She could feel his fingers digging into her back. She had known this was going to come. It was bound to happen eventually. “I love you,” she whispered. “We can do this. One step at a time, Vincent.”
“And what’s the first step?” he asked, groggy and depressed.
“Leaving,” she answered.
He pulled back and glanced once more at James’ grave. Then he nodded, holding out an arm. She smiled weakly, taking it. They hooked elbows and took the first step.
“What’s the next step?” he asked softly, his emotion level dropping.
“We go back to the condo. We eat something and get some deep sleep.”
“And tomorrow is the will reading.” He sighed. “When in there do I start helping you hunt Axel?”
“After we know our family has a place to live.” She kept moving them forward. He nodded again for her. “We can’t rush this. Not now. We have to make sure Elijah is okay. We need a new home. We can’t keep Sombra and the wolves cooped up in the condo. We have a lot of work to do.”
“Of course.”
“You did really well today.” She tried to make it sound casual.
He leaned and she felt his lips press against her cheek. “What’s after that?”
She considered that. There were some things they could get started now that would only help them in the future. She needed to give him goals to reach. “We need to set up alerts on the Dark Web. Anything relating to Axel or anyone close to him. It’s something I can work with Jasper and Zander on. I know it like the back of my hand, though they might go through new channels since my identity is outed and the world knows I’m on the other team now.”
“And?”
“We need a list of all properties he’s ever used. I know several. You probably know all of the places that mean something to him on a personal level.”
“Yes. Good thinking.”
He sounded so professional. They drew closer to the group and Zander opened the door to the limo. Quinn helped Elijah in first and they all piled in after. She stayed glued to Vincent’s side. She had a sneaking suspicion she was needed there.
She had to hold these grieving men together. The pain wasn’t over yet. She glanced at Elijah. He knew. He knew how to keep moving forward. So did Quinn. And Jasper, someone she knew better than to forget. He started moving forward the moment the news hit, trying to help the rest of them.
Her men were so strong, but she still felt the indescribable need to hold them.
Something about all of this felt like it could break them apart, and that was something she would not tolerate.
2
Elijah
Elijah stayed quiet on the trip back into the city. The funeral was now behind them. He hated funerals, but he understood the need for them. A chance to put someone to rest, a chance to openly grieve and let loose the pain of losing them. He’d needed it, even though he hated it.
He’d needed it, since he didn’t have what his teammates had. He had been in a stupor, drugged and hazy when the news came. He’d had no chance to process it until everyone else was well into their own grief. Quinn had noticed and helped him, explaining that Zander had knocked him out so he could come to the grief with a clear head.
He’d understood the reasoning, but it hadn’t helped him with dealing with the pain. James was gone.
“Do you want to walk inside?” Quinn asked him carefully, eyeing him as the limo came to a stop in front of the building. Elijah looked up and nodded. He was tired of the wheelchair but he knew why he had to use it. In a few more weeks, he would be free to work out like he normally did again. He just needed to play it carefully as Zander walked him through physical therapy.
“Yeah, I can manage getting to the elevator and into the condo.” He got out on his own, trying to ignore the stiffness in his back. There was no more nerve damage and the vertebrae were fully healed, but his muscles needed more time.
None of them really spoke as they huddled in the elevator together. Sawyer was the only one who took the time to say goodbye to the Director. Elijah wanted to feel bad for not saying anything, but he couldn’t bring his mouth to open anymore. Not for platitudes and social courtesies, anyway. He’d leave that to her.
Vincent unlocked the door and held it open so they could all shuffle in.
And it hit Elijah again.
The tightening of his chest. The pain.
There were too many memories in the condo. Too much of James and the years he’d obviously lived in the place.
“Did something happen in here while we were gone?” Zander demanded, looking around ahead of the rest of them. “Did someone break in? Get that fucking security team-”
“The lawyers came while we were at the funeral to take anything important to the will,” Jasper reminded him. “Nothing was stolen, Zander.”
“Yeah, Sombra just hid out in the guest bedroom with the wolves during their visit. They didn’t let them touch our stuff.” Sawyer went into the living room and sat down on the couch. “Quinn, did you warn them?”
“I warned the animals. I got to meet the lawyers beforehand so I could judge their threat level and let them know our bonds would be staying here. Vincent, where’s Kaar?”
“Outside flying. He can’t handle the feelings in the condo anymore,” Vincent answered softly, walking into the kitchen.
Elijah sat down slowly next to Sawyer, wrapping an arm around her. He was immensely pleased when she leaned into him, her head going onto his shoulder. It felt good.
“Say it again,” he whispered to her. He was put out that the first time he’d heard the words was on the edge of dying. He had really thought he was dead and so was she. So he kept asking her, pretending that he needed the reminder. That he couldn’t remember it, clear as day, even though he could.
“I love you,” she murmured.
“Just checking,” he teased gently.
“I’m going to give you real memory loss if you keep treating it like a joke,” she ribbed back.
He chuckled, glad for the threat. It was normal. It was so wonderfully them, and it showed him everything could go back to the perfect they had before. The only thing that would be missing was the man they had relied on without ever telling him how much he meant. The only thing they couldn’t get back was James.
His chest tightened again. He willed it to relax. He willed himself to keep breathing. He knew this pain. He could get through it. He knew Quinn was doing the same thing. He had a feeling they all were.
Sawyer began to play with her cellphone, pulling away from him. A moment later, she stood up and went out on the patio. He could see her on the phone now. He wondered who she could possibly be calling. He could count the people she knew well enough to call on both hands.
“I mean, they didn’t need to take his stuff,” Zander complained, looking distraught. “It’s not theirs. It belongs here. In his space. And I…”
“Zander, it’s okay. You know that it’s probably all going to go to Thompson. They’re just doing legally what they have to. It’s okay.” Jasper raised his hands, trying to calm Zander down. Elijah knew what his problem was.
“He knows we won’t steal it!” Zander pointed at the now blank spots where pictures used to hang. “Why would they take those down? This is his space…”
He wanted the condo to be just like James had left it. A psychological way to keep the person in their lives forever. Maybe he would walk through that door one day and everything would be just how he left it.
Elijah groaned, closing his eyes and leaning back on the couch. Someone turned the TV on and sat next to him. He peeked warily.
“I can’t deal with Zander right now,” Jasper mumbled.
“Yeah,” Elijah sighed in sympathy. “He’ll be okay. He doesn’t handle this level of change well.”
“Don’t I know it,” Jasper muttered with a bite Elijah hadn’t expected.
A fracture was appearing between them. They were the two oldest friends on the team, and the
ir different ways of grieving were causing a rift.
Elijah frowned and placed a hand on Jasper’s shoulder. “I’ll talk to him later, but don’t hold this against him. He’s like the rest of us, not thinking clearly.” He knew Zander could be annoying, immature, and a downright pain in the ass, but this? This was abnormal, and caused from a pain so deep none of them could make it through alone. This wasn’t something he should be judged for. This was something they needed each other for. They couldn’t start falling apart now.
Sawyer walked back in quickly, shoving her phone in her pocket. He watched her make a straight shot for Zander, grabbing him when he was in arm’s reach.
Elijah watched the temperamental redhead fall apart the moment her arms were around him. “This is his space,” Zander cried softly.
“Was, Zander. He’s gone, baby. He doesn’t care anymore about the pictures on the wall. It’s okay.” She said it quickly, just holding him. Elijah felt tears flood from the back of his eyes, that pressure he knew they were all trying to push back constantly. “It’s okay. Just breathe. Zander, just breathe for me.”
And he did. Elijah could hear Zander’s gut-wrenching attempts to do that. Breathe. Every single one became a sob.
Zander had a lot of problems, but there was one thing they all knew and even respected about him. He felt deeply. He felt fully and without reservation. It led to recklessness and rash behavior, but the man was honest about everything going on with his heart and it was admirable.
“That’s it,” she murmured. “It’s going to be okay. We’re all here with you. I’m here with you. He’s not hurting. He’s not in pain. He doesn’t care about the pictures anymore. You don’t need to worry about that. It’s okay.”
None of them could do anything except watch the scene unfold. Sombra belly-crawled slowly closer to her Magi and the man. Finally, she bumped her head to Zander’s leg. Zander pulled away and looked down, giving a very weak and shaky smile. His eyes were red and tear-swollen.
And for a moment, things looked better. He scratched the big cat on the top of her head, kneeling down for her to rub her head against his chest.
“The animals are good at comfort without being annoyingly human,” Quinn commented, walking in with his wolves trailing him. The wolves joined Sombra and eventually, the three of them knocked Zander over, who gave up. He just let the animals lick his face and try to rub on him. Elijah chuckled at the scene, his heart feeling lighter again.
Quinn moved to sit on his other side while Sawyer disappeared. It was at that moment when he realized Vincent was no longer in the room. He had no idea where their leader had wandered off to.
“Is she looking for Vin?” Elijah asked his closest friend.
“He’s sitting in James’ office,” the feral Magi told him.
They all settled down, aimlessly watching the TV. Zander got up, the animals following him, and reclined in front of the couch, his head between Elijah and Jasper’s thighs. The pack of animals sprawled out around him, almost making a conscious effort to keep touching the redhead. Silent comfort. “Sorry about that,” he mumbled.
“You’re fine, Zander.” Elijah ruffled his hair, making him jerk away. He laughed louder at that response. After messing with Zander a little more and the laughter died, he went back to watching the television.
There were shots of the funeral. They had all known it wasn’t a closed affair. The timing of James’ death, and the reason, had made it a WMC state affair. He’d been a hero, truly. The world had been watching. People talked about what was said. Clips of Thompson and Vincent flashed before them. Excerpts of what was said.
Someone even commented about how Sawyer was a pallbearer while he wheeled behind the group, out of place in a way, but part of the group anyway. He’d wanted to do it himself, but he felt Sawyer was the only replacement he could accept. He was glad someone he loved stood in for him.
And she deserved it, too.
There she was, in the front with Jasper as the two shortest members. Marching to the slow beat of the music. A commenter made the astute statement that if anyone knew how much James believed in second, and even third, chances, it was her.
She belonged there.
Elijah couldn’t think of a better replacement for himself.
“VINCENT, STOP!”
Speaking of his replacement. Sawyer’s roared order echoed in the living room. Jasper quickly turned off the television and jumped up. Elijah and Quinn were the next up and moving. Zander untangled himself from the animals, following behind them.
Elijah heard more as he entered the back hallway.
“I’m not stopping until he’s dead. Don’t try to make me.” Vincent sounded pained, like a wounded animal.
“We fucking talked about this. We have other things to get done first. You can’t-” Sawyer was angry. He considered that. No, not angry, just frustrated. Tired.
“I WANT HIM DEAD!” Vincent roared. Things clattered in the room, like they were shoved off something, probably the desk. “HE DESERVES IT! I’M NOT GOING TO REST UNTIL HE IS!”
Elijah slammed to a stop, grabbing who he could to stop them. Quinn and Zander. He had his hands on Quinn and Zander. He watched Jasper stop, paralyzed, in front of the office door.
This was about Axel, which meant it wasn’t their place.
Elijah would follow orders. He would work his hardest to help Sawyer in her task. But it wasn’t his place to get between those two when it came to that man. It wasn’t any of their places. This was a wound between them.
The silence was deafening. He wondered what Sawyer could be thinking, what could be racing through her mind. Surely she felt the same. He figured she was more than ready to drive a blade into the man’s chest.
But he also knew she wanted them to be better, to be more ready. To rest and heal and grieve. He knew that she was patient and would want them hunting at their best. They weren’t close to that.
“And I’ll do that for you,” she said evenly, finally breaking the sick silence. Elijah’s gut churned. Emotions were too high, and yet she said that so evenly. “For you. For me. Fuck, for the WMC. For Henry and James, absolutely I’ll do that. But you need to do this for me. You need to stop for right now. You need to step back. Just for a moment.”
He couldn’t miss how her voice broke right there at the end.
“Sawyer…”
“No, Vincent.” She shut him down swiftly. “You need to rest. You haven’t in days. You can’t tell me it’s helping, either. You’ve lost weight and look like hell. You can’t do this to yourself.”
“Why not?” he demanded angrily. Angry enough that Elijah winced.
“Because he doesn’t deserve it.”
“He doesn’t deserve this?” Vincent’s voice was rising again, back into an angry yell.
“He doesn’t deserve you. He doesn’t deserve knowing he put you in this place. He doesn’t deserve the victory of it, knowing he’s made you destroy yourself without needing to even lift a finger in the effort.”
Elijah slumped against a wall. Zander joined him, wide-eyed, and Jasper backed away from the door slowly. He wasn’t sure why any of them had jumped up, hearing Sawyer yell like that. The idea that she needed them to help with their leader? Either way, it had given them front row seats to Vincent imploding and Sawyer trying to hold him together. Elijah had already tried more than once to get the man to sleep. They all had, but none of them touched the Axel subject.
Sawyer jumped into it with both feet.
Then she stormed out of the office, nearly running into Jasper.
“Fuck!” she snapped, startling. “Shit. Sorry, guys. Let’s go watch a movie. I’ll come back here to check on him if I need to.”
“I can,” Elijah offered.
“No. I will.” She sounded certain and looked unmovable on the topic. “It’s for me to do.”
They shuffled back into the living room, and she chose some really bad comedy that did get them laughing. Weakly, but laughing.
Halfway through the movie, Vincent walked out, looking broken and lost. She just waved a hand and he sank in front of her, his head between her legs as he sat on the floor. He watched the movie with the rest of them. He didn’t laugh, but Elijah was just glad to see him there.
Their Italian fell asleep in less than ten minutes. Sawyer played with his hair with one hand, and held Quinn’s hand with her spare one. Elijah stretched an arm over Quinn’s shoulders and played with her hair. Zander and Jasper enclosed Vincent on the floor, leaning on the outside of her thighs. Animals sprawled all over the room. Elijah glanced at the glass door to the patio. Kaar sat on the rail, looking inside, his head tilted to the side. It was as if he’d come back just to watch Vincent sleep.
And they all watched the dumbest movie they had probably ever seen. It wasn’t any good, but for the first time since James died, they all sat in the same room and spent the moment together.
Elijah closed his eyes and leaned on Quinn more. Tomorrow they had more work to do. Today, he could just enjoy this and pretend like nothing was wrong.
3
Sawyer
Sawyer put herself in charge the next day, making sure the guys all woke up and got showered and bathed for the meeting. She cooked breakfast, Jasper jumping in to help her when he realized.
For a weird moment, life felt so normal, even though they weren’t home and everything was wrong. They were never going home. That was something she hated, and now it was time to start worrying about it.
“After the meeting,” she mumbled. Everything was steps.
“What?” Jasper frowned as he flipped bacon.
“I was thinking about everything we need to do. New place, getting the animals adjusted. Our stuff back home. We can’t stay in this condo forever.” She snapped her fingers, remembering something else. “I promised Vincent yesterday that me, you, and Zander would jump on the Dark Web and dig around for Axel stuff. If either of you know how, we can set up alerts on certain sites if he’s mentioned or anything. Could give us a lead on something, and it’s something Vincent doesn’t have to think about.”
The Redemption Saga Box Set Page 134