I let out a snort. “You’re the foremost expert on happiness now?”
He gave me another hard look. “I am, now that I know what real happiness feels like. From the minute I open my eyes until the second I close them, I relish the fact that I have a woman like Leo in my life. I revel in the fact that she picked me and she let me keep her. I’m amazed to wake up and have those brown eyes looking at me, and I savor the fact that I get to fall asleep with that lion’s mane of hers spread all over the pillows. Not every day is a good day, but even on the bad ones, I’m happier than I’ve ever been because I get through them with her.”
I knew he was head over heels for the redheaded spitfire, but I’d never heard him talk about Leo like that. My brother has always come across as unflappable. He was always the one who held everything together. He was the pillar of strength. It never occurred to me that he might need someone to help him bear some of the weight he carried on his shoulders all the time. Leo was my brother’s support system. She was the one who lifted the world up off his shoulders from time to time so he could rest. She was his sunshine and no amount of cloudy days was ever going to dull that glow.
Fuck me.
Now that I understood, I could see wanting some of that brightness in my own life.
I sighed and closed my eyes. “I love my kid more than anything. I want her to have the best childhood she can. I want to give her everything she needs and raise her to be strong and independent but know when to forgive and how to have compassion for others. I want her to love the land and appreciate hard work. I hope and pray that she knows she’ll always have a place on our ranch and that it’s as much her legacy as it is mine. But you’re right,” I rubbed my eyes with my fingers. Tired from the questioning and exhausted from this conversation. “I haven’t felt at home on the ranch or in this town in a long time. Some things changed so fast I couldn’t keep up and some things won’t ever change . . . and that makes me feel like I’m stuck. Everyone knows you’re the boss and Lane is the face of the new business. I’m just the guy who happens to be good with horses. I was out of step before getting shot. Now, I’m not just out of step, I’m walking backward and getting nowhere, but at the same time, this is my home, Cy. This is where my family is. This is all I know.”
My brother reached out and clapped a hand on the back of my neck. His heavy fingers squeezed and it was his turn to sigh. “You know a lot more than you give yourself credit for. You know everything there is to know about horses. You know how to run a ranch and raise cattle. You’re a great dad and you are the only man alive who has ever been brave enough to be the peacekeeper in our family. This ranch will always be in your blood and belong to you. But you don’t necessarily need to be here to be successful or to find your own version of happy. There’s a big ol’ world out there, little brother. I’ve been fortunate to see some of it. That’s what made me realize the only sky I wanted to live under was this one right here. You need to go find the sky you really, truly want to spend your days under.” He gave me another squeeze and his tone dropped into a teasing note. “Think you might have already found the girl who makes those skies sunny no matter how rainy the weather gets.”
I shook him loose and curled my hands into fists on the top of my thighs. My jaw clenched involuntarily at the thought of holding onto Emrys, especially now that there was another dead woman with ties directly to me hovering on the forefront of my mind. “I can’t leave town but I’m going to tell Em to go. You should talk to Leo so she can be vigilant, as well. Someone is clearly out to get me, and any woman who’s connected to me is a target. I think I’m going to ask Brynn to take Daye up to the McKenna place for a few days until this all gets hammered out. Ten has an arsenal up there.”
Tennyson McKenna was a forest ranger and Cy’s former booty call. The woman was as lethal as she was stunning and she was one of the few people outside of my family whom I could trust to keep my daughter safe.
Cy flashed me an incredulous look and then slowly shook his head. “Someone has it out for us, Sutton. We are all in this together. No one comes after just one of us. That isn’t how it works. We will always be stronger when we stand together, and that includes our women. If you want Daye to stay with Ten for a few days, I can see that being a good idea. But if you try and shut out Leo and Brynn, and if your dumbass gets it in your head to send Em away again, you are digging your own grave. Those women will bury you under a pile of your own stupidity.”
I choked on a laugh I didn’t see coming at the image his words conjured up. “Leo and Brynn are family, but Emrys isn’t. She doesn’t need to be caught up in this. She’s barely put back together from the last time I couldn’t keep her safe. I can’t worry about her and focus on finding who’s fucking with my life at the same time. She is all I can think about when she’s around. She fills up every thought and feeling. She’s a distraction.” In the best ways possible. He didn’t need to know that her soft skin and gleaming gold eyes forced me to concentrate on making her feel good and helped me to forget to punish myself for sins I couldn’t remember committing.
“It’s good to have a woman in your life who distracts you. That means you’re thinking about her instead of yourself. You forget to be miserable when you’re thinking about all the ways the right woman makes your life beautifully complicated.” He gave me one last look that felt like it had a lifetime of lessons learned and life lived inside of it. “When you find the person you are willing to change everything for, the person you are willing do anything for, the woman you try and become a better man for, you don’t let them go. When that woman tells you that she doesn’t need you to do anything differently, when she says you’re already doing enough, and that you are already the man she needs you to be . . . not only do you not let her go, you do your goddamn best to give her every reason under the sun to stay right by your side. Be the kind of man she wants to stand next to even when things are uncertain and scary.”
When I looked up, I noticed we were at the house. I got lost in the wisdom he was imparting and missed that we had pulled onto our property. It was the middle of the day but things seemed quiet without the retreat customers milling about. When we climbed out of the big truck, Leo was already making her way down the front steps, concern etched on her freckled face. Her chocolate eyes scanned me from head to toe before she threw her arms around me and hugged me tightly enough that I had to hold back a grimace. She held on until my brother came around the front of the truck and gently pried her loose. He tucked her against his chest and rubbed his cheek against the top of her head. I could see the way he pulled strength and reassurance from her. The redhead was half his size, but right then and there I could see the way she held my brother up.
He met my intense look over the top of Leo’s head and gave me a knowing grin. “I told you, when you find the right one you hold on with everything you’ve got.” Leo let out a squeak as he squeezed her, and I could see her blush when one of his hands landed on her backside with a resounding thwack.
I shook my head and yawned. “Where is Daye? I need to try and explain to her what’s going on.”
“Lane took her out for a ride a little while ago. She had a little moment yesterday. Em talked her down, but it wasn’t pretty. Daye and Lane needed some one-on-one time to smooth things over.” Leo gave me a critical look. “You look like you need a hot shower and a nap. Go take care of yourself and we’ll all sit down and have a family meeting when they get back. Everyone is going to know what we’re dealing with so we all have a game plan when it comes to protecting our own.”
Cy was right, someone was out to get us and there was no way in hell this family was going to let them get away with harming one of our own. Not the members who were bound by blood . . . or those who were bound by love.
Not Going Anywhere
Emrys
I hadn’t slept well the night before.
It was crazy how quickly I’d gotten used to the warm press of Sutton’s body next to mine in the dark. I love
d the way he threw one long leg over mine and pinned me with his weight. I craved the way his arm laid heavily across my chest, holding me in place and locking me in position. For someone who never felt anchored to anything substantial, having Sutton Warner doing his damn best to make sure I was exactly where he wanted me when he woke up in the morning was some heavy stuff. For someone who never wanted to be tied down or attached to another person, I was far too eager to let him keep me in one place. Without him there, I tossed and turned, fitful and restless. When he was still gone this morning with no update from Cyrus, I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin.
After the fourth time Daye griped at me for not focusing on the book I was reading to her, and the third time Leo told me there was no new information, and the second time Brynn chased me out of the kitchen, I busied myself by emptying out my suitcase and washing my limited wardrobe. I picked up all the stuff I’d left scattered around my borrowed room so that it was close to spotless. I even made it through a stilted conversation with my mother. The time was coming where I was going to have to come clean about all the things I’d been running from for so long. My parents deserved to know that I’d taken a hit but had bounced back. They needed to know where my scars came from and the story behind them. I wanted my dad to know I’d put up a good fight just like he taught me.
When there was nothing left to clean, or fold, or put away, I decided to take a shower in the hopes that the hot water would relax some of the tension that was making my neck ache and giving me a low-grade headache. Really, I was running out of ways to kill time until we got word on what was happening with Sutton. The shower was my last resort to keep myself occupied so I didn’t climb the walls or take off half-cocked into town to get answers from that sheriff face to face.
I was lifting my hands to slick my wet, heavy hair off my face when I heard the bathroom door open with a faint creak. I lifted a hand to wipe at the steam collected on the glass to see who was there but never managed to lay a hand on the smooth surface. The door to the small enclosure was yanked open with so much force I was surprised it didn’t go flying off the hinges. Between one breath and the next, I was crowded up against the cool, tiled wall with nowhere to go because there was over six feet of fully clothed, soaking wet cowboy in front of me. Sutton’s big body was practically vibrating with emotion, and at first, I thought it was relief at being back home that made him so eager he couldn’t even bother to take his boots off before coming to me. All it took was one look into those ever-changing green eyes to know he was feeling something a whole lot more volatile than relief.
His jaw was locked. His teeth clenched. His skin had a furious flush and there were angry, white lines fanning out from the corners of his narrowed eyes. His blond hair was the color of wheat as the water from the showerhead plastered it to his furrowed forehead. Before I could ask what was wrong, one of his hands wrapped around my jaw. He tilted my head back against the wall and pressed into me so the soaked fabric of the button-up shirt he’d worn to the funeral clung to my skin. The drenched denim that gripped his powerful thighs was rough against my own as he pressed one of his legs between mine.
I was so stunned by his sudden appearance and by the stark, bleak look on his handsome face that the only words I could manage were obvious and ridiculous. “You’re getting your boots all wet, cowboy.”
His thumb dragged roughly across my lower lip and his other hand caught both of my wrists in an unrelenting hold as he lifted my arms up over my head. We were pressed so close together that the water falling over us barely had enough room to squeeze between our bodies.
“Don’t go, Em.” His words were ragged and uneven. Each one sounded like it had been pulled loose from the very bottom of his soul. His eyelashes were spiked from the water as they lowered over his pleading gaze. “When I asked you to go, you listened. I’m hoping to God you’ll do the same thing now that I’m begging you to stay. I know I haven’t given you a reason to stick around, but I’m asking you to anyway.” The hand that was cradling my jaw dropped to my throat and I felt his hold tighten as his thumb chased after my erratically beating pulse. “Give me a chance to give you more than one reason not to leave me.” His forehead dropped so it was touching mine. His lips ghosted over the part between mine where his name escaped on a sigh. His words stole my breath and froze me as other places lower in my body started to heat up and tighten with anticipation. He looked good all wet and slightly unhinged. It suited the wildness in him and sparked a slow burn deep within me that I had no desire to repress. Instead, I enjoyed the way it spread throughout my limbs as I was held captive against him. I wasn’t going anywhere unless he released me.
“I didn’t give a single shit when Rodie hauled me in yesterday. It didn’t faze me at all to tell this town to go to hell for what they were saying about me and what they’ve always said about Alexa. I would gladly walk in front of any gun pointed in your direction without a second thought, but when I walked in this room and saw your suitcase on the bed, when I noticed that all your stuff was packed up, my heart dropped. It hit the ground so hard it isn’t red anymore, it’s black and blue. It’s bruised so bad I’m not even sure how it’s still beating.”
He caught my gasp in a kiss that stung. His lips were savage on mine, his tongue brutal when he forced his way inside so he could coax out the response he was so desperate to hear. His hand slid down the column of my throat and spread wide across my chest. His palm stopped to rest over my thundering heart. He released my mouth on a moan and kissed his way across my cheek until his lips touched my ear. His scruff scraped across my skin as his tongue flicked along the sensitive curve where he whispered, “Your heart’s bruised, too, Em. It’s sore and tired of being kicked around. Give me a shot to take care of it. I’ll do my best to trust you with the pieces of mine you’ve been collecting from the start. You found them, it’s only fair you keep them.”
I wanted to touch him. I needed to smooth out the frown lines on his forehead and I wanted to feather my fingers over those concerned grooves next to his beautiful eyes. I tried tugging my hands-free but he wouldn’t relent. The only way I could get him closer was by wrapping a leg around his hip and pressing my pelvis into his. His wet jeans were heavy and cumbersome where they stretched over the growing bulge in the front. I rocked my hips against him, seeking friction to sooth the growing ache between my legs.
I leaned forward so I could touch my mouth to his, my kiss calming and consoling in comparison. “I’m not going anywhere, Sutton.” Not even if he changed his mind and asked me to. I was done letting him chase me off. I would much rather chase after him. “I was going stir crazy waiting to hear what was happening with you and driving everyone else in the house nuts, so I cleaned up the room. I had my suitcase out so I could do laundry and I put everything away.” His hand was back on my throat, his thumb sliding sexily along the edge of my jaw. “The only place I’m interested in being is right next to you.”
He stepped farther into me, his boots making a squishing sound as he moved. I lifted my other leg up around his waist so our lower bodies were pressed tightly together. He finally let go of my hands so he could support my weight with one of his hands grabbing onto my butt. I used my freedom to yank on his shirt. The pearl snaps popped with a satisfying sound and when the wet material split, revealing his chiseled chest, I let out a sigh of appreciation.
His mouth touched mine in a biting kiss. Quietly, he muttered, “I was coming up here to ask you to leave again. I told myself it was better if you were gone because things are getting really messy and I’m scared out of my ever-loving mind I won’t be able to keep you safe. As soon as I realized this might actually be the last time I ever saw you, everything inside of me felt like it stopped working. I thought I was broken after getting shot, but that was nothing compared to the way everything crashed at the idea of you being gone. I can’t breathe right without you. I don’t see clearly when you aren’t around. My heart is out of rhythm and nothing feels right. I need you
to function, Em. Without you, I’m a man going through the motions, and doing a piss poor job of it, at that.”
His words did a better job of holding me captive and ensnaring me than his rough hold did. He was the only man I’d ever wanted to hold me down and keep me in one place. The weight of him was never crushing or suffocating. It was exactly what I needed to make me feel like I finally found something steady and solid to hold onto.
I rounded my hands on his shoulders, taking fistfuls of wet fabric with me as I went. It was a struggle to get the soaked shirt off of him and the wet noise it made when it landed on the shower floor made both of us grin. His mouth attacked mine, teeth clicking together from the force. His lips parted mine unceremoniously so his tongue could dive inside. This time he wasn’t chasing the words he needed to hear, he was after the low moan of pleasure and the sound of his name as his teeth dragged across my lower lip. The hand holding my neck shifted so that his palm was cupping the curve of my cheek. The edge of his thumb traced my lower lip and his touch, combined with the bruising kiss, turned my heart upside down and the rest of my body quivered with arousal and readiness.
I tightened my legs around his waist and shoved a determined hand between our slick torsos. I rubbed the back of my knuckles over the ridges in his stomach and gave an appreciative hum. The buckle of his belt was slippery and warm from the water. The leather fought against me as I tried to get to the opening of his jeans. There was zero give in the thick material, and the way the dark blue denim clung to his growing erection was a sight that I would never forget. He should be in the cowboy calendar . . . the X-rated version. He didn’t need a cute baby animal to make a woman swoon. All he needed was his knowing smirk and a flash of the cut V on either side of his lower stomach. The low-riding jeans and soaking wet cowboy boots didn’t hurt the visual at all.
Shelter ~ Jay Crownover Page 20