The Hunchback of Neiman Marcus

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The Hunchback of Neiman Marcus Page 3

by Sonya Sones


  “Does a bear poop in the woods?” I reply.

  And she flashes me a heart-stopping grin.

  WHEN WENDY AND TESS COME TO PICK UP SAM

  I’m struck by how

  grown up they look—

  so much taller than they were

  even just a couple of months ago.

  And their faces have begun

  to lose their baby fat…

  I glance at Samantha and—omigod!—

  hers has, too!

  Then, the three young women

  trot off into the night,

  leaving me to marvel

  at time’s sleight of hand…

  I can still remember

  when Sam was too little

  to even understand the difference

  between girls and boys.

  When I tried to clarify this for her, by asking,

  “What do girls have that boys don’t have?”

  she thought about it briefly

  and replied, “Skirts!”

  Then I blinked—

  and somehow she’d learned

  exactly what made boys different:

  cooties.

  I glanced away—

  and when I looked back again

  my daughter was in the throes

  of her first real crush on a guy

  (he was an older man,

  a seventh-grader,

  who played

  the saxophone).

  I turned around—and she was floating

  out the front door on her first date.

  Though she wouldn’t admit

  that that’s what it was.

  And a split second later—

  she was snuggling on the couch

  next to her first boyfriend

  “watching TV,”

  his arm slung

  over her shoulder

  like it was the most normal thing

  in the world,

  the fresh-bloomed

  plum-red hickey on her neck

  not quite hidden

  by the collar of her shirt…

  WHEN MICHAEL RETURNS FROM DRIVING ALICE HOME

  I tell him

  what Dr. Stone told me.

  Then I tell him

  that Samantha’s gone out for a few hours.

  He leads me straight upstairs

  and undresses me,

  as eagerly as if

  for the very first time.

  And when he enters me,

  and I feel him, slick and hot,

  touching that place that’s been shielded

  by that stern rubber dome for seventeen years,

  it’s as if he’s opening a door

  so deep inside of me

  that I’d forgotten

  it even existed…

  Later, when we’re catching our breath,

  I find myself drifting back to another night

  when we made love without the diaphragm—

  the night we conceived Samantha…

  After all those years of trying so hard

  not to get pregnant, it had seemed

  positively reckless to be leaving

  my “little umbrella” in its plastic case,

  wildly dangerous

  to be slipping between those

  skin-warmed sheets with my naked husband

  while no sentry stood guard at my cervix gates…

  That night, we swirled together

  like the roots of an ancient tree,

  and when Michael plunged into me,

  I could feel our daughter pouring through him

  into being.

  WHEN SAM GETS HOME FROM STUDYING AT LAURA’S

  She’s so tuckered out that she falls asleep

  while we’re watching Gossip Girl.

  I cover her with a quilt

  and kiss her on the forehead.

  Then I switch off the TV and watch her sleep.

  How can Samantha be a senior already?

  Seems like she was starting kindergarten only…

  thirteen years ago.

  Swiping at a tear, I reach for an old photo album,

  and flipping through it,

  I come across the picture I took of Sam

  on the morning of her first day of kindergarten.

  She’d only been willing to stand still

  long enough to let me snap one shot,

  while the sun haloed her hair

  beneath the lacey arms of our pepper tree—

  the one Michael and I planted

  on the day we found out I was pregnant,

  so that we’d have a place

  to put the tree house.

  Wearing a new dress

  that was almost as blue as her eyes,

  and a matching new blue bow,

  perched atop her ponytail like a trained butterfly,

  she clutched Monkey in one hand,

  her yellow school bus lunchbox in the other,

  and peered at me as though

  there were no camera between us.

  I’m not at all sure what this whole

  going-to-school thing is about,

  her eyes seemed to say.

  But, whatever it is, I’m ready for it.

  It wasn’t until after I clicked the shutter

  that she broke into a sunny smile

  and twirled around in the new white sneakers

  that gleamed like small stars on her feet—

  those brave little feet

  that were about to carry her

  down our brick path

  and out

  into the world…

  HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

  It happens for the first time

  on the very day I turn fifty—

  a scrim of sweat

  cloaks my body,

  beading on my upper lip,

  misting on my forehead,

  gathering in a steaming pool

  between my shoulder blades

  as if a tiny cup of liquid lightning

  in each one of my cells

  has just bubbled up, burst ablaze,

  and cremated me,

  flashes

  to ashes,

  bust

  to dust.

  WHAT I AM

  I am

  the sudden flame

  on the cheeks of the liar,

  the marshmallow

  that catches fire

  over the crimson coals.

  I am the boiling oil

  that roils like witch’s brew

  in the cast-iron kettle.

  I am the roar from the oven door

  that melts the glasses

  right off your face.

  I am the Szechuan flambé.

  The one who swore

  she’d never say,

  “Is it

  hot in here,

  or is it just me?”

  HMMMLET…

  To take estrogen or not to take estrogen:

  That is the questogen.

  Whether ’tis nobler to abstain and suffer

  The sweat and puddles of outrageous flashes

  Or to take arms against a sea of mood swings,

  And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;

  No more; at first the studies say ’twill end

  The heart attacks and thousand bouts of bloat

  That flesh is heir to, ’tis a true confusion—

  For then they say ’twill cause us all to die

  Perchance from breast cancer; ay, there’s the rub;

  For who can dream or even sleep while worrying about

  What doctors might be saying come next week?

  THANKSGIVING

  My mother has flown in from Cleveland

  to celebrate the holiday with us.

  She’s waved her magic spatula

  and transformed my kitchen into her kitchen.

  I snap a photo of her sitting at the counter,

  tucked between Michael and Samantha,<
br />
  the three of them peeling apples for a crisp,

  laughing together over some little joke.

  She looks sort of tired and pale,

  but as joyful as if she’s just won the lottery.

  I close my eyes and inhale the scent

  of my mother’s cornbread-bacon stuffing,

  her roast turkey

  rubbed with garlic and paprika,

  her cinnamon-pecan

  sweet potato pie…

  and a thankfulness

  rises in my chest

  like the batch of cloud-light popovers

  rising in my oven,

  doffing

  their buttery top hats.

  COUSIN ALICE ARRIVES FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER

  She comes bearing hugs and air kisses for all,

  plus a vampire book for Samantha,

  a bottle of champagne for the rest of us,

  and a bouquet of asters for the table.

  She says she’s gotten some promising winks

  on Match.com, but thinks maybe she’d do better

  with a more girl-next-doorish sort of photo.

  So I take her out back to pose by our pepper tree.

  And when I study her face

  through my lens,

  a second wave of thankfulness

  rises within me.

  Because if Alice

  hadn’t gotten that nose job

  and then claimed she’d only

  had her deviated septum fixed,

  and if she hadn’t had gallons of collagen

  crammed into her lips

  and tried to pass off the sci-fi results

  as an allergic reaction to some chili powder,

  and if she hadn’t gotten her eyelids lifted

  and her bags sliced off

  and actually expected me to believe

  she’d merely had her tear ducts unclogged,

  and then had so much Botox force-fed

  into her forehead that she couldn’t

  even raise her eyebrows in surprise

  when I finally told her I was worried about her,

  I might have gone ahead and done

  the exact same thing to my own poor

  defenseless face—I might’ve stepped

  into that very same pool of quicksand

  and, just like Alice, been swallowed whole.

  THOUGH I HAVE TO ADMIT

  Sometimes, when my cousin and I are lunching,

  and we duck into the ladies room together

  to reapply our lipstick

  and we’re standing there,

  shoulder to aging shoulder,

  in front of the mirror mirror on the wall

  and I take a look at her

  and then I take a look at me,

  sometimes

  doubts begin scampering across my mind

  like hungry rats, and I can’t help wondering

  if it’s better to be

  an unnatural-looking moon-faced,

  eyelid-less, wrinkle-free

  fifty-three-year-old woman who looks forty

  or a natural-looking sunken-cheeked,

  droopy-lidded, wrinkle-ridden

  fifty-year-old who looks ninety.

  And sometimes,

  at moments like these,

  I find myself tempted

  to climb down off of my

  I’m-going-to-grow-old-naturally

  high horse

  and beg my cousin Alice

  for her plastic surgeon’s

  phone number.

  THE TRUE MEANING OF WISTFUL

  While trying to jog off the three pounds

  I gained at Thanksgiving,

  I turn to watch a sun-bleached

  twenty-something goddess

  zooming down the bike path

  on her Rollerblades,

  grooving

  to a tune on her iPod,

  her hair a golden flag

  fluttering around her bronzed cheeks,

  legs so long

  they should be illegal,

  haunches as toned and sleek

  as a puma’s,

  and a shock wave of painful truth

  crashes down over my rapidly graying head:

  I never had a butt like that,

  even when I had a butt like that.

  I CONSIDER MYSELF A PRETTY DARN GOOD SPELLER

  How, then, do I explain the fact

  that when I was writing that last poem

  I couldn’t remember how to spell “illegal”?

  I tried “illeagal.”

  And “illegle.”

  And “illeagle.”

  Then cursed like a cuffed criminal

  before finally just giving up

  and spellchecking it.

  Is this

  how it’s going

  to be?

  All the knowledge I once had

  slowly seeping out of my head

  like an inner tube losing its air?

  Hell.

  The next thing you know,

  I’ll be forgetting how to spell my own nayme.

  CHRISTMAS IN CLEVELAND

  The four of us have gathered

  to watch the “world premiere”

  of the video montage

  that Michael made for my mother.

  There’s baby Samantha,

  lying on her back in her crib—

  floating on her little sheepskin cloud,

  crowing along with her mobile’s tinkling song,

  gazing up at its spinning pastel birds,

  her arms flapping away

  as if she wants to join them.

  There’s Samantha dressed as Tinker Bell,

  trick-or-treating for the very first time.

  She runs up all the front walks

  chanting, “Twick or tweet! Twick or tweet!”

  But as soon as each door opens,

  she clams up and buries her face in my skirt.

  There’s Samantha doing a puppet show.

  Wolf puppet says, “Hi!”

  Bunny puppet says, “Hi! Hi!”

  Wolf puppet says, “Hi! Hi! Hi!”

  Bunny puppet says, “The end.”

  Sam says, “Now I’ll do another one!”

  And there she is, having a tea party

  with Monkey, Wendy, Tess, and Laura,

  sipping chocolate milk from teensy china cups

  and nibbling on tiny pink cupcakes.

  I glance over at my daughter,

  all grown up now,

  who raises an eyebrow and says,

  “Did you bake those cupcakes for us?”

  “Yes.”

  “And you made those place cards, too,

  with our names all spelled out in glitter?”

  “Uh huh.”

  “Even that place card for Monkey?”

  “Yeah…”

  “Mom,” Sam says, shaking her head,

  “you were out of control!”

  But then

  she flops down next to me on the couch

  and gives me a bone-crushing hug.

  I GLANCE OVER AT MY MOTHER

  She’s smiling fondly at us,

  but it worries me to see

  how stiffly she’s holding her neck—

  as if it hurts to turn her head.

  She’s admitted to having had

  some mysterious aches and pains lately.

  Though she’s refused

  to see her doctor about them.

  “Come over here

  and sit on Grandma’s lap,” she says.

  But when Samantha eases herself down,

  my mother winces.

  “Am I too heavy, Grandma?” she asks.

  “Of course not,” she says. “You’re just right.

  It’s this dang chair that’s so creaky—

  not me.”

  And as I watch them,

  my eyes mist over—

  remembering them rocking
together

  when Sam was three days old…

  Naturally, when Mom arrived

  from Cleveland that day, sweeping in

  through the door of our California bungalow

  like a bright breeze,

  the baby was hysterical—

  her face an anguished beet,

  her tiny feet

  kickboxing the air,

  her mouth

  spewing a steady stream

  of high-pitched

  lacerating screams.

  But my mother just smiled,

  as calm as a waveless sea,

  and when she took Samantha

  into her pillowy arms

  an instant hush fell over the child,

  as though my mother had found

  the baby’s misery switch

  and simply flicked it off.

  Then,

  she reached into her purse

  and pulled out the first of many gifts:

  a silky-soft stuffed monkey—

  his eyes two winsome gleaming beads,

  his grin utterly goofy

 

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