by Bella Jewel
“Did you enjoy yourself tonight?” he asks, his hand sliding up to stroke over my thick, long hair.
“I did. What about you?”
“Fuck yeah. I’m glad you snuck out. It wouldn’t have been the same without you.”
My heart does a little flip flop. “Ditto.”
“Is it too forward if I tell you that I really want to kiss you. Fuck, I’ve been thinking about it for weeks.”
Me, too.
I’ve only ever kissed one man, and it was the most awkward, most horrible night of my life and a time I never want to think about again.
I kissed Flick one night at the club.
He rejected me, of course, because I was only sixteen and drunk for the first time and threw myself at him. I cringe as I remember that moment. The moment I went up onto my tiptoes and kissed him. Even though it was wrong, I still remember how it felt. I can’t deny that it felt really good. The way his stubble scratched my face. The way his big hands fell to my hips just before he pushed me away. The way he tasted so damned good. It was the worst kiss of my life, and yet it was the best at the same time.
I’ll never forget what he said to me that night. His words ring over and over in my head often, and neither of us have ever spoken about it since.
“As much as I’d love to kiss you, Briella, and believe me I fuckin’ would, I’m not goin’ to do that. I’m not goin’ to kiss you because you’re too young and it would be wrong. Not to mention you’re drunk and I’m not the kind of man who would ever take advantage of that. One day I’ll kiss you, but I promise you when I do, you’ll never think of anything else. I’ll be your last. Just you remember that.”
I sometimes wonder if he thought I forgot about what he said, because the very next day things went back to normal and he never mentioned it again. He continued on dating other women and acting like he’s always acted around me. It was almost like I dreamt the moment that our lips collided. Like I dreamt those words. I spent weeks with the biggest crush on him after it, thinking he’d say something else, give me some sort of indication that he might feel something for me.
He didn’t.
He came home with a girlfriend three days later, and I was crushed.
But that was nearly a year ago.
And I shouldn’t be thinking about him when I’m here now, with Xander, and he’s going to kiss me and make me forget Flick’s lips ever touched mine.
“I’d like it if you kiss me,” I say softly, turning my head to face his.
“Well, in that case ...”
He leans forward and, for a moment, I think it’s going to be the epic kiss. The one that takes my breath away and makes me forget everything else. The one that I’ll remember for the rest of my life. The one I’ll tell my daughters about. The kiss that forever marks you.
It’s not.
It’s wet, it’s sloppy and it’s way too much.
His mouth moves too quickly, his tongue is too invading, and his hands are roaming way too much. There is so much happening I struggle to keep up.
Is this how a kiss is supposed to feel?
I don’t think it is.
God, if it is then all those movies I’ve been watching for so many years are way overrated. They’re a big fat lie.
I try to calm my mind and go with the flow, I try to work with the kiss, but as time goes on, it just gets sloppier and sloppier. Messier and messier, until I just can’t take it anymore. I pull back, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand, thankful it’s dark enough he can’t see me do it.
“God damn,” he growls, low and deep. “That was fucking amazing. I don’t want to stop.”
He leans forward again, but I pull back. “Can we take a break for a minute?” I ask.
“Need to catch your breath?”
“Something like that,” I lie.
“Don’t take too long,” he murmurs, his hand sliding up my leg. “I’m not done with you.”
Wait. What?
“I’m not ... that’s not what I came here for, Xander.”
His hand pauses. “What did we come here for then?”
“To hang out, maybe make out, but I’m not ready for that.”
He goes quiet for a minute, and then his hand starts sliding again. “I can make you change your mind.”
I grab his hand and push it off my leg. “I said no.”
I’m not a pushover. I will quite literally deck him if he continues. When I say no, I mean no, and that’s that.
“God,” he growls. “If I knew you were such a fuckin’ frigid I would have brought someone else down here.”
What?
“Excuse me?” I say, shocked.
“There are plenty of girls who will fuck me, Briella. I don’t need to wait around for you. You’re nothing special, don’t think you are.”
“Are you serious?” I say, my voice hurt at his words. “We’re dating.”
“All the more reason we should be fucking. What do you think dating is all about? If I knew you weren’t going to do it, I wouldn’t have agreed to go out with you.”
“You asked me out!” I cry, standing up and wobbling slightly as the alcohol hits my head a little too quick. “I’m not a slut!”
“No, you’re a fuckin’ prude. Don’t bother. I can find someone else.”
I’m shocked.
And hurt.
Mostly confused.
“You’re breaking up with me?”
He starts walking off. “I told you, I’m not here to waste my time.”
“Wait,” I call out after him.
He stops and turns, facing me. “Are you going to change your mind?”
“No,” I say.
“Are you sure about that? If you’re sure, I’ll go find another woman to fuck tonight. Be careful, Briella, I’m not kidding.”
Who the fuck does he think he is?
“Off you go then,” I mumble.
He mutters something angrily, and then walks up to his truck, climbs in, and drives off.
It’s only then I realize I’m here alone, with no way home.
I sit down onto the grass and a tear rolls down my cheek.
Fuck this.
Fuck him.
I pull out my phone and dial the only person I trust to come and get me and take me home. That won’t tell Mom what I’ve done and won’t put me in hot water.
“Briella, what’s goin’ on?” Flick’s voice is sleepy and rugged.
So damned sexy.
So much more of a man than Xander.
“I need a ride,” I say, my voice soft and a little broken.
“Where are you? What’s happened?”
“I’m at the lake. Xander and I ... it doesn’t matter but he left me here. I need to get home.”
“I’m comin’ to get you. Sit tight.”
I hang up the phone and do as he asks, I sit tight. About twenty minutes later, the bright lights from his truck shine down on me. I sit with my back facing him, and I don’t move even when I hear the car door slam and his heavy footsteps nearing. He stops beside me and then asks in a low, gruff tone, “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I say, my voice low and shaky. “No, he didn’t.”
“What happened?”
I stand, not wanting to talk about it. So embarrassed that I actually thought Xander was a good guy. He’s not a good guy. He’s the worst kind of guy. He was trying to make me feel like a prude, like I was frigid, like he could get any other girl he wanted just so I’d sleep with him. He tried to take down my self-esteem to get what he wanted. That’s the worst kind of human there is. That’s the worst kind of man.
“Hey,” Alarick says when I start walking to his truck with my head dipped. “Look at me, Briella.”
“Nothing happened, Flick. It’s fine. Honestly. It was just a bad night.”
“Look at me,” he orders.
I stop and turn, looking at him.
God, in the moonlight he looks so handsome. The way the light shines off his skin, the wa
y his big body looks so strong beneath it. I’m blurting my next words even before I think about them.
“He wanted to have sex and I said no. He made me feel like shit because I wouldn’t, saying that he would just go find it with someone else. I just didn’t want to. I wasn’t ready. At least, not with him. He kissed me and it was ... it was awful. It made me think god, is that what kissing really is? It was horrible. I never want to feel something so disgusting again. It’s like every dream and every fantasy I’ve ever had just got crushed. I always thought kissing was amazing and beautiful but—”
Flick steps forward and before I can ramble any further and embarrass myself any more, he’s grabbing my face and then his lips are on mine. For a moment, just a single moment, I can’t move. I can’t breathe. I can’t think. His lips cover mine; his hands are so much rougher than Xander’s, but his mouth is so much softer. His kiss, so tender.
I’m completely stunned.
I don’t know what to do.
But when Flick moves his mouth, and his tongue dances with mine, he undoes every bad thing that happened tonight. He replaces all the horrible memories with perfect ones. His kiss will outlast any kiss I ever have for the rest of my life. The way his lips move against mine, the way his tongue flickers in and out of my mouth so gently it’s no more than a soft tease, the way his hand cups my face, his thumb stroking over my cheek ... and the way he makes my knees tremble.
I am floating by the time he pulls back.
Every part of my body now knows who Alarick is.
Every part of my body now belongs to him.
Even if I don’t know it yet.
“Don’t ever let that mother fucker dictate to you how something should feel. Every time you wonder if it gets better, remember this moment, and know that it will always be fuckin’ better with me.”
Then he turns and walks to his truck.
Oh, my god.
What just happened?
8
NOW – BRIELLA
“You need to have surgery, Briella. I’ve booked it in for two weeks from now, I recommend you come home. The tumor hasn’t grown, which is a good thing, but every day you waste you’re pushing your luck further.”
I exhale over the phone to Doc, who just got my most recent results after the hospital Mykel took me too ran a few more scans. They checked everything out and advised they were sending everything to him. He called almost immediately to give me the news I have known all along, but have been trying to avoid.
I need surgery.
Now.
“Okay,” I say into the phone. “Okay, I will be back in two weeks for the surgery.”
“You need to be back at least two days prior so we can do bloods, scans, and get you prepared.”
“I’ll be there, Doc. Send me what appointments you need, and I’ll be there.”
“I’m glad to hear it, Briella. I hope you find your sister soon. I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
I hang up the phone and finish up with the doctor before heading back out to where Mykel has been patiently waiting for the last three hours. He stands when I walk over, and I put up a hand, giving him a smile. “I’m all good. Everything is fine. We can go home.”
“You goin’ to tell me what the fuck is happenin’?”
“I have low blood sugar,” I lie. “It gets out of control, I’m working hard to get it back on track but it’s not going as planned. I’m okay now.”
He nods but doesn’t look convinced. I wouldn’t either. I know nothing about low blood sugar, it was just the first thing that came to my mind that would be the most believable.
“Well, I’m not convinced you’re okay but I’m glad you’re still standin’. Let’s get you back to Cohen’s.”
I nod and we walk out of the hospital and head back to Cohen’s house. When we arrive, I see Alarick’s truck in the driveway. Great, that’s just what I need right now. To deal with him and his wrath.
I get out of the truck and walk inside to see all the guys sitting at the table, discussing something. When I walk in, their heads all come up and the moment I see their faces, I know something is wrong. I don’t know how, maybe it’s the way they’re all looking at me like they’re about to tell me the worst news of my life, or maybe it’s the way Alarick hasn’t growled something horrible to me yet.
“What’s going on?” I ask, starting at Alarick first, because he’s least likely to protect my feelings. “Flick, what’s happening?”
I say his nickname without thought, but I see the way his eyes flash.
“You good?”
“I’m fine. Just a blood sugar issue. What’s going on?”
He looks to Cohen, who stands and says, “Sit in my seat, Bri.”
“You’re scaring me,” I whisper as I sit down in the chair. “Can you tell me what’s happening?”
“We found Magnolia’s car.”
It’s Flick who speaks, so my eyes move to him and he stares at me, looking the least angry I’ve seen him since I came home. “And?” I say, my voice tight.
“It was abandoned on an old highway. Got a report about it a few hours ago. Sent Samson and Kendric to go check it out, and soon figured out who it belonged to.”
“Okay,” I say, shaking my head. “So, her car is there, was she?”
“No,” Kendric adds, taking over. “No, she wasn’t, but gotta tell you, honey, it looked bad. There was a lot of blood around the area and in the front driver’s side. Also what looked like a gunshot hole in the left hand side window and in the panels on the car.”
My head spins. Wait, are they telling me that they think Magnolia got shot? She’s ... hurt? Or worse?
“She wasn’t there,” I whisper. “You think someone hurt her.”
“Her phone was there, all her things, but she wasn’t. Blood trailed off toward another set of tire marks, and it ended there. Got to assume someone took her, meaning she could still be alive otherwise they probably would have just left her in the car,” Samson tells me, giving me a small nod in an attempt to let me know he understands.
I shake my head and then drop it into my hands, taking a deep steady breath to try and calm myself. Magnolia is missing. I have no idea where she could be or who she is with. All I know is that what was meant to be a quick trip is now becoming a complicated one, one that I’m not sure I can deal with right now, you know, tumor in my brain and all.
“We’ll find her,” Alarick says, his voice strong and determined. “Know people, we’ll find her.”
“What if she’s dead?” I say, looking up at him. “What if the last person I have left is dead.”
My voice breaks and I stand, “I’m sorry.”
I walk off down the hall, unable to deal with this a second longer. If something has happened to Mag’s, I don’t know if I can deal with it. She’s my sister, the only person in my family I have left. If she’s gone, I’m alone. Truly alone.
I don’t know if I can take that.
I don’t know if I have it in me anymore.
I close my bedroom door and walk over to the bed, putting my head in my hands and taking a few deep breaths. I wonder what could have happened to her. Is she hurt? Dead? Is she willingly with someone? I have so many questions and not so many answers. I want to know, more than anything, but I’m unable to do anything at this point when I have no idea where to even start.
Realizing I left my phone in the living area, I stand and walk back out. I’m just about to round the corner to where all the guys are, but I stop when I hear them talking. Their voices trail down the hall quite clearly, and what I hear is a different version to what I just got. Anger bubbles in my chest as I realize that they just flat out lied to me. They made up a story to cover the truth.
“There were no bullet holes in the car,” Alarick says. “There was, however, a fuck load of blood. My guess is whoever she’s with she knew, and she wasn’t concerned at the beginning. My guess is she’s in deep with drugs, found a fuckin’ good lot of ice in the trunk. We
’ve been dealin’ to a few groups for a while now, I suggest we start there. Find the main buyers that we deal to and see what information we can dig up.”
“Not sure why you didn’t tell Bri all this, Flick,” Mykel says, his voice gruff. “You should be honest with her.”
“And tell her that her sister is a fuckin’ crack whore who has been sleepin’ around for drugs? That she’s been so far gone for a while and she didn’t notice? Rather her think her sister has been abducted randomly then for her to think someone has come after her because she owes them somethin’. Chances are she’s fuckin’ dead in a ditch somewhere and there is no findin’ her. We all know this, not one of you piped up and said anythin’.”
“Flick is right,” Samson says. “It’s best she doesn’t know. Not only is it dangerous, but the more questions she asks the deeper it’ll go. We don’t want to risk her in that regard. We’re doin’ the best we can here by keepin it a secret.”
“A secret?” I say, stepping out of the hall.
Surprisingly, if they’re shocked I was there the whole time, they don’t show it.
“Briella ...” Mykel says.
“You lied to me,” I say, my voice a low whip, looking at Flick with hurt in my eyes. “You just outright lied to me. You’ve been lying to me since the moment I got into town. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
He stands, his face hard as he walks over to me. “I’m doin’ the best I can to protect you, Briella.”
“No, you’re doing the best you can to protect your damned club because you’re running around dealing drugs and you don’t want me to draw attention to that.”
He grabs my arm, a little roughly, and I wince. I look up at him with tears in my eyes and hiss, “You let me go, right now.”
He does, letting me go and stepping back. “You need to be very careful what you’re doin’ here.”
“For you, or for me? You don’t give a crap about Magnolia, you never have, and that’s fine but I do give a crap about her and I’m not going to sit back and let something happen to her because you’re trying to protect the club. She’s my sister. I’m going to help her whether you like it or not. Now, you tell me the damned truth.”