The Way We Fall

by Cassia Leo

  “Okay. See you tomorrow.”

  I open the door and Kenny is wearing a look of disappointment. “You just asked him on a date.”

  “No, I didn’t,” I reply, making my way to the kitchen to rehydrate with a glass of water. “I asked him if he wanted to meet me at the dog park. That’s not a date.”

  “Don’t play coy with me, young lady. You can’t pass this off as a doggy playdate. That lumberjack thinks you’re interested in more than his dog.”

  My buzz is wearing off quickly as I reach for a glass in the cupboard. “Even if that’s true, the point of this date is to clarify that. I can do it over the phone, but he’s the one who said he wanted to be friends with me.”

  Kenny sighs as he leans against the counter. “Fine. But if you break his heart, make sure you do enough damage that he turns gay.”

  I laugh as I fill my glass with water from the tap. “Now you’re into lumbersexuals?”

  “Honey, a luxurious beard works wonders for oral sex.”

  “Ew!”

  “Don’t knock it till you try it!”

  August 26th

  * * *

  The smile on Troy’s face tells me he’s very pleased with my plans. “You’re finally gonna do it?”

  I take a long pull on my bottle of Barley Legal Double IPA. “I know. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m still nervous as fuck.”

  Steve, the bartender in the Barley Legal pub, exchanges my empty bottle for a fresh, cold one. I nod at him and he goes back to pouring some pints for a group of girls who came in on one of those Portland brewery bike tours. Not that I don’t appreciate the extra business, but riding around on a bike while drinking beer all day sounds like a good way to get hit by a bus.

  “So when are you gonna do it? Can I get it on video?”

  I shake my head. “Tessa’s gonna flip. It might be a good idea for someone to be outside in case she pulls out a gun or something. I don’t know what the fuck she’s been doing behind my back, but I could totally see her at the gun range aiming at a poster of me.”

  “Dude, she’s crazier than a coked-up raccoon. You’d better watch yourself.”

  “I can handle Tessa. And she’s not crazy, she’s sick.”

  “Whatever.” He takes a few gulps from his glass of double bock. “You didn’t ask me what happened when I ran into Rory the other day.”

  “I assumed you were probably scheming to sway her in my direction. I didn’t send you there by mistake.”

  “You fucking bastard.”

  I shrug as I bring the bottle to my lips. “I need all the help I can get.”

  “That’s what friends are for,” he replies.

  “Interesting. When I was with your mom last night, she said friends are for cock-gobbling.”

  Troy strokes his chin as if he’s considering this. “That is interesting because your mom said friends are for enemas. Followed by sweet backdoor action, of course.”

  “Of course.” I leave half my beer in the bottle and slide off the bar stool. “I’ll see you tomorrow, brother.”

  “Good luck, man.”

  It’s eleven a.m. when I leave the pub. As I open the door to get into the SUV, I spot a silver Lexus that looks like Tessa’s parked at the end of the block. I can’t be sure, but it doesn’t look like there’s anyone sitting in the driver’s seat. I shake my head as I hop into my car. There must be dozens of silver Lexuses in this area at any given time. I’m being paranoid.

  I’ve only had one and a half beers, so I decide to drive by Wallace Park to see if Rory is still there with her dog. Seeing her will give me the motivation I need to break away from Tessa.

  Being with Rory two nights ago was like being myself again after five years of pretending to be someone else. I finally felt like I was living more than half a life. The worst part is that I didn’t even realize I was living in black and white until I bumped into Rory two weeks ago. Now I can’t get the color of her hair and the taste of her skin out of my head.

  I want to carve out a place for her in my life, sow the seeds of trust, and watch our story grow. I want to stir up the ideas in her mind and drink in the tales she’ll tell me into the early hours of the morning.

  I want to bore into her, physically and mentally, unearthing every glistening jewel of pleasure and pain. I want to take her to bed every night and worship at the altar of her hushed beauty. I want to lose myself in the luscious curves of her hips and the delicate scent of her skin.

  I want to slide that ring on her finger and kiss her madly in front of hundreds of people. I want to have a family with her. I want to make her deliriously happy.

  I turn left on Raleigh Street and quickly find a space for my car across from the park on the corner of Raleigh and 25th. I cross the street, trying to peek through the trees and the wire mesh fence surrounding the dog park, but I don’t see anyone. I head through the waist-high gate and I finally glimpse some people and dogs in the grassy open field. I spot the black Labrador first, which has to be Rory’s dog, Skippy. He’s playing with a tan dog that appears to be some kind of shepherd mix. My gaze follows the dogs as they run, tongues wagging, toward an area shaded by some trees.

  I’m about twenty yards from the trees when the black Lab collides with Rory. She orders the dog to sit, but I quickly lose sight of what she’s doing when I notice the guy standing next to her. It’s the guy who went to her apartment the other night.

  A roaring wave of jealousy swells inside me, flooding my veins with pure adrenaline. My fists are urging me to destroy him, the one thing standing between Rory and me and everything we’ve ever wanted. But my brain is yelling at me, Down, boy. Sit. Stay.

  I approach slowly, consciously trying not to clench my fists so I don’t look too intimidating. Rory spots me when I’m a few yards away. Her eyes widen and she drops the dog treat in her hand, which the tan dog quickly snatches up.

  “Houston?” she says, her voice breathy with shock.

  She glances at the guy next to her and he refuses to look at me, but the sight of the muscle in his jaw twitching drives me over the edge. This asshole thinks I’m inconveniencing him? He’s the one infringing on my territory.

  “Is there a problem?” I ask, my voice taut with tension.

  Rory opens her mouth to respond when she realizes I’m not talking to her. “No!” she shouts, as if we’re two dogs who can be called off each other with a simple command. “No, this is not happening here, or anywhere, so just come off it.”

  I tear my gaze away from the hipster lumberjack and look Rory in the eye. “We need to talk.”

  I nod for her to follow me and she calls Skippy to join us as we walk a few yards away. “Houston, this is not what you think it is. Liam is just a friend.”

  “It doesn’t matter what you think it is. What matters is what he thinks it is. And he doesn’t think you two are just friends.”

  “You’re misreading this. Really.”

  I gaze into her hazel eyes, searching for a trace of deceit, but Rory has always been the most honest person I know. She really thinks they’re just friends.

  “I’m leaving Tessa tonight.”

  She draws in a sharp breath. “Tonight?”

  “Yeah. I need to know if you’re ready to do this. Just you and me. See where the story takes us.”

  She smiles and nods as her eyes well up with tears. “I’m ready.”

  I cradle her face in my hands and kiss her forehead. “I’ll tell you everything tomorrow.” I kiss her cheekbone and she grabs the front of my shirt. “Then I hope you’ll let me put that ring on your finger.”

  She exhales a soft sigh into my mouth as I kiss her slowly. I let go of her face and smile when I see the far-off look in her eyes.

  “How do you do that?” she murmurs.

  I crouch down and scratch Skippy behind the ears as he licks my face. “Do what?”

  “Make me forget where I am.”

  I smile as I look up at her. “That’s because everywhere
we’re together is the only place and the only moment that exists.”

  August 26th

  * * *

  Houston laughs as Skippy shoves his head into his lap, begging for even more attention. I shake my head as I watch my boy hamming it up, then I glance over my shoulder at Liam. He has Sparky by the collar as the dog jumps up and down excitedly, eager to join his new buddy Skippy. I want to invite Liam and Sparky to come over, but I feel like it would be too awkward. And I don’t want to give Houston the wrong impression about Liam and me.

  “Houston, I know you’ve already met Liam, but can I please reintroduce you?”

  He takes a deep breath before he stands up, glances in Liam’s direction, then flashes me a reluctant smile. “Anything you want.”

  “Thank you.”

  I tear my gaze away from his gorgeous face and turn back to Liam. I wave at him, but he doesn’t notice me. I take a step toward him and suddenly I’m knocked onto the grass face-first.

  “Tessa! What the fuck?” Houston roars.

  It takes me a moment to realize I’ve been hit in the head with something. I reach up to feel the back of my head, but I’m yanked backward by my hair. The whiplash cracks the joint in my neck, then it’s over as quickly as it began and I’m lying facedown on the grass again.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Houston’s voice sounds panicked, but I can barely hear it over the sound of Skippy and Sparky’s barking.

  “Is that her?” a shrill female voice echoes inside my skull. “I knew you were cheating on me!”

  “Rory, are you okay?”

  I turn my head toward Liam’s voice and Skippy’s tongue sloshes across my nose several times. “I think so.”

  “It’s over, Tessa. Let it go.”

  Houston’s words make my chest ache as Liam helps me sit up. I can’t help but be reminded of the time Houston whispered those same words in my ear. If anyone knows how this woman feels right now, it’s me. If she didn’t knock me over the head, I might actually empathize with her.

  When I’m sitting up, I finally see her. Her blonde shoulder-length hair is as wild as the look in her eyes. She’s breathing heavily, seething with anger as she brandishes a steel thermos in her right hand. I rub the back of my head, wincing at the sharp pain.

  Houston is standing like a six-foot-four wall of muscle between me and his wife. He looks back at me over his shoulder, a worried expression in his blue eyes. I gasp loudly when his wife takes a swipe at him with the thermos.

  “Watch out!” I scream.

  She hits Houston square in the side of his head and he curses as he covers his ear.

  “Call 911,” I urge Liam, but he’s already on it.

  “Let it go, Tessa,” Houston repeats the phrase, and I finally understand he’s referring to the thermos, not the marriage.

  I’m sure he could easily take it away from her, but he probably doesn’t want to be seen in public struggling with a woman. That could easily be misconstrued if a stranger were to stumble upon the scene.

  She throws the thermos at Houston’s face and he catches it in his right hand. “It’s all your fault. Everything is your fault!” she shrieks. “I hope you’re happy knowing you killed your baby.”

  She takes off running toward the street and Houston drops the thermos onto the grass as he takes off after her. My heart is pounding so hard, my fingers are going numb. I grab Skippy and pull him into my lap so he doesn’t chase after them. And so I can hug him.

  “Should I go after them?” Liam asks, holding his phone to his ear in one hand, his other hand clenched around Sparky’s collar so he doesn’t bolt after Houston and Tessa.

  I nod as I stand up so I can grab on to both Sparky and Skippy. Liam takes off in the same direction as Houston and Tessa, his phone still pressed to his ear. But seconds later, everything seems to stop. Sound. Time. My heart. Everything.

  The sound of tires squealing is followed by a loud crash.

  “NO!” Houston roars so loudly, his cry ruptures the silence.

  Liam picks up his pace toward Raleigh Street and I let the dogs pull me after him, though I almost don’t want to know what we’ll find. I think I’m going to be sick. But I keep putting one foot in front of the other until we’re at the fence surrounding the dog park. I take the dogs through the gate and they whimper as they try to pull away from me. Their instincts kick in as they sense someone needs their help.

  A leaf falls off a large elm tree and flutters across my line of sight. Only then do I realize I’m crying. I move forward slowly toward the space between my Toyota and Liam’s truck. The first thing I see is an Asian woman standing on the sidewalk across the street. She’s covering her mouth and staring wide-eyed at something on the other side of the truck. Skippy, Sparky, and I squeeze through the gap between the vehicles and the scene is laid out before me.

  Tessa is lying facedown on the asphalt and Houston is on his knees next to her. Liam is standing over them, his phone still pressed against his ear as he looks up and down the street. Probably looking for any sign of an emergency vehicle. My heart stutters when I see Tessa’s arm move. She attempts to roll onto her back, but Houston stops her.

  “Don’t move, baby. The ambulance is on the way.”

  The word baby coming out of Houston’s mouth in reference to another woman makes me sick to my stomach. And when I think about the fact that the other woman is his wife, this only makes me sicker. I have no right to be sickened. I’m the other woman.

  Liam spots me standing between his truck and my car and shakes his head. I don’t know what he means by this, but I take it to mean that I don’t need to watch. They have it covered.

  I turn around and lead the dogs back onto the sidewalk. I unlock my car and let them into the backseat. Then I sink down onto the curb, rest my head in my hands, and cry as I replay the events of the past twenty-four hours over and over in my mind.

  Oh, God. What have we done?

  It seems that without knowing it, we fell into the same pattern we fell into five years ago. We were so busy looking in the rearview mirror, we didn’t realize we were about to crash. Only this time, it wasn’t just Houston and me who got hurt.

  Five years ago, December 4th

  * * *

  Hallie rarely calls me during the week. She almost always saves her calls to me for the weekend. Then she’ll blabber on and on about her classes or all her suggestions for the many ways I should ask Rory on a date. I should never have expressed interest in Rory last Christmas Eve. It was a huge mistake. Rory was still seventeen and I was twenty. I knew she was off limits. But that tight white sweater dress she wore to Christmas Eve dinner at our house completely changed the way I saw her. Then, when I saw her laughing as she and Hallie shook the presents to try to guess what was inside, laughing about vibrators as Christmas gifts, it was like a switch was flipped inside me. And I wasn’t able to stop thinking about her for months.

  Then I started going out with Kim a couple of months ago, a few months after Rory turned eighteen, and Kim’s been doing an okay job of keeping my mind off my sister’s friend. But that hasn’t stopped Hallie from trying to set us up. She insists Rory and I belong together, whatever the fuck that means. I think it’s possible to believe you belong with anyone if you spend enough time with them. It’s like Stockholm syndrome.

  Nevertheless, I’m surprised to see Hallie’s name flashing on my phone screen on a Thursday morning. If it were anyone else, I’d hit the red ignore button. But part of being a big brother to a pretty girl like Hallie is that I always worry about her when she’s not around. Especially now that she’s in college.

  I hit the green button to answer the call and whisper into the phone so my Financial Markets professor can’t hear. “Hey.”

  “Houston, I need you to come over here at one o’clock.”

  “Why?”

  “I need to talk to you… about Rory… before she gets back from class. Please.” Hallie’s voice sounds strangled as if she’s been crying
or she’s about to start.

  “Are you okay?”

  She lets out a frustrated sigh. “Yes. Will you come?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

  “At one o’clock. Don’t forget. And don’t be late. Rory gets here at two so you need to come before that. Okay?”

  Professor Hardwick casts a sharp glare in my direction.

  “Yeah, yeah. I’ll be there.”

  I end the call and flash the professor a tight smile as I tuck my phone back into my pocket. I don’t know what Hallie needs to talk about, but it better be more urgent than another attempt to set me up with Rory. If it’s not, I’ll need to have a stern discussion with her about calling me during class.

  An hour and forty minutes later, I pull my hood over my head and trudge through the light snow across campus to Hamilton Complex. The snow showed up as soon as we got back from Thanksgiving break three days ago. Most everyone grumbles about it, but we hardly ever got snow in McMinnville so I’ve enjoyed it since coming to UO three years ago.

  The snow crunches under my boots and the fresh white powder reminds me of Rory in that dress. I wonder what Hallie wants to talk to me about. Maybe she’s going to tell me that Rory’s really a man and I can stop lusting after her. Or maybe she’s not even going to be in the dorm when I get there. Maybe she’s tricked me and Rory into meeting up without her. The same way she used to force her Barbie and Ken dolls to go on dates. Now kiss!

  I enter Watson Hall at Hamilton Complex and make my way up to the third floor corridor. I reach room 301, Hallie and Rory’s dorm room, and knock three times. Hallie doesn’t answer so I knock a little harder this time, in case she’s wearing her headphones. That’s when I notice the door isn’t closed all the way. I knock again, in case she’s changing or something, then I push the door in slowly.

  “I’m coming in,” I say, announcing myself as an extra precaution.