She met his eyes. “If I called you by your given name, that will spit in the face of what I’m attempting to bring across to you.”
“Do I have a say in it?”
She ruminated on that for a moment before she answered, eyes falling to his chest. She thought it was a safe place to look but suddenly, she couldn’t stop imagining what was beneath those layers of clothing.
Soft skin and hard muscles? Chest hair? Goodness, Matilda, snap out of it and focus!
“No, Your Grace. You do not.”
“Ah, I see.”
That wasn’t the response she’d been expecting. She thought he would try to convince her otherwise, to get her to remember the steamy kiss they had shared. Matilda had been dreading it and anticipating it all at once. But instead, his tone was light, as if they were having a conversation about the weather.
“Do you not believe what I’m saying, Your Grace?”
“I do,” he said with a nod. “Trust me, Miss Jones, I believe every word. But I won’t let it hinder me.”
“So you plan to continue pursuing me then?” She tried to keep the hope out of her voice. She had no business clinging to such a useless emotion.
When he nodded though, her stomach erupted into butterflies. “I’ve never felt so drawn to another lady in my entire life. There is something about you, Miss Jones, and I have a feeling I won’t be able to stay away from it.”
She ignored the way that made that needy part of her go moist. “Some may say your persistence is rude.”
He frowned at her. “Do you not care about anything other than manners?”
“Manners are the backbone of this society, Your Grace,” she said simply. “It can make and break you. And trust me, you don’t want to be broken by it.”
She could tell he was thinking about her scandal when she said that.
Well, good. Let him remember what might happen if he continued to hound me.
“I never much cared for things like that,” he said finally.
“You should.”
“Let’s see now. I should stay away from you and I should ensure to mind my manners. Is there anything else I should do?”
“Why do I get the feeling you’re not listening to me?”
“I am,” he said, his voice filled with conviction. “I listen to every word you say, Miss Jones, and I heed all of it. If you would like me to address you formally, then that’s fine as well. Anything to make you comfortable. But I do hope that you’ll be able to allow yourself to let me in.”
“Allow myself?”
“You believe you don’t deserve to be happy. You want this.” His hand tightened around hers. It felt like he had put his hand directly on her heart. “You want me. But you won’t allow yourself to have me.”
“Your Grace, this is—”
“What? Inappropriate? You should know by now that I care little about such things.”
“Well, I do.” As if by the grace of God, the song ended. Matilda stepped away from him, ignoring the way her body went cold as a result. “Your actions don’t just affect you, Your Grace. They affect others as well. You should take care to remember that.”
“Matilda—”
“It was a lovely dance.” She left, without looking back. Anger was boiling in her and she struggled to contain it, to keep it off her face. When her father asked her about the dance, she smiled and said it was lovely, ignoring the way the anger spiked at the question. She also ignored the fact that a lot of that anger was directed at herself.
Chapter 14
Something was up. Jonathan didn’t know what it was, but as he stared at his friend, watching the way he squirmed uncomfortably in his seat, he wondered if it had anything to do with Miss Jones. Beauty and scandal aside, she was an unassuming lady, one who always stood behind her family, flourishing in the shadows. He didn’t pay her much attention and he doubted no one else did. Except Timothy.
He was paying her an unusual amount of energy. At first, Jonathan thought it was because they had run into each other a few times in an embarrassing manner. He could excuse that, write it off as him simply trying to clear the tension between them. Timothy, however, seemed to have more interest in her than he first thought.
“What’s wrong, Timothy?” he asked casually.
Timothy looked at him and in the blink of an eye, the awkwardness faded.
He’s hiding something.
“Nothing’s wrong,” he said. “I just find it weird that your father called us all like this.”
“Well, I’m sure you can guess what it’ll be about.”
“The betrothal.” There was no disappointment or dread in his voice. In fact, there was nothing at all, as if they were talking about something as uninteresting as toast.
“He wouldn’t have told Nancy to come if it wasn’t that. What? You don’t want to talk about the betrothal?”
Timothy shrugged. “I didn’t know he was so eager to rush things.”
“Timothy, my father has been eager to get you two married since the moment the engagement was set between us. I think he was waiting on you to suggest a date.”
“I was busy with other things.”
“Like what?”
Timothy didn’t give anything away. If anything, it made Jonathan even more suspicious. “Working through a few issues with the company. It’s been taking up a lot of my time as of late.”
“Yet you find the time to attend nearly every ball put on since the Season started. How do you do that?”
“I have to relieve my stress in some way.” Finally, Timothy’s blank expression cracked with a frown. “Why are you questioning me like this?”
“I’m not questioning you,” Jonathan said innocently. “I’ve just been wondering what my good friend has been up to lately, that’s all. It’s been a while since we’ve sat down like this to talk.”
“It has been a while,” Timothy agreed, but he could go no further than that when the Earl, his wife, and his daughter entered the drawing room. Timothy got to his feet and then so did Jonathan, watching his friend’s reaction.
Jonathan’s mother, Lady Ferbriand, stuck close to her daughter’s side, entering arm in arm and whispering to each other. The moment Nancy spotted Timothy, she blushed and looked away, smiling to herself.
“Your Grace,” Lady Ferbriand welcomed. “It is lovely to see you. It feels as if I haven’t spoken with you in ages.”
“And you haven’t aged a day in all that time,” Timothy replied smoothly. Jonathan watched his mother blush.
“Oh, you always know the best things to say.” With that said, she sat in her favorite chair in the manor, Nancy perching at her side.
“Good, now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries over with,” the Earl, Lord Ferbriand, stated with a clap, “Why don’t we get straight down to business?”
How like him, Jonathan mused. Arthur Bramber, The Earl of Ferbriand, never liked to beat around the bush. He watched his friend, noting that he still wasn’t giving anything away.
The Earl sat in the biggest chair in the room. “I gather you know why I’ve invited you over, Your Grace?” Without giving Timothy the chance to respond, he went on, “You and my daughter have been engaged for a while and I believe it’s about time we set a date.”
“I was under the impression that you wanted to continue sorting out business arrangements before we look to the wedding,” Timothy said.
The Earl waved that off before he was even finished. “That can be sorted through after the wedding. In fact, once you two are married and companies are merged, there will be more than enough time to deal with such matters. For now, my daughter should be married. As soon as possible.”
Jonathan didn’t take his eyes off Timothy. To his left, Nancy was refusing to meet his eyes, embarrassed by the conversation though she was more interested in it than anyone else. It was common knowledge to everyone, even Nancy, that once they were married, their respective companies would merge, creating a wool empire.
“Your father,” the Earl went on. “before he died, gave your hand in marriage to my daughter, and though you were both young, it is a covenant that should be cherished. And besides, Lady Ferbriand is dying for a wedding to plan.”
“Oh, Arthur, you read my mind,” Lady Ferbriand said, right on cue. Some may assume she was used to being in constant support of her husband, others might say she truly did have nothing to look forward to in her life than planning her daughter’s wedding. Those like Jonathan would say it was both.
“It is because I know you, darling,” he said affectionately. He returned his attention to Timothy. “Isn’t she lovely? My daughter, I mean.”
“Yes, she is, My Lord.”
“You two will have wonderful children,” Lady Ferbriand cut in with an excitable grin. “I have no doubt about it.”
“I believe you are right, Madam.” Everyone perked up at Timothy’s words. He looked at Nancy. “She is certainly a lovely lady and would always strive to make me happy.”
“Lovely!” the Earl boomed. Nancy’s face was turning an odd shade of red now. “Then, shall we get started on the preparations? What date do you have in mind?”
“However, My Lord,” Timothy said. “I’m afraid I have pressing personal issues that I must sort through before announcing our betrothal and setting a wedding date. I fear those matters might reflect badly on Lady Nancy once we become one.”
Jonathan didn’t have to look at Nancy to know that she had only focused on the last bit of his sentence, and was beaming as a result. He instead focused on the fact that he mentioned ‘personal matters’.
What sort of personal matters does he have that I don’t know about?
It seemed the Earl was on the same line of thinking. “Personal matters? Is it so personal that you cannot share it with your future in-laws?”
“I’m afraid so,” Timothy said with a solemn nod. “But, fear not. When it is concluded and out of the way, I will ensure this wedding is dealt with in the proper manner.”
In the proper manner, huh? How vague.
This time, the Earl didn’t pick up on it. He mulled over what Timothy said for a few moments and then he nodded, breaking into a smile. It never failed to surprise Jonathan just how easily Timothy could charm his family. He wondered if he knew he had them in the palm of his hand – to an extent, of course. Push the Earl of Ferbriand in the wrong way and you were bound to feel his wrath.
“Well, even so,” Lady Ferbriand spoke up. “You came all the way here. Why don’t you and Nancy take a stroll through the gardens? It’s a lovely day out.”
“I would love that,” Nancy spoke up. “Would you, Your Grace?”
“It would be my pleasure.” Timothy got to his feet when Nancy did and escorted her to the door. He gave everyone a nod of farewell before taking their leave, the maid that had been waiting outside the doors falling in step behind them.
“What a lovely gentleman he turned into,” Lady Ferbriand sighed.
“He will make a great son-in-law,” the Earl added.
Jonathan said nothing. There was something off. He was sure of it now, even though Timothy gave nothing away. In fact, he was too charming, as if he had prepared what he planned to say.
Jonathan couldn’t let this slide. This engagement had been set in stone for a long time, and, as it drew nearer to its breaking point, Jonathan would do anything to ensure it happened.
* * *
Lady Nancy was excited. Timothy could tell because he’d never heard her speak so frequently in such a short amount of time before. It was a struggle to focus on what she was saying when his mind was tempted to go elsewhere.
“What do you think, Your Grace?” she asked.
Timothy dragged his wayward thoughts back to the present. “I think that is a marvelous idea, My Lady,” he attempted, hoping it was a suitable response to whatever she just said.
The smile that erupted on her face was truly glorious, and an indication that he guessed right. “I must admit, Your Grace, I thought that once this wedding was underway, my mother and I would be dealing with the specifics ourselves. Which is no problem at all. You are, after all, a very busy gentleman. I hardly know how you find time for certain things like a stroll in the garden with me. But now I know you’re the type of gentleman who will help me along the way.”
“It was the way my mother raised me.” The late Duchess of Brentminster also taught him to always stay true to what he felt. It would give him trouble at times, because what he felt wasn’t always completely clear to him. Yet, as he strolled through the gardens of the Ferbriand Manor with Lady Nancy by his side, he couldn’t stop himself from remembering another stroll he had recently, with a lady he couldn’t deny that he wanted.
The late Duchess also taught him to be true to the people around, yet the lies he had allowed himself to fall within was threatening to overcome him. Even worse, he was hurting others. Lady Nancy was so happy to be with him, yet he couldn’t stop thinking about another lady.
I will never pine for Lady Nancy’s kiss the way I do Matilda’s. Just the thought of her is making my body go hot.
“Forgive me, My Lady,” he said without thought.
Lady Nancy paused to give him a confused look. “Forgive you for what, Your Grace?”
For not being able to love you. For wanting to be anywhere else but here. For wanting a lady by my side that isn’t you.
Guilt rocked him for the words he was about to say next, for not being able to tell her the truth. She deserved that much. “For putting the wedding date off until a little longer.”
“Oh, there’s no need to apologize, Your Grace. You’ve already stated why you cannot be certain about that right now. I do hope whatever personal matters you have will be sorted out soon.”
“I hope so as well.” And because he couldn’t help himself, he said, “I also hope everything goes as it should.”
“Do you have some concerns, Your Grace?” she asked him, worry strengthening her voice.
He couldn’t possibly tell her that he was concerned about the wedding truly happening, so instead, he said, “You know things have a way of going off course, sometimes. We should be prepared for it.”
“That we should, Your Grace,” she agreed with a smile. “And that we shall.”
She loved him. There was no denying it now, no matter how much he liked to tell himself otherwise. Before, it was easy to convince himself that Lady Nancy was simply just a very pleasant lady, who was always so happy to offer a smile and to make those around her happy. Now, he knew it was more than that. Lady Nancy was hopelessly in love with him and Timothy wanted nothing to do with it.
I have to tell her the truth one day.
But for now, he’d much rather let the guilt of lying to her consume him than break her sweet heart.
Chapter 15
It was at times like this, she wished things had been different. She thought about it often, but Matilda made sure not to lament on the past. The past was just that and there was no use focusing on it when it wouldn’t change the present. She knew that well.
But as she stared at the child before her, playing with a toy she’d bought for him, she wished things could have been different. She loved Jackson as if he were truly her own, despite the fact that the child could be a menace when he wanted to. Through all the pain and trauma prior to his birth, he was the one silver-lining to everything that happened. Both Matilda and Elizabeth knew that, despite it all, they were happy to have this child in their lives. Even the Viscount couldn’t stay away from him.
Jackson, as if sensing her thoughts, looked up at her and gave her the widest smile he had. It lifted her spirits and tore her heart in two at the same time. This child – this beautiful and sweet child – would always been known as the illegitimate child of a spinster. Biases were already being formed against him and, if he continued under her patronage, he was bound to suffer because of it. Matilda knew she had it within her to raise him as best she could. But she couldn’t help b
ut feel sorry for him all the same.
It took her a moment to realize that she was truly feeling sorry for herself. She was a victim in all of this, even if she had made herself one, and the suffering she’d undergone was nothing compared to what was coming. She could feel herself falling for a gentleman she couldn’t have – and Matilda didn’t deal well with things she couldn’t have.
This is the life I chose.
The reminder did nothing. If anything, it made her even more sad. This was the life she chose. She brought this suffering onto herself, and though she was happy to take away whatever pain she could from Elizabeth, sometimes it was too much. Sometimes, the pain was breaking her inside.
The Scandalous Secret 0f The Tempting Duchess (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 11