Never Been Loved

by C.M. Kars

I belong with Sera, and Aly needs to get that.

  “I don’t want you. I don’t want anything to do with you, ever again. You’re not welcome here anymore.”

  “You’re a fucking idiot! You’re not in your right mind to be making these decisions, Hunter!”

  I lean in closer, face inches from the glass. I don’t know what I look like, but she’s taken two steps back.

  “If you ever come back here again, show your face to either Sera, Matty or me, fuck, Aly, you have no idea what I’ll do. I’ll destroy your fucking life, like you’ve destroyed mine. Do you understand?” I growl, lips pulled back over my teeth.

  “I did no such thing! We had good times, didn’t we, Hunter? I took care of you, baby, and you took care of me and Jules.” Aly touches the glass, palm out. “God, baby, please just let me come upstairs. I can make you feel good,” she moans.

  “Hunt, let’s go upstairs.” Sera’s voice comes at me from the inside – it could be the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. I push myself back from the door, and look at her for a while.

  I move over to her, feet numb from the cold tile and my legs are jelly. I jerk and twist with each movement, but I have to get to her, I have to, even as her beautiful face twists at the sight of me. My entire body’s shaking, my insides dancing, too.

  I swallow and keep moving forward, just have to keep moving.

  I get my hands around her, settle them at her lower back and let out a breath I’d been holding. I get my chin on top of her head and just hold her, ’cause the words aren’t coming out. I’m spent.

  But Sera’s working her magic on me and moving me towards the elevator when all I want to do is stand still and maybe sit down and fall asleep. That’s bad, I know it’s bad, but I can’t do anything about it but just keep following Sera’s voice as the colours swirl around me.

  Sera turns from me, pulling me into the elevator and I settle my cheek on her hair. Such beautiful long hair that smells like cake. Her body’s so warm, too, not like mine. I’m really cold, and I need a pair of socks.

  Aly’s still making noise but I don’t care anymore.

  I don’t care about a lot of things.

  We’re in front of my place, and Sera has the door open, pulling me inside. She gets me on the couch, but I’m too dumb to let go at the right time, so she pushes out of my arms.

  She moves to the fridge and comes back with a bottle of water and a juice.

  God, she’s beautiful and perfect. And here she is, saving me again.

  She holds out the juice to me, but I need her, so I get her to tumble onto my lap, and hold her there. When the sugar starts kicking in, I’m going to have to talk, and I’m going to have to think of which words I want to say.

  It’s only when I lean in to kiss her as the sugar starts working does she speak.

  “Wipe her off of you.”

  I ten-hut it, getting some water from the bottle and wiping Aly off my lips with my shirt.

  She’s going to end it, can’t you see?

  “You said you wouldn’t give up on me, Sera.” I get my arms tighter around her, before she has a chance to bolt. I’ve hurt her again, I’m always hurting her. Maybe it’s time to let her go?

  She’s crying now, crystal tears falling down her cheeks, past her chin to fall down on me, too.

  “I’m not giving up on you, Hunt. I’m giving up on us,” she whispers, pulling away from me.

  I keep shaking my head like it’s going to do something, anything, to fix this. “My body gave up on me, why wouldn’t you?”

  “That’s... That’s not it, and you ... you know it,” she hiccups, sniffling.

  “Explain it to me then, because I don’t fucking understand,” I demand, getting her hands back in mine. I get her next to me on the couch again, and hold her face so I can really look at her, into her.

  Sera closes her eyes.

  Looks like you’ve lost, buddy.

  “I’m not what you need, Hunter. God, you’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?” She tries to pull away from me, but I won’t let her, not this time. She’s gone in her head and twisted everything I’ve ever said to her. She’s not going to believe anything I’ll ever say again.

  I’m going to kill the bastard who destroyed my chances with her. But it looks like I’m doing a fine job of screwing it up myself, too.

  “Say it, Sera. Say it so you can hear how fucked up it is.”

  “Aly, she-she....” She takes a second to pull in some air. “She can give you what you need – money. Money makes life easier, Hunt, you know that. You know you can build a better life for Matty with her as your wife, or whatever she is. You can buy a bigger place to live in, quit your job so you’re not so exhausted anymore. She can give you that; I can’t.”

  I hate it when she looks away from me, it’s like I’m not even here. I swipe away the tears from her face, but more keep coming. She’s tearing me apart.

  “Baby, look at me. Please.”

  Her eyes shoot open, and I get her attention.

  “I’m sorry she kissed me, that she touched me. I’m sorry that I let her. I know I don’t deserve you, Sera, not now, not like I am. I didn’t expect you to come into my life, I didn’t expect to be given this beautiful woman who makes me want to be better. I didn’t expect to find you in nerdy shirts and Justice League Converse, putting a smile on my face in the mornings when I would pass you by to go to my shitty job, into my shitty life. I didn’t expect you to make my days better, to make me as happy as you do with your geek-speak. I didn’t expect for you to get so emotional over the people from your books and movies. I didn’t expect for you to let me into your life.

  “I didn’t expect you to let me kiss you and touch you. I didn’t expect for you to break your tiny hand because of what one asshole said. Fuck, I didn’t expect you to love Matty, to let him into your life, and you into his, to make him the boy he’s meant to be. And baby, the way I see it, I want you around to make sure he grows up to be a better man than me.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with you. Nothing,” she whispers, but she’s biting back some kind of violence and it’s fucking amazing.

  “I’d have money with Aly, sure. She hates Matty, and every single day being with her, it’s going to remind me of my shitty past. You make me forget all that, Sera. No amount of money is worth that. Money’s just money. I’ll get a second job if I need to.”

  “Shut up, just... shut up.”

  Okay.

  “Did she put her tongue in your mouth?”

  Aly tried really hard. “Not for lack of trying.”

  She lets go of my wrists, instead grabbing the end of my shirt and using it to wipe my mouth, getting rid of Aly from me.

  Oh, shit.

  “Take off the shirt, Hunt.”

  I oblige, and fist my shirt and toss it. Sera’s squeezing her eyes together and I’m hoping I stays level; talk about killing the damn mood.

  “Now, stand up.”

  Oh, Christ, she’s lying down on my couch and ordering me to lie down on top of her. Shit, shit, shit. Does she really want to do this? Did I force her to do this?

  “Is this okay?” I ask, watching her scoot up on the couch, closer to my face. My dick’s about to start debating the merits of moving along with her, but I tamp down that argument.

  “More than okay. But I want you to settle more on top of me. I can take it. Go ahead.”

  I swallow, and get to my forearms, putting us even closer. I get a leg between the both of hers, and God, the heat of her has fireworks popping off in my head and nothing’s happened yet.

  Now she’s stroking my shoulders, grabbing my muscles in a needful massage, her mouth nothing more than a breath away. I’m not going to let her give me her tonight. Not yet. Not with what just happened.

  You hear that, Junior? I’m going to take care of you later. This is for Sera.

  “You are the sexiest man I have ever seen,” she whispers against my lips. I’m rock steady still, unable to wat
ch her mouth move. She’s never spoken like this with me. “You are kind and generous. You might even be cooler than Batman, but we’ll have to see about that. You’re strong and brave, and you’re a good dad. You make me want you, just with a look in your eye. You make me crave your kiss so that it’s the last thing I think of every night. You make me feel sexy, when I’ve never felt sexy in my entire life.”

  She kisses me, getting inside me, her hands moving on my head, down to my shoulders, back down to my ribs, hitting my lats only to start all over again. She’s incredible, just fucking incredible.

  When she moans my name, I nearly destroy my boxers, forgetting my own name when she’s sucking on my lip. She pulls me closer, her thumbs hitting the ridge of muscle over my hips and stroking in ways that make me want her hands on my dick.

  When it’s clear that she’s not gonna stop, I get my head out of my ass and start saying something.

  “You don’t- Fuck, baby, you don’t have to do this, Sera,” I say, trying to get her to stop but not wanting to. Her hands make it past my button and zipper and she’s on me now, her hands stroking me while her mouth wants more.

  “I want to watch you come, Hunt. I want to give you that.”

  I’m lost; I’m a dead man walking. I can’t stop this.

  “It’s supposed to be the other way around. I want to touch you, I want to make you feel good. I want my name coming out of your mouth like that over and over, baby,” I groan, bucking into her hand.

  She shivers underneath me, and there’s this smile on her face right before my vision goes blurry and all that exists are her hands on me.

  “Pretend you’re already inside me, Hunt,” she whispers, my eyes flaring wide. “Am I hot? Am I wet and slippery for you?”

  What the fuck?

  I roll my hips into her working grip, let out a growl when she starts a twisting motion.

  “Sera...” I growl, working my hips harder and faster. “Sera, please...”

  I’m dying for air, but I can’t stop moving. When the wave hits, the tickle in my spine slams me down and my teeth sink into her neck as I come in her hands.

  “Hunter,” she moans in my ear like she just came, too.

  I’m animal with my growling and gasping as I keep pumping into her grip, wringing out everything until I collapse fully on top of her, groaning.

  Baby, you have no idea what you just did to me.

  Chapter 28

  I’m crushing the air out of her, but there’s not much I can do about it.

  I can’t feel my legs, hell, I can’t feel anything. My head is filled with white-noise again, and all I’m aware of is her body under mine, her breathing hard in my ear, and I swear I can hear the smile on her face.

  “Fuck, Sera,” I mumble against the soft skin of her throat. “I swear I was in orbit. Jesus Christ.”

  She completely undid me and I can’t fucking move.

  Get up, she needs to breathe.

  “Come with me, we need to clean you up.” I make the mistake of moving my hips back, but she’s still got her hands around me, dragging out one last shudder from me. I need to be inside her – as soon as I recover. Yeah, I just need an hour.

  I get her hands cleaned off on the thighs of my boxers, and I shuck off my pants, and lead her to the bathroom. She does her thing, and stares at herself in the mirror like it’s a stranger there. Sera stares directly into her eyes, then sweeps over her features until she makes eye contact with me in the mirror.

  Needing to touch her, I sweep the hair off her neck and kiss her gently, feeling her shivering. I’ll swear I’ll be ready to go in another minute if she keeps this up.

  “You’re gorgeous, Sera.” I mean it. Absolutely.

  I look up from where I’ve been occupied and catch her smile in the mirror. I get my hands on her hips, the flesh filling my palms, but she tenses and then loosens up in my grip.

  I don’t know how far I should push this. Maybe I should let her run the show.

  “I need to wash up. You can stay, or you can meet me in my bed.”

  “I don’t want to have sex tonight.”

  I’ve got my answer, and I’m cool with it.

  I move more of her hair out of the way with a hand, and kiss her behind her ear. She tilts her head to the side, giving more skin to tease her with. My dick’s starting to throb again, and all I want to do is grind myself on her ass, let her feel how hard she makes me, how crazy she drives me by just being her.

  “I didn’t say anything about sex. We do whatever you want. Those are the rules, remember?”

  I get to taste more of the expanse of skin along her neck, running my teeth gently along a tendon I found.

  “I think I just want to sleep. Can you do that?” Her voice is shaky; I want to howl and pound my chest. But then reality seeps in, and I need to make sure my girl is taken care of – in the best way possible.

  “What kind of man would I be if I didn’t take care of you?” I look at her in the mirror, and press her back against my front, nearly growling when we make contact. Yeah, I’m ready to go.

  “Take care of me?”

  Maybe she doesn’t see the fire in her eyes, or the stain on her cheeks, or the way her mouth is swollen because of me. Maybe she doesn’t see that she’s radiant even under the harsh light in my bathroom, and she looks so fucking exquisite standing in front of me, her green, green eyes completely confused.

  “Baby, look at you. You’re primed for me, probably with the lightest brush of my fingers, I’m going to have you coming. Why won’t you let me?”

  Why are you still so scared of me?

  “All you have to do is ask. Fuck, Sera, you can have whatever you want. I’ll give you whatever you want, I swear.”

  She nods, but looks away from the mirror. What did I do?

  “I know. I really just want to sleep. This has been a lot for me tonight.”

  I give her a nod, then turn my attention to her lonely earlobe that I haven’t played with yet. I get my mouth around it, hearing her gasp, and then brave it until I get some teeth in the mix. Sera moans, and I’m pissed.

  “Let me finish you, Sera. Please, baby, let me do that for you,” I say in her ear, going back to her earlobe, getting a hitch of air out of her.

  “Wrap a towel around your waist and get rid of your boxers.”

  Fuck, I love it when she’s bossy. I hide behind the terrycloth and shuck off my boxers.

  “Sit on the floor.”

  I sit, and look up at her, grinning. Oh yeah, she’s going to make all my dreams come true.

  She’s not my nerd-Sera anymore. Nah, she’s a vixen now, getting on her knees and crawling into my lap that’s got my blood pounding southerly and my heart going haywire. My muscles flex as I try and keep still.

  She splays her legs on either side of me, crushing that rack into me, and while I’m pissed that she’s still got her shirt on for some fucking weird reason, she hits my dick right with her pussy through her sweats and all thought flies out of the atmosphere.

  Sera’s breath hitches again, like she can’t contain the feeling that’s about to make me liquefy. Christ, she’s moving over me, little jerks of her hips, hitting her spot over and over again on the ridge of my cock, riding me through three different pieces of clothing and I swear to Christ above, I’m in heaven.

  I get a taste of her mouth, using my tongue in a way that gets her moaning on top of me. There’s no rush now; I locked the bathroom door and I’m finally going to watch her come, imagining I’m inside her when it happens.

  The towel is sliding on my dick and I wish I’d taken it off, begged her to leave her pants and panties on the ground and do this skin-to-skin. She’s gotten me even harder now, and I pull back to breathe.

  All I can do is growl her name, and she somehow crushes herself closer to me. My hands sneak under her shirt, touching her everywhere I can, watching her face as her mouth’s open in that waiting-for-a-kiss look.

  I’ve pulled down her bra and have my
hand on her breasts, my thumb stroking across her nipple, and she arches her back, hitting another wave of lightning, until she’s gotten a hold of my mouth again, moaning my name against me.

  I crush her even closer to me, feeling her hips working harder and faster, until I get a whimpering moan sighed into my mouth. She pulls away and gets that hot little mouth on my neck, running her teeth along a tendon I didn’t know would have my cock ready to explode. She’s still working her hips, slower now, as she pulls in air.

  She’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

  I’ve got my hands running along her back, until she’s leaning back and getting off of me with flaming cheeks, and not looking at me.

  Fuck, no.

  “I’ll see you in bed,” she mutters, and I’m ready to start fucking yelling. Yeah, that was fucking great, but I was used. Used, like Aly used me.

  Hold it, asshole, and keep that trap closed.

  Sera walks out of the bathroom, shuffling more like it without looking away from her feet. Is she… ashamed of what we did here?

  Does she hate me that much?

  Read the signs, dickhead. Get your head out of your ass and pay attention to the details.

  I look across the hall and Sera pulls the sheets away from my bed and lies down. She’s not going anywhere – I hope.

  I decide to take a quick shower, and give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe I pushed her too hard. She said she wanted to sleep in the first place.

  Fuck, I’m such an asshole.

  I get out of the shower, towel myself off and head to the living room to shut off the TV. When I get to my room, she’s still got her back to me, so I drop the towel and scavenger hunt in my dresser for clean boxers.

  I need to do laundry. I fucking hate doing laundry.

  Getting into my bed on my side, I slide in close to her, wondering if her closed eyes actually means she’s fallen asleep. Somehow, I don’t think so.

  “Sera? You awake?”

  She mumbles something, and I think her eyes are open now.

  “Can I give you this shirt to wear and you throw your nerdy one on the floor?”

  “Why?”

  This is going to sound stupid, but maybe she’ll go for it.