by J. M. Dabney
She was mortified about how she’d reacted to the kiss. She twisted a lock of her hair around her finger and tugged until her scalp stung. The slight pain didn’t help, she wanted—needed more, but she wouldn’t do it. She roughly twisted her hair up and secured it with a tie from around her wrist.
“Want to talk about it?”
She spun to find Gideon framed in the doorway and then dropped her gaze, he was shirtless with his chest and rounded stomach covered in thick, red hair catching her gaze.
What was she going to do? All she could remember was the kisses. She’d loved the feel of his mustache and beard, the warmth of his big body. He was solid and made her feel safe, her body had responded, and she hadn’t known how to handle it. She didn’t understand pleasure. It was foreign and terrifying. No one had ever touched her like Gideon had.
He’d held her in his strong arms, wanted to be closer to her and she wanted more but hadn’t known what to do. She didn’t want him to think she was stupid or pathetic.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“Do you think I’m stupid or pathetic?”
“Never,” he shouted, but when he spoke next, his voice was barely above a whisper. “You’re neither of those things.”
“I’m twenty-nine, and I’m…I should’ve—”
“Grab the baby monitor and come with me, I’ll make you hot chocolate.”
She nodded, grabbed the monitor, and followed him down to the kitchen. Gideon only turned on the hood light over the stove. She watched him move around and gather what he needed.
“Don’t you have to be up early?”
He patted the counter next to the stove.
“Have a seat here. I work for myself, and I really don’t have much to do on the weekends.”
She approached him and let him lift her onto the counter. He had done it earlier too, and while she had waited for the terror to overtake her, it hadn’t come. She loved when he touched her. Fleeting caresses she could almost pretend didn’t happen. And as brief as they were, they made her feel wanted—needed.
His damp hair curled around his ears and at his nape. She fisted her hands to keep herself from reaching out. It was almost embarrassing how much she loved his scent. She inhaled through her nose and closed her eyes as she let out a sigh. It didn’t matter if he had just come in from working or after a shower.
“Now, tell me what’s going on in your head.”
“I self-harm.”
“I noticed the scars while you were in the hospital. Are you feeling the need to?”
She wondered if he’d judge her, look at her with pity in his eyes, and realize just how broken she pretended not to be.
“Yes. I promised Kyle I wouldn’t do it anymore, so, I found a loophole.”
“Bill?”
She had a moment where she wanted to deny it, but it would be a lie, and he’d know it.
“Yes. I tried to break it off a year ago after my last suicide attempt. Told him not to come around.”
“If rumors around town are right, he still makes you his favorite target.”
“I knew what would happen, I anticipated the pain. The humiliation. It’s not what I wanted yet at the same time it was.”
“You turned him into your razor.”
She nodded and dropped her gaze to her lap.
“Harper, you don’t need the pain.”
“I know, but I don’t know how to accept pleasure, simple kindness. My secrets, the things I want are the opposite of what I asked—”
“You didn’t ask for it, baby.”
“Yes, I did. He uses me. Leaves me reminders painted in bruises and pain. Earlier, you…you treated me like I mattered. I didn’t know what to do. I’ve always been the Powers Freak. It was bad enough when they bullied the gay kid, but when I came out as trans and wore my first dress…bought makeup, they beat me.” She paused on a sob. “They—”
Gideon was there, his hands gently cupped her cheeks, and kissed away the tears on her cheeks. She couldn’t stop her choked cries, and each time a sob broke her breathing, he kissed her. His lips firm and gentle, he whispered words she could barely hear, but the emotion in his voice continued to break her. Each side of her warred with the other, the one that told her she deserved it for not being normal and the other which dreamed of having someone like Gideon to love and accept her. It was a battle without end.
“Baby, you’re okay, you’re perfect as is. If I could change anything about you, it would be for you to see how amazing you are.” Another kiss. “How sweet. So innocent despite the hell you’ve been through.”
She wrapped herself around him, buried her face against his chest, and inhaled. It was home and comfort, caring. The hair teased her skin and nose, she barely resisted turning her head to stroke her cheeks over the thick mat.
“Would you sleep with me instead of in the guest room?”
“Is that what you want?”
She nodded then tilted her head to rest her chin on his chest. His fingers combed through her hair, gently tugging.
“Okay, but it’s just sleep, don’t try to take advantage of me.” His voice was serious, but his eyes shimmered with amusement.
She snorted and then giggled as he kissed the tip of her nose.
“I think I can resist…barely.”
“Good girl, still want the hot chocolate or bed?”
“Maybe we should sleep. Gunner and Rage are late sleepers, but Sawyer and the puppies are going to want their bottles soon.”
“Power nap it is, just let me put everything away.”
She reluctantly released him, but observed him as he moved around the kitchen putting away the milk, sugar, and cocoa. The vanilla went above the coffeemaker where it had taken up residence since she moved in. He’d noticed her putting it in her coffee the first morning.
It was the little things he did that she noticed the most. Those touches. The way he kept her stocked with the peach and mint tea, or a travel mug of coffee beside the bed when she woke up. He picked her flowers. It was all so odd but in a good way. He claimed he wanted to date her. She hadn’t dated before. She didn’t understand the expectations.
“Quit thinking so hard, baby, it’ll all work itself out. We’ll do a picnic lunch tomorrow so the kids can wear themselves out running around outside.”
“Sounds nice.”
He lifted her off the counter and set her on her feet. She almost protested when he turned her and nudged her toward the staircase. Typically, she hated people behind her, but Gideon was different. She held her long gown up as she ascended the steps and quietly entered the bedroom. She checked to make sure everyone was still settled. Luckily, they were, she really needed a nap before chasing around after them all afternoon.
She crawled onto the left side of the bed and snuggled in under the covers. Before she could give in to her nervousness Gideon was beside her, his body flushed to hers, and his arm cradling her head. She felt the tender kiss to the crown of her head. She closed her eyes, savored his warmth and, for the first time in years, she didn’t fight sleep or worry about the nightmares to come.
Twelve
Joker Needed Bail Money…Again
He sat astride his motorcycle and glared up at the Sheriff Department door. Harper was still cackling like a madwoman behind him. He had better things to do at four in the morning than try to get Joker out of a cell. Joker had to stop pushing Pelter.
“It’s not funny. I asked you to go to Brawlers, I said you’d be safe, and Joker starts a bar fight because someone may have looked at you sideways.”
“That’s Joker, he’s been watching my back for years, it’s sort of a habit he can’t break.”
“You shouldn’t have had to hide behind the bar.”
“It wasn’t all bad. I got to watch you play, and it was fun hanging out with Stacey and Bernie, Lily and Peaches. I thought I’d feel more out of place but—”
“That’s why we asked them
to come tonight. Besides, Lily can swing a mean broken beer bottle when the need arises.”
“Speaking of Lily, where did she go when the Deputies showed?”
“Little took her out the back.”
Little worked for Trenton Security, Linus’s company. Surveillance was Little’s specialty. There wasn’t anything the man couldn’t find. The man was also best friends with Lily, Linus and Lucky’s mother. Little and Lily were an odd combo, but if nothing else they were great for inappropriate comic relief.
“I hear Damon is actually jealous of his wife’s much younger bestie.”
He chuckled. “Damon is just giving them shit. Little grew up in foster care, so Damon and Lily treat him like one of the kids. It’s good for him. He doesn’t get in as much trouble as he used to, I wish I could say the same for Joker.”
“Leave him alone, he just has terrible impulse control.”
“Terrible, really, that’s an understatement.”
“Quit being cranky, Pelter will let him out.”
“We had to give Sin and Saint bar towels to use as bibs when Pelter came in. I swear those boys were trying to hump Pelter. He didn’t look impressed. Actually, he looked even more pissed off.”
“The twins are young, they have a little crush.”
“I wouldn’t call their crush little. I hear the boys are stalking a scanner lately.”
Sin and Saint were barely twenty-two, and they were like the opposite sides of a coin. Different as they were carbon copies of each other. They argued constantly, but there was one thing they agreed on, Sheriff Camden Pelter. They hadn’t shown interest as far as he knew until that night.
“But that’s all they’re stalking as far as I know.”
“So far.”
“I don’t even need to ask what you two are doing here, do I?”
Speaking of the object of the twin’s obsession. Pelter was a large, powerfully built man, mahogany skinned with pale green eyes. If Pelter smiled he’d be downright gorgeous, but the man mostly lived with a stern expression.
“We came to get Joker.”
“I might leave him in the drunk tank until morning.”
“Joker isn’t drunk,” Harper protested.
“I’m going to need to put a plaque on one of the cells he spends so much time in it.”
“We were at a bar called Brawlers, can’t really be surprised when, oh, I don’t know, a brawl breaks out.”
He rolled his lips between his teeth to keep from smiling at the thick sarcasm in Harper’s voice. She was coming out of her shell. He found it sexy as hell when she got a bit snarky. She appeared more confident than she had a week ago when they talked about Bill and then went to bed.
“Why was I led to believe you were quiet,” Pelter asked.
“I am.”
“You’ve been hanging out with the Brawler, Twirled, and Executioner Crews too much.”
“I hear you have two very pretty, blond admirers,” Harper quipped.
Even under the dim streetlights, he saw Pelter’s jaw clench. He didn’t figure the man for a homophobe. He assumed Pelter didn’t enjoy attention of any kind. The man worked undercover for a majority of his time on the Atlanta Police Force and in the State Patrol. Pelter made a career of blending, so being the focus of much younger men couldn’t be easy.
“You’re all menaces. If I let him out, you going to make sure he gets home?”
“We’ll even tuck him in and give him his favorite blankie.”
“Harper,” he tried to sound stern, but his laughter ruined it.
“Okay, I’ll let him out, but you take him straight home. I’m tired of him taking up residence here.”
“It would be easier if you just ignore his proclivities to start fights when he’s bored.”
“Harper, he needs another damn hobby.”
“He’s fine, go release him so we can go home.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
He leaned back against Harper and watched Pelter jog up the steps. Harper laid her head on his shoulder, her breath fanned his neck. Her touches were more frequent recently. He’d also discovered she had a thing for cuddling; he didn’t mind in the least. It was one of his favorite activities.
“Do you do this ass crack of dawn stuff often?”
He turned his head to brush a kiss to her forehead.
“Only when we have gigs. The band is more a hobby. Something to do a few weekends a month, our practices are normally just hang out sessions.”
“Can I come next time too,” she asked.
Her voice all soft and sleepy, he needed to get her home.
“To practice or when we play?”
“Both.”
Harper draped her arms around his neck and snuggled into what seemed like her new favorite spot in the curve of his neck and shoulder.
“Okay, you going to make it home?”
“I’m just resting my eyes.”
He felt when she relaxed and drifted off, he circled her thighs with his arms and let her nap as he waited for Joker. It wasn’t a long wait. He cringed as the door banged open and Joker with his normally lazy pace made his way toward them.
Joker stopped a few feet away.
“Is she drunk,” Joker demanded.
“No, she’s napping. It’s almost five a.m., and we’re waiting for you.”
“Why? I coulda found my own way home, and I’m sure I can’t fit on your ride.”
“We just wanted to make sure you got out. You gotta stop this shit, Joker. One day Pelter is gonna stop being friendly.”
Joker shrugged and started backing up.
“Here.” He dragged Joker’s backpack from his saddlebags. “Harper grabbed this.”
“Thanks.”
As always Joker didn’t get within touching distance and took the bag. Joker was one of his best friends, and he still didn’t understand or know much about him. Powers was filled with rumors about Joker, but no one ever spoke above a whisper. He’d assumed most of it was bullshit, but if the truth existed in some form within the tales, then Joker had reasons for his touch aversion—for his lack of control.
“Come out for dinner one night this week.”
“I’ll see what I can do.” Which meant No in Joker-speak.
“Me and Harper have a little something for you, but you gotta come to dinner.”
“Y’all got me something?”
“Harper says you’ll love it.”
Okay, that was a huge exaggeration, but Harper was right, Joker needed something all his own. Joker lived in a tiny trailer out behind his garage, so one of the micro puppies would be perfect. The man wouldn’t tell Harper no. He just wondered if Harper would be able to let go of one of her babies. They were already sporting bows and tiny sweaters. She swore they were freezing to death and they were needed.
His opinion was: whatever made Harper happy.
She’d been nervous about leaving them alone for a night, and luckily, Gregory came over to sit with them.
“Okay, I’ll be by mid-week.”
“Good enough.”
“Better wake her up before you head home.”
“I’m awake,” Harper muttered.
“Good, I’ll kill—”
“Joker, we’ve talked about this.”
“Yes, Harper.”
He suppressed a chuckle at Joker’s chastised tone. Joker had a soft spot for the ladies of the Crews.
Joker didn’t linger, he turned quickly, and headed in the direction of his place.
“Ready to go home?”
“Yes, I want a bed, now.” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure she put on her helmet, then he did the same.
“As you wish.”
He started his bike, backed up, and pulled out onto the deserted street. It was a Sunday morning, so no one was out and about yet. He relished the feeling of Harper wrapped around him from behind. He was still waiting for the day she would head home, but first, she was going to start back to work. Harper was going a littl
e stir crazy out at the farm.
They’d made a deal he would drop her off and pick her up. Pelter was still having no luck picking Bill up. Even Little and Raul, another one of Linus’s guys, couldn’t track him down. Until Bill wasn’t an issue, Harper agreed to stay with him where she was safe.
Bill was laying low, but the man wouldn’t stay quiet long. As much as he hated it, Harper was Bill’s favorite target, and he was positive Bill wouldn’t give up without striking one last time.
He pushed the disturbing thoughts to the back of his mind and enjoyed his ride home, with Harper behind him.
Thirteen
It Was So Good To Be Back at Work
“So, I need details, you’ve spent weeks with your Gideon. Tell me,” Clora begged.
Harper almost laughed at the woman pleading and batting her lashes. Clora hadn’t given up on interrogating her since she’d walked in the door thirty minutes before. The older woman had followed her everywhere.
“There’s nothing to tell, I’m just glad to be back at work. The farm is great, but Gideon won’t let me do anything, except dinner and the battle to let me do that was long and arduous.”
She loved that Gideon liked to take care of her. That he worried she was doing too much while she recovered, but she wasn’t fragile no matter what anyone thought. He assured her he didn’t think of her that way and she believed him.
She sighed as she shelved another section of books. Clora huffed behind her.
“At least give me something, how’s the sex?”
“Clora,” she squeaked.
“Don’t Clora me, young lady, you’ve been out there weeks with a handsome man.”
“That doesn’t mean we’re,” she lowered her voice, “having sex.”
“It’s not something to be ashamed of, and since you’ve been out there, I’ve heard quite a few stories about our Mr. Gideon Jane.”
“Oh, and what might those be?”
She felt more than a little frightened to find out. The residents of Powers favorite past time was gossip. She’d been the victim of it a good portion of her life. Gideon was a quiet and private man, she didn’t want people picking their—his life apart.