Hugh looked from him to Emily, who squeezed his arm before releasing it. “The girls and I will have tea in the drawing room,” she decided, “leaving you and Colonel Lindsay to speak of matters military. Perhaps, Peter, you would be kind enough to ensure the gentlemen are not disturbed?”
Peter, as susceptible as any to Lady Emily’s charms, was very pleased to agree he would certainly do as she had asked.
Hugh was left alone in the doorway, staring at Theo. He was dressed in a plain dark coat, buckskin breeches and top boots, and a sword hung by his side. He looked pale and strained.
“What are you doing here?” Hugh demanded, and he could not tell if it was shock or anger that made his voice unsteady.
“Close the door, Hugh, if you please,” Theo said. “This is not for anyone else’s ears.”
Hugh came into the room and shut the door firmly behind him.
“I’m leaving for France and must catch the evening tide, hence my hurry,” Theo said. “But I couldn’t go, not with the way things were left between us, Hugh. I had to see you.”
Hugh moistened his lips. “For what purpose?”
“I wished to apologise to you,” Theo said abruptly. “Not for what I had to do—I cannot and I will not apologise for that—but for allowing other things to become enmeshed with it. I should have known better. I did know better, but it seemed I couldn’t help it. Or I chose to believe that I couldn’t. It was badly done of me.”
Hugh couldn’t follow all of what Theo was saying, but on that he could, and did, agree. “It was.”
Theo’s mouth twisted at Hugh’s words, and he raked his hand through his hair, an uncharacteristic gesture that Hugh realised was designed to buy time. He was finally learning to read Theo Lindsay—he wished it had not taken him so long.
“And yet, Hugh, despite everything, I find myself hoping you might somehow be prepared to overlook my egregious behaviour. That we might perhaps…” Theo’s words trailed off as Hugh stared at him, disbelief warring with anger. Surely Theo could not be suggesting they could pretend they had ever truly been friends.
“I accept your apology,” Hugh said stiffly at last, when it was clear Theo would say nothing further. “There is no more to say. The entire episode is best forgotten.”
“Hugh—” Theo started, and then broke off as the clock on the mantelpiece struck the hour. “Damn it to hell,” he swore. “Hugh, I must go. Had you been but five minutes later I should have missed you completely. But would you do something for me?”
It was presumptuous of Theo to ask him for anything, but Hugh found he could not say no. Not with the way Theo was looking at him, resignation on his face as though he expected a refusal, but with a flicker of hope in his tired eyes.
“What is it?”
“Where I’m going, I can’t take this with me,” Theo said, and Hugh saw he was drawing his signet ring from his finger. “Will you hold it for me until I return?”
Whatever his feelings towards Theo might be—and Hugh was no longer at all sure of that, for everything was jumbled up inside—he could not refuse. It was evident Theo was engaged upon business for Wellington, and it was incumbent on Hugh to aid him in that.
He held out his hand and Theo placed the warm gold circle into his palm. Hugh found that his fingers closed swiftly and tightly around it. “I will keep it safe.”
Theo’s gaze rested on his face, and Hugh had no idea what the expression in his eyes meant. Then he sighed. “I must go,” he said. “Time and tide will not wait even for me.”
“France, you say,” Hugh said, for it was only now registering fully with him. Theo’s destination had not been foremost among his concerns on first seeing Theo.
“You’ll say nothing until I’ve returned, I know.”
France was enemy territory. Who knew if he would return.
“Theo,” Hugh said, suddenly urgent.
Theo was already opening the door. He turned.
“Stay safe.”
Theo’s smile was crooked. “Always,” he said.
And with that he was gone.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Hugh had no idea how much time passed while he turned Theo’s ring over and over in his hand. He had never thought he would see Theo again. He had certainly never thought Theo would apologise for what he had done.
He traced the entwined initials, as elegant and strong in their lines as the man who bore the name. He had trusted Hugh with something of such value, the symbol of who he was, and Hugh couldn’t understand why.
His hand closed once more around the ring when Emily came quietly into the room. “May I join you, Hugh? The girls have gone to get changed for dinner.”
She waved him off when he would have stood. “Of course,” he said. Truth to tell, he welcomed the distraction, for his thoughts had been going round and round and he was no closer to understanding Theo Lindsay than he had ever been.
“It was a surprise to see Colonel Lindsay,” she said conversationally, sitting down beside him on the sofa.
“Yes,” he said, and smiled slightly, for it had been rather more than a surprise.
“He is gone again, I see.”
“Yes.”
“Will he return?”
“Yes,” Hugh said urgently, denying instantly any other possibility. Theo would be safe in France, no matter the dangers he faced, because he must. As Emily looked strangely at him, he realised belatedly what her question had actually meant. “That is, I don’t know how long he will be gone.”
“But you will be seeing him again?”
Hugh nodded as his hand tightened on the gold band, for that was one thing he could now be sure of.
“I was not quite sure you were pleased to see him,” Emily said casually. “All is well, I take it.”
Had it been anyone else in the world, Hugh would have moved the conversation on adroitly. But it was Emily, who knew almost everything about him, whether he wished her to or not, and who would see through any pretence he attempted.
“Why would he give me his ring?” he asked her, and opened his hand to show her. “I know he can’t take it with him where he is headed, but why me?”
Her lips parted slightly as she looked, but she did not try to touch it, for which he was thankful. His hand closed once more on it, protectively.
“Well, you’re friends,” she said slowly. “It’s a sign of the great trust he has in you.” She hesitated, looking at him. “If he has offended against you in some way, perhaps it is his way of ensuring you will see him again, for you will need to return it to him.”
He stared at her. “Why should you think Theo has offended against me?”
“Perhaps I am wrong, but there was something in the way you looked when you saw him, and in his expression as he regarded you. And it is true that even such men as Colonel Lindsay can sometimes make mistakes.” She leaned in closer and added, “Although if I find he has indeed done something that has vexed you, I shall not swiftly forgive him, you may believe me.”
His smile at her was somewhat sentimental. Emily was, as her brother had been, the very best friend Hugh could have wished for.
She stood and shook out her skirts. “I suppose I too must change for dinner. We mustn’t let the young ladies outshine us, Captain Fanshawe.”
…
Much later, Hugh lay in bed, looking at Theo’s ring where he had placed it next to the candlestick. He was thinking about what Colonel Dalrymple had said, about it being a person’s actions rather than their words which showed their true intent. Hugh had not fully understood all that Theo had said to him that afternoon, and he still did not understand Theo’s reasoning for leaving his ring with him, but he knew it meant something.
It was clear that Theo regretted what he’d done. Hugh supposed he should be glad to know that, but he would rather Theo had stayed away completely
. Seeing Theo again had brought it all back, the pain of the betrayal and the humiliation he felt. Seeing Theo had also reawakened all sorts of yearnings in Hugh’s heart, which could never be realised. No, Hugh would do better to forget all about Theo Lindsay. Once he had returned his ring, he would have no need to see the man ever again.
Hugh snuffed out the candle and turned over, determined he would be able to sleep now he had come to a conclusion about the entire situation. Instead he found himself wondering again about the ring. Because it seemed Theo wished to see him again, although he had no need to, not now he had made his apology and it had been accepted. Although Hugh told himself he didn’t care to see Theo ever again, he knew he was lying. Yet what friendship could ever exist between them, with Hugh being Hugh and Theo being who he was? And with Theo knowing of Hugh’s pathetic infatuation also? Shame heated his cheeks in the darkness.
As he continued to turn restlessly in his bed, it slowly dawned on Hugh what had really been going on that afternoon. Theo had come to see Hugh in order to clear his conscience—and Hugh refused to admit the reasons a man embarked upon a dangerous endeavour might feel that need—and had left his ring with Hugh merely because it had been his last stop before he boarded whatever vessel was taking him to France. It had been nothing more than that, and Hugh had refined too much upon it.
As the clock in the hall struck three, he wondered if Theo was yet in France, stealing past the guards Napoleon must have set on the coast, or if he was still crossing the dark Channel. Hugh imagined Theo standing on deck, his only companions the riffling of waves against the hull and the creaking of ropes as he waited for the dark coastline to reveal itself, hoping he reached it before the dawn betrayed him to anyone who might be watching.
Hugh turned over again. He would not think of the risks Theo ran. But he picked up Theo’s ring, and when he finally fell asleep it was clutched tightly in his hand, as though by keeping it safe he could protect Theo also.
…
The next day, Emily claimed Hugh for a turn around the gardens. They left Sophia and Lavinia to do whatever it was they did that involved so much giggling and whispering.
“I think it is two young ladies who are a trifle giddy because they are in love and the objects of their affections appear to return their feelings. Here they find themselves with freedom to indulge themselves,” Emily explained as they walked beside the flowerbeds. “They will behave properly when we return to London. Which, dear Hugh,” she said with a squeeze to his arm, “I think we shall do tomorrow, if you do not object.”
“Of course,” he said. “But what do you mean, in love?”
“I think you know very well what I mean,” she said, and her tone was so loaded he knew she was trying to tell him something. As so often, he wasn’t sure what. “But I believe your sister, to everyone’s surprise—not least her own—has discovered Lord Esdale to be a fascinating gentleman.”
“She has?”
“Indeed. Now tell me, Hugh, will you return to London when we do, or do you prefer to stay here?”
He hadn’t thought that far ahead, and he was silent for a while. He didn’t yet feel able to face Ryder Street and the emptiness of his life there now, with no Horse Guards and no—well, there never had been Theo, really, and the sooner he trained himself into that way of thinking, the easier it would be.
But as his fingers slipped into his pocket to check Theo’s ring was still safe, he found himself wondering all over again, because some part of him—the part that had so disastrously betrayed him before, allowing him to believe what he wanted, not what reason told him—whispered that Theo had left his ring with Hugh not merely because it was convenient.
“I think I shall follow you back shortly,” he said eventually, and Emily smiled.
…
The ladies left the next morning. Without them the place felt blessedly peaceful. As the day wore on, however, the silence began to feel a little lonely.
Two days later, as he returned Molly to Jim after his daily ride, he found he had come to a decision. Hiding here would change nothing. It still cut deep that he was not welcome at Horse Guards, but it no longer felt like the end of everything.
The next day found Hugh heading back to London.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Hugh called at Half Moon Street to let his mother and Sophia know of his return and found himself swept up in their plans for that evening. The Beauchamps were giving a ball and, knowing Lady Fanshawe’s preferences, had included Hugh in their invitation. She had not seen fit to consult him when she had replied some time since, accepting on his behalf. Hugh scarcely had time to return to his lodgings and have dinner and change his clothes before wending his way back to Half Moon Street to accompany the ladies.
As it happened, Hugh was pleased he had made the effort to attend, for he had the chance to observe Sophia standing up with Lord Esdale. They behaved with perfect propriety, of course, but as they looked at one another, they both smiled more than was usual. Esdale was a couple of years older than Hugh and pleasant-looking enough, but with none of Stanton’s dark handsomeness. Hugh wondered if Sophia had been attracted by Esdale simply because he was so different from Stanton. It worried him that she might be close to forming an attachment based purely on a reaction to a bad experience, which wouldn’t last.
When Hugh was presented to the Marquess, however, he soon realised that Sophia’s attraction was not necessarily only about safety and respectability. He appeared to be a straightforward and most good-natured man who possessed a certain quiet charm. He was fully informed, or at least as informed as the newspapers could render him, about the war in the Peninsula and asked Hugh his thoughts on several aspects. Hugh then ventured that he had heard the Marquess was keen on developing new types of roses, and that was when he fully realised why Sophia was as taken with the man as she was. Esdale’s face lit with enthusiasm and he was full of excitement as he explained things that Hugh had never thought he would find interesting. He found himself intrigued by Esdale’s detailed descriptions of his methods and aims, and even interpolated an occasional question.
“And I thought that if I combined those two, the repeat flowering of the first and the strength of the second, the result will be a strong flower that is not too showy, yet beautiful and constant. There is a purity to the way the rose will look, I feel, and it will be a forgiving plant, naturally kind.”
Hugh blinked. He might not know much about roses, but he was fairly certain they weren’t usually described as kind.
“Do you know what you will call the new bloom, my lord?” he asked, a suspicion striking him.
Esdale looked away, colouring slightly. “As to that, I have an idea, but it may not be my choice.”
“With the care you take of your beloved plants, I can’t think that you will be disappointed,” Hugh said.
He was rewarded by a hopeful smile before, with an obvious effort, Esdale wrenched his mind back to conversational topics. “I understand you’re friends with Lindsay,” he said.
Hugh froze for an instant, conflicting emotions twisting inside him at the mention of Theo’s name. “I am,” he said cautiously.
“Well, can you find out what ails the man?” Esdale asked. “He appears to have gone to ground—at least, I have not seen him for days, and last week he was damned miserable. He simply avoided the subject when I raised it. You know what he’s like.”
Hugh nodded. He knew all too well that Theo would not allow anyone to know anything about him that he did not choose.
“It’s not that I need to know, for chances are it’s none of my business,” Esdale went on, “but he’s a good man and I don’t like to see him so evidently out of sorts. Especially as he’s bound for Portugal again soon, I should imagine. Your brother’s heading back there shortly, I understand from Miss Fanshawe.”
With that, conversation turned more general. A short time later
Hugh excused himself, for the Marquess was a popular guest and much in demand. He approved wholeheartedly of Sophia’s choice, although he realised his approval was neither needed, nor necessarily a good thing. His lack of judgment in these matters had been amply demonstrated by the whole mess with Theo.
The thought of Theo was an ache deep inside Hugh as he stood in the middle of the busy room, with music and laughter and conversation filling the air around him. He couldn’t remember ever feeling so alone.
…
Over a leisurely breakfast the next morning, Hugh attacked the pile of post that had been awaiting his return. Most were invitations of one sort or another—the price of being seen as his mother’s escort—but there was a bulky packet, which puzzled him until he opened it. It was a letter, several sheets thick, from the physician in Sweden. Forgetting all about his bacon, he fell to studying it.
The gentleman, Dr Ling, had very awkward handwriting, but Hugh eventually got into the way of reading it, and the content was fascinating. The doctor explained about his theory and wrote of things that Hugh could do to help his leg, and had even drawn some diagrams to explain why these things would help. Hugh could not follow some of the physician’s more technical explanations so, after finally finishing his breakfast, he took himself to Hatchards. There he bought the first volume of Elementa Physiologiae Corporis Humani. He was most taken aback to learn that there were another seven volumes and assured the eager shopkeeper that one would be quite sufficient for now.
Walking back in the afternoon sunshine with his new purchase, he suddenly realised that being a gentleman of leisure might have its compensations, for he could sit and study this at will rather than have to delay his explorations until the evening. As he waited to cross the road to his lodgings, allowing plenty of space to a curricle that was being driven at far too fast a clip for the crowded street, he found himself revelling in the unaccustomed feeling that he could please himself in where he went and when.
A Minor Inconvenience Page 18