by Jo Hamya
Contents
* * *
Title Page
Contents
Copyright
Dedication
Part I
I.VI
I.V.I
I.V.II
I.IV
Part II
II.III
II.II
II.I
Part III
III.N
Author’s Note
About the Author
Connect on Social Media
First U.S. edition
Copyright © 2021 by Joyce Hamya
All rights reserved
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to [email protected] or to Permissions, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt Publishing Company, 3 Park Avenue, 19th Floor, New York, New York 10016.
hmhbooks.com
Published in Great Britain in 2021 by Jonathan Cape
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: Hamya, Jo, 1997– author.
Title: Three rooms / Jo Hamya.
Description: First U.S. edition. | Boston : Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2021.
Identifiers: LCCN 2021007529 (print) | LCCN 2021007530 (ebook) | ISBN 9780358572091 (hardcover) | ISBN 9780358571964 (ebook) | ISBN 9780358653165 | ISBN 9780358653189
Subjects: LCSH: Young women—Fiction. | Generation Y—Fiction.
Classification: LCC PR6108.A528 T48 2021 (print) | LCC PR6108.A528 (ebook) | DDC 823/.92—dc23
LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021007529
LC ebook record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2021007530
Cover design and illustration © Kelly Winton
Author photograph © Urszula Soltys
v1.0821
I. There was another ten-shilling note in my purse; I noticed it, because it is a fact that still takes my breath away—the power of my purse to breed ten-shilling notes automatically. I open it and there they are. Society gives me chicken and coffee, bed and lodging, in return for a certain number of pieces of paper which were left to me by an aunt, for no other reason, than that I share her name.
II. Instead of being serious and profound and humane, one might be—and the thought was far less seductive—merely lazy minded and conventional into the bargain.
III. Clearly the mind is always altering its focus, and bringing the world into different perspectives.
—VIRGINIA WOOLF, A Room of One’s Own (1929)
Part I
You no longer possess your own furniture
I.VI
My first experience of the house was shuttling boxes through the front door. The place stood solid, and in the process of moving in, I kept leaving it.
I wanted to lend rhythm to this—establish pattern and pace to the lunge of my back with kitchenware and books in the front garden’s hot air; the release of setting them down inside. I took boxes in: those went to a single room. On my desk someone had left the receipt for rent and a five-week deposit, a tenancy form; they’d arranged the washed-out furniture and given instructions for the accompanying inventory rigmarole. Then I took my body out, and the building was visible as a whole—brickwork, disused chimneys, roof. Boxes in: their unmade, jigsaw rattle of stuff; my body out: Victorian Gothic, and the garden’s hedges carefully pruned. I wanted to work with the dichotomy of things: the constant present tense of the house, and the vision I had of myself, unpacked, future perfect. But within ten minutes I had decided this was an exhausting way to live, and so I let myself separate. The house without my body, before its easy chairs and standing lamp, before its mirrors and branded sheets, fridge and food that filled it, could be imagined like this:
Squares of walls, large windows, blue carpets, sinks. Then the light fixtures. The skirting boards, plug sockets, radiators, curtain rails, bookshelves built into the walls. The building was just modern and moneyed enough to have had some version of the radiators and the incandescent light bulbs when it was originally built, but the plug sockets must have come later. Over time, such features had been replaced with updated versions of themselves. These were the rooms in question, but what they belonged to had its own skeleton, too: three floors, several corridors, a basement of servants’ quarters, gardens. Now, over the original cedar, the stairs had whitewashed banisters and the carpets got dirtier each year. Time filled it in and emptied it out again, but the house had been built to a different purpose and had gone gracelessly gray. The rent changed hands. Strange things happened to the building. The attic could not have held one cramped, slanting bedroom in its origin. The kitchen must have been in the servants’ quarters, not the ground floor, where a living room should evidently have been. Now there was no living room. Gradually, the place lost the semblance of a grand home, and then of a family home, and then of a home altogether, if such a thing could be distinguished by way of coherence and permanence. The basement got sealed off and furnished in IKEA with a studio conversion in mind. The curtain rails were hung with bland, cheap fabric, an offense to the building’s nineteenth-century facade; bits of the bathroom shone plastic—they might have been porcelain in another time. But the ugliness of this went unopposed: room tenancies in the house lasted less than ten months. The whole that persisted, the building itself, was made up of eight contracts per academic year. Each room became a discrete abode.
Like this, it should have been nothing special. But at some point, outside, on the wall where the front door was, the house had acquired a blue plaque. The plaque read: You can put your things in one of these rooms, sure. You can take your cups and your shoes and your toothbrush out of cardboard boxes and arrange them all until it smells like what you are used to: old coffee, fabric softener, Diptyque candle—Feu de Bois. You can cut your nails, roll up your stockings, have sex, refill your fountain pen, count out spare change, eat figs, swat flies, stain the carpet, have an existential crisis (then shelve it for another day), shave, apply mascara. Now that it is the twenty-first century, you can send a tweet, read a reprint of Hegel, eat Chinese takeaway made by English caterers on minimum wage; you can update your Instagram story, spread almond butter on rye-bread toast, stare at your MacBook, and generally exist in here to the tune of a £550 deposit and the sum of £187 in weekly rent, but always, always,
WALTER PATER
1839–1894
AUTHOR AND SCHOLAR
CLARA PATER
1841–1910
PIONEER OF WOMEN’S EDUCATION
LIVED HERE
1869–1885
Essentially it said, “Fuck you.”
I lived in a borrowed room.
This was North Oxford, Bradmore Road. The house now served as a repository for postdoctoral research assistants at the university. When I moved my boxes in, the only thing to be heard on TV and the radio and online was that Britain was still leaving the EU. The leaving had been going on for a while. It was being done by old Oxonians whose former quarters I now rented for a nine-month period. The news beating out from every device in the country came in a language of rooms: the prime minister’s residence at Number 10, borders, and the question of how to prevent one between Northern Ireland and the Republic; this was referred to as a “backstop.” There were Houses: of Commons and of Lords. It seemed to me that even the highest echelons of power existed by virtue of their quarters; would be loath to give them up. I supposed it was not an entirely illogical proposition. Perhaps what the rampant racism, anti-immigration policy, and classism came down to was an arbitrarily powerful group of people wanting to preserve a world which could birth them into secure rooms; give them dorms in Eton and Oxford, chambers in Westminster, then a pension and country house to retire in. My brain did various contortions like these around this year, trying out excessive sympathy and ra
ge like outfits in a changing room, to see which could make the most sense of the country around me. Nevertheless, the internet kept me reliably informed in other ways. A search via Google told me that the Department of National Statistics cited loss of rented accommodation as a key factor in the 4 percent yearly rise in homelessness. I joined a Facebook group dedicated to calculating the increased severity of austerity through the rising cost of coffee. Every now and then, the outline of a west London council flat diminished, then surged over a horizon of digital headlines—not forgotten, until it was, and then remembered again. From what I understood, Brexit was to result in the erection of a stronger British State, but every article I found read the same: September 2018 may well have been June 2016. Nothing changed, and though I taught myself bits of political and legal jargon scribbled down from the news, the government’s output remained oracular in my life—vague in meaning; difficult to apply. This seemed to be the case for most others. Pundits and parliamentary conversation moved in circles. Twitter offered vox pops. It became clever for news media to say they had no idea what was going on. I sympathized. Each time I scrimped and saved, swapped a £2.35 Americano for a 99p filter coffee, the grand irony of paying close to £10,000 to take up rooms in a place responsible for spawning the government that daily diminished my ability to afford a mortgage or the cost of rent was not lost on me. It was all, generally, going to hell.
On the morning of my arrival, I left my boxes unpacked and did a loop around town. From Giles Street on, buildings rose in spires above me. Students touched key fobs to old wooden doors. On the High Street, I saw myself reflected in shop windows, colleges across the road thrown back behind me: my silhouette, some shades darker than the honeycomb stone.
It turned out that like most places in England, Oxford could be toured in the manner of history one paid to choose. Broad Street held clusters of people who all took the city according to their particular interest. The tour guides held up boards announcing each theme: wartime Oxford, literary Oxford, famous Oxford alumni, Morse, historic alehouses, Past Present and Future Oxford, science trail, C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien, X-Men, children’s tours, Women at Oxford University, carvings and codes in stone, “uncomfortable” tours where the group could choose to hear about the city’s history of imperialism, wealth, and social inequity, anti-Tory tours, pro-Tory tours, bus tours, walking tours, college tours, Anglican tours, Christian tours, tours in simple admiration of Christopher Wren. It didn’t matter whether the history was real or not. A quick headcount was all it took to establish that Harry Potter was the most lucrative option. I thought, perhaps you should take one—but the uniformity of tourist backpacks and lanyards dangling passports made each of them indiscriminate to me. By the time I’d come back to Giles Street the whole place had turned into a set of carefully designed, overlapping fabrications. Students’ young, harassed-looking faces made their way around selfie sticks produced by visitors who transmuted bits of the city to each other in Polish or Japanese. There were as many Oxfords as the languages into which it could be spoken and phones into which it could be seized; then cropped, filtered, hashtagged, and released for replication on screens in locations further away. At the cusp of the city center, groups of day-trippers and schoolchildren got off buses and boarded them again, ferried in and out for intermediary stretches of time, believing that this, too, could be theirs.
* * *
I got back to the house and found that I had left the window open. There were wasps crawling over it, sluggish with the heat. Some had made it in, but others struggled with entering the room. They had not found the gap between pane and lower frame and tossed their bodies slowly at the glass. To those dull little thudding sounds I completed the inventory, taking photos at various angles with my iPhone’s camera. When this was done, I unpacked. Within an hour, all my things were arranged and I could begin to think of the room as mine. I opened the window further still to let as many wasps out as I could. The rest, I killed with a book wrapped in a tea towel, propping open the door to give them as good a chance of escape as possible. Soon, a bespectacled face appeared before it.
I’m the room across from yours, it said. Cup of tea?
And I panted, I’d love to, I just want to get rid of these; gestured at the wasps which became more agitated with each blow. Two of them had abandoned the window and begun hurling themselves around at high speed. I said to the face, There’s a kettle just there, please come in, I won’t take long—to which a full body came into view and solicitously set about filling the kettle to its brim. This was how I met my neighbor. I waved the towel in the direction of cups and tea bags and went back to my own task. It was a large room with high ceilings. It was perfectly formed for a wasp not to be killed. I gave up with the book and began flicking the tea towel so that it snapped like the sail of a ship beating against the wind. Eventually things stilled. The room had come with easy chairs. I took a seat, and motioned that he should do the same.
Awful, aren’t they? he commiserated. I’ve got several staking a claim in mine. He moved his head in the direction of his room, then added as an afterthought: We should make them pay rent, and laughed at his own joke. You’ve got a lot of things, he pointed out and peered at the bookshelf. Lots of books.
I told him, Yes, they make the room look pretty. In fact, they did, but he gawped at me. I tried not to laugh and explained that I had taken my degrees in English. He asked if I was working on anything he’d have read. Because of how genial he was, I thought there was something old-fashioned about him. My guess was that he would have reclined in his seat even if he hadn’t been in an easy chair, and he held the mug he’d found on my shelf comfortably by its handle as though he’d been drinking from it his whole life. He asked whether I’d been a postdoc assistant before. I had not, I said. I thought I’d try it for a year and see whether the job market eased. I had secured my position after almost a year of unemployment; had sent out dozens of applications a week, landing just enough fixed-term minimum wage and freelance work to survive. Occasionally, my parents had helped me, but this had come with its own strings: alongside their verbal agreement that it was more difficult for young people than it had been for them was the unspoken sense that there was an expiry date for me to get myself together by. And since they had been financially independent at my age, had bought a house, what I felt I needed at the very least was a stable job. The probability of one seemed to eternally decrease.
My neighbor’s face turned reassuring. I wouldn’t worry about that, he said. Everyone and their mother has a doctorate now, it makes teaching posts really hard to find. You’ll get good experience doing this anyway. He smiled at the expression on my face and leaned over to pat my hand. The academic market will be oversaturated for a while. But if they keep driving tuition prices up, in a generation or two, we might stand a chance. We’ll just have no one to teach.
I shook my head. I meant a job in the real world. He cocked his at me; asked, Why on earth would you want to go near that?
I felt too stupid to reply. At that point, it was still too intimate to tell this stranger that the end goal I wanted, through any job necessary, was to be able to afford a flat, not just a room, and then to settle in it and invite friends to dinner. I thought I had put reasonable effort into this desire through successive degrees while waiting for the economy to clear up enough to raise the median starting wage. But the morning’s news cycle and the job alerts I’d set up over email delivered the same disheartening report each day. Now, even to me, it seemed ridiculous to concede that I had accumulated substantial debt and a few degrees so that I might contractually labor for the sake of having two free days a week in which to cook a meal in a kitchen I could not actually afford to own, for a small crowd of people my age who spent their lives doing the same.
I pretended that what he had said could be construed as a joke instead, and smiled. I wanted to change topic, and thought I could do so by asking what research project he was attached to. I said, What about you? Bu
t my neighbor looked perturbed. Me? No, I don’t want to look at any job outside of this, it’s horrible out there.
I agreed, but my question had been about what it was he did now. He said, Ah, of course, as though this were evident, but I couldn’t quite see why. It was clear to me that what I’d asked had misfired because he could not hear the conversation I had been having in my head, which took a different speed to the one I was having with him. I wanted to discuss this, but he’d already set about telling me that he belonged to the philosophy faculty. This was his third year there; his original contract had been extended by an additional twelve months, and when that had finished, he had attached himself to a new project with another research fellow in the department. He took a sip of tea and reverted to me: if I didn’t want to stay in academia, what kind of job would I do instead?
Something where language has practical value, I said.
You mean—he was getting frustrated—something where it can be adequately monetized?
I knew this was not what I’d meant. But it was hard to argue with something that made so much brute sense. I told him words were the first port of meaning, you couldn’t put a price on them. He took a book from a nearby shelf and said, These happen to be priced at twenty-five quid. He tried to reach for another but I said, Yes, all right, and he settled back down with his tea. He made a face; asked, What’s so special about the real world, then? Why would being here be less real than anything else? And I supposed that universities were a kind of incubation period. You stored up theories about life and then you took them outside to see whether they worked. I said, Don’t you think it’s important to go out beyond this? Now it was his turn to be able to construe what I’d said as a joke as well. He nodded towards my bookshelves again and asked, Have you read this Pater chap?