“You mean I can go?” I looked dumbfounded.
“Ya, I guess, I was going to meet one of my friends anyways. Maybe I’ll drive down to the city of Fountain and steal some tires for my car.”
I didn’t know if he was kidding or serious, I just couldn’t believe he was actually letting me go. Rhonda and I spent a few hours getting ready, afterwards, I dropped Jeremy off at my mom’s house, and headed for the club.
“I’m so excited, I can’t believe Kenny gave me permission to go out. Do you think he’s planning something?”
“Like what? I can’t remember the last time you went anywhere, without him,” Rhonda smiled.
“You don’t think he’d go out with Nancy, do you?”
“What made you think of her? I think you are just feeling suspicious. Let’s just go and have a good time.
True to my word I did not dance with anyone. Although several guys did approach me, “Hey beautiful, want to dance?”
“No, I promised my husband I wouldn’t dance with anyone.”
“Your married! Is he crazy letting someone as gorgeous as you come here without him?”
I felt myself blushing. Even though I had just had a baby my thin, small waist had returned back to the way it looked before. I had a nice shape. I was embarrassed he had flirted with me, but I secretly liked the attention I was getting. I knew I would have to keep it to myself. It would only make Kenny mad if he found out. Superstar closed its doors at midnight. As Rhonda and I drove back towards my mom’s house, we passed our high school, Rhonda pointed. “Is that Kenny’s car?”
“Yes, it is. Why do you think it’s here?”
“Let’s park and see what happens,” she suggested.
Parking up the hill we had a clear view of his car parked downhill. We slouched in the seat and waited. We weren’t worried that Kenny would recognize Rhonda’s car because he hadn’t seen us leave in it. Time passed, but Kenny was nowhere in sight. Eventually, we noticed a black Camaro pull up and park behind his car
“Looks like my suspicions turned out to be true,” I shouted angrily.
23
Betrayal
“Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage.” Hebrews 13:4
“He’s driving Nancy’s Camaro. I’m so pissed right now. You remember that is the tramp he was fooling around with after I told him I was pregnant.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know yet.”
Quietly, I got out of Ronda’s car and tiptoed towards Nancy’s car I peered in and noticed my husband sitting in the driver’s seat and he was making out with her.
I normally was not a violent person, but I began pounding on the passenger car window. “Get out you b___h! That’s my husband you’re kissing.”
Kenny opened his eyes and began yelling at me. “Get the f___ out of here. I’m going to divorce you b____.”
He started the car and pressed the gas pedal while I desperately clung to the passenger side door handle as he turned the corner. I hung on determined to win back my husband.
Banging on the window, I cursed Nancy as she scooted closer to Kenny.
Finally, he jerked to a stop, got out of the driver’s seat and yanked me away from the car. Pushing me up the hill towards his parked car, he shoved me inside. He started the engine and sped away hurling accusations at me as he drove. “It’s all your fault. You’re the one who had to go out so badly. You were probably doing the same thing.”
“I wouldn’t even dance with another guy. I didn’t even look at another guy.”
“How do I really know? I wasn’t there to watch you.”
“You know you can trust me. Why were you kissing her? Did you do anything else?”
“No, we just kissed.”
“But you’re married to me. We have a baby.”
“I didn’t even want to marry you, Smitty forced me, I want a divorce!”
Pressing my hands against my ears, I refused to listen to him, his words became a blur. I just wanted him to believe I was a good wife. I hadn’t done anything wrong; even though he was trying to convince me everything was my fault.
We stopped to get the baby. He waited in the car, I quickly grabbed Jeremy and couldn’t look my mom in the face. I didn’t want her to know about our fight and hoped she hadn’t noticed my red, swollen eyes.
Screeching around the corner, Kenny continued to scream at me. “I swear first thing Monday morning I’m going down to the courthouse and divorce you. He swung his first at me while calling me names.
I ducked holding Jeremy tightly in my arms, crying loudly. “No, no please don’t divorce me. I love you.”
“If you don’t shut up I will turn this car around and take you and the baby back to your mom’s house.”
“I forgive you for being with Nancy, please don’t leave me!”
He staggered up the stairs to our apartment screaming at me the whole time. I noticed people peeking out of their doors. I was so embarrassed!
“If only you hadn’t begged to go to the dance club tonight I would have never gone out with Nancy.”
I didn’t blame Kenny because I told myself Nancy threw herself at him. “I’m sorry I wanted to go out to a dance club tonight. I’ll never go again, I promise.” Later after he calmed down he swore he didn’t touch her, only kissed her and I believed him.
A few days later I opened up the front door of our apartment and overheard Kenny in the lobby talking on the payphone at the bottom of the stairs. With the door cracked, I listened, still feeling distrustful. He was making plans for another rendezvous with Nancy. Furiously, I stormed down the stairs while he was still talking. He quickly hung up the pay phone.
“Who were you talking to?” I screamed.
Kenny grabbed me, shoved me up the stairs and threw me into the apartment. Then he punched me.
Another punch was coming towards me, covering my head with my arms, I pleaded with him. “Please don’t hit me anymore.”
“How dare you listen in on my phone calls! I’m leaving you. I never wanted to marry you in the first place. Get your stuff. I’m taking you to your moms!”
Why does he hate me? Why doesn’t he love me? What’s wrong with me?
Crying loudly, begging him to change his mind, I threw a few things into a bag as he pushed me out of the door with Jeremy in my arms.
Several people stood outside their apartment doors and cheered as we walked by.
“Good, you’re leaving. We’re so sick of your fighting. Hope you never come back.”
Nobody noticed the bruises on my face and nobody reached out to help me. I believed it was my fault. I should have just kept my mouth shut. I made him hit me.
Kenny dropped Jeremy and me off and left.
Noticing my black eye, Mom took Jeremy out of my arms and tried to console me. “Did he do this to you, honey?”
“Yeah, but it’s my own fault. I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.”
I told her about our fight and the recent events involving Nancy. “What am I going to do now? Kenny left me!”
My mom just recently divorced my step-dad and had begun attending Alcoholics Anonymous. She had some good advice for me. “It’s not your fault and you don’t deserve to be hit. You did nothing wrong. He is the one who is wrong. He should not be seeing other women. And you’re better off without him.”
I didn’t want to believe that.
The next day Mom made arrangements for Jeremy and me to stay with one of her new AA friends. “Take some time and think about your life. It would be better if Kenny does not know where you are.”
I was lonelier than ever and I missed hearing Kenny’s voice and his apologies. I felt so hopeless and alone. Still, I believed the reason he was jealous and possessive was because he loved me so much. I thought if I were a better
person he wouldn’t get angry and say mean things to me and hit me. If only I was as pretty as Nancy, maybe he wouldn’t want to be with her. I was convinced that my husband would love me more if I was thinner and had bigger breasts. I knew that’s what he preferred because he made sure to let me know. I thought if I weren’t a mother or if I went out drinking with him (although he never invited me) he would want me and only me. I loved my baby but he wasn’t enough to help me feel good about myself. I believed only Kenny could make me feel worthwhile. I was ready for him to come back to me. I just wanted to go back and resume my life with him even though I never knew what would set him off. Somehow it felt normal! After all, I had grown up hearing my dad verbally abuse my mother and had watched her boyfriend beat her up.
Kenny too, was going crazy. He called my mom every few hours for days at a time. “Inez, please tell me how I can get ahold of my wife. I’m sorry for how I treated her.”
After a few days, my mom gave in and told him how to get in touch with me.
He called me. “I’m so sorry, please come home. I promise it will never happen again.”
That’s all I needed to hear. My mom picked me up and dropped me off at our apartment. We clung to each other and swore things would be different this time.
And things were different for a couple of weeks. He came home right after work, we ate dinner as a family, sometimes we drove to Security and he actually took me riding around with him as he looked up old school buddies. Then one day he didn’t come home till midnight and I knew things with him hadn’t really changed. Thus, began the same old pattern, waiting hours for him to come home, hoping he’d walk in the door before the sun set. I’d put the cold food away, tuck the baby in for the night and cry myself to sleep. Sometimes he’d actually come home right after work and I’d sit on the bed while he’d shower and watch him slather on cologne. As he changed into fresh clothes, I’d timidly ask, “Are you leaving again?”
“Ya, I’m going out. Work was tough, the boss yelled at me all day.”
“Please don’t go, you said you changed.” I’d stand against the door, believing I could keep him from going out.
“Get out of my way. This place is filthy. What did you do all day while I was working? You have it made. You don’t have to go to work. I go out and work my butt off every day. I work hard and deserve to go out. Now move!”
As he’d raise his fist towards me, I’d duck, move out of the way and hope he’d change his mind at the last minute, but he never did. Just like before, I would run into the bedroom, throw myself on the bed and cry until my eyes hurt, hoping the baby wouldn’t wake up. Things hadn’t changed at all.
One night after dinner, when Kenny started a fight and went out yet again, I decided to try something different when he got home. I actually got the idea from my favorite soap opera. With the baby tucked in his crib, I put on some sexy new lingerie I had secretly bought a few days earlier, and waited for him to come home. He never took the key to the door of the lobby when he went out, instead he would throw a small rock at our bedroom window, and I would run down to the lobby and let him in. Fortunately, I didn’t have to go far, the entrance was right down the stairs from our apartment.
I felt like we were Romeo and Juliet, it seemed so romantic. That night I covered myself with my bathrobe, ran downstairs and opened the lobby door. Kissing him passionately, I took his hand and he followed me to the bedroom. I slipped off my bathrobe.
“What are you wearing? You look so sexy.” He threw me on the bed and we made love.
After a few weeks of this Kenny came home from work and gazed at me suspiciously. “My friends at work think you’re having an affair.”
Shocked, I said, “Why would they think that?”
“Well, every time I come home you have a good dinner on the table. You’re so nice, you have your makeup on, your hair curled and you don’t try to stop me when I go out.”
“I’m just trying to be a good wife. What am I doing wrong?”
“Then you wear your sexy little nightie and when I get home you always want to seduce me. What’s that about?”
“I can’t believe you are accusing me of having an affair because I want to make love. I’m just trying to make you happy and I want you to stay home. Why are you telling your friends about our private lives anyways?”
Our talk soon escalated into raised voices and cries as I hid my face in my hands, trying to guard myself against the slaps that I knew would come my way.
“My friends are probably right and you never had it so good. You had nothing until I came along. I gave you everything, without me you’d be nothing. You’d still be living in the poor house with your mom.”
After a few more shoves, he’d shower, changed his clothes and leave.
Sobbing, uncontrollably I allowed my dark thoughts to overtake me. I hate myself! I’m such a bad girl even God hates me. I deserve to be treated this way. I felt guilty and embarrassed for seducing my own husband. After that night, I never again reached for him first.
The next day Kenny came home early and threw his lunch pail across the room. “Well, I’ve been laid off. We need to move out. We’re moving back in with my parents. Pack up the apartment.”
And that was that! I did what I was told with no questions asked. We left and moved back into his tiny bedroom. Later that weekend we went back to clean our apartment and get the rest of our things. Once again, the neighbors stood at the stairway clapping as we carried our belongings out.
Somehow, I thought things would be better after we moved in with his folks. Within a few days he began working with his dad at a local warehouse loading and unloading furniture. Most nights the men wouldn’t come home for dinner, even though Evelyn, my mother-in-law, always had something hot and delicious waiting for them.
Although she was extremely nice to me it was hard to make conversation when all I wanted to do was feel sorry for myself. Just like before when Kenny did come home right after work, he’d, start a fight with me and go out.
Leaning against the bedroom door, I’d plead with him. “Please don’t leave me.”
“Move out of my way.” He’d shove me or hit me and walk out.
I felt to embarrassed to leave the safety of the bedroom. Holding my son in my arms, I’d sob piteously. For the first few weeks Evelyn left me alone, but then she began coming to the door to our room and tap lightly. “Debbie, will you be coming out for dinner?”
“No, not tonight,” I’d say through my tears.
“Would you like me to take Jeremy?”
“No, it’s okay! Thank you, though.”
“I will take him for you.”
“Okay, if you’re sure it’s no trouble.”
“No trouble at all. Can I leave you a tray of food at the door?”
“No, that’s okay. I’m not really hungry.”
Opening the door, she’d take Jeremy from me and then come back and leave a tray of food for me. I was always ravenous. She knew me better than I knew myself. We never talked about our routine I think we both knew it would happen night after night.
On the weekends when Kenny didn’t work he would spend hours cleaning his car. Sometimes afterward he’d take Jeremy and I with him as we drove around looking up his old high school friends.
We had been living with his folks for several months when we ran into some mutual acquaintances from school. Kenny and I made plans to go to Superstar with them. Evelyn agreed to baby-sit. I had just turned l9 and I was excited about finally going out with Kenny.
After a night of dancing and watching Kenny drink, it was time to leave. We all knew that Kenny had too much to drink, but he insisted on driving and none of us tried to stop him. As we drove around laughing and making jokes, Kenny decided it would be funny to drive on the wrong side of the road. Suddenly, a car came toward us; we jumped the curb and landed just fifteen feet away from someb
ody’s front door.
When he slammed into their light posts, near their front door, Kenny sobered up quickly. He jammed the gear into reverse and we drove around the corner, where he parked the car.
We all got out and noticed the driver’s side was dented, and the front tire was flat.
“Don’t tell anyone what happened,” Kenny demanded. “If anyone asks, say you were driving. I’ve already had too many traffic tickets and I don’t want to lose my license again.”
“But I never renewed my license when I turned eighteen, I’ll get in trouble and besides I can’t drive a stick shift.”
“Nobody knows that. Just say you were driving. Don’t argue with me. It’s agreed then. We all have to tell the same story. That is, if we get caught.”
I was only too happy to take the blame if we got caught. I wanted my husband to love me and this was one way to prove my love to him. Our friends quickly nodded their heads, we walked to his parent’s house, they quickly l left.
The next morning Kenny’s dad went outside. “Hey Kenny, where’s your car?”
“It’s parked around the corner. Last night I turned too sharply and accidentally ran into a high curb and got a flat tire. Come on I’ll take you there. We were able to drive the car most of the way home before the tire popped.”
Kenny drove with his dad and pointed to a curb near the high school. “See that’s where I slammed into the curb.” Then he and his dad drove to where the car was parked.
His father eyed him suspiciously. “What happened here? It’s all dented in. Looks more like you’ve been in an accident.”
After changing the tire, they drove the car home and parked it in the driveway. Kenny thought we were home free.
Later that evening a policeman knocked on the door.
“Kenny, what are we going to do? I’m scared,” I whispered to him.
“Just stick to the story.” He gave me a stern look
The policeman walked in and noticed Jeremy sitting in his high chair. He looked kindly at Kenny, then at me, then back towards the baby. Casually, he asked, “Is that your baby?”
Something About Those Eyes Page 15