by Ryan Muree
She rose and faced the wall with the hidden window. Placing her fingers against the cold metal, she willed the ship to recognize any ether within her.
“Emeryss, I don’t think that will—”
The smallest flicker of purple light moved between the seams, whirred the mechanics, lifted the window a fingertip-width, and stopped. Her mouth dropped open; Grier gasped a little. The training was paying off. Moving closer to what she needed might have been moving her farther from other things she wanted, but it was at least moving forward.
Just like the ether, she couldn’t control how Grier felt or that he liked to follow rules that she didn’t agree with or see the point of. There was no controlling what the library did, or what her people thought of her. They were going to do whatever they needed regardless of what she did, what she wanted. What she’d forgotten was that she was almost a Caster. She needed to focus on what she could control and let go of what she couldn’t.
What I can control…
She’d seen ether as a child, watched it in the world around her. She’d trained to be a Scribe, to seek out ether and preserve it in books. What if she didn’t need to absorb the ether at all? What if she couldn’t run from being a Scribe like she’d wanted?
She slid the book she’d tried to scribe in back to its place on the pile with the other grimoires and grabbed an air pressure grimoire from the floor. She flipped the pages and found it had a few sigils left to try.
Air Slice.
Gust.
Storm Blow.
Density Shift.
Air Slice was the easiest.
“What—” Grier cleared his throat. “What are you doing?”
“Moving forward.” Picking up the pieces of herself, she headed for the door.
Grier knocked his head against the wall behind him. “I’m sorry, Emeryss. I shouldn’t have—”
She lifted a hand. “I’m not sorry, Grier. I’m happy. I needed to be reminded.”
He dropped his chin to his chest. “That wasn’t what I was—”
“I understand. You value family and tradition—”
“It sounds so cold when you put it like that.”
“Because it is.” She straightened herself. “You were never fighting for what you wanted, because you still haven’t figured out what it is you want. Meanwhile, I was in here, hating myself for everything I couldn’t have, everything I couldn’t control, missing the point entirely. I know what will make this all worth it. My problem is staying focused on it, on moving forward. My father used to say the sea is cold, but death is colder. I’m not dead yet. I nearly casted multiple times. I’m closer than ever, and I can’t stop now.”
And her destiny didn’t include Grier. He’d reminded her of that. That she clearly had to let go.
“Emeryss, you don’t understand—”
She reached for the latch without looking at him. “Yes, I do. I understand the pressure of expectations, the pressure of failure and disappointing family and your people, and the pressure of not living up to my own expectations before I die. Only one of those I can control. Only one of those I can’t live with if I failed.”
She opened the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To cast.” She breezed into the corridor, her boots echoing with each step until she reached the platform and hit the panel button.
If she could figure out how to reframe her mindset into being a tool, like Urla had talked about with her cane, then she might make some more progress. She may not be able to scribe anymore, but she wasn’t going back to the library or her home until she’d tried everything.
She exited the doors to the observation deck.
The stars through the stormstone were dim, but the fog and mist slid over the dome in eerie strings of air. Dew sparkled on the surface. Lit by ether-lamps, the garden was bathed in a soft, romantic glow.
She took her normal spot in the middle of the courtyard on the short stone path, and opened the book to the page with the Air Slice sigils glittering back at her in soft, silvery ether.
“I’m the instrument.” She inhaled deeply and held it for a few seconds. Grier’s lips against hers invaded her thoughts. She exhaled and refocused on the shimmery sigil. “I’m the instrument.”
Palm to the page, she envisioned the sigil dissolving into her, filling her up, but also leaving her hand to be used. Her head ached, her stomach rolled. She stopped and opened her eyes.
Come on.
Instead of closing her eyes again and sinking into the realm of spaces between all things, she envisioned it with her eyes open. She remembered the ether in the sea and sky, the ether in the lamps.
The ethereal realm wrapped around her completely, like when she was a child.
She held on to the vision. It was a color-stained filter over the real world—a weird melding of the ethereal realm and reality. She looked down, and the Air Slice sigil danced on the page.
She picked an edge of the sigil, and it wiggled in her pinched fingers. It wasn’t struggling or fighting her. It wasn’t dying.
“I am a tool for ether.” She peeled the sigil back carefully and released it.
It didn’t dissolve or meld with the other ether clouds, it floated in the space before her. There was no telling what was happening in reality, but this was good enough. It was already different.
Then the sigil vibrated and rotated on all axes.
She swallowed and reached out for it, but it became a fast-spinning disk sending slices of ether in every direction around her.
Something was wrong.
The sigil was acting on its own, but it had shifted from a pretty silver to a brilliant yellow. It had multiplied in size, enveloping her with several points spinning out of control.
Slices of ether from each spinning point shot off in all directions around her, bouncing off the walls of itself. She backed up, trying to find the exit out of the plane, but her elbow stung with a white-hot heat. She flinched, blood trickling down her arm.
She’d created a swirling sphere of Air Slices, and she was caught in the middle. She was trapped on some quasi-ethereal plane in the center of a deadly sigil.
She tried to fan her hands out, to repel the edges of the ether away. It only constricted tighter, the slices of ether now striking her clothes and skin with tiny cuts.
With her heart pumping fiercely, she reached for her quill, but she’d left it in the room with Grier.
Grier.
“Grier!” she cried out. But there was no way he could hear her. She wasn’t there in the real world, and yet the ethereal world was able to hurt her.
“Grier! Please, come find me!” she begged.
She’d screwed up again. She’d gotten it all wrong—so wrong.
Fresh tears burned down her cheeks, and the circles moved in closer. She squeezed her eyes shut from the bright sigils encasing her until it was so close she couldn’t move.
She screamed as it sliced parts of her. “Please! Someone! Anyone!”
A rush of air, a blinding white light, and a searing pain blew across her face and body.
She screamed at the top of her lungs.
Chapter 21
Spare cabin — Zephyr Airship
The door closed behind Emeryss, and Grier fell back against the wall, letting the back of his head hit it, too. The slight pain was worth it. He was an idiot. A friggin’ moron.
He ran his hand over his face again and again. If he wasn’t stupid for letting go and kissing her, he was a Class-A dumb-ass for pulling away. He pounded the wall with his fist and groaned. This is why he didn’t share what he felt about her. He couldn’t trust himself not to feel things for her.
Don’t get too close to her. Don’t go in her suite.
Lerissa knew. She’d always known he’d get himself in a mess like this. And he knew. He knew he shouldn’t trust himself either.
He had put up those barriers for so long, and he’d almost completely let go once before, that night with her st
uck zipper. That was a test, and he’d been so afraid that it would ruin what relationship they had, what he wanted for his future, what she needed that he couldn’t give. And then the kiss ruined everything.
It came out of nowhere from him, and it was impossible to explain to her. The words always got stuck down deep whenever he was around her. Too used to keeping them locked up.
It was easy to say he didn’t care about a Keeper’s matched pairs. He did care, however, what his parents thought and how it jeopardized his chances for High Council.
He roared against the metal wall.
He’d held her, inhaled the smell of ink and ether from her skin. It was otherworldly, intoxicating like the tree of sunfruit in the Great Library’s lobby. And he’d stupidly buried his nose in her hair, pulled her close, let himself give in to what he’d really wanted.
What made him happy.
A knock came through the door, and he yanked it open.
Vaughn half-waved at him with a paper in his hand as he stepped in. “Were you expecting someone else?”
“No.”
“What’s wrong?” Vaughn snorted. “You look like someone just died.”
“No, I’m a stupid idiot.”
Vaughn pursed his lips. “Well, you got a note in the Messenger.”
He yanked it from Vaughn’s hand.
“The Librarian herself,” Vaughn added.
He didn’t even care that Vaughn had read it. He unrolled it.
Loc. Revel – Zephyr Airship
Rec. Grier Rinnegan IV
Msg. In an effort to retain your status and your father’s honorable background, I will dismiss any charges against you for leaving the library without permission. However, attacking your fellow Keepers cannot be overlooked. This is an order for you and Emeryss to return at once. If you fail to do so, we will locate you—
They didn’t know where they were? That explained why Avrist hadn’t attacked again. But why couldn’t he find them?
—we will locate you and present you to Commander Stuart for your consequences. All parties involved hope you’ll return of your own volition. We only hope to keep both of you protected. Considerations for any rushed union can be discussed after your return.
- Librarian Jgenult
Avrist was lying to the Librarian. It only highlighted him attacking Avrist’s Keepers and nothing about them charging first. That meant Avrist wasn’t acting on behalf of Jgenult, and most likely Lerissa, too; he was acting on his own. That was slightly relieving, but it was still a mess to deal with.
“Doesn’t look good,” Vaughn said, peering over his shoulder. “What do you think she means by a rushed union?”
Grier skimmed the paper again. “She thinks Emeryss and I are married. She thinks we’ve eloped.”
Vaughn laughed. “Yeah, I can see why they’d think that.”
Grier squinted at him.
“You kinda watch her all day…”
“I’m supposed to.”
“Not like that. You stare at her like she’s something you can’t have but would punch a million Ingini for. She does, too, if that matters.”
He groaned. “Did you see Emeryss on your way in?”
Vaughn shook his head. “You have a fight? Lover’s quarrel?”
Grier tossed the note onto the bed and exited the room with Vaughn at his heels.
“You going to look for her?”
He didn’t need to look. “She’s on the observation deck.” He punched the panel at the platform.
Vaughn crossed his arms beside him, mirroring his posture, except Grier’s chest and width was twice Vaughn’s. “Then why are you going to the rec room?”
“To give her”—and me—“a little bit of space.”
“Ah, that’s smart.” Vaughn wagged a finger at him. “Give the lady some room, think you’re not interested, and then she’ll be begging to come back.”
Grier glared at him as the platform stopped. “No, that’s not it at all. She wants something I can’t give her, so I’m giving her space because I screwed up. And she wants to focus. This is important to her.”
He stepped off the platform and hurried to the glass on the far wall. It would allow him to watch over Emeryss as she practiced below. If she needed help, he’d be right there.
“More important than you?” Vaughn asked.
Grier gripped the rail before the glass and peered through and down to find Emeryss holding her hands up as she practiced. “By far.”
He’d watched her painstakingly try to cast in her suite. She’d told stories of her home over the several sunsets they’d shared before every shift. He’d never seen someone so dedicated, so focused, on changing her future to what she wanted. It was admirable, respectable. It was his favorite thing about her. She went after what she wanted and didn’t make excuses.
“You love her?” Vaughn asked, watching Emeryss swing her hands around to cast.
Yes. No. Maybe. He closed his eyes.
“Oh, I get it.” Vaughn leaned his hip against the rail and smiled at Grier. “Your boss won’t let you.”
Grier sighed. “It’s a rule, yes.”
“That sucks. Can’t love who you want.”
“We can’t act on it. I can’t… tell her. Nothing can come of it.” His eyes followed Emeryss as she struggled against the invisible ether.
“Sounds like torture.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “It is, but it’s for her safety and my future.”
“So, you do love her…” Vaughn grinned, resting his elbows on the railing. “I don’t see how telling her you care about her would make things any less safe for her or whatever. You’re pretty obsessive about protecting her.”
He narrowed his glare at him. “It might distract me.”
“Is that what they told you in Keeper school?” Vaughn whistled. “Sounds like a bunch of shit to me. Not to mention, you’ve already broken like a million rules. What’s one more?”
“Excuse me?”
Vaughn gestured at Emeryss with his hand. “You fought Keepers for her, you went against that Avrist guy, you ran away from Stadhold. Nah, it’s not rules keeping you from telling her, and it’s not her safety. It’s something else.”
Grier leaned on the railing beside him. “I already said it’s my future, too. It’s not like we’d just be punished and that’s that. I have expectations from my family, a career with the High Council to consider.”
Vaughn scoffed. “The High Council? Seriously. Since when has that worked? Seems like we’re still at war.”
“That’s why I’d like to be part of it, creating solutions, bringing peace. But it also means Emeryss and I can’t be together long-term.”
“Why?”
“Have you seen Revelians make Keepers?”
“No.”
“So…” Grier said, “How do you get new Keepers? How do you make sure Stadhold is protected?”
“Only Keepers… can make new Keepers?”
Grier nodded. “We have to marry other Keepers to make sure we don’t run out.”
Vaughn’s eyes widened. “You have to marry family? That is gross—”
“No, not like that.” Grier rolled his eyes. “A whole system is in place to track lineage. The commanders make sure it’s not what you’re thinking, and it means nothing can come of Emeryss and I.”
“Does she know it can’t be forever?”
“Yes.”
“And she doesn’t care?”
He wasn’t sure.
“Let’s play a game.” Vaughn cracked his knuckles and shifted his weight. “You answer my questions as fast as you can. Yes and no, only. Got it?”
Emeryss wrapped her arms around herself in the courtyard below.
“You like Emeryss?” Vaughn asked.
“Yes.”
“You love Emeryss?”
Yes.
Vaughn waited a few seconds.
“Yes.”
“You want to protect her and will do everything in your power
to keep her safe?”
“Of course.”
“Could you live without her?”
“No.”
“She makes you happy?”
“Yes.”
Vaughn blinked a few times. “Man, what does all the rest of it matter, then? You’re going to sacrifice your happiness for other people and some unsure future that’s years away? Screw that. I’d rather die.”
Grier ran a hand through his hair and scratched his chin. “There’s too much at stake.”
“Or you’re making a much bigger deal out of it than it is.” Vaughn shrugged. “I don’t know. When I was learning how to control my ether, I could only change the size of tiny things. Pins, needles, pebbles. I had to work on the smallest, easiest things first before I could wrap my head around the bigger ones. You don’t start being a Keeper by pulling out war hammers, do you?”
Grier half-laughed. “No, you don’t.”
“So? Start small. Start simple. Tell her. Nothing is set in stone.” Vaughn pointed down at Emeryss. “Hey, that’s a first.”
Grier jerked his head toward Emeryss as sparks of light shot out around her. She was doing it. She was casting something. He pressed his hands against the glass, pride beaming from his chest.
She’d done it. She’d figured it out. He wanted to be the first to congratulate her.
Vaughn leaned in closer to the window. “Is that blood?”
Emeryss held her elbow, scarlet dripping between her fingers. Tiny slashes appeared along her arms, along her torso, as if being shredded. Her mouth and forehead were pulled tight in terror. She was screaming.
Grier tore through the rec room for the stairs in the corner.
“She’s collapsed!” Vaughn shouted after him.
Leaping down several stairs at once, he landed on the observation deck and pried the slow automatic doors open with his fingertips.
Emeryss lay lifeless on the white stone in a growing circle of blood.
How the—