“Jasper,” she breathed out. “Do you really see this as tied together like that? Each of you?”
“Yeah,” Jasper confirmed. “I do.”
She considered that. They wanted it to work with all of them and that was…looking difficult. It was still new, though, so Sawyer didn’t want to get fatalistic over it yet. No reason to freak out because everything was new and strange and they hadn’t found their footing yet.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said quickly. She blinked and looked back at him, having stared at her food while she thought about it all. “It’s…Sawyer, I want to be with you and we’ll do this at our pace. And you’ll do your thing with Zander at the pace you two decide. Same for Vincent.”
“And Elijah,” she reminded him softly. She knew he was part of this little deal, this idea that she could be with whoever she wanted whenever she wanted. “I don’t think that will ever happen, by the way. He’s a great friend, though.”
“Elijah is a great guy,” he agreed. “Ready to head out?”
“Yeah,” Sawyer decided. “Yeah, let’s get home.”
Jasper took her hand when they left the booth. He paid before they left and once again opened her door for her to get in the car. She was going to light a cigarette before getting in the car, but Jasper gave her a look as he held her door open.
“I don’t really like that habit,” he said patiently.
“I know. I’m sorry. I won’t smoke on our dates,” she told him, sliding the smoke back into the pack. “I can’t imagine kissing me after one is very nice.”
“I notice, but you don’t smoke often enough to make it really bad. I don’t like it, but I like kissing more, so I’ll survive.”
She made a mental note to get breath mints, so he didn’t have to worry about it anymore.
When she hit close for the garage door at home and shut the car off, Jasper leaned over and kissed her again. She leaned into it, meeting him halfway, until a knock came on the car. She growled and looked through the front windshield, seeing Elijah grinning at them, his arms crossed.
“Now, young people,” Elijah began, putting on the most ‘dad’ voice she’d ever heard. “You know better than to make out in the car when the little lady needs to come home before curfew.”
“Killing. All. Of. Them.” Sawyer bit out, glaring at Elijah. Jasper just jumped out of the car and ran to open her side. This caused Elijah to laugh. She climbed out of her car and continued to glare at Elijah. “What the hell?”
“I was passing through. Running out to grab something from town, saw you two pull in, and wanted to fuck with you. Didn’t expect to catch a make out session. Bonus, honestly.” Elijah was still grinning as he explained. She was considering strangling him when Jasper wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her along. “Feel free to stay and continue. No reason to run off now.”
“Pervert,” Sawyer growled. “Go watch porn.”
“It’s not as much fun,” Elijah called after them.
“We’re never going to have any privacy in this house, it seems,” Jasper muttered, yanking her out of the garage and into the area leading to the dining room and kitchen. “Sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she grumbled. “There’s just too many damn men in this house and you’re all horndogs.”
“I mean…” he leaned in close. “Can you blame us?”
“Yes,” Sawyer answered, looking into those heated, stormy blue eyes. She saw a pink blush on his cheeks. He was embarrassed by Elijah as well, she knew it, but damn if it didn’t look good on him. “I’m going to relax for the rest of the day, maybe catch up on my Netflix for the first time in months. Want to join?”
“No,” Jasper sighed. “I need to get to work. I’m behind in one of my classes.”
“Classes?” She frowned.
“I’m still in college.” He chuckled. “Yeah, I know. I do a lot of distance learning. I’ve got more than a few degrees at this point, but it keeps me busy during the slow times, and I love to learn.”
“Have fun with that,” Sawyer told him. “I’m off to Netflix.”
“Enjoy your Netflix,” he chuckled. He kissed her cheek before letting her go, and she smiled back at him as she left him there.
3
Zander
Zander knew she was back from her date with Jasper and hadn’t yet come to see him. He sat quietly in his shared office with Jasper, stewing. They hadn’t spoken since she’d thrown him out in the morning. He was frustrated. She refused to let him in, refused to share herself with him when he told her practically everything about himself. His wants and fears. He trusted her and he felt like it wasn’t returned.
“Jasper-”
“If you are asking about the date, it went really well. We had fun. Movie was all right, and the food was delicious. If you’re asking about her nightmares, don’t continue.” He looked up from his notes, and Zander glared at him.
“I’m glad the date went well,” Zander replied. “Seriously. Real glad.”
“I hope you are, since it gave her a moment out of the house, away from the explosive problems you two are having,” he commented casually, looking back down to his notes. “Stop giving her a hard time, Zander. She’s going at her speed, not yours. You’ve already convinced her and pushed her into this, into getting physical with you. Don’t push her further. She’ll start to shove you back harder.”
He took a deep breath, looking for a way to tell Jasper how he was feeling.
“She’s in her room, watching Netflix,” the golden boy told him. “If you want to talk to her.”
“She threw me out this morning,” Zander muttered. She probably didn’t want him up in her room at that moment.
“She didn’t tell me that.” Jasper sighed, putting his pen down. “Why?”
“I might have been an ass.”
“What did you say?” Jasper pressed.
“‘I’m sorry for caring,’” he repeated.
The curse that flew out of Jasper’s mouth was impressive. “Go fucking apologize,” he snapped. He flipped his notebook closed and glared back at Zander. Zander looked away as Jasper started to nail him to the wall over it. “Jesus. Zander. You…God, all this experience you have with women and you say something stupid as hell. Again. What the actual fuck is wrong with you?”
“I just want her to trust me with it,” he mumbled.
“She will!” Jasper yelled. “In her time! Holy fuck. Go! Now!” Jasper pointed to the door. “Jesus, you just can’t stop, it seems.”
Zander ran out before Jasper could get angrier with him. It wasn’t too often that Jasper raised his voice and yelled. He was a passive, decent guy - and normally right.
He didn’t go to Sawyer’s room though. He went across the hall and into Vincent and Elijah’s office.
“Hiding in here?” the Italian asked as Zander walked in. “Come on.”
Zander quietly went behind Elijah’s desk and sank down.
“He’s right,” Vincent continued. “You should apologize to her.”
“I just want her to trust me,” he whispered. “Ya know?”
“Oh, yeah. I get it.” Vincent sighed and put his book down. Zander saw that he looked tired. Not haggard like he used to, not worn out, just a little tired, like he’d gotten up too early. He seemed healthier now than he had before Texas. He was healthier-looking than he ever had been before they caught Axel. “She doesn’t spend much time with me. We play a lot of chess. She doesn’t tell me too much. The stuff she does tell me is stuff that also relates to me. About my nephew, about what she knew of Axel’s organization.” Vincent smiled softly. “She does trust you, though.”
“No, she doesn’t,” Zander snapped.
“She lets you sleep with her,” their CO reminded him. Zander swallowed and looked away. “She won’t sleep with me.”
“Why?” Zander asked. He’d forgotten her mentioning that in the morning and now that he thought about it, he didn’t see her and Vincent toget
her late at night. He also didn’t pay too much attention to her activities with the others. He knew of the date because it had to be planned and it was something to tease them about.
“Because last time she tried to kill me,” he answered. “She’s scared that she’ll do it again in another PTSD flashback. She has stuff to work out and it’s inconvenient, but we need to live with that. She needs to get through her own problems.”
“Fuck,” Zander groaned. “You really have a way of putting things into perspective.”
“You have a way with making small things into big problems. You’re also short tempered and abrasive. You’re as much of a fighter as she is, and while the arguments are funny, you need to stop.” Vincent’s tone grew hard at the end. “Hide in here until you’re ready to go see her. Elijah is off getting Estella.”
“Any advice?” Zander asked.
“Find an activity to do with her that isn’t sex or arguing,” Vincent answered, shrugging. “Might help you two find some common ground again. Work out, spar…don’t spar, too close to fighting and it’ll just lead to sex. Video games? I’m not sure she plays, but she might? You can introduce her to it?”
“Like chess?” he added sarcastically. He was being petulant, and he recognized it. He wasn’t even sure why he’d decided to fuck with Vincent like that.
“Get out,” the Italian ordered, pointing to his door. Zander glared at him, but Vincent didn’t show any emotion. “I don’t have to deal with the pissy attitude either.”
He groaned and walked back out of the office. Thrown out by Vincent now. Fantastic. Just what he needed, to piss off everyone in the house. Now he just needed to find Quinn and Elijah to make the day complete.
He was constantly shoving his foot in his mouth. He was normally better at women, Jasper was right, but Sawyer always got to him. He wanted more, and she just shut down. Talking about anything serious was impossible, and when he tried to show affection, she practically ran or yelled at him.
Zander thought about that part. Slapping her ass hadn’t been the smartest thing to do. He hadn’t been thinking.
He really did have some shit to apologize for. Like always. It was becoming a pattern.
He made the long walk up to her attic room, noting that her cold magic now reached the bottom of the stairs up into the attic. It was a long way to bleed out. He’d expected it to stay in the attic, but he was constantly forgetting just how powerful Sawyer really was. She also had some serious depth to her Source, able to use her magic much more than he or Jasper could before burning out.
He knocked on the door and waited as patiently as he could. He wasn’t going to screw up before he even got started by just barging into her room.
“Come in, Zander,” Sawyer called out. He slipped in and closed the door quickly. There she was, laying on one of the couches and watching Netflix like nothing was wrong.
“Heard the date went good,” he started, suddenly a bit worried he was going to mess this up.
“The date was wonderful,” Sawyer confirmed, not looking at him. “Come sit down and tell me what’s on your mind.”
“I wanted to say I’m sorry.” Zander sighed and sat down on the couch, lifting her feet to put them in his lap. He knew she hadn’t gone out in sweatpants and a tank, so he assumed she must have changed to have a lazy day. “For being an ass. I shouldn’t be slapping your ass and claiming it’s how I show my affection. I just like your ass and wanted to touch it. And I know you’re having a hard time with the nightmares still and I don’t want to make it worse.”
“You can’t make it worse,” Sawyer replied. “You can’t make it easier or harder. It just is. Jasper has the magic to get in my head and help me through it. You don’t. That’s all.”
“I just…”
“You want to be in everything,” Sawyer finished. “I know.”
“Do you want to play some video games?” he asked, hopeful. “It’s what Jasper and I do to kill time and hang out without it getting too complicated. I get to be competitive and he gets to just unwind.”
“If you get a system set up in here, yeah.” She chuckled and looked down at him. “Call of Duty?”
“You know…?” Zander was a little shocked.
“I taught self-defense to kids and helped them with their homework,” she reminded him. “You think I didn’t spend my fair share of time playing video games with them?”
“Well, shit.” He laughed. He hadn’t thought about that. “We’ll finish what you’re watching, then set it up.”
“You’re forgiven, Zander,” she told him suddenly. “But I’m tired. Of the arguing, of the foot-in-mouth syndrome, the nosiness. I’m tired of being tired. As for the ass thing, I don’t know why it pissed me off at the time. I had to ask Jasper what we argued about yesterday, I couldn’t remember.”
“Are you saying that I could do it tomorrow and you might not get mad?” Zander asked incredulously. How was he supposed to work with that? He decided he just wouldn’t. It was degrading, looking back. Slapping her ass was treating her like a piece of ass and she was more than that.
“Oh, well, nearly everything you do frustrates me more than if anyone else did it,” Sawyer admitted a little guiltily. He saw a pleading smile on her face, as if she was begging for him to understand. “Sorry. You are an exasperating man.”
“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, beginning to rub her feet.
“Yeah, well,” she huffed. “This is what real relationships are, right? Bickering, figuring stuff out?”
“I think so?” He hadn’t had one in years. Girlfriends in high school were the last attempts at steady he had. After he’d been with her just that once, he’d decided he wouldn’t go steady with anyone else. Only her. It was only ever her.
“We might need to ask someone else?” She laughed.
“We might,” he agreed.
“You should know, I’m avoiding you tomorrow,” she declared. “I need space, ya know? We’re always right next to each other, and I think that might be part of the problem. Well, Elijah thinks it might be and I think I agree with him.”
“Sure,” Zander whispered. He wanted to be around her for every minute of the day, but he could see how living with three men who all want her could be smothering. All four, if she and Elijah finally went through on the flirting.
Five if Quinn could figure out he was already half in love with her.
After her show was done, he set up a system to play on. He handed her a controller and was grinning when Jasper walked in and joined them, sitting on the other couch.
This was what he wanted. Companionable moments where they were good and normal and together. He just needed to learn how not to shove his foot in his mouth. He was thankful that Sawyer was quick to forgive if someone admitted they had fucked up.
He would change for her. He wouldn’t bother her about her nightmares; he wouldn’t touch her in ways that made her feel like property. He could change. Most things. He was certain they were going to hit something that he couldn’t change, but he was damn sure going to try. He loved her too much for his own idiocy to ruin what they had.
4
Sawyer
The next day, Sawyer was ready to go out with Elijah and Quinn for some relaxation. Between her nightmares, Jasper, Zander, Vincent, and finishing her GED, life had become exhausting. Her GED was finished, for which she was thanking the gods, whichever ones she could remember.
“Meet us out there,” Elijah had told her when he’d left after the morning workout. She’d showered, relaxed, and let her muscles stop protesting before deciding to head out. Plus, nine am had been too early to go swimming - a little too cold - but the afternoon sun was still very warm at this time of year in Georgia, touching the eighties and making everyone sweat.
She walked out by herself, a tank and shorts over her bathing suit. She wasn’t sure if Quinn or Elijah would wear one, but damn it, she would. She wasn’t a complete heathen like them.
When she got to the waterhole, E
lijah was already there, nude and laying out on her favorite rock. Sawyer sighed and jumped up next to him, maintaining enough distance that he couldn’t reach her. She was over the casual nudity. It was a scene she’d seen often enough at this point: the barrel chest, the thick corded neck, the massive, broad shoulders. The thick, muscular thighs, the defined, lovely abdominals.
She could stare at it all day, so she ripped her eyes away before he could tell she was staring. So far his eyes had been closed, but that could change.
“How are you?” she asked, pulling off her tank and shorts and hanging them from a branch so they remained safe and dry. Unless Elijah or Quinn threw them in, which was a serious threat. She put her phone on another rock, far away from the water, so it didn’t have a chance to get splashed. It sat next to Elijah’s phone. The cellphones were sacred and would be safe.
“Doing better now that you’re here,” Elijah flirted.
She adjusted her swimsuit, a simple, all black bikini that let her get the best tan without going nude. “I’m glad to brighten your day,” she replied before lying out next to him. “Where’s Quinn?”
“Not here yet,” he answered, waving around. “Obviously. He probably lost track of time while scribbling down those notes you’ve convinced him to do.”
“I didn’t convince him to do anything except try a little harder for me,” she retorted. “He’s doing better, from what I understand.”
“Oh, yeah,” he agreed. “Since you got involved, he’s jumped a few years in the mandatory stuff. He’s more confident about it. I just want him to remember to relax every now and then.”
The Redemption Saga Box Set Page 67