“All that pollution.” I filled my lungs with cold air, then exhaled. “Hey, I got something to tell you.”
“Then tell me.”
“The other night I got into a fight with my mom. One of her friends spotted me out here and told her I was up to no good.”
“Shi-it! What did you say?”
“What could I say? I pleaded no contest. She told me to pack my bags and get out.”
“Ouch. Where’d you go?”
“I had nowhere to go. Couldn’t show up at Jessica’s and ask to crash there. Her parents would know something was up.”
“So what’d you do?”
“I told my mom I’d get out of the biz.”
“And she believed you?”
“It’s the truth. I’m getting out.”
He watched me for a minute, probably expecting me to burst out laughing. “You serious?”
“Dead serious. I’m not gonna get kicked out of my home for this, Cam. The whole time I was in juvie, I wanted to get back with my family. I’m not gonna blow it.”
“Jeez. I thought you’d be a lieutenant one day.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. Remember how Diamond Tony acted when he saw you at Vinny’s? It was like he respected you. I figured that meant you were gonna move up.”
“Thanks for saying that, Cam. But it don’t matter now. It’s not worth losing my family. They went through a lot while I was in juvie. And, to tell you the truth, I really don’t want to get locked up again. Two years was enough.”
“I hear that. But it’ll be shitty without you. We had fun, huh?”
“Damn right.” I went over, and we fist bumped. “We’ll still hang. Hit a club or two.”
“Fo sho.”
I was surprised that Cam hadn’t tried to talk me out of it, but I shouldn’t have been. Maybe he knew I wasn’t cut out for this. Maybe he thought he wasn’t either. He’d been talking about doing his GED, after all.
Part of me wondered if I should try to talk Cam into quitting too. I wanted to see him do better, have a decent sort of life. But even if I could convince him, I didn’t think Vinny would like both of us quitting at the same time. Better it just be me for now.
“Darren.” I heard my name and spun around. The Vet had come up behind me, silent in the snow. He had that scary, zombie look going on, his skin mottled and colorless. I was surprised he knew my name, and I didn’t like it.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” I said, trying to be nice. “You want twenty?”
He stepped closer, reeking like garbage. “I want free.”
“C’mon, man. It’s too cold to be playing around.”
“I ain’t playing. But I know you been playing.”
I made a face. “Huh?”
“I saw his picture in the paper.”
An icy feeling gripped me. “I don’t know what you’re—”
“That cop who got killed. He was in the paper. I saw you with him.”
“You’re fucked up already,” I said. “You obviously don’t need any shit from us.”
“I do. And I want it for free.”
STUCK
There was no time to think, so I went with it. I pretended to take money from the Vet and slip it into my pocket. Then I made a sign to Cam.
“See ya next time, Darren,” the Vet said, strolling over to Cam to collect his hit.
I watched him go. This had to be a nightmare. He couldn’t have seen me with Prescott, could he?
Sure, he could have. The Vet didn’t always hang out in this neighborhood. He probably panhandled all over the city.
He could put the word out about me so easily. Spread a rumor that I was a snitch. Or go up to some dealer and tell him what he saw. If Tony got suspicious, it could be enough to do me in.
I wished the free hit was all the Vet was after. But he’d said he would see me next time. That meant he was coming back for more, and if I wasn’t here to supply him . . .
Every curse I knew shot through my brain.
I couldn’t quit. Not now. Not before I found a way to deal with the Vet.
Vinny showed up soon after. When I saw his car pull up to the curb, it hit me that I was going to be twenty dollars short. Turning my back on Cam, I made a quick maneuver and replaced the missing twenty with one from my wallet. Good thing I had the cash on me.
I handed Vinny the money, and Cam gave back what we hadn’t sold. Cam kept looking at me expectantly, but I gave a little shake of my head. He frowned, but seemed to get the picture.
Vinny didn’t count the cash, but he could tell it was a fat wad. “We’re back in business.”
He slapped us five and strutted back to his car.
Cam turned to me. “You punked out or what?”
“Yeah. I got no other source of cash flow. I’m gonna have to get a job quick.”
“What about your mama?”
I sighed. “I’ll deal with my mama. Hope you got a spare couch in case I need to crash.”
“It’s yours if you need it, but it’s got a couple of broken springs. Your sister’s a wildcat.”
I forced a laugh, but my stomach was in knots. The Vet knew my secret.
I couldn’t get out now.
I was stuck in the game.
LUCK
Some people say there’s no such thing as luck. I say there is. Mine’s mostly bad.
I knew the Vet wouldn’t hesitate to rat on me if I didn’t supply him. Most fiends’ brains were too fried to hold a conscience. They stole from their family and friends, neglected their kids, robbed shops, turned tricks—all to get their next hit. Why shouldn’t he sell me out?
The Vet came back the next night and the night after that. Each time, I supplied him and covered the cost. The Vet never used to come by every night, but now that he had this sweet deal, he was making the most of it.
“Look, man, you’re bleeding me dry,” I said on the fourth night. “This is the last time.”
He smiled, revealing horrible teeth. “Then say your goodbyes, Darren.”
“No one will believe you.”
“You sure about that?”
The next night he didn’t come around, and I dared to hope I’d seen the last of him. But, of course, the Vet was back the following night. Seeing the smirk on his face, I could tell he was screwing with me. After I was done dealing, I didn’t go home. Instead I walked north, up Jane Street. I’d been outside for hours and was bone cold. And yet I felt more suffocated than in those tiny cells in juvie where I could’ve sworn the walls were closing in.
It didn’t matter how long I walked, I couldn’t clear my head. I thought about telling Kessler my situation, seeing if she could get the Vet picked up and charged with possession. But I knew the cops didn’t give a shit about crackheads like him. They always went right back to using once they got out. And even if they prosecuted him, it wouldn’t solve my problem. The Vet could blab about me at any time, and snitching was just as bad in jail as it was on the outside.
Even if I kept supplying the Vet, he might talk anyway. He could brag about our arrangement when he was high; then I’d have more fiends to keep quiet. All I knew was, if anyone started calling me a snitch, it was only a matter of time before Tony took notice.
I heard my name and looked up, jarred out of my thoughts. It was stupid to be walking the streets so late without paying attention to my surroundings.
Then I heard my name again and saw her. Jessica hurried across the street. “What are you doing here?”
“Here” meant one block from Chaos and a lot of blocks from home. I’d wandered here without thinking. I must’ve meant to come this way, closer to her.
“You’re done for the night,” I said, stating the obvious.
“Of course.” She searched my eyes. “I called you twice today.”
“Sorry, I didn’t get a chance to call you back.”
“Are you all right?”
“Yeah.” It was another lie. I hated lying to her.
&n
bsp; She didn’t buy it. “You’re freezing. Let’s go inside, okay? I could use some hot chocolate.”
I nodded and followed her to the Arab diner around the corner.
We ordered at the counter. As we waited, we didn’t speak. My ears stung from the cold. The heat of the place started to thaw my skin but did nothing to melt the ice block inside me.
We settled into our seats. She waited for me to take a sip, then asked, “What’s going on?”
I was about to give some lame excuse, but she held up her hand. “Don’t lie to me, Darren. Please.”
I paused. I didn’t want to lie.
“Tell me one thing,” she said. “Are we okay?”
“Yeah, we’re okay.” Until I get killed, I didn’t add. I could almost hear the gun going off inside my head.
“Does it have to do with work?” she asked.
I nodded. “You don’t want to know, Jessica. Trust me. You should stop asking questions.”
Suddenly she grabbed my hand across the table. “Let’s go.”
“Where we going?”
“Somewhere private.”
We caught a cab to her building and took the elevator to the top floor. There was a rec lounge that residents could use for birthday parties but rarely did. It was totally old-school, with faded flowery wallpaper. The pool table was scratched up, and the dart board didn’t have any darts. But none of that mattered since the couches were soft.
The lounge was locked, but Jessica had a key, which she’d swiped from the landlord’s office years ago. We’d been up here a few times before. Sometimes she brought her laptop and we watched movies. Or we made out. Or just sat here holding hands, listening to music with shared earbuds.
We sat down on the couch, and she turned to me. “Talk.”
Maybe I should. I’d told myself that lying to her was keeping her safe, but I wasn’t so sure anymore. If the Vet ratted me out and Tony came after me, she could get caught in the crossfire. She deserved the truth so that she could decide for herself if being with me was worth the risk. And if she decided it wasn’t, I couldn’t blame her.
“All right.” I was finally done lying to her, and it was a relief. “I’m not in the game for the reasons you think. I’ve been informing to the cops.”
She stared at me. “You’re working with the cops?”
“Yeah.” I knew she might judge me for it, but I still knew I could trust her. “We wanted the same thing: to see Diamond Tony locked up.”
“Why?”
“I lost two years of my life because of Tony. I was just a lookout, but the second we were busted, I got stuck with the package and the jail time.”
“You want revenge.”
“Yeah, but it’s not just about that. Tony controls this whole neighborhood, and it’s got to stop. It’s like this . . . terror monarchy.”
“And I bought your story about wanting to make some money.” She shook her head. “I kept asking myself why you’d go back to the business after two years in juvie. Now I know.” Suddenly her eyes went wide. “Oh my God—Tony didn’t find out about you, did he?”
“No. Not yet.”
I told her about the Vet blackmailing me. As I spoke, tears formed in her eyes.
“You’ve got to run, Darren. It’s too risky for you to stay here. The Vet could talk anytime.”
“There’s no running. Not while I still have family here. Tony wouldn’t hesitate to use them to get to me.”
“Can’t the cops protect you?”
“I don’t see how. If they arrest the Vet, he’ll definitely talk.”
She put her face in her hands. “Why did you have to do this? It was a crazy idea.”
“I thought I could pull it off. Figured it was worth the risk. So many people have died because of Diamond Tony. Makes me sick that everybody thinks he’s a hero.”
“I know. I feel the same way.” She hesitated. “There’s something I never told you. My family swore me to secrecy, but it’s been eating away at me.”
“You can tell me anything.”
“Diamond Tony killed Valerie.”
My mouth fell open. “What? I thought it was a car accident.”
“It was. Because she was high out of her mind.”
I couldn’t believe it. Valerie, high out of her mind? She’d been a straight-A student, a totally together person.
“Valerie was wound up so tight, you know? Sometimes she’d smoke weed to relax. But Diamond Tony started giving away free hits of Diamond Dust to the stoners. She tried it once, and that was it. She was hooked.”
“Damn. I’m sorry, Jessica.” I hugged her.
“Her parents didn’t know she was using. When the police told them there were drugs in her system, they didn’t believe it.” She sighed. “But I knew. So did her brother. We’d finally convinced her to go to rehab. I was making phone calls to find a place that would take her. Then the accident happened.” She took a deep breath. “If I’d been able to check her in somewhere right away, she’d still be alive. Even if I’d taken her to a psych ward, just to get her off the streets . . .”
“You did everything you could.”
“It wasn’t enough.”
“It’s not your fault. Diamond Tony’s the one who’s responsible.”
“I know.” Her arms tightened around me. “I can’t lose you, too, Darren. The Vet could be telling people he saw you with that cop. What are you going to do?”
“I’ll figure it out.”
I had to. My life depended on it.
BLACKMAIL
White Chris lived on a tree-lined street with big old houses and Lexus SUVs. He thought of his neighborhood as quiet and boring, but I didn’t see it that way. It would be perfect for Kiki. The park across the street was clean and had all the newest play equipment. You didn’t see dealers on the corners or have to duck drive-bys. I planned to move my family here one day . . . if I didn’t get myself killed first.
White Chris answered the door in baggy sweatpants and a wifebeater that showed off his scrawny arms. We went downstairs to shoot pool. His basement had shag carpets, comfy furniture, and hip-hop blaring from the Bose. His production equipment took up half the room. It was all top of the line, thanks to his parents’ deep pockets. They’d bought it for him when he was released from juvie to keep him out of trouble. I knew he’d have stayed out of trouble anyway.
“Thanks for letting me come over,” I said.
He tossed me a cue. “You didn’t get out of the game, did you?”
I shook my head. “One of the fiends is blackmailing me. He saw me with that detective and figured it out. Said he’d put the word out if I didn’t supply him. So I’ve been giving him a free hit every night.”
“That’s fucked up.” He arranged the balls in the triangle. “You want to break?”
I did, slamming the white ball so hard it popped off the table.
He took his shot from the scratch line, sinking a solid in a side pocket. His next shot was off by an inch. “You don’t have too many options.”
“I know.”
“You have to deal with him.”
“How? Give him a plane ticket to Vegas?” But I knew what he was going to say.
“Take him out.” White Chris chalked his cue. “I know it’s the last thing you want to do. But it’s you or him. Who do you want it to be?”
“Neither. I was thinking about paying him off.”
“That might work for a while.”
But it wouldn’t solve the problem. We both knew that.
“Killing someone’s Diamond Tony’s MO, not mine,” I said. “Let’s take it off the table.”
“You’re so noble. I’m sure they’ll think of something nice to write on your tombstone.” He took another shot, this time landing two solids in a row. His next shot sank a striped ball, so I took over.
“I’m not trying to be noble. I’m not even saying he doesn’t deserve it. I just don’t think I could kill him.”
“You could if you had no c
hoice.”
“There has to be another way.”
“Then get someone else to do it. Some fiend who could never prove that you hired him.”
“Yeah, and he’d probably blackmail me too.”
“I’ll break it down for you, bro. If you were on a battlefield and the Vet was holding up a machine gun, would you shoot? Because he’s basically got a gun pointed at your head.”
I knew he was right. But still.
“Look, the Vet’s playing with fire here. If he’s a real war vet, he should know that. Kill or be killed.”
I was about to take another shot when it hit me. “I can handle him the way I handled Jongo.”
He raised his eyebrows. “You’re gonna let him stab you?”
“No. I’ll let him seal his own fate.”
NO BLUFF
That night, the Vet walked up to me with that same jittery eagerness he’d had all week.
“Our arrangement is over,” I said, point-blank.
“Oh yeah? I wonder what Mr. Kingpin will say about that.”
The Vet had no idea that blackmailing me was putting his life at risk too. That was about to change.
“I’m going to make you a deal, Vet.”
He made a face. “Dinner and a movie? Me and you?”
“I’m only going to say this once, so listen up. If you bother me again, I’ll tell Tony you gave me these.” I pulled two fake tens out of my pocket and held them up. I’d gotten conned with them a few summers ago when I’d sold a kid a video game. I was glad I’d hung on to them. “Any guess what he’ll do when he finds out you paid with counterfeits?”
The Vet looked startled.
“You can sing about me all you want, Vet. When I show these bills to Tony, you’ll have a bullet in your head so fast that nothing you say will matter. That’s if you’re lucky. If you’re not, it’ll be a baseball bat instead of a bullet.”
He shrugged. “If I’m dead, you’re dead. Now, where’s my hit?”
“Not unless you’ve got money for me.”
He went up to Cam. “I want my hit!”
Cam glanced at me. I shook my head and held up the fake bills. “He tried to pay with counterfeits.”
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