“Wait, I’ve got something better.” She cleared her throat. “Darren has nice cologne/But don’t leave him home alone/He’ll be eating a calzone.”
I cracked up, and so did she. The more time I spent with her, the more I realized that Jessica wasn’t only beautiful and sexy, she was funny as hell. And she loved to laugh at herself.
The Christmas holidays were under way, and we were spending all of our free time together. It just happened that way. If one of us needed something at the mall, the other would go along. If there was a movie one of us wanted to see, the other went too. If her mom was cooking something good, she told me to come right over. Truth was, everything was better with Jessica by my side.
Jessica lived in a three-bedroom apartment with her parents and thirteen-year-old sister, Kendra. As families went, hers was solid. She had two parents who seemed to like each other. Parents who actually gave a shit and asked the right questions. They weren’t happy about Jessica waitressing at the club, but they said it was her choice. As for me, they’d welcomed me warmly. But I knew that wouldn’t last if they found out I was a dealer.
Jessica’s bedroom was twice the size of mine and as picture perfect as she was. The walls were pastel pink with a thick yellow stripe around the middle—Jessica said she’d done the painting herself. All of the furniture was white IKEA, draped with silky fabric or done up with colorful designs. She had a dozen nail polishes on her dresser, arranged by color, and a neatly organized bookshelf. Nothing was out of place, except for the pile of socks that were peeking out from under her bed.
“I’m starting to think you’re not going to want me to write lyrics for your album.” Jessica bit her lip against a laugh.
“Your lyrics are definitely . . . unique.” I smirked. “It’s a shame I already have a writing partner.”
“Oh yeah. What was his name again?”
“White Chris.”
“White Chris?”
“A nickname from juvie. He lives in a big house in the burbs. His dad’s a principal and his mom’s an English prof.”
“Hope I’ll meet him sometime.” She paused. Jessica never ran out of things to say, so I knew something was up. “Are you afraid of going to juvie again?”
“If I was, would I still be dealing?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe it’s the only way you can keep status.”
“You sound like a shrink.” I stretched out on her bed like it was my own, folding my hands behind my head. “So where are you taking me today? I hope I don’t have to smell more perfumes.”
“I wouldn’t do that to you two days in a row. Today you can watch me try on jeans.”
“So I’m gonna have to say you don’t look fat in a million different ways.”
She giggled. “Get practicing, honey.”
I looked her up and down. “You look good in those jeans, Jessica. So good you don’t even need to wear pants at all.”
“Darren!” She dove on top of me. I caught her arms, rolled her under me, and kissed her.
Kissing Jessica was my favorite thing to do these days. All thought and worry left my brain, and there was nothing but the feel of her against me.
“I’ve wanted you for so long, Darren,” she whispered against my lips.
“Oh yeah?”
“I had a serious crush on you in junior high. But you never paid any attention to me, or any girl, really.”
“Are you kidding? If I’d known, I’d have been all over you.”
“You’re all over me now.”
“Not the way I’d like to be.”
She whispered in my ear, “Not yet, Darren.”
The tickle of her breath in my ear only made my heart pump harder. “Whatever you want. You’re the boss. I’m the humble employee ready to do anything you like.” I kissed the sweet spot behind her ear. “Anything at all.”
* * *
An hour later we were at the mall. So was everyone else in the neighborhood. It was the place to be seen, to show off your threads, hair, bling. And now everyone was scrambling for last-minute Christmas gifts. Not Jessica, though. She’d finished a month ago.
“Let’s go into Dynamite. I need that jacket.” It wasn’t Jessica talking, it was her sister. Kendra looked like a mini Jessica, except she had pink braces and a different nose. That was the catch of spending so much time with Jessica—sometimes Kendra tagged along. It was annoying, but part of the deal.
My cell buzzed. It was a text from Vinny. A reminder of the streets I didn’t need.
“You still haven’t gotten a gift for Mom yet,” Jessica was saying to Kendra.
“I know. I’ll only be a minute,” she insisted.
“I’m gonna sit this one out.” I parked myself on a bench outside the store.
“We won’t be long,” Jessica said.
“No worries.” I was already reading the text.
Hey d. Good news. Found new rims. Watching empire strikes back w the boys. Merry xmas hahaha.
Yeah, it was real good news. I wondered what chumps Vinny had found to replace Albert and Pie. The job description wasn’t very appealing: Take over from a guy who got shot to death and his best friend who was so wired with post-traumatic stress that he had to be taken off the streets. I bet Vinny found a couple of lookouts who wanted to move up in the ranks, kids as dumb as I used to be. Kids who saw the turf war as nothing but a video game.
The Empire Strikes Back— Vinny’s way of saying that Tony was plotting payback. That was a no-brainer. Everyone knew it was only a matter of time.
When the girls came back, I was wearing my it’s-all-good face. “How’d it go?” I asked.
“Great!” Kendra swung her shopping bag. “Did you see me try it on?”
I shook my head.
“I’ll show you! Hold this.” She gave Jessica her other purchases, then took out the jacket—dark blue denim with purple embroidered flowers—and started posing. “Well?”
“It’s nice.” Girls liked compliments, even meaningless ones.
Kendra clapped her hands with excitement.
“It would’ve been cheaper after Christmas,” Jessica said.
“Yeah, but there were only two left in my size!”
“Kendra’s right,” I said. “You can’t pass up a jacket like that. Fashion first.”
Jessica laughed, punching my arm. I squeezed her to my side and whispered in her ear, “I love it when you manhandle me. Do that again.”
“You wish.” I saw a flash of heat in her eyes, then she wriggled away. “Let’s go to the toy store. I know you already have a gift for Kiki, but there’s something I want you to see.”
Curious, I followed her.
The toy store was packed, of course. Moms and dads were racing through the aisles with shopping carts filled sky-high. Good thing Jessica knew exactly where she was going.
“Here it is.”
It was a box of toddler-sized musical instruments: an electric guitar, a drum, a tambourine, and a pair of shakers. “You could add this, too.” She picked up a small keyboard. “It’s got all these different settings. Kiki could make rhymes like you. I was reading this book that said if you want to be great at something, truly great, you have to start young. If Kiki starts making music now, think of how amazing he’ll be by the time he’s our age.”
I couldn’t believe she’d put so much thought into a gift for Kiki. “Thanks, Jessica.” But thanks didn’t cover how impressed I was with this girl. “This is perfect. I’m gonna get it. I’ll save the trucks for his birthday.”
As we got in line for the checkout, I was pumped. I’d never been so excited to give a gift. All I ever got Mom and Tasha were gift cards for the beauty shop. Jessica was right—I could teach Kiki so much about music. He could be my protégé.
After I bought the instruments, we headed for the food court and got something to eat. I sat back and watched the crowd while Jessica and Kendra talked about some actress I’d never heard of.
“She’s totally fugly,” Kendra
said between licks of frozen yogurt.
“No way. She’s unique. Not everyone has to be stick thin with fake boobs, you know.” Jessica turned to me for backup. “What do you think?”
“I think you should have some poutine.” I dangled a gooey forkful of fries and cheese in front of her. “Come on.”
She went for it. “Mmm.”
“My man Darren!” a voice said from behind me.
I didn’t have to turn around to know who it was.
Shit.
“Hey, Vinny.”
Vinny was pimped out in fur and blinged in ice, a ghetto version of Kanye West. His tray was piled high with burgers and fries, and some shopping bags were slung over his arm. Two guys stood with him. One of them wore glasses and impeccable clothes; the other had a shaved head and tattoos crawling up his neck. I was pretty sure they were lieutenants, but I didn’t know their names. All I knew was that I didn’t want them anywhere near Jessica and Kendra.
“You got my text?” Vinny asked me.
I gave a quick nod. He’d better not say more about it.
Vinny and the lieutenants snagged the table next to us. Before Vinny could open his trap again, I said, “How about the game?”
I prayed Vinny would take the bait. He was a die-hard Raptors fan, and last night’s loss would be his latest heartbreak.
“Shadiest game ever!” Vinny thumped a fist on the table. “We almost had it. Somebody’s paying off the refs, I swear.”
The tattooed lieutenant scoffed. “You ain’t serious. The Knicks could wipe the court with them any day of the week.”
As the debate took off, I glanced at Jessica and Kendra, who were still eating their frozen yogurt. If the lieutenants’ talk switched away from basketball, they could easily mention the biz. The last thing I wanted was for Kendra to know I was a dealer. She was young enough and keen enough to march right up to Jessica’s parents with what she knew. Then I’d be screwed.
I tapped my foot under the table. “Let’s go get that gift for your mom,” I said to Kendra.
She shrugged, savoring her frozen yogurt. That girl had to be the slowest eater ever. “I can’t bring this into the store with me.”
“No one will notice,” Jessica said, pushing away her own frozen yogurt. She was probably thinking the same thing I was. “They could sell out if we don’t hurry.”
The conversation at Vinny’s table suddenly stopped. One of the lieutenants said, “Bloods, two o’clock.”
I scanned the vicinity. There were four of them. And they weren’t your regular neighborhood Bloods flashing their colors—they were South Siders who worked the corners for Andre. I’d seen them before.
The Bloods were looking straight at us.
Every muscle in my body tightened. I had no doubt that they were strapped. Vinny and the lieutenants would be too.
I put a hand to my side, as if I was armed. “Damn it, DT wants us to stand down,” I said in a low voice, trying to remind them that Tony wouldn’t want a shoot-out. I only hoped I was right. Problem was, I didn’t know if Tony’s orders to stand down applied to his lieutenants or just his street dealers.
Vinny and the lieutenants turned toward the Bloods, their stares issuing a challenge. I had my answer. They weren’t avoiding a confrontation, they were inviting it.
The Bloods’ stances hardened, and their hands shifted to their sides for easy access.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Kendra shrivel in her seat. Even if she hadn’t heard me, she felt the tension crackling in the air. Jessica put a protective arm around her.
I had no weapon. No exit strategy. My only plan was to throw my body over Jessica and Kendra to shield them.
Seconds ticked away. The soft roar of the crowd seemed to fade into silence as the shoppers became nothing more than extras in a movie.
It was up to the Bloods. If they didn’t keep going, it was on.
One of them muttered something to the others, who nodded grudgingly. They started walking. But their eyes never left our table until they were around the corner.
I could breathe again.
Vinny smirked. “Buncha pussies, walking away like that.”
“Bet they wanted to break into a run,” the lieutenant with the glasses said, and they all slapped hands.
I didn’t see it that way. I could tell those Bloods were as hotheaded as the lieutenants. The fact that they’d walked away meant one thing: They had orders from Andre to stand down.
That was interesting. Andre had only been head of the Bloods for a few months, but he obviously had a tight rein on his soldiers. And he was smart—too smart to let them start something in a crowded mall.
Andre actually had the chops to be a leader. The question was, did he have a chance against Tony?
WRITTEN IN STONE
Christmas morning was snowy. It was a pretty scene, even in Jane-Finch, like one of those snow globes. I spent the morning on the floor with Kiki, who went wild over the music set. I accompanied him on the keyboard while he pounded on the drum and sang words I couldn’t figure out. He had natural rhythm.
It was my first Christmas with him, and I ended up singing songs I thought I’d forgotten the words to. Whenever I thought of all the important things I’d missed by being in juvie, it tore me up. Kiki’s first smiles, first steps, first words. I wasn’t his dad, but I was the closest thing he’d have to one.
Christmas in juvie was the shittiest time of year. The little plastic tree in the cafeteria made us all feel worse. The only good thing was that White Chris and I had been inspired to write a rap called “White Chris-mas,” about a guy who broke out of juvie on Christmas Eve, then set the place on fire. It was going to be our first single, and hopefully it would blow up.
Mom made French toast, our Christmas tradition. She used thick Texas toast and sprinkled it with cinnamon and icing sugar. Kiki made a mess of himself, getting food all over his face and hair, but that was part of the fun. When Kiki was done eating, he reached out to me with powdery hands, and even though I knew it would get my shirt dirty, I lifted him out of his booster seat. We went to the sink and washed up, then got down on the floor again to play with his new toys.
That afternoon, Jessica stopped by. When I opened the door, she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I might’ve enjoyed it if Mom and Tasha weren’t watching. They’d already met Jessica a few times, but I still wasn’t comfortable with them all in the same room.
“Jessi!” Kiki ran to her, and she scooped him up. He nuzzled her neck and started playing with her hair like a new toy. He’d been hooked on her instantly, and I couldn’t blame him. She looked good, smelled good, and gave lots of hugs.
“Easy, Kiki, you’re messing up her hair,” I said.
“It’s okay,” Jessica said. “You’ll have to help me brush it, right, Kiki?”
“Brush, brush!” He smoothed her hair.
We all laughed. I loved seeing Jessica with Kiki, seeing how good she treated him.
“Have you eaten, Jessica?” Mom asked. “I made a ton of French toast this morning.”
“Thanks, but I’m stuffed.” Jessica put a hand over her stomach. “We just had brunch. And I’ll be expected to eat again in a few hours.”
“You’re probably thirsty, then,” Mom said, and Jessica agreed to some juice. Mom obviously wanted to impress her. She saw how sophisticated Jessica was, and I could tell she was proud that I was with her. Tasha just looked bored. No one I could bring home would ever impress her, because she’d wonder what they saw in me.
Jessica took a present from her bag. “I have a gift for you.”
Kiki’s eyes lit up. “Toys!”
She helped him with the shiny red wrapping paper, revealing a package of fifteen Matchbox cars. Kiki squealed and struggled to tear the package open until Mom intervened with scissors.
As Kiki played with his cars, my mom chatted with Jessica. More like, Mom pelted her with questions, some of them too personal.
“So, Jessic
a, Darren hasn’t told me much about your family. What do your parents do?”
I wanted to throw one of Kiki’s cars at her. Mom was all about status, and she was way too obvious about it.
“My mom’s a personal support worker, and she’s going to night school for social work. Dad’s the executive chef at Luigi’s.”
“Wow. Executive chef.” Mom was really impressed. “You must eat well at your place.”
“Well, when he’s home, the last thing he wants to do is cook. My mom does most of it. She’s pretty good, though.”
Mom’s questions went on, but Jessica answered cheerfully. It was a relief when Kiki went for his nap and Jessica and I finally got the chance to be alone. In my bedroom, we put on some music.
“Sorry about my mom,” I said, lying down on the bed. “She doesn’t know when to quit.”
Jessica cuddled in to me. “She wants to make sure I’m good enough for her son.”
“Nah, she’s just trying to figure out why you’re bothering with me.”
“No way. Your mom adores you. I can tell.”
“What about Tasha—she adore me too?”
She paused. “Your sister’s more reserved than your mom.”
“Nice of you to put it that way. I’d call her cold.”
“Now, Kiki, in my opinion, is the cutest kid ever. He has your wicked smile.”
“You think I have a wicked smile?”
“Sure. Cute and dangerous.”
“Oh yeah? You like a dangerous guy?”
“Not really. But you’re not a dangerous guy, deep down.”
I wasn’t sure what to think of that. What I was doing these days was dangerous. “You’re not going to tell me I’m a good guy, are you? That’s the kiss of death.”
She giggled. “You’re definitely not good.” Her lips touched mine, then softly opened.
We kissed for a while, but Jessica refused to fool around in case Mom came knocking. I told her that my mom wouldn’t walk in, but Jessica was too shy about it. She had no clue what she did to me, how much she made me want her. Eventually, Jessica put a hand on my chest and gently pushed me away. She was quiet for a while.
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