Sombra was not as amused.
“That’s what you get for waking me up too early,” she called out.
“You shouldn’t throw things at her,” Vincent condemned her, but she heard the humor in his voice.
“She knows what she did and it didn’t hurt. Just spooked her. That’s hard to do, you know.” Sawyer was smiling as her jaguar went back to searching around the snow and trying to play in it. “I got to take my chances when I get them. I mean, you can’t say she didn’t deserve it. Kaar doesn’t wake us up at four in the morning.”
“No, he doesn’t. He just sits awake and stares at us while we sleep.” He pushed the hoodie towards her. “Here. I never wear it.”
“You own a hoodie?” She took it and pulled it on, inhaling his cologne. She had no idea what it smelled like, only able to pin it as masculine and expensive.
“Apparently. I pulled it out of the closet. No idea when it got there.”
“It’s mine now,” she decided, enjoying how soft it was. She had never been the type of woman who took a man’s clothing, but she was fine becoming one. It was another piece of normal in her not normal world. Something ordinary while they were surrounded by unordinary. She wouldn’t become her jaguar, though. That cat stole everything from everyone. Sawyer’s room was becoming a treasure trove that held El Dorado, which she was pretty sure her jaguar had brought from the Amazon.
“That’s fine. I’m missing several shirts, though, and would like them back.”
Speaking of the jaguar’s sticky paws. “You’ll have to convince her to give those back.” She pointed out to the black big cat rolling in the snow.
“She doesn’t speak English, or at all, actually.” Vincent crossed his arms and looked expectantly at her, as if Sawyer was supposed to do something about the situation.
“I’m not going near her pile of shit, sorry.” She had tried once, and it was one of the few times her own bonded animal had snarled at her. That pile of fabric, which included Elijah’s blanket and several of Vincent’s shirts, was not something Sawyer was allowed to touch under any circumstance. Those were now Sombra’s and no one was going to tell her otherwise.
“She’s your bonded animal. You do have to take charge and tell her what’s right and wrong.”
“I mean…is her stealing easily replaceable things that bad?” Sawyer shrugged. She didn’t think so. That was probably the problem. She didn’t think it was such a terrible thing. They all had the money to replace the shit instead of argue with her about it. “I’m more interested in her deciding to finish up what she’s doing and come back inside. It’s damn cold out here. She can play in the snow when the sun comes up. If it’s still here.”
Vincent just nodded his response and they watched the jaguar just continue being ridiculous. She rolled, pounced, and played like a kitten, sending snow flying everywhere. The only thing in Sawyer’s favor was that the cat was beginning to also recognize the bone-deep chill of the night.
“Sombra! You’re supposed to be using the bathroom too,” she called out. “Sombra, it’s just frozen water. Nothing special. Go to the bathroom!”
“Keep your voice-”
“Why are you yelling at four in the morning?” a gruff Southern accent asked her. Something very warm got near her. She eyed Elijah, wondering how he was in sweats and no shirt without having a problem. It was probably his fire manipulation. He seemed to always run warmer. She didn’t let her gaze linger on his thick, muscular body, the bulkiness that defied logic. “Waking people up and shit.”
“Sombra woke us up and now won’t hurry up. Sorry, Eli.”
“You’re all too nice to her,” he grumbled. He let out a sharp whistle that made her wince. Sombra stopped jumping around and looked back at the porch. Sawyer was amazed that she stopped just like that for the cowboy, and always, without fail. Respect and a small amount of fear bled through the bond from the jaguar. “Hurry up. You’re keeping people awake. We aren’t nocturnal, you monster.”
Without complaint, through the bond or in action, Sombra trotted out into the woods to get her business done.
“Thank you,” she whispered to him, feeling bad he had to come out and order her animal bond around.
“No problem.” He just kept staring out to the woods. “You two have a good night?”
“Yeah. Still maybe feeling it,” she answered, smiling guiltily, hoping to have a few jokes with him. He was good at keeping the mood light. He always got over his crankiness in seconds.
“Yup.” He thumped Vin’s shoulder, turned and went back inside.
Her jaw dropped open a little. He just walked away. Not even an attempt at a conversation. She closed her mouth and narrowed her eyes at the back door. This wasn’t the first time, but every time shocked her. She had no idea what was going on when it happened either, so she had no idea what was causing it, or if maybe it was something she had missed about his personality before that was coming to light.
“What is his problem?” she hissed to Vincent, turning on her lover. He knew Elijah well enough. They had worked together for years, long before she entered the picture - or even the rest of the team.
“I really don’t know,” Vincent confessed softly. “He’s never been like this, really.”
“It’s like he’s PMSing, and that says a lot coming from me,” she pointed out in frustration. “It’s so hot and cold with him now. I never know if I’m going to get normal Elijah or pissy Elijah. It’s not right.”
“It’s not,” he agreed, but he didn’t offer anything else.
She ran a hand through her wild hair, cursing when she snagged a knot and yanked her hand out of her hair.
“Sombra’s coming back.”
“Thank the gods,” she growled, turning to go inside. Her own moods were feeling very erratic now. Annoyed she was in the cold, laughing at her cat, enjoying a quiet morning with a lover, feeling the dread that December normally brought with it, and being pissed off at Elijah. She wasn’t exactly sure what was wrong with her. She decided to blame the lack of sleep and the whiskey she’d dived into the night before. This wasn’t how she’d planned on spending her morning.
“I’m not sure I’m going to get back to sleep now,” she admitted to her Italian. Definitely not with him, with those dark olive green eyes and that thick, curly dark hair. No, her anger at Elijah was only surface anger. Her annoyance and joy were also just surface. Something deeper was riding her now as the chill set back in on her.
“You’re going to leave me for the morning?” he asked. They had promised a full night together, but that seemed thrown out the window. She felt guilty for it, but she couldn’t anymore.
“You okay with it? I think I need to just go stew in my room a little. Can I leave her with you?” She pointed down at Sombra, who had the nerve to shake her big head in refusal. “Never mind. I guess I’m keeping her.” She turned to her door to the attic and Vin stopped her. Neither of them said anything as he held her and slowly placed a kiss on her lips, a loving one, one that promised he would be there for her if she needed it. One he gave her every night, no matter what room she was going to sleep in.
When he released her, she just backed away, turned, and went to her room, Sombra on her heels. As she closed her bedroom door, something broke.
She growled and smacked her hand on the wood. She was all over the place. It was just another cold morning. Just another normal morning, and something was eating at her.
Sombra jumped up on the bed and laid down, those gold eyes watching her carefully, trying to ask what was wrong.
“Henry died in December,” she explained softly, giving the only honest answer she could. “That’s part of it. It has to be. It ruins every December for me and always will.” She wasn’t sure if she was trying to reason out her strange moods to herself or the cat, but it didn’t matter. Saying the words eased some of it. “Christmas Eve, actually. He had only been awake that night because he was waiting on Santa. He only heard what was happening because of the holiday c
heer. He’d never known until that moment just how wrong everything was.”
Sadness bled through the bond between her and Sombra. Sawyer had shown the jaguar all the old pictures in the weeks since coming back from the rainforest. Henry and Midnight. The places they had gone and seen. The experiences they had shared. The good times, the bad times, and the ugly times. The very ugly times, the ones that woke up her owner in the middle of the night, crying. The ones Sombra and Jasper had to help her break out of, to remember she was strong enough. Those were better, but not resolved.
Like everything else in her life, the nightmares were another work in progress. Like her relationships and friendships, her place in the world. All works in progress.
Which reminded her of another weird thing from the morning.
“And Elijah. What’s his problem? You know what’s going on there?”
Sawyer felt the confusion from the feline. She had only recently met Elijah. She didn’t know the Elijah before the Amazon. She didn’t understand that he’d changed.
That didn’t help Sawyer at all. She’d tried confronting the cowboy already, and that hadn’t worked. She’d tried asking the guys, but they said he wasn’t really talking to them about his shit either.
Sawyer sat on the edge of her bed and leaned over, pressing her face into the cold, wet fur. It was slightly refreshing until she remembered that it was her bed that the wet jaguar was laying on.
“Please get down,” she begged nicely, sitting back up. Sombra hopped off easily enough and moved to her favorite corner of the room, that pile of contraband fabrics she stole from everyone. Sawyer chuckled weakly at the sight of her walking in circles and pushing it all around until it was perfect to lie on.
Once the jaguar was at peace and curled into a tight ball to sleep, Sawyer leaned against her headboard and just stared at the ceiling. She wasn’t going to get back to sleep, and if this was any indication to how her December was going to be, she probably wouldn’t for the rest of the month.
“Fuck December,” she said with all the defiant, pissed-off energy she could muster. She knocked the back of her head to her headboard, groaning in frustration.
Now she was going to have a headache to go with her seasonally weird mood.
2
Sawyer
Sawyer was late to breakfast somehow. She hadn’t gotten back to sleep, but she was still late getting down; the entire team was nearly done eating when she sat down. Sombra pushed her bowl around in the kitchen until Quinn kindly got up to feed her. No one said anything about their lateness to the meal, just continued on with the normal morning routine. She dished herself a plate without saying anything and got busy on it, looking around at her friends, lovers, and teammates.
Vincent was reading a local newspaper, something she still didn’t understand, looking impeccable and put together. Jasper was studying for the finals of those online classes he was taking. She knew he was stressing out over it. The trips in September and October had thrown him off a little, even if he didn’t admit it. It stressed him out so much that she barely saw him, and they hadn’t had a date since before the trip down to South America. Zander just ate quietly, throwing her a smile when he caught her looking at him. Quinn sat back down next to Elijah, both fairly quiet as well. It was just a nice morning where everyone was getting along, a blessing on its own.
Normal. It was a normal morning. December hadn’t thrown them off like it had her.
“Do you guys do anything for Christmas?” she asked, hoping to divert her energy on anything except stewing in silence.
“Not really,” Zander answered, shrugging. “I mean, we get each other gifts, but that’s it. Why?”
His answer didn’t help her at all. She’d been hoping for more. A party she could help plan, anything.
“No reason.” She went back to her breakfast, thinking about it. She decided to correct herself. If they knew, they could help and they were people who were good at helping her. “Guys, December is a bad month for me. You should know that now. I normally find something to do to keep my mind off it.”
“Don’t like the holidays?” the cowboy asked softly, giving her a look of genuine concern, his hazel eyes pinned on her. That hot and cold shit. Now he was normal Elijah, of course.
“Henry died on Christmas Eve,” she whispered, shoving eggs around on her plate. “It gets to me. If I seem a bit off, that’s why.”
“Thank you for telling us now.” Vincent dropped his paper on the table. She knew he’d already known the date. She’d told him before, and she knew that he probably figured out earlier in the morning. “We’ll find something to cheer you up, if we can.”
“No…I just like to have something to do. Like I threw holiday parties for the kids and the gyms. Fight Night regulars would get gifts and we would do special events and such. I was wondering if you were all into things like that. If you have nothing, there’s no reason to get into stuff just for me. Don’t worry about it. I’ll find something to do.”
She had to, or she would go mad from grief. She’d tried one year, just ignoring the holiday, the entire month of cheer and glee. Charlie had found her in her room in a ball, crying. He’d taken her out to buy Liam a gift, and then things for the rest of the kids. It had brightened her spirits just enough to make it through the day, wrapping those presents. The next time her mood dipped, he’d dragged her to the class she was trying to skip to give those presents to the kids. Those smiles had saved her that December and every year since.
She didn’t have them this year, so she needed to find something.
“Are you sure?” Zander frowned at her. “I mean, we could totally do more. I’m down for doing more if it’s important to you.”
She really appreciated that sentiment from him. Of all the big changes she genuinely loved since the Amazon, she and Zander was one on the top of the list. They were working. They weren’t arguing as explosively, and now she knew he felt secure. She loved him, and they would work. They just needed some patience with each other.
“It’s okay. I’ll find something to do.” She stood up, her appetite gone already. “I’ll get the dishes. Sorry for being so late down here.”
“We won’t leave you alone.” Her eyes fell on Quinn, who stood up as well. “We’ll make plans every day to keep you busy. Like you and I haven’t hunted yet. We can go do that. And Elijah can take you to his favorite restaurant in Atlanta.” He looked down at the cowboy who stopped eating, his eyes going wide. “You’ve been wanting to, right?”
“I have,” he answered, nodding diplomatically.
“Good. Vincent, there are plays in Atlanta too, right?” Quinn was on a tangent now and she knew better than to try and stop it. Once an idea took root in the Wolf, there was no stopping it.
“There are, and I might know how to get tickets this close to any shows.” Vincent smiled at the feral Magi and then to her.
“Good. We’ll just come up with ways to keep Sawyer busy every day. And plan a party. I’ve never had a Christmas party. Sounds interesting.”
“Well, everyone, Quinn has decided and therefore we shall,” Elijah declared, looking resigned to his fate. She narrowed her eyes at him and he cracked a small smile. “It’s fine. We’ll make sure you make it through this December like you have all the rest.”
“You’re going to need to give Jasper another week to get through school, but he and I won’t let you down.” Zander was now giving her a huge grin, all teeth and near-childish excitement.
“Once I’m through finals, you have all my time,” Jasper promised, looking up from his books and papers.
“Thank you,” she murmured to him, then again to the rest of the guys louder. “Thank you. Really. This means a lot to me.” She had already learned to lean on them when she needed it. If the morning was any indication, she was going to need to lean on them a lot this month. She walked away after that, her mind tumbling over what just happened.
They had all just jumped at the opportunity to help
her deal with shit that she would never be over. In the kitchen, rinsing her plate, she could hear them making plans for what they could do.
She looked up and thanked whatever gods were watching her for landing her with them. For all the shit they had gone through already together, she was genuinely thankful for them. It wasn’t perfect, but they did amazing things for her. This was just one of them.
“Let me,” Jasper whispered, reaching around her. She hadn’t noticed him come up on her. It was happening more and more. They could sneak up on her, or maybe she was just so used to them, trusted them that much, that she didn’t pay attention naturally like she once did.
He took her plate and finished rinsing it off, then loaded it in the dishwasher. She leaned on the counter and watched as he moved on to other dishes he’d brought.
“I can do it. I promised to,” she half-heartedly reminded him.
“I’ve been neglecting my chores around here. I can do this for you today.” He smiled at her. “Plus, I’m avoiding going back to reading those books. I think this might be my last semester.”
“Really?” She was genuinely shocked. He loved learning as much as Sombra loved chewing on a bone or harassing the wolves and stealing theirs.
“Yeah. There’s just so much going on, and I’m losing time with you and the guys over it. I have enough education. This just makes it more obvious. I used to do school since I had nothing else to do.”
“And now you do?” she asked, crossing her arms. “Have something else to do?”
“I mean, you’re here. I want to spend more time with you. Since we’ve gotten back from South America, I haven’t had the chance. Catching up, nearly failing a couple of my exams - it’s been a bit rough for me. I want to hang out more with all of you, but the best I can do is an hour here or there, and you have a lot of us to juggle. I can’t expect you to be free whenever I am.”
“Yes you can,” she replied, shaking her head. “You are the one with the time-”
“You love them. I’m not going to demand your time.”
The Redemption Saga Box Set Page 101