Ryker
Page 10
Raising my head, I saw a light in the guest house. I got up and raced to it. I looked in the window and saw Ryker in a chair with his back to me. Walking up to the wooden door, I debated whether or not to knock. I knew he would never answer, so I just opened it and walked in.
I slowly made my way to Ryker. He didn’t acknowledge that I was there. My heart was racing, and my tears were flowing freely. I picked up the skirt of my dress and knelt in front of him. He was hunched over with his elbows on his knees, and he looked lost. I placed my hands on his. He looked at me with bloodshot eyes and lowered them again.
I couldn’t stop my tears. “I’m sorry.”
He looked at me. I moved between his legs and hugged him, and he let me.
Placing my lips next to his ear, I quietly said, “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you lost your brother.” My body shook as sobs overtook me. “I’m so sorry.”
He placed his forehead on my shoulder and cried. His arms went around my back, pulling me closer. I rubbed his back, and he let me console him. When his arms loosened, I leaned back on my heels. My cut stung a bit, but I didn’t care if my entire foot was missing. I needed to help him.
Placing his hands on my cheeks, he rubbed my tears away with his thumbs. “I don’t think you’re ugly. I think you’re beautiful. I’ve always thought you were beautiful.”
I nodded. At that point in time, I didn’t care what he thought of me. All that mattered was him.
His lips found mine, and he softly kissed me.
His hair hung over his face, and I brushed it away. I wanted him so badly my insides hurt. I ached to be with him. Plain and simple, I needed him. I wanted him. Now.
“Ryker?”
Through his long lashes, he looked at me.
I said, “Make love to me.”
He nodded. I kissed his neck, then his jawbone, and I softly covered him with quiet kisses. I got to my feet and held out my hand. He took it. I turned and walked toward the guest house’s tiny bedroom. I flicked the switch, and the room glowed as if candles were burning.
The click of the door lock made me turn around and see the man I was giving myself to. The one man I had always wanted. The feeling in my heart was inexpressible.
Standing in front of me, Ryker gazed into my eyes. “Are you sure? Why would you want to waste a gift like that, on a guy like me?”
“Yes, I’m sure. You’re the one I’ve always wanted to give myself to. Don’t you understand, you mean everything to me? What you’ve told me about your past doesn’t change that.”
His hands went to my back, and he unzipped my dress. The straps fell, exposing my breasts. My nipples hardened at the thought of him looking at me. I glanced at him as he brought his mouth to mine. My arms went around his neck, and my dress fell to my ankles. All that was left were my panties. I stepped back, slid my thumbs in each side of them, and pushed them down my legs. I stepped out of them. I had never been naked in front of a man before. I thought I’d be anxious, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t, because it was Ryker.
“I need you, Faith, and I don’t need anyone.” He looked beyond saddened.
I reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it over his head. My eyes were level with his chest when I leaned forward and kissed his heart. Lowering my hands to his waist, I unfastened his belt and then the button on his shorts. My heart raced as my hands trembled.
He reached in his back pocket, pulled out a condom, and tossed it on the bed. I unzipped his shorts and went to my knees as his shorts fell. He lifted his feet one by one, and I cast the shorts aside. Seeing his black boxer briefs as his only article of clothing made me clench my legs together. My hands slowly moved up his muscular legs to the waistband, and I took them off of him. His erection was so pronounced, I stopped and actually stared at it. Once his boxers were off, I positioned myself in front of him. I wanted him in my mouth, but I just kissed the tip and stood to find the most beautiful man looking down at me. I’d never done anything like this before, and I wanted it to be perfect.
He effortlessly scooped me up and laid me on the cotton duvet. My head rested on the pillow, and I lifted my hips as he pulled back the covers and then brought them up to cover us. We laid on our sides and looked at each other. The backs of his fingers grazed my cheek, and he slightly smiled.
His eyes never left mine. “I’ll go slowly, okay?”
I smiled. “Ryker?”
“Yeah?”
I wanted to tell him I thought I loved him, but I knew that he would freak out. “I’m glad it’s you.”
He rolled me on to my back and sounded loving as he said, “Me too.”
His mouth trailing kisses from my collarbone down to my chest was the sexiest thing I’d ever experienced. No one had ever made me feel the way he did. Hard callouses on his palm made the skin on my thighs tingle as he ran them from my knee to my hip.
“Relax your knees and let me in.”
My knees fell open. As I looked down, he trailed his middle finger from my belly button to my entrance, which he circled over and over. I felt myself become aroused, and the feeling of his slick finger was reminiscent of my dream. He gently blew on my clit, which made me moan his name.
As he slid his finger inside me, he said, “I’m going to get you ready for me.”
I tried to find my voice. “Okay.”
One finger and then two were in me, making my hips rise and fall.
“That’s it, ride my fingers. You’re so tight. I can tell I’m your first, and I love that.”
He kissed the top of my mound, and I thought I would explode. He moved his hand faster. Then he pulled his fingers out and grabbed the condom. I watched him roll the latex down his length. He looked so big and thick, and I knew my eyes had to look like dinner plates. The only thing that had ever been inside me were his two fingers, and they didn’t hold a candle to his penis.
He bent over and kissed me. “I’ll be gentle. I won’t hurt you.”
“Okay.” My voice trembled. I was nervous with anticipation.
This is it. I’m finally going to be with Ryker. He’s going to be mine; I’ll be his, and we’ll be together.
The muscles in his arms and abs were so pronounced, I just wanted to lick them. I traced his tattoo with my fingertip. The two lines wrapped his large arm muscle. “I love this.”
He glanced at his arm. “I got that for my brother. The top line is him and the bottom is me. It makes me feel like he’s watching over me.”
I leaned up and kissed it, then laid back on the pillow. His tip started to enter me. I opened my legs more thinking that would help, but the sharp pain made me realize it didn’t. I squeezed my eyes so tight a tear escaped.
“Damn it, you’re like a fucking vice on me. Try to relax and let me in.”
I took a deep breath. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”
Ryker pushed himself all the way in. I felt a pang of pain, but then it was gone. I moved my hips, giving him the go ahead.
“Good, baby. So fucking good.” His pace increased.
The pain had turned into discomfort, but nothing I couldn’t live with. Nothing I didn’t want to live with.
He had never looked better to me. My heart was so full, as was the rest of me. He thrust into me and circled his hips. I felt myself start to tremble and it felt euphoric. He rocked back and forth and moaned. Our bodies were connected like I’d always wished they would be. I was one with Ryker and my heart overflowed. My body followed his lead and moved when he did as if he was leading me in a dance. My eyes opened and locked with his. He smiled and brought his lips to mine. I savored his taste and knew this was something I’d never forget. His pace increased and my body responded and tightened around him.
“Faith, you feel amazing. I’m there babe.” His back arched, sweat beaded on his forehead and he grunted in release. I reached up to wipe his brow with my fingertips as he collapsed on me.
Rolling me to my side while still inside me, he said, “Are you okay?”
“I’ll go get a towel.”
I watched his perfectly defined back and amazing ass walk away from me. I grabbed the sheet to cover myself. It was a little late to feel self-conscious, but I felt too exposed.
The room seemed different. It had become our place. I knew I would never forget that night. My dream had finally come true. After all those years, I had Ryker. He’d wanted me. He came back and handed me the towel. I ran it between my legs and saw that I had been bleeding. I hopped off the bed to examine the sheets, but thank God there wasn’t any there. I’d hate to explain that to the Morrisons.
Ryker grabbed his boxers and slid them on. I was sad that he wasn’t naked anymore. I grabbed my clothes and went into the bathroom. I only put on my panties and hung my dress on the back of the door. I stood in the doorway and looked at him lying in bed. His face was so impassive it worried me. I moved the duvet back and slid in next to him.
He turned toward me and laced his fingers with mine. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I grinned. “Yes. I’m great.” My head rested on his chest, and his hand was running through my hair. “Ryker?”
“Yeah?”
My heart raced. I didn’t want to bring up his brother, but I wanted to know. I needed to help him. I lifted my head and looked at him. “Can we talk about what you told me?”
“What do you want to know?”
How could I say it? “Your brother. You said you killed your brother. I don’t understand what you mean. I know you aren’t a killer. What happened?” I tried not to sound scared, but to be totally honest, I was terrified.
His chest rose with a deep breath. “He drowned.”
“If he drowned, why do you think you killed him?”
Ryker scrunched his eyes, “Faith, I…don’t know how to begin. This time in my life isn’t something that I care to remember, but after tonight I feel like you deserve to know. Please promise me that you won’t tell anyone, not even Max.”
I nodded, “You have my word Ryker.” My voice was low and I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t scared to hear the details. I wasn’t scared for myself, but for Ryker.
He laced his fingers with mine as his fearful eyes met mine. “I was supposed to be watching him. We went to the lake to go fishing while my mom and her new husband, his dad, were away for the weekend.” He shook his head. “I wasn’t paying attention, and he drowned.”
“So it was an accident. Sometimes things happen so quickly, it’s difficult to prevent them. All you have to do is look away for a minute. You hear about that all the time. Unfortunately, it happens, but that doesn’t make it your fault.”
He sat up and brought his knees to his chest, making me sit up too. “I didn’t just turn my head. I was…”
My heart raced. “You were what?”
“I was screwing around. When I realized I didn’t hear him anymore, I looked at the water, and I didn’t see him. I remember feeling like time sped up and stood still at the same time. When I finally found him, he was being sucked in by a wave. I jumped in to get to him, but by the time I was able to turn him over, his lips were blue. I pulled him to the beach. I tried CPR and everything I could. The paramedics came. They couldn’t get him back. I let him down. I killed him.”
“What was his name?”
A tear fell. “Jimmy. His name was Jimmy.”
Not knowing what to say and being terrified of saying the wrong thing, I simply held him. We laid back down, and he turned away from me. I kissed his back, and we drifted off.
The sun streamed in through the slats of the shutters. I moved my leg and met a little discomfort from what transpired the night before. I smiled and moved my hand to Ryker, but all I felt was a cool sheet. I opened my eyes. He wasn’t there. I looked toward the bathroom, and the door was open.
“Ryker?”
Silence.
I got out of bed, and with the sheet pulled tightly around me, I looked in the bathroom. He wasn’t there. I took my dress off the back of the door, slid it on, and zipped it up. I opened the bedroom door and looked into the main room, but it was empty and silent as well. I went back into the bedroom and noticed his clothes were gone. He was gone.
Feeling sad and confused, I went outside. Aside from the birds chirping and the waves rolling in, I didn’t hear or see anyone. I went back into the guest house and tossed the sheets into the hamper. After I got clean sheets from the linen closet, I made the bed and straightened the duvet as if nothing had ever happened. Maybe to him, nothing did. How was that possible? Could it be possible?
Walking back to the main house made my stomach roll. How would I face Ryker and everyone else? Was that what the “walk of shame” felt like? I felt as if I smelled like sex, and I wondered if I looked any different. Walking across the sun-warmed sand reminded me that my shoes were on the deck. I looked out into the water and remembered what Ryker had told me about his brother. My heart broke for him. He needed to know it was an accident. Yes, he had been irresponsible, but he didn’t do it intentionally. That had been a mistake; him leaving this morning wasn’t.
As I walked up to the house, I noticed Max and Tyf on the swing I had occupied with Ryker the night before. I walked up the steps and reached for my shoes. Max stood, making the swing sway. He took me by the arm, almost making me drop my shoes. He brought me to the side rail and looked at me. He knew. The look of disappointment on his face proved that.
“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been so worried!” Max was back to sounding like my big brother, not my best friend.
I bent over, ignoring his question, and put on my shoes.
“Did you hear me?” His voice was stern.
The swing creaked. I looked over, and Tyf shot me a sympathetic look. She walked into the house, leaving me alone with Max. She must have known too. Did everyone know? My eyes filled with tears at the thought that my special night with Ryker had ended up as a story told over morning coffee.
“I heard you.” I looked up at Max, who had his arms crossed. “Please don’t look at me like that. I know what you’re thinking. I fell asleep in the pool house.”
He nodded. “I gathered that much. I saw you come from there. I also saw Ryker coming from there earlier.”
My chest clenched around my breaking heart. “Is he inside?”
“No, he left.”
I lowered my head and nodded. “Oh. When?”
“What happened, Faith? Please don’t lie and tell me nothing.” Max’s voice softened.
“Nothing happened. I need a shower.”
He pulled me into a hug, making my tears release. “I’m sorry. When you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you, okay?” He kissed the top of my head.
“Yeah. I’m fine, or I will be.”
“Okay, go shower, and we’ll get out of here. The guys are packed up and ready to go.” He dropped his arms and looked at me.
The love in his eyes made me feel worse. I’d let everyone down, including myself, and that made me feel sick. Max opened the door, and as I walked in, I prayed no one would see us. Naturally, that didn’t happen.
“There she is. Good morning, Faith,” Tim said as he carried his bag down the stairs.
“Hey, Tim.” I glanced at the others, who were looking at me. They knew. They all knew.
Tyf came up to me. “Come on, let’s go get you packed.”
With each step, more tears fell. I hated Ryker for doing this to me. No, I hated myself. I did this. I had no one to blame but me.
My room greeted me like a slap in the face. That’s where I should have slept, and I should have been alone. I tossed my things in my bag. The cut on my foot had scabbed over. It hurt, but I didn’t; I didn’t care about anything. I sat on the bed and stared out the window.
Tyf sat next to me and put her hand on my knee. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No. Not really.”
She rubbed my leg.
“Okay. If you do, I’m here for you. Whatever you tell me, I won’t tell Max or anyone.”
Max was my best friend and Ryker’s. If he knew the details of what happened, he would never look at me the same way. He’d warned me off of Ryker for years, and I didn’t listen. I should have listened.
My mouth opened. “I’m stupid.” I turned toward Tyf.
She looked at me with understanding. “No, you’re not. What happened?”
I took a shallow breath—anything deeper made my insides hurt. “I slept with Ryker. I thought he was the one, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know. He was your first, wasn’t he?”
I gently bit my bottom lip and nodded.
Her arms wrapped around me. “I’m so sorry.”
“I just don’t understand. He opened up to me, and I thought we connected—I mean, emotionally connected. Then I woke up to an empty bed. He left me. He just fucked me like he does everyone, and I let him.”
“What do you mean he opened up to you?” she asked. “What did he say?”
Just because Ryker was an untrustworthy asshole didn’t mean I should be. “I can’t tell you.”
“Okay, I can understand that. So you guys talked and then had sex?”
“Yeah. I mean, I didn’t think it was just sex. To me, it was everything, and to him, it was apparently nothing. How could he just walk away without saying anything?” I got up and looked out the window. The sun was bright, and a gentle breeze kissed the trees. It was a perfect day outside, but a stormy one in my heart.
Leaving Faith in the bed where she had let me make love to her was the only thing I could do. I’d seen the way she looked at me. The hope and love in her eyes were too much for me. I couldn’t stay and ruin her. I destroyed everything and everyone that loved me. The only person I didn’t destroy was my dad, and that was because he’d died in a car accident when I was two. Everyone else was gone because of me.
I pulled into my driveway and looked at the old house. I needed to find a new place. If it wasn’t for Raging Urge, I’d get the hell out of Rochester. My bandmates were the only family I had. Max’s face popped into my head. I knew he would be mad at me. I just hoped I hadn’t lost him too.