“But you did then,” said Lynette, smiling at last. “You called him all sorts of terrible names, Gabriel,” she said with a teary laugh. “And you nearly killed him. I can see you, standing over him with your staff, ready to crush his throat.”
“I wish I had, lass. I would have, too, had I known he would cause tha this pain.”
“Part of me wishes you had, too,” she said fiercely. “But you looked like St. George killing the dragon. You came to my rescue, just like a knight of old.”
“Soom knight, Miss Lynnie!” replied Gabriel with a snort. “But Halloch was indeed a lowly worm, that is t’truth.”
“Gabriel, I feel so different,” said Lynette, so softly he almost didn’t catch her words.
“How is that, Miss Lynnie?”
“I don’t know. More…real. Or perhaps it is that everything around me is more real.”
And it was true. The rock was solid beneath her bottom, and she could feel the sharp edge of it cutting into her thigh. She was breathing in fresh air and Gabriel’s pungent smell, all at once. She gently pulled herself away and looked over at her “knight.” He sat there, a grizzled old Yorkshireman with huge hands that could have crushed the life out of Thomas Halloch, but which also could soothe a frightened lamb. He smelled a unique Gabriel-smell, composed of sheep, dog, sweat, and smoke. And he had tufts of gray hair growing out of his ears. She had never noticed that before.
He patted her shoulder awkwardly. “Tha should not pull away from young men just because of what happened, tha knows. Tha’rt young and beautiful, Miss Lynnie. And loving.”
“Am I, Gabriel? Oh, I know I am beautiful. But am I a loving person?” she asked with a catch in her throat.
“Oh, I remember tha with t’lambs. And with tha sister, Kate, when tha were both small. Tha wa always watching over her.”
Lynette felt something loosen inside her. Gabriel had given her back something she had lost years ago. It was that young girl, Lynnie. She had been a loving child. She had opened her arms wide to her sister, her brother, her family. And she had lost that little girl because she had been terrified. Terrified that that man knew something about her. Knew that she was loving. Knew that she was passionate about the world around her. Knew that she was vulnerable. He had wanted that little girl, for what she wasn’t sure. But he had wanted her, and Lynette, terrified, had hidden her away so no one could want her for those reasons again.
* * *
Chapter 25
Lynette stayed while Gabriel brought the ewes down to the lower pasture. Benjamin came over to them after his work was done, tail wagging and mouth open in a grin of delight.
“Told dog is happy to see thee, lass.”
Lynette sank to her knees and hugged the dog to her, laughing as he licked her face.
“Wilt coom back down for a cup of tea, lass?”
“Some other time, Gabriel. I had best get back to the house in time for dinner, or Janie will be worried. Thank you again, my good friend.”
Gabriel patted her shoulders clumsily, embarrassed by the reminder. He watched her make her way down the path and said to Benjamin, “I wonder if it were a good or a bad thing, lad, that we rescued those two? Only time will tell, eh?”
* * * *
After dinner Lynette went into the library, thinking that she might do a bit of work on her father’s book. As she paged through his manuscript and looked at the prints and drawings he had included, for the first time she was able to see them from an outsider’s point of view, and realized how she had been hiding behind her scholarship. And how ironic that she, who was so clearly afraid of a man’s touch, should be quite comfortable researching fertility rites! It was as though by using her mind to investigate one aspect of the sensual life, she could avoid all real experience. Now, for the first time in her life, she found herself blushing at the sheela-na-gigs, the female exhibitionists. Yet, at the same time, looking at them helped her, for while they were shocking they also were strong. And she needed to believe that allowing herself to be a passionate woman was not dangerous.
She spent only a short time with the manuscript before she was overcome by an overwhelming wave of fatigue, and she stumbled up to bed and fell asleep immediately.
She slept for more than two hours and realized it was getting close to teatime when she awoke. She was lying there, listening to Janie bustling away in the kitchen when she was startled by the sound of a horse coming up the drive. The neighbors think we are all in London, so who would be visiting at this time of day, she wondered.
She heard the knocker and Janie’s greeting, and a deeper voice answering. She got up and splashed water on her face and, brushing the tangles out of her hair, tied it quickly back in a knot. Perhaps her family had sent someone after her, she thought as she walked downstairs. Janie was back in the kitchen, so Lynette peered into the parlor and almost ran back upstairs when she saw Lord Clitheroe seated by the fire, watching Mott, who was stalking round and round his chair, giving him threatening looks from his huge orange eyes.
Lynette smiled. Lord Clitheroe had sat himself down in Mott’s chair and was going to regret it when he got up and found his trousers covered with cat hairs. But her amusement was only momentary, for Clitheroe must have heard her come in. He turned and stood up immediately, giving Mott the opportunity he’d been waiting for. In one second the cat was curled up on the warm cushion.
“Miss Richmond.”
“Lord Clitheroe. Are you visiting the neighborhood?” Lynette felt silly asking him that, but why else was he here? “Please sit down. Oh, not there,” she warned, as Clitheroe was about to sit on Mott. “I am afraid you will have to yield that chair to the cat.”
James looked down and barely saved himself. He moved to the sofa, and as Lynette sat opposite him, sank down.
“To answer your question, Miss Richmond, I have come to see you.”
“Me?” Lynette was afraid to hear why. Lord Sidmouth and Lord Clitheroe were such good friends. Could Sidmouth have sent him with some sort of message?
“Yes, for several reasons. First, I am here to apologize for Lord Sidmouth’s behavior.”
“Shouldn’t Lord Sidmouth be doing that himself?” she asked, with an edge to her voice.
“Under different circumstances, he would have.”
“To be quite fair to Lord Sidmouth,” added Lynette in a low voice, “his offense was only misreading my response.”
“I am glad to hear that,” replied James, who, although he felt quite guilty about his lack of trust in Harry, had had a lingering doubt about his friend’s account.
“But how did you know how to find me?”
“Your family told me when I called that you had come home,” James informed her.
“Does all London know?” asked Lynette with a painful smile.
“As a matter of fact for this week they have put the word out that you were exhausted and that the doctor ordered complete rest. For now, as far as the ton knows, you are still in London.”
“I see. And next week? When I don’t return?”
“I was hoping…that is, your father and mother were hoping that you would return. And I was to give you a special reminder from your father that May Day is only a little more than two weeks away. Although, I confess, I don’t know what bearing that has on anything.” James grinned. “He mentioned something about a hobby horse and Padstow?”
Lynette’s face lit up with one of the few genuine smiles James had ever seen from her. “Only my father would know what might draw me back!”
James cleared his throat nervously. “Now that I have delivered those messages, I have my own reason for being here.”
Lynette looked at him inquiringly.
“I have asked your father for his permission to pay my addresses to you, and he has granted it. That is, of course, the only reason they let me come after you.”
Lynette said nothing, and James rushed nervously to fill in the silence. “I am not actually proposing marriage yet, Miss Ric
hmond.”
“I am glad, for I would hate to refuse you,” she answered softly.
“I wanted you to know, however, that I want to get to know you better and have you come to know me…so that, if I did propose, there might be a chance in the future you would say yes. I wanted it to be clear that I have, as you might say, ‘come a-courting,’ ” James finished on a humorous note.
“I have truly never thought of marrying, Lord Clitheroe.”
“I have heard you say that before. But perhaps you might begin to think of it as a possibility?”
“Lord Clitheroe, I am going to say something that will sound immodest, nay, egotistical, but I must say it. I am a beautiful woman, and that beauty draws men to me. Lord Sidmouth was one of them. But that beauty has nothing to do with the real me. Perhaps you have fallen in love only with my face. Perhaps you wish to have a beautiful wife? You do not really know Lynette Richmond, so how could you want to marry her?”
“No, I do not. And that is why I have not asked you to marry me. For now, I wish to come to know the real you. And to have you get to know me. I am plain-spoken, Miss Richmond, not charming, like Harry.”
“That is a point in your favor, Lord Clitheroe,” said Lynette with a smile.
“I have never felt that you disliked me or found my attentions distasteful.”
“Of course not. I do like you. I just have not thought of you romantically. But then,” continued Lynette, as though she were speaking to herself, “I have never let myself consider any man that way.”
“Can I convince you to at least begin to think of me in that light?”
“I cannot promise you anything, Lord Clitheroe. I do not want to hurt you…”
“You need promise nothing more than that you will take me seriously as a friend and possible suitor.”
Lynette looked at James’s face. It was absolutely open and vulnerable. His eyes did not burn with desire, as Sidmouth’s had. Sidmouth’s desire had blinded him to her own lack of it. James’s eyes were clear and looking straight at her, wanting to know what she felt, what she wanted. She did not feel backed against a wall by the force of another’s need. She felt afraid, it was true, but a different kind of fear. James (for that was how she was beginning to think of him), was inviting her into his feelings, inviting her to lower the barrier she had raised years ago, inviting her out into the real world, where joy was as much a possibility as pain and disappointment.
She could say no, of course. But she found she didn’t want to. She wanted to know James better. And she wanted him to get to know her better. And, she suspected, if both those things happened, she would get to know herself.
She lowered her eyes. “I would like to have you as a friend, my lord.”
“And perhaps later as a suitor?” James held his breath.
“Perhaps.”
Thank God Janie appeared with a tea tray at that moment, for James was speechless. He had not really expected to be successful. He was, aside from his wealth and title, nothing very special. And yet Miss Richmond was going to give him a chance.
From the charged silence, Janie knew that something was in the air, and she chatted away to ease the tension. Finally Lynette and James were able to offer commonplaces to each other, and Janie could get back to the kitchen without worrying that they would sit there in dead silence.
“I will be staying at the inn tonight,” said James as he slathered jam on one of Janie’s hot scones. “But I will be available to escort you back to London whenever you wish.”
“I had better return right away,” Lynette replied. “One week of exhaustion is believable, but if I stay away longer they’ll have to come up with another explanation.”
“Your father sent some money along in case you needed it. I imagine we could hire a chaise in Hawes?”
“Yes.”
“But you will need an abigail, of course. I will ride outside, but we don’t want any gossip getting started.”
“I could ask Lucy. She is our maid of all work. I am sure she would be thrilled to have the opportunity to go to London.” Lynette paused, and then asked hesitantly, “Would you like to stay to supper, Lord Clitheroe?”
“I think I had better not, Miss Richmond, although I would enjoy the company. I want to arrange for transportation tonight, if possible.”
They managed to get through the rest of tea without further embarrassment. James filled her in on the gossip of the last few days, and she discussed the best route to London. Promising to return early in the morning, James took his leave.
* * *
Chapter 26
The Richmonds managed to satisfy all the polite inquiries they received after Lynette’s departure. Since Lynette’s was a delicate and ethereal beauty, it was not difficult for people to believe that such a young woman could easily become exhausted by the mad pace of the Season. Kate refused some invitations for afternoon drives in order to “keep her sister company,” and occasionally one of the family stayed home in the evening, ostensibly for the same reason.
Kate felt very restless, knowing that Lord Clitheroe was on his way to Yorkshire, or already there, and wondering whether Lynette would receive him and if she would return. She was not as great a reader as her father and sister, but one afternoon after three turns around the garden and an unsatisfactory search through her aunt’s library for something light to read, she summoned her abigail and set out for Hatchard’s.
The booksellers was not very crowded, for she had set out at a time when the ton was more likely to be headed for the park than Piccadilly, and she was relieved not to have to answer any more questions about her sister’s health.
She had picked up the latest novel from the Minerva Press and was completely engrossed in it when she gradually became aware of a familiar masculine voice making inquiries of a sales clerk. She glanced up and saw that it was indeed Sidmouth. Unfortunately he looked over at her at the same time, and their eyes locked for one moment before she dropped hers to her book in embarrassment. She willed him to finish his business quickly and leave, and tried to interest herself again in the story, but a moment later she sensed his approach.
“Are you going to give me the cut direct, Miss Kate?” he asked ironically.
Kate was forced to raise her eyes from the book. “I must confess that a part of me would like to, Lord Sidmouth, but I would not want to cause any more gossip about the Richmond sisters than has already occurred,” she responded coolly.
“I hope your sister is well, Miss Kate. I have heard that she was worn out by the pace of the last few weeks,” he continued politely.
“Yes, the activities of the Season are rather tiring. I myself have been glad of the opportunity to stay home at times and keep her company.”
“May I inquire when you think it may be possible to call on Miss Richmond? I have never had the opportunity to offer my apology to her.”
“We hope by next week she will be recovered, although whether Lynnie will receive you is another matter entirely.”
Harry was furious that Miss Kate Richmond obviously was determined to see him in the worst light.
“Miss Kate, as I told you before, my behavior a few nights ago arose from a mistaken reading of your sister’s response. And after all, your sister is not completely naive when it comes to…ah…sensual matters.”
Kate was furious. “Are you suggesting—”
“Lower your voice, Miss Kate. We are attracting attention.”
Kate continued in a fierce whisper. “Are you suggesting that Lynette is in the habit of enjoying a man’s embrace?”
“Not at all. I am merely reminding you that Miss Richmond is quite open and frank about the areas of her research, which would lead one to believe that she would not react to male attention like a frightened girl. I do not think it all my fault for misreading her.”
“But I thought you were an expert in these matters,” said Kate, with sarcastic sweetness. “Surely you must have seen that Lynnie’s frankness had to do only wit
h such matters between the covers of a book.”
“I am truly sorry that my own desire blinded me to Miss Richmond’s lack of it, but I will not consent to being portrayed by you as the complete villain in this.”
“Do you know, Lord Sidmouth,” said Kate quietly, “I am not at all sure that what you felt for my sister was desire.” Kate said the words slowly as though she were discovering what she thought as she spoke them. Yet as she did, she was sure that she was right. “In fact, my lord, I wonder if you are capable of truly desiring a woman. Would that not mean seeing a woman as an individual? From the gossip I have heard about you, and from your behavior with my sister, you do not seem capable of that.” Kate had no idea where her insight came from, but irrational as it might be, she knew she was correctly naming something in Sidmouth. He might appear to be an accomplished lover, he may have broken some hearts, but it seemed to her it was not because he was drawn to women, but that he was running away from something in himself. Her anger at him dissolved in an instant. She looked at him and said, “Actually, I have just realized that I feel very sorry for you, my lord.” Kate put down the book she was still holding, picked up her reticule, and summoning her abigail, was on her way out the door before Harry could make his reply.
Not that he had one. With a few choice words, Kate Richmond had gone straight to the heart of the matter. She was right. He hadn’t really desired Lynette. Or Lady Sidney. Or Miss Durwood. Or even the few whores he had satisfied himself with over the last year. It was as though he had been trying to convince himself that he wanted them. That he could want a woman again, after what he had seen at Badajoz.
* * * *
Lynette’s journey back was far more pleasant than her trip to Yorkshire. A private chaise was more comfortable than the stage, and with Lucy as her companion, she felt much less self-conscious when they stopped for a meal or overnight. And Lord Clitheroe was proving an enjoyable and thoughtful companion.
Heartless Lord Harry Page 11