Fighting to Forget

by Jenika Snow

  He pushed up from her, one forearm braced on either side of her head, and looked down at her body. The dark slashes of his eyebrows were knitted in thought, and the muscles in his jaw jumped beneath his stubble covered flesh.

  Tasha pushed herself up on her elbows and kissed the underside of his jaw. He groaned, and she heard him inhale deeply. When she lay back down, she took Larson’s hand and placed it between her breasts. He braced himself on his other arm and stared down at where his hand was on her body. She then pushed his hand lower until he was cupping her pussy.

  “I’m so wet for you,” she whispered, groaned. God, she was acting so wild and wanton.

  “Yeah, baby, you’re really fucking primed for me,” he whispered.

  He rubbed her clit softly for few seconds, back and forth until awareness traveled through her, starting between her legs and working its way up her body. Her nipples tightened as blood rushed to them. He latched his lips onto her neck again, licked and sucked at her skin until it felt abraded in a good way.

  “You’re so responsive.” He ran his tongue up her throat. A moan left her, and he breathed out. Her senses were attuned to the little touches of his fingers on her body, to the scrape of his teeth on her collarbone, and to the rubbing motion of his hand between her thighs. He lowered his head, trailing wet kisses along the top of her breasts before finally latching his mouth on an aching, hard nipple.

  God, so good.

  The wet sounds of his lips around her turgid flesh filled the room. Larson’s harsh, guttural groans filled her ears. Without thinking, Tasha grabbed him behind the back of the neck and brought his mouth to hers. She swiped her tongue along his lips, loving the harsh sound that came from him. The musky, sweet flavor of her was still on him, and she grew wetter from it. For several moments he gave in and allowed her to explore his mouth.

  “I need to be with you without anything, Tasha, but I understand if you’re afraid.”

  Her heart thundered at his statement.

  “I’m clean, always used protection, but with you I want it to be different. I want to feel all of you.”

  She was on the pill to regulate her period and also to help prevent any surprises with pregnancy if she actually had sex. Although she shouldn’t be stupid about this and insist he use a condom, she trusted Larson, loved him, and wanted this, too. “I trust you. I want to be with you … all of you.”

  Larson looked down at her, and lifted his hand to run his thumb along the swell of her bottom lip. “No more waiting for that right moment to be with someone forever, Tasha.” He smoothed his finger over her cheeks now. “No more fighting to forget.”

  She wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but she knew that when the time was right he’d tell her. Larson moved his thumb back to her lips, and Tasha opened her mouth and sucked the digit between her lips. He moved his other hand between their bodies, bracing his weight on his elbow, and placed the tip of his dick at her entrance. She was so nervous, but she knew she wanted to do this more than anything else.

  “So good, Tasha. You feel so good and right. Perfection.” He kissed the top of her head and continued to push into her.

  She’d been with him already, but the stretching and burning sensation was still intense. And when he was fully inside of her she sighed. The feeling of being completely filled by the man she loved was breathtaking. He cupped both sides of her face and kissed her possessively.

  “Tasha…” Larson said softly, but harshly, and started moving back and forth in her, slow and easy at first. The broad head of his dick stretched her when he got to the entrance of her body, and then he pushed into her again. He did this over and over again until she was sweating with pleasure and pain. With every inch he sank into her, Tasha felt filled, claimed.

  “So good, baby.”

  He leaned back slightly and watched himself push into her and pull back out. She rose up on her elbows once more, saw the massive, long, thick length of him pull out of her.

  “You’re mine. I’m tired of fighting myself for it, and just want to give in.” He growled out the words, and thrust back into her. The play of muscles that rippled along his shoulders and biceps spoke of his strength. A gush of moisture slipped from her, further aiding in his penetration. He pulled out slowly and pushed back in. Over and over he did this, slow and easy thrusts that had her lifting her hips in hopes he’d go faster.

  Beads of sweat dotted his brow and chest, sliding down his hard, tattooed and scarred body, and making her more aroused. She wanted his sweat to drip on her as he pounded into her. She wanted to just … feel.

  “I know you’re holding back, and I don’t want that, Larson.” Something shifted behind his dark eyes after she spoke, and his movements picked up, as if he couldn’t control himself after she said the words. His cock slid in and out of her, the momentum faster and harder as his hips slapped against hers and the sound of wet flesh filled the room.

  “Christ, baby,” he said harshly. He leaned back on his haunches and gripped her inner thighs. When he pushed her legs impossibly wider and stared down at where his cock sank into her pussy, she felt herself go higher in her arousal. When he lifted his gaze back to hers he said hoarsely, “Look. Watch as I take you.”

  The pleasure was insurmountable, but when she braced herself on her elbows and stared down at where their bodies met once again, the ecstasy rose. He pulled his cock almost all the way out, and the glossiness from her cream shone on his dick. He placed his thumb on her clit and moved the bundle of nerves back and forth, over and over, and then she exploded without any preamble.

  Lights flashed before her eyes as her orgasm claimed her. But Larson didn’t relent as he thrust in and out of her, drawing her climax to the peak then keeping it there until she couldn’t breathe. When the world came back into focus the image before her had her arousal racing to the forefront again. He looked wild, untamed, and full of heat. Sweat dripped down his chest in droplets and landed on her breasts. His super short hair was wet from his perspiration, but he had never looked so good to her.

  Before she could even blink, he moved onto his back and had her straddling him. His hands were on her waist, and he lifted her, forcing his cock to almost slip out before he impaled her on him again. Tasha’s head spun as he did this continuously. All she could do was brace herself with her hands on his pectoral muscles as he fucked her on his shaft.

  Grunts and groans left him and grew louder, and she knew he was close. Taking matters into her own hands, Tasha pressed all the way down on him and ground her pussy on his pelvis. She was sensitive, sore even, but she wasn’t going to stop this. A gasp left her when her clit rubbed against the short, coarse hairs on his lower belly.

  “Yeah, baby. Fuck.” He tightened his hold on her waist as she took over the rocking motions. Up and down she moved, sinking harder and faster on his cock until her head grew dizzy from it all. She was going to come again.

  The taste of sweet release was so close that on the next down stroke she ground her clit against him. The explosion inside of her rivaled the one before. She threw her head back and cried out as her pussy clamped down on his cock, milking him for his cum. Larson dug his fingertips into her, and his low, animalistic grunt signaled he’d found his own release. If it were possible, she felt him harden even further inside of her.

  She collapsed against his chest, their skin sweaty and their breathing loud. He wrapped his arms around her and rolled so they were on their sides facing each other. The heavy length of him was still buried in her body, and spasms continued to travel through her. Closing her eyes and resting her forehead on his damp chest, she listened to the sound of his heart beating.

  After several minutes of silence, and the feel of Larson stroking his fingers up and down her spine, she pushed back and braced herself on an elbow, staring down at him. For a second he just looked at her, and then lifted his hand to cup her cheek.

  “I’ve waited a long time for you, Tasha.”

  Her heart stalled, just stopp
ed right in her chest.

  “Larson…”

  “It’s the truth, Tasha, and I want to make this work, no matter what.”

  She smiled, lay on her side right up against him, and stared at the ceiling. “I want that, too.” She looked over at him. He was staring at the ceiling, too, his jaw locked tight as he looked deep in thought. “I love you, Larson, I really do,” she said softly, and when he looked at her Tasha’s heart jumped in her throat.

  “I love you, too, baby, and everything will work out because I’ll make sure it does.” He kissed her on the forehead, and she loved this gentleness in him. “I meant it when I said I wouldn’t let anyone or anything take you away from me, not even me. I swear I’ll be a good man to you, make sure you’re safe.”

  Good, because thinking of Larson not by her side was painful, and she didn’t want to have to go through that, not now that she knew he felt the same way for her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  When he came to there was a beeping sound beside him, maybe the reason he woke up in the first place. Larson turned his head and stared at the blood bag hanging from the IV pole, followed the red tube all the way down to his arm, and saw the blood was being transfused into him. He looked around, saw that he was clearly in a hospital room, and then everything came rushing back to him. Before he could get up a nurse was by his side, her hand on his arm, her touch soft.

  “Relax. You’ve been through a lot.”

  “My wife,” he croaked out.

  Her smile faded, and sympathy filled her expression. “I’m sorry, but your wife didn’t make it.”

  He closed his eyes, already knowing as much, but a small part of him knew the truth. “The other man,” he mentioned Haines, knew that he’d killed him, or at least he hoped he had, but he needed confirmation.

  “The police will be in once you’re feeling better. They’ll talked to you about everything, and then a social worker can speak with you if you feel you need … to talk to someone.” She said the last part empathetically.

  “Just tell me,” he said in a harder voice, looked at her with hard eyes, and wasn’t about to jump through hoops just to get the information he wanted and needed. “I need to know, please.” He said the last part in a softer tone.

  She didn’t answer right away, but he could tell by her expression she’d tell him whatever he wanted because she felt sorry for him. He hated that, hated the pity on her face.

  “Yes, the other man has passed away. But don’t think about any of that right now.”

  She checked a few things on his IV pole, his chart, then patted his hand and left him alone.

  He wanted to just get out of this fucking bed, leave the hospital, and never look back. Scrubbing his hand over his face, felt the beard across his cheeks and jaw, and just relaxed, or tried to. Dropping his hand to the bed, it gave a thump as it hit the mattress. He knew he should feel some kind of relief that the man that had taken everything from him was gone. But all he felt was this emptiness, this sorrow and darkness that slowly filled him. He’d never be the same, he knew that, and he embraced it.

  ****

  It had been a week since they’d been together sexually, and although Larson still wanted Tasha so fucking fiercely, he also didn’t want her just for sex. Tonight he’d invited her over, made them dinner, and now she was sitting on his couch in front of the TV. There was some rerun on, a movie about a boy that got lost, a woman found him, and the boy’s father ended up with the woman. It was sappy as hell, a total “chick flick” but she’d turned it to the show, and he liked that she’d made herself at home.

  He grabbed a glass of wine for her, a beer for himself, and left the kitchen to head to the living room and sit beside her. “Anything good?” he asked, although he knew this movie from the late nineties was not something a man would probably watch. Maybe that was sexist, but he wouldn’t have chosen it as cinematic entertainment. Still, Tasha could do whatever she wanted. He’d hold her close, smile, and keep his mouth shut.

  She looked at him, wrinkled up her nose, and shook her head. “Are you kidding me? I was never one of those people that liked sappy romances, but I couldn’t find anything else on.”

  He grinned. She was certainly a woman after his heart. His thoughts went to why he’d really called her over here tonight. The somberness in his body went to anxiousness, and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt like that. It was strange to feel so vulnerable with a woman when he’d kept himself strong for so long. But Tasha had opened his eyes, opened his heart, and he wanted, no, needed, to be honest with the woman he loved.

  “You’re thinking about something serious. I can tell,” she said, and he felt her gaze on him.

  “How about we have that talk?” He turned on the couch, kept her close, but stared at her in the eyes, hoping she saw the seriousness in his expression.

  “Okay,” she said softly.

  It took him a while to see how he’d proceed with this, but he knew he had to, knew he had to be open and honest, and see where the cards landed. They couldn’t fully move forward unless he came clean with his past. Tasha was his life now. He knew that and felt it in the very recesses of his soul.

  He touched the scar on his neck, watched as she lowered her gaze and stared at him as he did the act, and all the memories from his past came rushing back. But it wasn’t an unpleasant sensation. In fact, he felt this freeing emotion consume him at the fact he was finally going to tell someone. Sure, everyone who’d read the paper or watched the news back then knew about his past and the murder, but he’d never actually spoken the words to anyone. He kept it in, deep inside of him, and lived with that.

  “Over a decade ago I was married.” He paused, kept his eyes trained on Tasha, and tried to gauge her reaction.

  “Go on,” she said softly, placed a hand over his, and smiled.

  “I was married over ten years ago, loved Melanie so damn much, and thought I’d start a family with her.” He didn’t know how it would make Tasha feel with him saying that, but he wanted her to know that part of his life. “I was in the MMA, competing in my last fight with a man named Haines, and I beat him. I got the championship title, and was ready to retire and finally give Melanie the attention I’d neglected while I was in the fighting scene.”

  She breathed in and out softly, and as he stared at her face, he didn’t see any discomfort at where this conversation was going, but only open and honest acceptance.

  “I came home after the championship to see Haines had raped and murdered Melanie.”

  She gasped, covered her mouth, and he saw her eyes grow large and watery. “I am so sorry.”

  He shook his head, knowing she meant her sympathy, but needing to get this out.

  “I’ve never told anyone about any of this. But they knew. Everyone knew because it was national news, made headlines, and it rocked the Absinthe MMA.” He looked at the TV that had since been muted. He saw the couple embrace, the man cupping the woman’s face, and the love on their expressions.

  “I would have been too young to have seen that in the news.”

  He looked at her again and nodded. Larson took her hand in his, stared down at her delicate fingers, at the way her fingernails were painted this soft pink color, and how she was so fragile compared to him. No one in the training facility talked about his past. They knew better, so it wasn’t like Tasha could have heard anything there.

  “Yeah, I figured as much, but I’m glad you didn’t hear about it.” He continued to look at her hands. “It was gruesome and grisly, and I’d hate for you to have that memory, even if it was part of my life.” His heart was beating so fast it felt like it was going to burst through his chest. “But Haines attacked me at the house. I hadn’t known he was there, and when I went after him, so consumed and blinded by my rage, I was sloppy in my actions. He cut me.” He let go of her hand, touched the scar on his neck, and pulled the collar of his shirt down to reveal it on his chest. “I thought I would die that night, wanted to in fact
, but I’d called 911 when I’d first found Melanie, dropped the phone, and totally forgot about them in the situation. They saved my life.” He said the last part hard, without emotion. “And for a long time I hated that, hated that I lived and she died.”

  “I’m so sorry, Larson. I can’t even imagine what that must have felt like for you, to have to live your life with that memory.”

  He looked at this young woman that had changed something inside of him, made him feel this contentment and heat that had nothing to do with the fact he wanted her body like a fiend. She was sweet and honest, gave as good as she got, and was so damn strong it made him proud.

  “I wish things had been different for you.” She gave him this sweet little smile, and he leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead.

  “Things are different now. I won’t lie and say the last ten years haven’t been me living in this dark shadow of anger, fear, hatred, and wanting to feel pain and inflict it. But then I saw you at the gym, felt this emotion inside of me that was good and warm, and I didn’t know if I liked it.”

  She nodded. “I understand. How could you not feel even more afraid after what you’d been through and lost?” She moved closer to him, and he gladly pulled her into the hardness of his body. She was so soft and smelled so good that for just a moment all he did was hold her and inhale deeply.

  “I want you to know that the past is the past, and although I’ve kept everyone at a distance, told myself I would never be with a woman because they deserved better, I will do everything in my power to show you that you are my world now.”

  She leaned back, her mouth slightly parted. He cupped the side of her face.

  “I don’t want you worrying that I’m holding onto a memory of Melanie, trying to replace her with you because that’s not what this is.” He smoothed his finger along her cheek, meaning everything he just said. “I want to make this work. I don’t want to lie to you, hold anything back. All I want is honesty between us.”