by Erin R Flynn
“But it is a bonding experience, so we don’t want you out of rotation for too long, and we’ll get you comfortable with other bonding like feeding him the bottle,” he said gently.
“I support his head. That’s most important,” I muttered, having heard that from a new mom once in my old office.
“Good, yes, and we’ll get you the right books so you have something to read up on.” He smiled when I sighed in relief. I was good at learning, that would help. He showed me how to hold Topher to eat, carefully transferring him to me. “We’ll show you how to make the bottle later. Just simple today.”
“Thanks, I need that,” I admitted, swallowing loudly and giving Topher a smile when he immediately took the bottle. “Well, you have my appetite for sure.”
“Carter handled the vehicle and got the base for the car seat,” Alok informed me. I realized they were all being careful to mention my dad or his name as little as possible, and I appreciated that. “There was also a bag with basics that probably were from the hospital. Some more of everything, but most importantly, the paperwork from the hospital.”
“That will help,” Dain admitted. “I can’t file anything until Monday anyways, so I’ll get into it later. First we have to get some supplies, and Maya is arriving soon.”
“Right, so how do we go out with him?” I asked Tasar.
“You don’t bring a newborn shopping or in crowds of strangers for a couple of months, but outside is fine, good for him if you’re careful of the sun and layering him. I’ll check with Dr. Sloan, but it’s sometimes recommended to have jaundiced babies in sunlight as long as you protect their eyes. The skin soaks up the vitamin D, but maybe they don’t do that because they can also soak up cancer as humans.”
“I’m never going to get all of this,” I whispered, swallowing my feelings when I saw Topher react.
“No one does, Sera,” he promised. “You’re just going to go and—”
“Wait, I need to protect him,” I argued.
He gave me a gentle smile. “And get used to having to leave him with others and the building. You won’t get a maternity leave, and your wolf will want to protect him, you are loyal as well, and he’s your brother. I know you hate shopping, but you’ll have fun after you relax a bit. It’s also you picking for him and getting a feel for it all. Go look a bit, pick up some cute baby clothes, and you can order more online later.”
It made sense, and clearly he’d discussed it with the others, probably Phobie, as she was my therapist working with me on lots already. Yeah, it was a good plan, and it was Saturday. It made sense to get a bit settled while we could.
Alok showed me how to burp Topher and make sure to use a spit rag.
“I don’t want him to have anything Clayton picked for him or bought him,” I muttered when I carried him over to the guest apartment he’d be living in with Maya.
“Good, yes, start with a foundation. You know how to do that after what Simone and Phobie have helped you with,” Alok said, confirming to me he’d spoken with Phobie. “We’ve got this. Newborns eat, poop, and sleep. He had a rough start, but now we’ll make sure he gets the love and bonding he needs. He’s handling the formula fine, and Dr. Sloan said he’d swing by since it’s his day off.”
“And he knew I would worry and he’s concerned about my stress levels,” I muttered, not shocked when they nodded. “Okay, we can do this.” I set Topher in the bassinet as Alok had said and scrubbed my hands over my head. “We can do this, right?”
“Yes, as you have an army ready to go into battle,” he chuckled, nodding behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw that was pretty true. I nodded. We could do this.
We had to do this. Topher needed us.
Brian invited his parents and Grammy Havers to meet us, as they knew what they were doing. We picked up breakfast before the whole lot of us met them at the BuyBuyBaby on the North side that seemed like a Bed Bath & Beyond from the outside… Along with Simone, who looked her fabulous and put together self as always, leaning against her car in the parking lot.
“Phobie called me after she talked to Tasar,” she explained, leaning in and kissing my cheek. “Our animals see each other as sisters no matter our blood or species. Right now, your wolf needs to remember that family isn’t only about blood.”
“What are we missing?” Grammy Havers asked, giving us worried looks.
“I broke wolf rules by sending my birth father away or turning him over,” I answered, giving a half shrug. “Turning my back on him basically. My wolf wasn’t around when I was abandoned and the ripples from that. She’s getting caught up.”
“It’s hard for a shifter’s animal to process abandoning a child, so her wolf is assuming it’s a mistake family should work out,” Simone added. “She’s processing just as Sera is, but she also needs support as Sera does, and we’ve adopted each other.”
“Yeah, my wolf is happy you’re here,” I told her after checking. “Good, because I was thinking I had to turn in my woman card. All I wanted was to run from the room when Tasar was teaching us about changing his diaper instead of cooing at him.”
“I puked,” Axel grumbled. “There’s no parent gene, Sera. I’ve been around cubs before, but that’s a newborn you’re in charge of. I think you’re too busy panicking to think how cute he is. And that smell was—” He gagged just remembering it.
“What are you thinking for the nursery?” Mrs. Havers asked as we went inside and a few people grabbed carts.
“Tommy thought up doing animal stencils for all the different shifters we have in the pack and paw prints in pastels,” I answered. “I like it. Maybe like gray furniture with that on the white walls? Tasar said calm for him to want to sleep there.”
“That would be nice for Topher,” Grammy Havers said with a bright smile. “Yes, that sounds perfect.”
“I’m glad you’re okay with the name,” I admitted. “I was panicked and just remembered liking it, that Brian said he was awesome.”
“He was, and it’s got extra meaning Brian said, so I’m glad you found a good fit for him.” She gave me a wink and pushed her cart towards a large area with cribs and all the bedding stuff.
I froze, and Brian bumped into my back, hugging me to him. “Wait, this is too fast. Don’t I have to research car seats and strollers and—”
“Babe, you’re rich,” he reminded me gently. “Let’s just get what he needs, and if we get the wrong damn stroller, donate it. We’re going to get furniture and clothes now. We can look and see how stuff works like we can’t online. There’s like two dozen phones with us to look up reviews if we want.”
“Right, okay, he needs furniture,” I agreed, swallowing loudly.
“So just think what you want.” He kissed my hair when I didn’t move. “What was some of the stuff the new parents in the office did that annoyed you?”
That helped. “No boys only crap. We’re getting him a super girly blanket with hearts or something. He can like what he likes, and babies need hearts and pretty. It always chapped me when they were so segregated in stuff. Boys don’t get all the sports stuff and girls pink and princess. We can have princess stuff playing football.”
“Or most people pick like green and monkeys for gender neutral,” Mrs. Havers told me, looking ready to burst out laughing. “Rainbow pastels like you said.”
“Fine, but we get him blue and pink jammies,” I grumbled.
“No dresses though,” Leo muttered. “He can dress in them if he wants when he’s older, but doing it when he’s a baby and can’t stop you is mean.”
I winced. “Yeah, that is mean. I didn’t think dresses.” I frowned as I headed for the cribs. “Why the fuck would you put a newborn in a dress? That seems mean for girls too.”
Several people burst out laughing, but I stood by what I said. A dress as a newborn? For the love of… Babies should have comfy and soft.
“This says to make sure to get as much cotton clothes as possible, as synthetic stuff
doesn’t breathe well,” Alvin told me as he read his phone. “That sounds pretty legit.”
“It is,” Mrs. Havers confirmed, giving him a smile. “Smart you looked that up.”
He shrugged. “If the doc has something to do for him being circumcised, it just made sense to see what else they are sensitive to.”
“Yeah, good one,” I agreed. “I keep thinking like Brian said about women in the office who had babies and most of it was breast feeding stuff. I’m off the hook for that.” I felt some eyes on me as if checking out my boobs. “If one of you makes some comment about my chest not getting super huge, then I will deck you and hard.”
“Not my fault,” Eugene defended. “I was thinking about an interview I saw from an actress who said she about exploded on set from not pumping. It’s a lot to process.”
I snorted. “Yeah, try being me and a single mom.” I glanced at Dain when he cleared his throat. “Crap, I meant legally. I mean…”
“I think a conversation needs to be had when things settle down,” Brian muttered, realizing what was going on.
“Yes, but there’s no rush,” Hagan agreed.
I froze again. “How many of you are thinking you’re a dad now?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to know the answer.
Eugene and Axel both raised their hands. “Uncle.”
“I believe Noah would be of the same opinion,” Dain muttered. “Goran as well, but if we’re tied to you, it makes sense we at least think on it.”
That was fair, but Brian and the twins weren’t, but they wanted to be my mates, or the twins did. I shook my head and went to a furniture set. “Fine, conversation for later. My head might explode otherwise.”
Brian cornered me by the sheets and bedding display I was looking at. “Would it really be so bad if I was?” He nuzzled my neck. “I love you. Why would I not adopt him with you?”
I blew out a slow breath and turned around, staring at his chest. “We need to have another conversation before that.” I frowned when he didn’t reply. “Bri, I’m immortal. I’d never push you to be one of us, but could you really ask me to marry you and then have to watch you die? To be left behind and forever mourn you? It’s hard enough now knowing that could—losing you would destroy me.”
Still he didn’t say anything, and I glanced up, shocked when he was pale and just staring at me. He looked seconds from fainting or needing a paper bag.
“You knew I was immortal,” I reminded him, wondering what the shock was. He bobbed his head but then shook it before bobbing it again. “I know I told you.”
“Right, yeah, you did, but we weren’t—we were barely talking then,” he muttered, scrubbing his hand over his head. “Eva said something—I forgot. I mean, not forgot but…” He glanced over to the boys, giving me a scared look. “I knew how old—some of you don’t. I mean, Harris isn’t—”
“No, Michael will live longer than a human but will die, and I will not as a born shifter,” Simone interjected, her tone frosty. “A cheetah is not an immortal shifter strain unless born.”
“Rabbits are,” I told Brian quietly. “I am.” I gave Simone a worried look, knowing Harris’s life span was an issue.
“Wait, someone said tying lifelines,” Brian muttered, glancing between us.
“That doesn’t work between us and humans, only between shifters,” Simone explained. “And sometimes it’s weakened the born shifter, and it’s rare, but they can lose their immortality.” She walked away, clearly saying the discussion was over.
“I’m sorry,” Brian sighed, realizing he’d stepped in it. “We do need a conversation, and Hagan’s right that there’s no rush. I forgot. I was there when you freaked, but you were barely speaking to me, so I didn’t connect it. There’s a lot to catch up on and remember.”
“I know and that—I can see how you didn’t digest it given what was going on.”
“When you left him and made new shifter friends?” Mrs. Havers snipped, her tone simmering.
I reacted as if both of them slapped me, blinking back tears as I stared at Brian. “That’s what you told people?”
“No, no, Sera,” he promised, reaching for me and flinching when I backed away. “Ma, that’s not what happened. I messed up. She didn’t do anything. I was the asshole.”
Mrs. Havers frowned, glancing between us. “Jimmy said she dumped you the second she was infected.”
My hurt turned to rage and fast. Again with Brian’s baby brother. “How would Jimmy know any of that? I hadn’t spoken to him since a year before and not again until the picnic.” I couldn’t even look at Brian. “Nice that’s what he’s told people. Awesome.” I went to turn away and get back to the shopping, but Dain cleared his throat. “Not now.”
“I disagree,” Hagan jumped in. “His parents need to hear this too.”
“What?” Brian asked.
I sighed, knowing they were waiting for me to say it and wouldn’t because I’d get annoyed they started trouble. I was the one to start the trouble normally. “We don’t want Jimmy to know everything about Topher.” I flinched when I felt his anger, and Dain moved behind me to show support.
“My brother isn’t—”
“I don’t think Jimmy would say anything on purpose,” I snapped. “He’s not a Bond villain, but he is a butthead, Bri. He does and says things and doesn’t think of the ripple or repercussions.”
“Listen to her because we all think your brother is a security threat,” Axel cut in when Brian looked like he might argue.
I opened my mouth to push but couldn’t seem to find the words. I didn’t hide my hurt as I met Brian’s gaze. “When have I ever pulled you off to the side and asked you to listen to me? To hear what I’m saying? I’m not that woman who throws fits or—” I shook my head and went for the door. I couldn’t do this and especially not right then among baby happiness all over everywhere.
“Sera, he won’t leave,” Dain called after me. He sighed when I kept walking. “She is completely convinced you will leave. That you will pick Jimmy over her and this will be the straw that has you abandon her again. Which is what happened when she became a wolf, not Sera becoming some slut werewolf like Jimmy blabbed to your parents.”
“That’s not what happened, and Sera’s not a slut,” Brian growled as I reached the doors.
I walked into the fresh air and around the side of the building, away from the other cars, as I had a feeling someone would follow me. What I didn’t think was it would be almost everyone.
“The boys are fine inside shopping with your security detail,” Hagan said, explaining what was going on. “And they don’t need to hear this, nor the humans in there.”
“Show him,” Dain suggested, moving closer. I nodded, letting him put his fingers to my temple and thinking back to when I’d met Jimmy. He showed Brian, and the look of horror Brian gave me was almost comical.
“I believed you,” he promised, getting the look I gave him. “I did, I swear, I didn’t think he was such a…”
“What? What did Jimmy do?” Mr. Havers demanded.
“When we met, he joined us for drinks with our work people and gave me crap about being difficult and not giving him my number when Brian was my boss,” I answered. “He knew Brian liked me but thought I should date someone like him, and by ‘date’ I don’t mean date.”
“Oh Jimmy,” Mrs. Havers sighed.
I moved my hands to Brian’s chest. “Please hear me.” I waited until he nodded. “He does things he doesn’t understand because he’s jealous and selfish. He blows it off.” I growled when I saw his hesitation. “Brian, if I had been anyone else, you could have been pulled into a meeting with HR and IA asking what the fuck you’re doing allowing your family to coerce your agents like that. Do you get that?”
“You’re right,” he whispered, covering my hands with his. “You’re right. He’s not a kid anymore, and I can’t brush it off as him being a twit. I’m sorry.”
“There’s more,” Dain warned. Anger filled his eyes when I
shot him a look to shut it. “No, not this time, Sera, I’m sorry. He wants to marry you, but we are mated already. Your pain is my pain. You are still upset and afraid he will pick his brother over you, and his brother needs a serious talking to before something escalates past what he can come back from.”
“What are you talking about?” Grammy Havers asked, her tone worried, not angry.
“Jimmy told people at the picnic that everything Sera said to those girls about the rabbits was crap and she was just scaring them,” Hagan answered, shrugging when I gave him a shocked look. “You shut down the topic of him because it upsets you. I tried to talk to him as a Beta, but he called me your boy toy and told me to stuff it.”
“Shit, I’m so sorry,” I whispered, pulling my hands away from Brian. “Hagan, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t ever let someone speak about you like that.”
“I know, and I don’t care, but we need to—he needs to understand this is serious before the boys get hurt.”
“There’s more,” I worried.
“Yes,” several people said, but Axel went on. “After Brian mentioned ring shopping, he was bragging that he was going to be brother-in-law to the Alpha and the perks that probably came with that while looking at several wolves.”
“Did he…” I swallowed loudly, scared to even ask.
“No, we made sure he didn’t start hitting on our wolves,” Hagan promised. “Especially when he’s made it clear he thinks shifters loose and you’re the perfect example.” He gave Brian a hard look. “That’s how he talks of Sera. He was saying the pack lands were cool and a perfect place to throw parties. That’s private land.”
“It’s sacred land,” Eugene added. “It’s unheard of to have humans on pack lands. It’s private, it’s our sanctuary if something happens even. She invited humans, and it spun out even with the good guys. If your brother throws a party or bad people learn that’s the pack lands, they will validly be pissed at her and there will be problems.”
“Anyone could look up those lands are the pack’s,” Mrs. Havers reminded them.
“There are a few layers to go through,” Dain explained. “And county records weren’t always online. It’s still a refuge if there is a problem. In the old days it was where they could be safe, shift and hide if hunters ever came for them. It’s sacred, and we will catch lots of problems if that rare hospitality was abused.”