted to catch him off guard, show Brett that there was more to me than the girl who kept her nose in a book. So, without thinking about it too much—and definitely without making a pro-con list—I leaned in and kissed him. It was quick. Maybe a second or two. Our lips barely touched. But it was nothing like that kiss in the hallway when we were strangers. Now my heart started to race and my fingers had a life of their own, wanting to latch onto his face and tug him closer. But I didn’t do any of that.
I reminded myself this was fake and I pulled away.
I reminded myself that feelings, especially the weird ones stirring inside me right now, were dangerous. So I pushed them down, closed all the windows, and shut them out. I twisted the key to the lock on my heart and swallowed it whole. No one was getting in. Nothing was getting out.
I opened my eyes. His face was so close. I could see the exact spot where the blue of his eyes was swallowed by his pupil. And he looked kind of stunned. Also a little impressed. I noticed how his navy long-sleeve shirt made his eyes look more blue. Even in the moonlight, they were so damn blue. And oh my god, what was happening to me tonight? Something was in the air at Lovers’ Lake, because my heart had taken control of my brain.
This is fake, I reminded myself. And it was safer like that.
“What was that for?” Brett asked.
“For show,” I said, all cool and casual.
Then he was smiling again. We were back on track.
The couple sitting in front of us stood up and disappeared into the trees. Brett nudged me, wiggled his eyebrows, and made these very weird noises. It was dumb. I laughed anyway. Then I realized that, aside from his football games, this was kind of my first time doing something normal. Like, high school normal. I hadn’t gone to a party before. And it was all because of Brett. It was like he was slowly showing me that there was actually more to school than sitting in a class and taking notes. Which used to be all I wanted. But now, I was kind of wondering, had I been missing out all these years?
Brett stood up suddenly, said, “C’mon. We should get out before the rumor reaches Tallani or Ryan,” and bent over again. I jumped onto his back and we were off, moving through the sloshy grass. People were watching us tonight, and it was the first time I really felt like we were a couple. I mean, holding hands in the h
all was one thing. But tonight it actually felt like we were dating. And even if it was fake, it was still fun.
I was thinking that Brett must have been here before because his feet knew exactly where to go when he stopped in front of the lake. I sucked in a breath. Wow. It was beautiful. It almost made up for the gross walk over. From here, you could see where the two lakes met in the middle. There was still a sliver of land between them, like two halves of a heart that couldn’t meet quite yet. And the moon was directly over the lake, making a small patch of water turn silver.
I went to jump off Brett’s back, but his grip on my legs tightened.
“Brett?” I was whispering, like if I spoke too loud then it would ruin the peacefulness.
“Yeah?”
“What are you thinking about?”
“Jelly bells,” he said.
I smacked my foot against his thigh. “Be serious.”
“I am. Doesn’t the moon kind of look like one?”
Then I was laughing really hard because he was right, it totally did.
Brett’s hands loosened around my knees, and I hopped off his back. The ground was solid around this side of the lake. You could barely hear the people back at the party. Their voices were just a slight murmur.
“I get the appeal now,” I said. “This is so pretty.”
“Makes you want to sneak off into the trees, huh?”
I snorted. “Not that pretty.”
Brett bumped his shoulder against mine.
I bumped his back.
“Sometimes,” he said, “I forget places like this exist in Crestmont. Like I’m so focused on wanting to leave after high school that I forget there are reasons to stay.”
“What do you want to do after we graduate?” I asked, realizing I didn’t know.
Brett was staring intently at the water. “I don’t know. Play football? I’m waiting to see what colleges are interested. I’m hoping to move somewhere big, like Atlanta. I want to be in a town that has more than a few thousand people.”
“What about your family?”
“I think my parents want that future for me more than I do.” Right. His dad’s football dream. “What do you want to do?” He turned away from the lake now, watching me instead. I shifted from foot to foot, not knowing what to say.