"You holding down the place for Charley?" I asked her. Charley was her father and the owner of the tavern.
"He's catching a nap," she said. "It's not too busy this time of day. I can handle it."
"How about a beer?" I asked.
"Sure thing. Large or small?"
"Make it large," I told her.
She brought the beer and went back behind the bar. The place was quiet and restful not elegant, and perhaps a little dirty, but restful. Up front the brightness of the street made a splash of light, but it faded out before it got too far, as if it were soaked up by the quiet dusk that lurked within the building.
A man got up from the booth just ahead of me. I had not seen him as I came in. Probably he'd been sitting in the corner, against the wall. He held a half-filled glass and he turned and stared at me. Then he took a step or two and stood beside my booth. I looked up and I didn't recognize him. My eyes had not as yet become adjusted to the place.
"Brad Carter?" he asked. "Could you be Brad Carter?"
"Yes, I could," I said.
He put his glass down on the table and sat down across from me. And as he did, those fox-like features fell into shape for me and I knew who he was.
"Alf Peterson!" I said, surprised. "Ed Adler and I were talking about you just an hour or so ago." He thrust his hand across the table and I grabbed it, glad to see him, glad for some strange reason for this man out of the past. His handclasp was firm and strong and I knew he was glad to see me, too.
"Good Lord," I said, "how long has it been?"
"Six years," he told me. "Maybe more than that." We sat there, looking at one another, in that awkward pause that falls between old friends after years of not seeing one another, neither one quite sure of what should be said, searching for some safe and common ground to begin a conversation.
"Back for a visit?" I inquired.
"Yeah," he said. "Vacation."
"You should have looked me up at once."
"Just got in three or four hours ago." It was strange, I thought, that he should have come back to Millville, for there was no one for him here. His folks had moved away, somewhere east, several years ago. They'd not been Millville people. They'd been in the village for only four or five years, while his father worked as an engineer on a highway project.
"You're going to stay with me," I said. "There's a lot of room. I am all alone."
"I'm at a motel west of town. Johnny's Motor Court, they call it."
"You should have come straight to my place."
"I would have," he said, "but I didn't know. I didn't know that you were in town. Even if you were, I thought you might be married. I didn't want to just come barging in."
I shook my head. "None of those things," I said.
We each had a drink of beer.
He put down his glass. "How are things going, Brad?" My mouth got set to tell a lie, and then I stopped. What the hell, I thought. This man across from me was old Alf Peterson, one of my best friends. There was no point in telling him a lie. There was no pride involved. He was too good a friend for pride to be involved.
"Not so good," I told him.
"I'm sorry, Brad."
"I made a big mistake," I said. "I should have gotten out of here. There's nothing here in Millville, not for anyone."
"You used to want to be an artist. You used to fool around with drawing and there were those pictures that you painted."
I made a motion to sweep it all away.
"Don't tell me," said Alf Peterson, "that you didn't even try. You were planning to go on to school that year we graduated."
"I did," I said. "I got in a year of it. An art school in Chicago. Then Dad passed away and Mother needed me. And there wasn't any money. I've often wondered how Dad got enough together to send me that one year."
"And your mother? You said you are alone."
"She died two years ago."
He nodded. "And you still run the greenhouse."
I shook my head. "I couldn't make a go of it. There wasn't much to go on; I've been selling insurance and trying to handle real estate. But it's no good, Alf. Tomorrow morning I'll close up the office."
"What then?" he asked.
"I don't know. I haven't thought about it." Alf signalled to Mae to bring another round of beers.
"You don't feel," he said, "there's anything to stay for."
I shook my head. "There's the house, of course. I would hate to sell it. If I left, I'd just lock it up. But there's no place I want to go, Alf, that's the hell of it. I don't know if I can quite explain. I've stayed here a year or two too long; I have Millville in my blood."
Alt nodded. "I think I understand. It got into my blood as well. That's why I came back. And now I wonder if I should have. Of course I'm glad to see you, and maybe some other people, but even so I have a feeling that I should not have come. The place seems sort of empty. Sucked dry, if you follow me. It's the same as it always was, I guess, but it has that empty feeling." Mae brought the beers and took the empty glasses.
"I have an idea," Alf said, "if you care to listen."
"Sure," I said. "Why not?"
"I'll be going back," he said, "in another day or so. Why don't you come with me? I'm working with a crazy sort of project. There would be room for you. I know the supervisor pretty well and I could speak to him."
"Doing what?" I asked. "Maybe it would be something that I couldn't do."
"I don't know," said All, "if I can explain it very logically. It's a research project — a thinking project. You sit in a booth and think."
"Think?"
"Yeah. It sounds crazy, doesn't it? But it's not the way it sounds. You sit down in a booth and you get a card that has a question or a problem printed on it. Then you think about that problem and you're supposed to think out loud, sort of talking to yourself, sometimes arguing with yourself. You're self-conscious to start with, but you get over that. The booth is soundproofed and no one can see or hear you. I suppose there is a recorder of some sort to take down what you say, but if there is, it's not in sight."
"And they pay you for this?"
"Rather well," said Alf. "A man can get along."
"But what is it for?" I asked.
"We don't know," said Alf. "Not that we haven't asked. But that's the one condition of the job — that you don't know what it's all about. It's an experiment of some sort, I'd guess. I imagine that it's financed by a university or some research outfit. We are told that if we knew what was going on it might influence the way we are thinking. A man might unconsciously pattern his thinking to fit the purpose of the research."
"And the results?" I asked.
"We aren't told results. Each thinker must have a certain kind of pattern and if you knew that pattern it might influence you. You might try to conform to your own personal pattern, to be consistent, or perhaps there'd be a tendency to break out of it. If you don't know the results, you can't guess at the pattern and there is then no danger." A truck went by in the street outside and its rumble was loud in the quietness of the tavern. And after it went past, there was a fly buzzing on the ceiling. The people up in front apparently had left — at least, they weren't talking any more. I looked around for Stiffy Grant and he wasn't there. I recalled now that I had not seen him and that was funny, for I'd just given him the dollar.
"Where is this place?" I asked.
"Mississippi. Greenbriar, Mississippi. It's just a little place. Come to think of it, it's a lot like Millville. Just a little village, quiet and dusty and hot. My God, how hot it is. But the project centre is air conditioned. It isn't bad in there."
"A little town," I said. "Funny that there'd be a place like that in a little town."
"Camouflage," said All. "They want to keep it quiet. We're asked not to talk about it. And how could you hide it better than in a little place like that? No one would ever think there'd be a project of that sort in a stuck-off village."
"But you were a stranger…"
"Sure, a
nd that's how I got the job. They didn't want too many local people. All of them would have a tendency to think pretty much alike. They were glad to get someone from out of town. There are quite a lot of out-of-towners in the project."
"And before that?"
"Before that? Oh, yes, I see. Before that there was everything. I floated, bummed around. Never stayed too long in any spot. A job for a few weeks here, then a job for a few weeks a little farther on. I guess you could say I drifted. Worked on a concrete gang for a while, washed dishes for a while when the cash ran out and there was nothing else to do. Was a gardener on a big estate down in Louisville for a month or two. Picked tomatoes for a while, but you can starve at that sort of work, so I moved on. Did a lot of things. But I've been down in Greenbriar for eleven months."
"The job can't last forever. After a while they'll have all the data they need." He nodded. "I know. I'll hate to have it end. It's the best work I ever found. How about it, Brad? Will you go back with me?"
"I'll have to think about it," I told him. "Can't you stay a little longer than that day or two?"
"I suppose I could," said All. "I've got two weeks" vacation."
"Like to do some fishing?"
"Nothing I'd like better."
"What do you say we leave tomorrow morning? Go up north for a week or so? It should be cool up there. I have a tent and a camping outfit. We'll try to find a place where we can get some wall-eyes."
"That sounds fine to me."
"We can use my car," I said.
"I'll buy the gas," said All.
"The shape I'm in," I said, "I'll let you."
3
If it had not been for its pillared front and the gleaming white rail of the widow walk atop its roof, the house would have been plain and stark.
There had been a time, I recalled, when I had thought of it as the most beautiful house in the entire world. But it had been six or seven years since I had been at the Sherwood house.
I parked the car and got out and stood for a moment, looking at the house. It was not fully dark as yet and the four great pillars gleamed softly in the fading light of day. There were no lights in the front part of the house, but I could see that they had been turned on somewhere in the back.
I went up the shallow steps and across the porch. I found the bell and rang.
Footsteps came down the hall, a hurrying woman's footsteps. More than likely, I thought, it was Mrs Flaherty. She had been housekeeper for the family since that time Mrs Sherwood had left the house, never to return.
But it wasn't Mrs Flaherty.
The door came open and she stood there, more mature than I remembered her, more poised, more beautiful than ever.
"Nancy!" I exclaimed. "Why, you must be Nancy!" It was not what I would have said if I'd had time to think about it.
"Yes," she said, "I'm Nancy. Why be so surprised?"
"Because I thought you weren't here. When did you get home?"
"Just yesterday," she said.
And, I thought, she doesn't know me. She knows that she should know me. She's trying to remember.
"Brad," she said, proving I was wrong, "it's silly just to stand there. Why don't you come in." I stepped inside and she dosed the door and we were facing one another in the dimness of the hail.
She reached out and laid her fingers on the lapel of my coat.
"It's been a long time, Brad," she said. "How is everything with you?
"Fine," I said. "Just fine."
"There are not many left, I hear. Not many of the gang."
I shook my head. "You sound as if you're glad to be back home." She laughed, just a flutter of a laugh. "Why, of course I am," she said. And the laugh was the same as ever, that little burst of spontaneous merriment that bad been a part of her.
Someone stepped out into the hall.
"Nancy," a voice called, "is that the Carter boy?
"Why," Nancy said to me, "I didn't know that you wanted to see Father."
"It won't take long," I told her. "Will I see you later?"
"Yes, of course," she said. "We have a lot to talk about."
"Nancy!"
"Yes, Father."
"I'm coming," I said.
I strode down the hall toward the figure there. He opened a door and turned on the lights in the room beyond.
I stepped in and he closed the door.
He was a big man with great broad shoulders and an aristocratic head, with a smart trim moustache.
"Mr Sherwood," I told him, angrily, "I am not the Carter boy. I am Bradshaw Carter. To my friends, I'm Brad." It was an unreasonable anger, and probably uncalled for. But he had burned me up, out there in the hall.
"I'm sorry, Brad," he said. "It's so hard to remember that you all are grown up — the kids that Nancy used to run around with." He stepped from the door and went across the room to a desk that stood against one wall. He opened a drawer and took out a bulky envelope and laid it on the desk top.
"That's for you," he said.
"For me?"
"Yes, I thought you knew." I shook my head and there was something in the room that was very close to fear. It was a sombre room, two walls filled with books, and on the third heavily draped windows flanking a marble fireplace.
"Well," he said, "it's yours. Why don't you take it?" I walked to the desk and picked up the envelope. It was unsealed and I flipped up the flap. Inside was a thick sheaf of currency.
"Fifteen hundred dollars," said Gerald Sherwood. "I presume that is the right amount."
"I don't know anything," I told him, "about fifteen hundred dollars. I was simply told by phone that I should talk with you." He puckered up his face, and looked at me intently, almost as if he might not believe me.
"On a phone like that," I told him, pointing to the second phone that stood on the desk.
He nodded tiredly. "Yes," he said, "and how long have you had the phone?"
"Just this afternoon. Ed Adler came and took out my other phone, the regular phone, because I couldn't pay for it. I went for a walk, to sort of think things over, and when I came back this other phone was ringing."
He waved a hand. "Take the envelope," he said. "Put it in your pocket.
"It is not my money. It belongs to you." I laid the envelope back on top the desk. I needed fifteen hundred dollars. I needed any kind of money, no matter where it came from. But I couldn't take that envelope. I don't know why I couldn't.
"All right," he said, "sit down." A chair stood angled in front of the desk and I sat down in it.
He lifted the lid of a box on the desk. "A cigar?" he asked.
"I don't smoke," I told him.
"A drink, perhaps?"
"Yes. I would like a drink."
"Bourbon?"
"Bourbon would be fine." He went to a cellaret that stood in a corner and put ice into two glasses.
"How do you drink it, Brad?"
"Just ice, if you don't mind."
He chuckled. "It's the only civilized way to drink the stuff" he said.
I sat, looking at the rows of books that ran from floor to ceiling.
Many of them were in sets and, from the looks of them, in expensive bindings.
It must be wonderful, I thought, to be, not exactly rich, but to have enough so you didn't have to worry when there was some little thing you wanted, not to have to wonder if it would be all right if you spent the money for it. To be able to live in a house like this, to line the walls with books and have rich draperies and to have more than just one bottle of booze and a place to keep it other than a kitchen shelf.
He handed me the glass of whisky and walked around the desk. He sat down in the chair behind it. Raising his glass, he took a couple of thirsty gulps, then set the glass down on the desk top.
"Brad," he asked, "how much do you know?"
"Not a thing," I said. "Only what I told you. I talked with someone on the phone. They offered me a job."
"And you took the job?"
"No," I said, "I didn'
t, but I may. I could use a job. But what they whoever it was had to say didn't make much sense."
"They?"
"Well, either there were three of them — or one who used three different voices. Strange as it may sound to you, it seemed to me as if it were one person who used different voices." He picked up the glass and gulped at it again. He held it up to the light and saw in what seemed to be astonishment that it was nearly empty. He hoisted himself out of the chair and went to get the bottle. He slopped liquor in his glass and held the bottle out to me.
"I haven't started yet," I told him.
He put the bottle on the desk and sat down again.
"OK," he said, "you've come and talked with me. It's all right to take the job. Pick up your money and get out of here. More than likely Nancy's out there waiting. Take her to a show or something."
"And that's all?" I asked.
"That is all," he said.
"You changed your mind," I told him.
"Changed my mind?"
"You were about to tell me something. Then you decided not to."
He looked at me levelly and hard. "I suppose you're right," he said. "It really makes no difference."
"It does to me," I told him. "Because I can see you're scared." I thought he might get sore. Most men do when you tell them they are scared.
He didn't. He just sat there, his face unchanging.
Then he said: "Start on that drink, for Christ's sake. You make me nervous, just roosting there and hanging onto it." I had forgotten all about the drink. I had a slug.
"Probably," he said, "you are thinking a lot of things that aren't true. You more than likely think that I'm mixed up in some dirty kind of business. I wonder, would you believe me If I told you I don't really know what kind of business I'm mixed up in."
"I think I would," I said. "That is, if you say so."
"I've had a lot of trouble in life," he said, "but that's not unusual. Most people do have a lot of trouble, one way or the other. Mine came in a bunch. Trouble has a way of doing that." I nodded, agreeing with him.
"First," he said, "my wife left me. You probably know all about that. There must have been a lot of talk about it."
"It was before my time," I said. "I was pretty young."
All Flesh Is Grass and Other Stories Page 4