by Bella Jewel
The two of them have another stare down, and then Alarick turns and walks toward the entrance. The guy hands Kendric some papers, and just as we reach the door, he says, “Alarick?”
Alarick turns.
“Don’t ever fuckin’ come here again. Next time, I won’t be so nice.”
Alarick nods.
Then we leave.
What the hell just happened?
THE SECOND WE ARRIVE back at the club, I immediately turn to Alarick and demand, “What the hell happened back there? Why does that man want Cova?”
“What?” Briella says, placing her helmet down. “What man?”
Alarick gives me a look that could kill, and in a deep voice growls, “My office. Fuckin’ now.”
We move quickly, and the moment we reach his office—Alarick, Briella, Kendric and me—I spin again. I cross my arms, but before I can speak, Briella demands an answer from Alarick. Taking a deep, angry breath, he tells us everything we need to know. I guess it’s clear to him nobody is backing down from this.
“That man was Colton ‘Jagger’ Ferguson. He’s the leader of a big, dangerous fuckin’ cartel. Known him a long time, he’s come through over the years. We don’t have beef, but we don’t get along. We stay out of each other’s way and business. He’s a dangerous man and he’s not someone you want to cross.”
“Then why the hell does he want Cova?” I demand. “He was adamant on getting her.”
“What’s going on?” Briella asks, her voice soft. “You’re going to sell my sister?”
“I’m not fuckin’ selling anyone,” Alarick barks. “I’m not fuckin’ doin’ a damn thing. If you’ll let me speak, I’ll tell you what I know.”
We both stop speaking, but my heart is racing.
“He and Cova have a past. Before she was sold to Bryant, she was with him. Not for the right reasons. Could call it a drug kidnapping. She was with a man Colt wanted to bring down, so he took her as leverage. The two of them had some twisted fuckin’ relationship, I don’t know the details. She got away from it all, only to run into Dax and be sold by him. Colt couldn’t find her, and he’s been lookin’ ever since. Don’t know what went down between the two of them, but that man has an obsession I don’t even want to try and understand.”
“How did I not know about this?” Briella asks, shaking her head.
“Because Cova don’t fuckin’ talk,” Kendric mutters.
“Exactly right,” Alarick tells her. “She don’t fuckin’ share much about her past.”
“But you could have!” Briella cries. “It would have helped to know there’s a man out there after her.”
“He ain’t goin’ to take her against her will, but he is persistent and he’s goin’ to find her, one way or another.”
“No he’s fucking not,” Briella crosses her arms.
“Not up to you to make choices for her, babe,” Alarick says, his voice a little calmer.
“She’s my sister, she’s been through enough. She doesn’t need to go with some cartel lord!”
God.
This is just too much.
I wonder what Cova thinks about all of this?
No doubt nobody will ask her. She doesn’t have choices. That’s her problem. Since she was a young girl, she hasn’t had any choices. She’s been forced to do things that she hasn’t wanted to do, sold to people. Now she’s with Briella, but again, it’s not by choice. I wonder how she’d feel if she actually got a chance to make a choice for once.
“I think you should tell her,” I say, knowing I’m about to rip off a very well stuck Band-Aid.
“What?” Briella gasps, her face scrunched with shock.
“Before you tear my head off, honey. Just listen. Cova hasn’t been given choices in a very long time. Everyone makes them for her. How are you to know what went down between the two of them? She may want to speak with him. She may not. But isn’t that her choice?”
“He’s dangerous!” Briella yells.
“No more dangerous that this club.”
Her face drops and she gives me a look that hurt, it does, because I know I’m upsetting her and I hate that. I don’t want her to hate me, and I don’t want her to be disappointed in me, but when it comes to Cova, everyone is blinded. They’re blinded by their desire to help her, which I fully understand, but I also know that when you’re being pushed and you’re in a situation you can’t even understand yourself, you’re going to push back, and you’re going to make the wrong choices.
“Look, hear me out,” I say when both Alarick and Kendric give me a look that cuts through my very soul. “I’m not saying anyone in this club is bad, not at all. I’m simply stating that if you’re going to look at that group as dangerous, you could just as easily look at this group the same way. We don’t know that the two of them had a dangerous relationship. We don’t know because we’re not giving Cova the chance to speak for herself.”
“She’s broken,” Briella argues, her voice a little less high pitched. “She doesn’t know what she wants.”
“Honey, that’s because you’re not giving her a choice. You love her, you want to help her, you’re doing everything you can to make her life better, but what you don’t understand is that you’ve taken her rights away. In protecting her, you’re wearing her down and pushing her further away from you. I think if you tell her this, if you give her a little bit of a chance to show you she can make her own choices, you’re going to gain a lot more of her respect.”
“Girl has a point,” Kendric says, holding my gaze when I swing it in his direction.
“I get what you’re saying.” Briella sighs. “I really do, but Cova is so messed up ...”
“Yeah, she is. So are the best of us. Take it from someone who has been where she is, maybe not in the same way but in a way that made me question everything. I made so many wrong choices, hell, I still do, but at the very least ... they were my choices. Every single time somebody interfered, I would push back, and I’d disappear further into myself.”
They’re all looking at me now, no doubt wondering what happened to me. I’m not about to get into it with them, but I had to use my story to make a point. Cova deserves a bit of freedom—she’s not an animal in a cage, she’s a human who has had so much taken from her.
“I’m just asking you to consider it. I won’t tell Cova if you decide not to, that’s not the sort of person I am, but I really think you should tell her. Let her make the choice. Let her decide if she opens up about it or not. She’s a grown woman, and since she can remember, she’s had her choices taken from her. Let her have some back.”
Briella’s lip wobbles and she drops her head, exhaling. “You’re right, oh god, I didn’t see it before, and now I feel stupid.”
I step up to her, taking her shoulders. “Listen to me, you saved that girl. You fought to get her out of a hellish ordeal. You did the right thing, you’re protecting her in the best way you know how, I’m simply giving you something else to consider.”
Briella looks up at me and gives me a small smile. “I hope whoever hurt you is no longer in your life, because you’re a rock, Zariah. You’re the kind of person people look up to. You’re so strong.”
I step back, my hands shaking at her words.
I’m not strong, though. I’m not.
I still have Reece in my life. I still let him hurt me instead of fighting back. I am still so damned weak around him.
No, I’m not strong.
“We’re havin’ a cookout tonight, discuss everything we know. You’re welcome to stay,” Alarick tells me. “Know it would mean a lot to Briella if you did.”
“Yes,” Briella says, giving me a pleading look. “Please stay. Karen is coming, Merleigh will be here. We’d love it if you could be here too. You’re one of us now.”
Am I though?
Am I really?
Or will I always be just slightly on the outside, never quite fitting in?
I put a smile on my face and say, “I’d love to.”
/>
I’m sure I’m making a mistake, but here I am, doing it anyway.
Because they matter to me, even if that very thought terrifies me.
9
ZARIAH
I stumble down a hall, horrified at how drunk I am.
What started as a cookout, with a fire and music, turned into me relaxing a little too much, laughing a little too hard, and drinking a little too much. I’m not to the point where I’m going to be sick, but I’m certainly not sober enough to be going anywhere on my own tonight. I planned on just staying for a little while, having a few drinks, then eating and going home.
But it was so fun, and I felt so at home, I just didn’t want to be anywhere else.
My phone rings just as I reach the toilet, so I step inside and look down to see Reece’s name flashing across the screen. Shit. Jayden calls at this time every night, I completely forgot and now he’s going to have to talk to me while I’m under the weather. I take a deep breath, in through my nose, and then out through my mouth.
I answer the phone with a calm, relaxed voice.
“Hey,” Reece says, his voice husky as if he’s relaxed in bed, nearly asleep. “Sorry Jayden didn’t call, we were watching a movie and he fell asleep next to me. Just wanted to let you know he’s alright.”
Oh, god.
The image of my beautiful baby boy curled up beside Reece makes my heart ache for the family I so desperately wanted with him. I loved him. I wanted the house and the kids and the happy life. I didn’t get any of those, and yet when I think of him with Jayden, I still get a warmth deep in my soul. I feel a certain way because he’s such a loving father, and when I see that side of him, it makes me long for something I know is never going to happen.
I shake my head.
“That’s okay, let him sleep.”
“It’s noisy, where are you?”
He’s right, even locked in the toilet, it’s noisy. These bikers know how to throw a party, and it’s safe to say they’re throwing a good one. Music, laughter, women, alcohol ... It’s all here and it’s all flowing very, very freely. Including the women.
“I’m just at a party with a friend.”
“Who?”
“A few friends from work, we just got together for a few drinks. How was your day?”
I try the distraction method, mostly because if I don’t, he’ll keep pushing and it’ll get out of hand. Sometimes it works, other times he just looks right over it and keeps asking. Tonight, thankfully, he seems tired enough that he lets it go. “It was a long day. Jayden was whiny tonight. I think he’s getting some more teeth.”
There goes my stupid heart flutter again.
Reece isn’t a good man, Zariah.
He isn’t.
“Aw, my poor darling.”
“So, I’ll drop him back to you on Monday?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. What are you doing tomorrow? I’d like the chance to talk to you. After the other night ... I want to apologize, Zariah. I know I have a problem and I’m currently on some medication and working with a therapist. It doesn’t change what I’ve done to you in the past, but I’ll do anything to get you back. To prove to you I’m different.”
My heart aches, oh does it ache.
Everything inside me wants to believe him, but everything inside me also knows that some people just can’t change. Right now, I’m drinking so I know I’m not thinking clearly, otherwise I know I wouldn’t have even spoken to Reece further after he told me Jayden was asleep. I know I should hang up, but his voice is so believable and kind and my heart aches. I hate that I’m so damned weak.
“I ... I don’t think that’s a good idea, Reece. We both know this has gone on too long. I’m glad you’re getting help, and I hope your other relationships will benefit from it, but, unfortunately, this relationship isn’t going to work.”
There.
There, I did it.
I was strong.
Straight forward.
No messing around.
“You’re not even going to give me a chance?” he asks, his voice a little less sleepy and husky now.
“We’ve been over this. You hurt me. I can’t be that girl who is forever making excuses for a man who doesn’t treat her right. I’m a cop. I’m smart. This is what I do for a living, pull people out of these situations. I want to be a role model for my son. To be someone he can look up to. I don’t ever want him to think it’s okay to hurt a woman.”
“I’d never hurt you in front of him.”
I laugh bitterly. “That statement right there is exactly why this isn’t going to work. You shouldn’t hurt me at all, Reece.”
“I couldn’t control my temper. I’ve done some horrible things I know that ...”
“Horrible?” I whisper. “Reece, you’re downright cruel. Remember that time you shoved my head into the toilet because I wouldn’t make love to you because I was sick? Or that time when you pushed me and I fell down the stairs when I was pregnant with Jayden, and I had to tell the doctor I fell. Would you like me to go on?”
“Zariah ...” his voice is pleading, broken and it tugs at the weakest parts of me.
But I can’t be her anymore.
I can’t.
I won’t.
“I’m sorry, Reece. This relationship is over and it’s going to stay over. I think we need to take space, real space. We’ll have a person who can drop off and pick up Jayden so we don’t need to make contact. I really think this is for the best, I’m so sorry.”
I don’t know why I’m saying sorry to him, he doesn’t deserve me to say sorry.
My heart twists all the same, though. My body is attempting to scream at me that I’m making the wrong choice, that I should go back, that maybe he can change.
Those are the voices of a thousand broken pieces inside of me. They’re not real.
They’re simply trying their hardest to make me believe they are.
“I’m going now, we’ll work out the details tomorrow. I’m sorry.”
“Zariah, no. You’re not leaving ...”
I hang up the phone and my heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest. Not because I’m in love with Reece, but mostly because I’m so broken when it comes to him. So many years of abuse, so many years of insane love between the abuse, so many years of trying to convince myself he could be different, so many years of beating myself up and thinking I was doing something wrong. When it comes to Reece, I’m simply a wounded child looking for comfort.
I can’t let him be my comfort anymore.
I finish up in the bathroom and step back out to where the party is still going in full swing.
It’s time to keep putting these feet forward.
One baby step at a time.
I’M ON MY WAY BACK out to the fire when I hear a soft, muffled moan. I stop, unable to figure out what the moan is coming from. It could be sexual, or it could be that someone is sick. It’s really quite hard to tell. Muffled, only coming occasionally. I tip my head to the side and follow the sound to a room on the left, door slightly ajar. I place my hand on the door and very carefully peer in, not wanting to interrupt anyone.
What I see has me pausing, mouth dropping open, shock registering full throttle in my body.
It’s certainly not someone in pain, at least, not the bad kind of pain.
No, it’s Kendric and a woman. Young, dark haired, gorgeous body. She’s currently pressed over a large pool table in the middle of the room. Her hands are behind her back, where he’s holding them in one of his. She’s got a gag in her mouth and he’s holding her by the hair as he fucks her. Every single part of me knows I should walk away, shut the door, and pretend I never saw anything.
But the deranged, secret part of me can’t look away. That part of me doesn’t even want to look away. No, god no. That part of me, the part I rarely ever show, is curious. It’s turned on. It’s a little jealous, surprisingly. It’s intrigued. Seeing her tied up, her mouth gagged, his cock slamming into
her over and over, ripping little sounds of pleasure from her throat, has me aching in places I should be ashamed to be feeling anything right now.
But I’m not.
I could turn around and go, or I could watch. I could watch as his body flexes as he moves, dragging his cock in and out of her. I could watch as his hand remains tight in her hair, causing the biceps on his arm to bulge. I could watch as his ass flexes and moves with every thrust, showing a well sculpted curve that is utterly delicious. I could watch as she squirms beneath him, moaning with pleasure.
And the sounds.
Oh, the sounds.
I take a step back, knowing I should leave, and my back hits something. A table, a chair, I don’t know. It makes a small sound and Kendric’s head whips around. He doesn’t pause, but simply goes to bark at whoever has come in to distract him. When he sees it’s me, his eyes flash. It’s the kind of flash that tells me he’s surprised, but also weirdly pissed off. He looks angry, but when he gets a good look at the lust that’s no doubt present on my face, his anger turns to intrigue.
I should go.
Turn and run out.
Why am I not running?
I’m a cop.
I shouldn’t be enjoying this sort of thing.
It goes against every moral code in the book.
But the ache between my legs is hard to ignore. I want to know how it feels to be tied up like her, to be fucked and have control. To have a choice. I want to know what it feels like for a man as powerful as Kendric to be inside of me, fucking me with such masculine force. I want to watch, to hear how good it feels when they both find their release.
Kendric’s eyes stay locked on mine, and I don’t realize I’m panting until an exhale that’s quite loud leaves my lips. It’s only then I see the rise and fall of my chest. I feel my bottom lip between my teeth, I didn’t realize I had bitten down on it. Oh, god. I must like a real treat, standing here, staring at him as he slows his pace, dragging his cock in and out of her, eyes locked on mine the entire time.
He hasn’t ordered me to leave.
I’m sure he thinks there’s something wrong with me.