by Erin R Flynn
Zeno shifted as well, growling when I tried to move away from him. He licked my face and rubbed his muzzle against mine until my wolf whimpered. Then I let out a howl of pain, doubting even the building’s soundproofing had kept that quiet enough not to wake Topher.
He changed back besides keeping one claw and slicing open his arm enough to get blood. “You are as much of my blood as he is. The one that made you was born of me. Smell it.”
My wolf did as he wanted, sniffing the blood from the already healed wound. She whimpered. We smelled like him too. I understood this was hard for her. It was hard for me too but in a different way. We just needed to hurt and move on together instead of pulling in separate directions.
She seemed to accept that and Zeno was our father too and wanted us… Which Clayton hadn’t. He was the bad guy, not me, not Zeno.
She whimpered and licked his face, snuggling up to him when he sat back and about pulled me on his lap. She cried and gave several painful barks that sounded more like sobbing yips. The whole time Zeno held us tightly, murmuring that we were loved and he was proud to be my father, that we were family.
It helped my wolf as much as me, settling us and the hurt. A lot of it was her lashing out at the pain of Clayton hating us. That wasn’t what family should do ever, and she also thought it was because of her and I would hate her.
No, that hate was always there. He simply had another reason, another excuse for his hate and fucked up heart.
I shifted back, still crying against his shoulder, and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Sorry, Dad.”
“I know, I know, daughter mine,” he whispered, kissing my hair. “I know you both love me. You don’t have to worry about my heart or hurt. I am the parent, and you were the one hurt.”
“I’ve never had that before,” I choked out, hugging him tighter. “It was always my fault. I was always the problem. It was always on me. The rest were never family. He hates me, and I was always hoping it was a mistake and they wanted to come back. They didn’t. They knew it wasn’t my fault. It wasn’t my fault, and still they wouldn’t love me.”
“We do, Sera,” he rasped. “We love you so, so much. I know it’s horrible how you became our daughter, but we love you. We want you. Fuck him. He doesn’t deserve to be a father if he could abandon his child. He’s nothing. He doesn’t deserve you. He never did. You were special, and he wasn’t, and he couldn’t handle that, hated it wasn’t him.”
I wasn’t sure that was true, but it did help me realize there were probably lots of sides and layers that I’d never seen or thought of besides it was me. It helped me calm down for real this time. I sank against him, no energy left after another meltdown and all I’d been through with this.
Zeno easily stood with me in his arms and carried me to the bedroom. He smiled when I gave him a confused look. “The Haverses arrived as we did and came up with us. I figured you didn’t want to be naked in front of them. I was mostly blocking you.”
“Thanks,” I whispered, hurrying to throw something on the moment he set me on my feet. I found him a pair of Hagan’s track pants since a few of them had drawers in my room now and some hanging space in the closet, but his was closest. “Sorry about your clothes. I’ll replace them.”
He shrugged. “I wore old ones, assuming there might be an issue.”
“How did you know?” I asked as we stepped out of my room.
“I didn’t. I’ve seen how infected wolves can lash out at their bloodline if their birth family rejects them for now being a wolf. This wasn’t what happened, but… It’s close enough where I thought to be ready.”
“Smart, Dad,” I praised, wiping my face and nose. “I’ve done more crying lately than—yeah, too much.”
“You’re going through a lot, and I’m sorry Jimmy has added to your stress,” Mrs. Havers said gently. “And wow, that was—I don’t even have the words for it.”
“Amazing,” Grammy Havers muttered as she came over and hugged me. “So much more was said than words, and I’m glad you have the support you need.”
“You just want to hang with Jonik more,” I teased her, smiling when she chuckled. She’d really taken a shine to him, and he was helping her with her arthritis, so they were buddies.
“So where’s Jimmy?” I asked, glancing at them.
“He’s in a time out and a long one,” Mr. Havers assured me. “He also was shocked by how severe Brian’s reaction was to what he did, but he told him Dain showed him from your memory, and he admitted he’d had a few drinks and didn’t think it was nearly as horrible as Brian described. He thought it flirty and playful.”
“I smacked him several times that it wasn’t flirty nor playful,” Mrs. Havers promised.
“Thanks. Sorry for starting the trouble.”
Several people gave me looks like they wanted to spank me for apologizing. I shrugged. Old habits died hard, and I was used to it all being my fault always.
5
Before the weekend was over, I did change my first diaper, but I refused to do it alone. I was terrified I would look away for a second and he’d roll away… Even after several people assured me he couldn’t yet and not for a few more months.
Plus, my reflexes were crazy fast. Fear isn’t logical though.
It felt really weird going to work Monday morning and worrying about the baby at home. Like really weird.
Eugene and I weren’t working out in the mornings anymore, as we had a new class of trainees he had to handle and boss around instead of me. But as much as it might seem selfish to not be with Topher, I was still recovering too, and I was the strength that kept the supes of Chicago safe, so it was important I keep with my training program.
It also helped with the rage. I had a lot of seething rage from my abduction.
And Vlad’s betrayal.
And a lot of what had happened in New York before I’d been taken.
And several other issues I was trying to work through.
There was a lot of scary rage I was trying to keep under wraps, but my workout that morning made it clear that Clayton showing up and opening so many old wounds and pouring salt on them was the last straw. Even Carter gave me several funny looks since he was on my detail and working out with me that morning. I had really pushed it, and still I wanted to spar and shoot things.
Not good. I’d been doing my best to handle it as best as I could and with Phobie and therapy, but now I worried it was boiling over.
“Chief Thomas, can I please have a minute?” a woman called out, hurrying over to me as we headed across the parking lot.
I sighed, not even glancing at her. “No interviews. I’ve given all the statements and answers to questions I will.” It had been a few weeks since people had found out about Vlad, and still Noah and I were getting hounded all the time for more details.
“I’m not a reporter, Chief Thomas. I need your help.”
I slowed down and glanced at her, knowing she was human, but that didn’t mean she was lying. A supe could be harassing her or worse. I changed direction and ate up the last few feet to her. “Did you file a report with my office?”
She gave me a guilty look. “They couldn’t help me, but you’re the boss of the office.” She hurried to pull something out of her large purse. None of us reacted since we could smell if she had a gun or weapon. No, she pulled out a picture. “This is my son. He was killed. No one will help me. Please, please help me, Chief Thomas.”
My heart went out to her as I took the picture. I’d had to deal with lots of family members of victims or deceased even if I was mostly undercover with the regular FBI. Maybe some would say they felt for her because they were a mother, but there was no change in me now that I had Topher.
I had always cared; becoming a mother didn’t change that. I wasn’t granted some extra caring gene or a tiara that granted me extra empathy. We all had people we loved or wanted to protect. Loving the boys or now Topher was just a different kind of love, but it was all love and kindness.
Maybe some people were just devoid of that until they had someone who had to love them like a baby? That would explain several people I’d worked with before.
“How did he die?”
“There was a shooting in our neighborhood,” she rasped. “Another one. I know you were taken, the papers and news were talking about it, but the murder rate shot up while you were gone.” She waved off whatever was on my face. “I’m not blaming you. No one has that sort of power. I’m saying maybe you didn’t know yet. It’s gone way up, and it’s getting worse.”
“I’ve seen enough,” I interjected when she looked ready to add more. “I’m sorry, but it’s not my jurisdiction, ma’am.” I gave her a sympathetic look and handed back the photograph. “I’m very sorry for your loss. I am, but unless CPD asks for us to consult or it’s my jurisdiction, I cannot help you.”
She held my gaze for several moments, not taking back the picture. Her haunted eyes studied me as I repeated myself. Slowly she nodded, taking the photo. “Thank you for your time.”
“It’s fine.” I turned to leave, and she seemed to catch onto my hint… Except she went the wrong way with it, which I could forgive her for because of her grief.
“Supes killed my son,” she blurted.
I winced before spinning around. “I don’t think you should lie to me, as I can tell. Plus, do you think blaming supes would make me help?”
“I apologize,” she rasped, wiping under her eyes, trying to be strong and not use her tears like some women might. Good for her. “Someone needs to stop these gangs and killers, Chief Thomas. We need help, and no one seems able to do anything. I can’t—someone has to pay for killing my son and others. It’s not just our neighborhood.”
“No, it’s not, but I could lose my badge and a lot more if I act unlawfully no matter how much I’d like to help.” I pulled out my business card when I saw she was too upset to put the pieces together. I accepted a pen from Carter, who of course knew what I was doing, and wrote down a number. “That’s the tip line for my division, for my office, for anyone to report if a supe is being hurt or a crime we handle.”
I saw the light of understanding fill her eyes. “Thank you, Chief Thomas.”
“Don’t thank me for giving you information. We pass that number around all the time. Again, I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you,” she breathed, clutching it like a chance at hope. That might be all it was, but it was something, and I’d probably get in a shit ton of trouble if anyone found out I was even considering sticking my nose where I shouldn’t, but I would also tell them to stuff it.
People were dying and a lot of them in Chicago, and if the job was too much for those who were supposed to handle it, then they could call in help. That was the way the system was supposed to work. Why the fuck could we get calls from other countries begging us to help and local police departments wouldn’t? Time to not be so stupid.
My phone vibrated as I walked through the door. “Thomas.”
“The president is looking at middle of next week to finally take the tour of the Shifter Council prisons,” Deputy Director Galvin said by way of greeting.
“Fuck,” I hissed before I could stop myself. “Just fuck.”
“I know you’re having an issue with planes and it’s understandable—”
“No, I mean, yes, sir, but that’s—something happened personally,” I muttered, waving everyone else off as I reached my office. They could still hear, but it gave me the illusion of privacy. “I’m fine, but it’s a bad time to leave. I need to make sure a few things are secured, but at least I might have a sub Alpha here.”
“We didn’t think that mattered if you were in the country.”
I rolled my eyes, reminding myself he had more than me and my stuff on his mind. “I’ve been invaded a few times by other packs around me. It’s fine if it’s not public and not long, as no one is leaking in my camp. I just—I’m more worried about other issues of coming in if I’m not around.”
He was quiet a moment. “Is there something I can do to help?”
“I have no idea, but it might be better you not be involved,” I admitted. I sighed, realizing that would just worry him more. “You’ve seen my file, right?”
“Yes.”
I named the code and federal statute for child abandonment. “The clock started again.”
“I see. There would be a lot of interest in that person.”
“Yes, which is why I sent him to Greece, but he tried to repeat the crime along with a few others. I didn’t trust him in custody.”
“No, and you had other options,” he murmured. “I’m pretty sure you just admitted to something very bad, Thomas.”
I chuckled. “Did I? I thought we were talking about some of the cases I’ve closed. Sorry if I was wrong.”
“You okay?”
“No, but I’m trying to be. I’ve got a lot of help. I’m just worried about getting the right paperwork like I needed for the boys, as everyone was making a play for them the second they knew. I have a feeling this would be worse. Much worse.”
“Right. Is the repeat able to fly? Would it make more sense to remove the risk while the paperwork is done?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Dain said he had it covered. That might need to be an option if we can’t handle it as fast as we want. How sure are we on the middle of next week?”
“Very. Apparently there’s something big on Tuesday and then Friday, so it would make sense that Wednesday and Thursday were in house meetings and not in front of cameras. The protocol is set to get him out and fly in secret.”
“I want to send at least two for the escort. Maybe more.” I worried my lip, having planned to use this trip in a way no one would think to handle a few things. Which was a bitch move, but they needed to be handled.
I’d just hoped I would have more time to get back to my normal strength. It was a risky move, but it was needed before anything got worse. At least that was the plan.
“I’ll make sure that’s allowed as long they’re people we’ve cleared.”
“Of course. What about the other people who wanted to be on the same tour?”
“We’re working on that now. It’s not much time, but the other people don’t have as many eyes as we do.”
“Yeah, they don’t or they have an easier time getting free, used to hiding,” I admitted. “Are you on the tour?”
“I am. That a problem?”
“No, sir, just planning,” I admitted. “Can you get me a few trainers from Quantico for the day? Or maybe some cross training?”
“Right, you wanted the former council guys to go with.” He let out a sigh. “Yeah, I can get someone qualified to teach something you need. I’ll get with Monroe since he’s into all of that.” He was quiet another moment. “You can handle this, right, Thomas?”
“Yes, I promise. I just wanted a bit more time to work the logistics and be at my normal fighting weight. And I really didn’t need it to be right as my personal life took a drastic turn, but I would tell you if I couldn’t handle this.”
That didn’t mean I wasn’t worried. I was. The moment we hung up, I called Tamika, one of the visiting sirens who worked the shows at the club, and asked if she could work out a way to help me get stronger faster. She agreed as long as Dr. Sloan cleared it, as he was the boss of my healing. I was almost there, but I needed to be brimming and able to act like the weakness had never happened.
That would be nice. My figure was back to where it had been. My girls were exactly the same according to a few of the men in my life. My booty too. It was just my hair left, and it was growing fast, so I thought it wouldn’t be more than a few weeks until it wasn’t glaringly obvious.
Just thinking of what had happened to me had me touching my hair, reminding myself it was thicker and not all gone. I didn’t really care about my hair that much—it was just hair. Phobie had helped me realize it was the last straw that broke me and the most visual reminder, so it
was hardest to move past. Made sense to me.
I went over to the corner and turned on the noise machine Dain had put in my office before making my next call. Apollo answered on the third ring, and I smiled at his greeting.
“I love surprises when they involve you, Seraphine.”
“I needed that today, thank you.”
“You’re welcome. What can I do for you?” He let out a soft chuckle. “Or to you. Either I like.”
“I want to misbehave, and I thought you might like to join me,” I teased him, laughing when he groaned. “Not that type unfortunately. The president is looking to make the visit next week.”
“You want to misbehave then? You?”
“Yes, as no one would ever think that, would they?”
“No, no they wouldn’t,” he murmured, telling someone to hold on before I heard what sounded like a door opening and closing. “Why would you risk that?”
“Because I think it will also make it clear what side I’m on and I’m not able to be pushed around, and that’s needed. It’s really needed from what I learned, and the people I need to say it to won’t risk coming here for me to do it. This might be my only chance to pull it on their home turf.”
“What do you need from me?”
“Only bring those you trust most in your security. I need no one else to react, like it’s obvious they deserved this and no one would think me a loose cannon or threat. Sometimes the most is said with no reaction at all.”
“Done. I wasn’t planning on much security either. As you said, sometimes less is more, and showing up with more people says I need them, and I do not.”
“No, but if you would like to come a few days early under the radar and push up a few levels, that’s fine with me. Now is the time for our side to be the strong side, and I have a feeling there are a few more that are scarier and more powerful than Dubois.”
“Yes, undoubtedly, but none as powerful as Eva. She is the most powerful I have ever been around, and I get the feeling the same is true for their council.”
“That makes me worry we’re not protecting her enough,” I admitted. “I think she needs to know that.”