by Tara Sivec
“Thank you for ruining gravy for me forever.”
Ridiculous Fucking 2
“Harder… harder… yes, yes, yes! Oh… my… God, Dax. Oh… oh my…. What the… shit. Oh my God, what the fuck?! Get off me, get off me!”
“What’s happening? What the hell? What did I do?”
“I don’t know! I was coming, and then your dick was suddenly like lava! My vagina feels like it’s burning!”
“Well, that’s not good.”
“Son of a bitch! What did you do to me?”
“I don’t know! I took a shower, and my skin was feeling dry, so I put on some lotion—”
“Holy hellfire and brimstone vagina! I feel like I was just fucked by Satan’s dick!”
“Oh shit… I may have put a little lotion on the Johnson area.”
“What?”
“Hey, proper skin care is important. No one likes a dry, scaly dick. Put the lamp down. You don’t want to throw it at—Okay, I guess you do. I’ll just grab a new lamp at The Backyard tomorrow. Why don’t I start running you a shower?”
Ridiculous Fucking 3
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you stare at yourself in the mirror so much. Get out of the bathroom and come back to bed. You’re beautiful.”
“It’s fascinating. I was having the worst hair day, then we have sex, and now I have the best crisscross part in my hair ever. I couldn’t recreate this if I tried.”
“So you could say I just fucked the part right in your hair.”
“Or I could not.”
“Step right up, ladies! You too can have the perfect part in your hair in just over an hour!”
“…”
“…”
“In thirty minutes or less! Like pizza!”
“Better.”
Ridiculous Fucking 4
“Fucking motherfucker!”
“What the hell did you do? Are you okay?”
“I just kicked my dick. Fuck! That hurt.”
“I’m sorry; say again?”
“I still had a boner. You know it takes a while for that shit to go down after we have sex. I was pulling my boxer briefs back on, and I don’t know… I guess I lifted my foot too high, too fast. I kicked my dick. Man, that’s gonna sting for a while.”
“Jesus.”
“If you think about it, that’s a pretty good problem to have. My big swinging dick just getting in the way all the time, causing problems, wreaking havoc on our lives.”
“Are you finished?”
“Will you kiss my big swinging dick and make it better?”
“Definitely not now.”
Ridiculous Fucking 5
“Dispatch the cock!”
“Will you stop? It was funny the first seven times. Can I please go back to what I was doing?”
“Fine. Go back to that thing you were doing with your mouth and the side of my neck….”
“…”
“…”
“Dispatch the cock!”
“Christ.”
“I’m sorry! I can’t help myself. You’re the one who made me watch that Martha Stewart cooking show with you this morning.”
“About splitting a raw chicken….”
“Who knew that process involved… dispatching the cock!”
“Are you finished?”
“Can you please dispatch your cock, so I can suck it like a Hoover?”
“Better.”
The Otter End
Thank you for reading!
Curious about DJ and Phina’s story, and what Dax was like as a detective back in the day? Check them out in Tara’s romantic suspense Branded:
tarasivec.com/branded-2
See all of Tara’s books:
www.tarasivec.com