Tyf chimed in, “I’m staying, so don’t worry about me.”
“Let’s go,” I said, tilting my head toward his room.
Once we were alone and the door was closed, he sat on his bed and leaned back. His legs were dangling, so I climbed on top of him. He smiled, but as he looked at me, his look turned pensive.
I needed to know what was going on with him. “Want to talk about it?”
His hips lifted. “Talk? No, I don’t want to talk.”
I laid down next to him. My head was propped up on my hand.
He looked at me, rolled his eyes, and huffed with frustration. “Okay, what? What do you want to talk about? I just want to be buried inside you for the rest of the night.”
“That sounds great, but can you tell me why you get a weird look on your face when North Carolina is mentioned? Are you nervous?”
“No, I’m not nervous. If there is one thing I know I’m good at, it’s playing the drums.” He rolled on top of me. “I’m good at something else too.”
“Yes, this I know. Tell me, Ryker, please?”
He got up and paced. His hand ran through his hair. “Fine. I grew up in North Carolina. That’s where I lived before I moved to New York.”
“The social worker moved you out of state?” I didn’t understand. I was sure North Carolina had good foster homes.
“I kept getting into trouble, so they sent me to a camp here. It was supposed to help troubled teens.”
“Oh. Do you still have family in North Carolina?”
“I have no idea. Maybe. Doesn’t really matter, does it?”
I totally disagreed, but I remained silent.
“I can tell by the look on your face that you think it matters, but it doesn’t. Okay?”
“Okay.” My voice was meek.
“When are you going to get it? How many times do I have to tell you that I lost everything that day? Maybe you don’t understand me at all. Maybe we don’t understand each other.”
I was about to tell him I did understand and that I was sorry when he said, “I’m going to bed. I’m tired.”
He peeled off his shirt and shorts and looked beyond edible, but he didn’t seem to want to be with me anymore.
“Do you want me to leave?” I asked.
“That’s your choice. If you want to crash here, that’s fine.”
Tears threatened, and my hands clenched. “Crash here?”
He got in bed. “Yeah, ya know, so you don’t have to drive home. You’re welcome to stay.”
“Ryker, I’m sorry. I was just trying to help.”
He turned over and punched his pillow. “I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help.”
“You said you needed me.” My mind whirled with what he was insinuating. Did he not want me anymore? Had I crossed a line?
His eyes closed, and his breathing picked up. “I’ve done fine on my own.”
On his own? What the hell? “Well, guess what? You’re not on your own anymore. You have me. If you want to shut me out, fine, but I’m not going to stop caring. I love you, Ryker, and the sooner you realize what that means, the better it will be for both of us, especially you.”
The sheets moved as I got off his bed. He turned to look at me with those gorgeous hazel eyes. Part of me wanted to slap him, and part of me wanted to hug him.
I opened his bedroom door. “You want to protect yourself, and I get that, but I need to protect myself too. I’ll leave now. Let me know when you’re ready to acknowledge what we are and that we’re in this together.”
The door closed behind me, and I exhaled. My composure returned. I made my way downstairs and grabbed my purse. The air had cooled off. Aside from the crickets, it was silent. I unlocked my car.
I felt as if I was on auto-pilot as I navigated the darkened streets. My mind was reeling. What the hell happened? No, that was a stupid question. I knew exactly what had happened—I happened.
I pulled into the lot of our apartment building. I couldn’t wait to get inside. My bed was calling me. I just wanted to curl up, fall asleep, and forget what had happened. My apartment was dark and felt very empty.
Once my feet landed on my bedroom carpet, I flipped on the light. I sighed, grabbed my pajamas out of the drawer, and got ready to end that day. The sheets were cool, and my hand involuntarily went to the other side of the bed. The sadness I felt for what Ryker had been through was immense, but I couldn’t let him think he could discard me. Leaving him was the hardest and smartest thing I’d done.
Coffee. I smelled coffee. Was I dreaming? I opened my eyes and saw Ryker sitting in the chair next to me.
“What are you doing here? You scared me!” My hand went to my chest as I gasped. I also wondered how he’d gotten into my apartment. My eyes adjusted to the light peeking through my blinds, and I saw that his face was sad. “What’s wrong?”
He climbed into bed behind me. “I’m an ass.”
“No, you’re not."
"I am. You were trying to be there for me, and I pushed you away. I let you leave."
“For almost ten years, you’ve carried around this secret. You’ve dealt with pain and loss all on your own. Your family left you and hurt you. But I’m not leaving you. I won't hurt you.”
He kissed my shoulder. His body warmed mine. “I know, and I don’t want to shut you out. I don’t want to lose you. When you left, all I could think about was you. I’m terrified that I’ll lose you too. Can you understand that? Everyone I love, I lose.” He kissed my shoulder again. “Please look at me, Faith.”
I turned and faced him.
He tucked my hair behind my ear. “I know you won’t hurt me. I’m not used to having you yet, but I want to get used to it. Will you let me?”
My eyes met his, and I saw hope in them. “Of course I’ll let you. What I won’t let you do is try to break me. Since I’ve met you, I’ve felt every emotion known to woman-kind. I’d like to focus on the happiness for a change.”
He licked his lips. “I promise to make you happy.” He kissed my neck. “To make you smile.” His lips were next to my ear. “To make you orgasm every day of your life.”
I bit my lip. “You promise?”
“Yeah, Dude, I promise.” He covered my body.
“Ryker?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t call me Dude.”
“That I can’t promise.” He laughed. “Let’s work on those orgasms, shall we?”
We made love for the rest of the morning, and he stayed true to his word. I decided to make him breakfast while he showered. I was going to join him, but at the rate we’d been going, I needed a nap, and I had only been awake for a few hours.
There was a knock on the door. I was surprised someone was visiting us that early, and I opened the door and was shocked to see Tyf and Max outside. Before I could ask Tyf why she’d knocked and didn’t just use her key Max pulled me into a hug.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yes, why?”
“Why? Ryker woke us up at three a.m. asking Tyf for a key to her apartment. Never mind that I was asleep and totally disoriented, but I didn’t know you’d left. I almost came with him.”
That’s why she didn’t have her key. “I’m sorry he woke you guys. We had a misunderstanding.” Tyf rubbed Max’s arm. “Honey, it’s fine. She looks happy.” She walked by me and tossed her purse on the sofa. “Is that coffee?”
“Yeah. Help yourself. I was just making breakfast.”
Ryker walked out of my room whistling. “Hey, Max, Tyf. Sorry about last night.”
Max grumbled something incomprehensible, and Tyf smiled. They sat at the table while I finished scrambling eggs and making toast. Tyf poured coffee for everyone, and we ate. It was peaceful. I loved peaceful.
Ryker set down his fork. “I need to tell you guys something.” He stood and wiped his hands on his shorts.
I could tell he was on edge. He was making me nervous.
“What’s up, man? Are you
okay?” Max asked.
“Yeah. No. I’m trying to be. Faith is helping me.”
“You’re making me nervous. Are you sick?”
“I’m not sick. I have a story to tell you. I should have told you already, Max, but I didn’t feel as if I could. Like I said, Faith is helping me realize that just because we aren’t blood doesn’t mean we aren’t family. You are my family.” Ryker sat back down and took a sip of his coffee. “I lived in North Carolina before I moved here. I want to tell you the reason I left. Max, you know I lived in foster homes. This is why.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I had a little brother. His name was Jimmy...”
As he told the story, Tyf and I listened with tears in our eyes. Max wasn’t far behind us.
Max’s fingers were woven together, and his hands rested on the table. “I’m sorry, Ry. I don’t know what to say. I wish you would have told me sooner, but I understand why you didn’t.” Max sniffled and looked straight into Ryker’s eyes.
Ryker shrugged. “I didn’t understand it myself. I still don’t. Faith is helping me realize it was an accident, but Jimmy was the best part of my family. He looked up to me. He needed me, and I let him down. Nothing has compared to losing Jimmy.” He looked at Max. “You’re the closest thing I have to family.” He took my hand and kissed my palm. “You and Faith, you’re all I have left. What if you looked at me differently because of this, and I lost all of you? I couldn’t take that chance.”
Tyf rose and hugged Ryker. “I’m so sorry for everything you’ve been through. I’m even sorrier for the years you struggled with this alone. We may not be the best of friends yet, but I’m here for you too. You’re a strong man. Try to remember that.” She sat on Max’s lap.
Ryker’s expression made me realize that he was finally coming to terms with what had happened on that horrid day. Should he have watched his brother instead of screwing around? Yes. But he was starting to understand that he didn’t deserve to punish himself by not letting others get close to him. He had begun to understand that he wasn’t alone.
“I need a smoke. Faith, will you come with me?” He held out his hand, which I happily took.
We walked outside, and Ryker lit a cigarette and blew out a long stream of gray smoke. The air was still. No one was outside. I saw bright, beautiful flowers along the walk. The sun was shining, and it was peaceful.
Ryker turned to me. “Thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything. That was all you in there. I had no idea you were going to tell them everything.”
He flicked his half-smoked cigarette into the parking lot. “That was you in there. It was us. You make me feel like I can conquer anything.” His hands reached for mine, and he placed them on his chest. “Feel that?”
I smiled. “Your heart?”
“Yeah. It beats because of you. Faith, you’re my composer. You make the beats stronger, you give them purpose; you give me purpose. I want you by my side as we write the best love song, our song. We’re not ready to get engaged yet, but I promise that you’re the only one for me. I love you.”
My eyes widened. “I promise you’re the only one for me too. You’ve always been the only one.” My hands traveled up his chest to tangle in his hair. The man who had driven me crazy for so many years loved me, and I loved him. I pulled his head toward mine and kissed him. “There, sealed with a kiss.” I giggled.
His hand disappeared into his pocket and pulled out a string of some sort. I looked at what he was presenting to me.
“Jimmy loved the arcade,” he said. “He always wanted money to play the claw game. I didn’t want to tell him hardly anyone ever won. He was so determined, and who was I to argue? He finally won this plastic shark tooth necklace.” Ryker laughed at the memory. “I must have given him close to fifty bucks over the years for that game. I could have bought him twenty of these with that money, but when Jimmy finally won, to see his face light up was priceless. He wore this every day.
“When Jimmy died, the hospital gave me his belongings. I knew my mom would take them, but I needed something of his. I saw this and took it out before anyone noticed. I know it isn’t an expensive piece of jewelry, but will you take this as a promise from me? A promise that I won’t bail on you. I’ll talk to you about everything, and every time I say ‘I’m sorry,’ I’ll do my best to make sure I don’t make the same mistake again.”
My body trembled as he clasped the necklace around my neck. “This is better than anything you could have bought me. I’ll cherish it and you forever.”
Before I knew it, he was devouring me. I felt every ounce of love he had for me. I needed him. No, I wanted him. My hands crept up his shirt and stroked the toned muscles I loved. I grabbed the soft cotton and pulled it off of him.
My breathing became ragged as my body throbbed. “Ryker… those daily orgasms you promised?”
“Yeah?”
I licked his neck. “They come in multiples, right?”
“You better believe they do.” He grabbed my waist and lifted me as my legs wrapped around him. He carried me into my apartment and toward my room.
“Where have you guys…” Max must have noticed where we were headed because he didn’t finish his thought.
As my head lowered into Ryker’s shoulder, he said, “Round two. We’ll be back.”
I was finally getting my shit together. Faith was helping me understand I deserved to be happy. I honestly believed she knew me better than I knew myself. That was why I needed to make sure I made her that promise. The look on her face when I gave her Jimmy’s necklace was better than sex. Yes, better than sex.
I lay next to her and looked at her. She didn’t realize I was staring at her. I was in awe of her. How could the woman who I’d tried to make hate me love me?
She snickered and said, “I see you looking at me.”
I tickled her sides. She brought her knees up and squirmed, so I straddled her thighs to keep her still. My lips involuntarily made their way to hers.
“We should get a move on with our day,” she said. “I want to show Max and Tyf what you gave me.”
I reluctantly let her out of bed.
She looked at me. “You picked me. I can’t believe you picked me. I’ve wanted to be yours for years, and now I am.”
Her words made me realize what a dick I’d been to her. I looked into her eyes. “Want to know a secret?”
She nodded.
“It’s always been you. From the first time I saw you to the first kiss we shared. I just knew I wasn’t good enough.”
Her eyebrows rose.
“I know now that I’m good enough,” I said. “You’ve taught me that.”
Her eyes glassed over. She touched the necklace. “Thank you, Ryker.”
“Anything for you.” I grabbed my clothes and got dressed.
“Hey, Ryker, can we go to my parents’ place? I want to tell them about us. I know they know you, but I want them to know how much you mean to me.” Her hands twisted, and she shifted in place.
It clearly meant a lot to her. “I’d love to go see your parents.”
Faith smiled and got dressed too. Every time she added another article of clothing, I wanted to rip it off of her.
Max and Tyf were cuddled together on the couch, and we told them we were going to see Faith’s parents. Max told me to say hi to his parents for him if I saw them.
Driving down the quiet roads, my hands were perspiring. My nerves were at an all-time high.
Faith gently squeezed my thigh. “What’s wrong?”
I picked up her hand and kissed it. “What do you think your parents will say? What if they don’t want us together?”
“My mom is fine with us being together, and as long as I’m happy, they will be too. So stop worrying. It’ll be fine, I promise.”
We pulled up to the Bishops’ house, and I looked at the Morrisons’ place. I’d much rather be going in there. I opened my door and walked around to Faith’s, but she was already out. I closed her door an
d pulled her close. I was tense. I hated being nervous, but I was, and I didn’t conceal it well.
She placed her hand on my cheek and smiled. “What are you thinking?”
What was I thinking? I wanted to tell her that I intended to talk to her father about someday marrying her, but I didn’t want her to know that. I took her hand as we climbed the steps to the front door. Faith turned the knob and walked in.
She turned, let go of my hand, and placed hers on my cheek. “Stop worrying, okay? They’re probably out back having breakfast.”
“Let’s go out back then. Having your parents’ blessing would make me happy because I know it’ll make you happy.”
She kissed my hand. “You make me happy. Don’t ever forget that.”
We crossed the cozy family room that was full of pictures of Faith from when she was younger. I grinned as we continued to the back of the house. I saw her parents sitting at the table on the deck. Her father was reading the paper, and her mom had a book.
Faith slid the glass door open. Her mom smiled at us, and her dad looked utterly confused, especially when he saw her hand in mine.
“Hi, Mom. Hi, Daddy.” Faith released my hand and walked over to give her parents a kiss.
As her dad hugged her, he glanced at me. “Hi, honey. I see you have Ryker with you.” He glanced at his wife, who was smiling.
My throat was dry. I needed a drink, and not water. “Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Bishop.” I walked over and shook the hand of the man I hoped would someday be my father-in-law. I went to do the same with her mom, but she hugged me instead. Faith was a lot like her mom, and I had a feeling her dad was more like me—skeptical.
“Have a seat. Would you like some coffee or juice?” Mrs. Bishop stood to head toward the door.
“I’m all set, thank you.” I looked at Faith. “Do you want something?”
Faith shook her head. We sat at the table. My hands twisted in my lap. I wished I had my sticks with me. I would look like an idiot sitting at a wrought-iron table with drum sticks, but that might be better than twitching like a nervous fool.
Mrs. Bishop sat back down, took a sip of her coffee, and said, “So what brings you kids by?”
Ryker Page 18