The sound of a door opening and shutting had Ethan tilting his head to the side. Through hooded eyes he saw Beau, his arms crossed over his chest, his back ramrod straight as he stood some fifty feet away watching him. Like the last time, Ethan didn’t look away, but he did grasp Blake’s hair tighter.
He couldn’t... Fuck. He couldn’t do this again. It wasn’t like the last time when Beau had inadvertently stumbled upon them. Something in his chest hitched, an odd fluttering sensation that took him completely by surprise. His reaction to Beau wasn’t normal.
He didn’t want him. Didn’t need him. And maybe if he repeated it enough, it would be true.
But no matter how much he fought his reaction to Beau, Ethan didn’t want Beau to watch this. He didn’t want to hurt Beau, even if he needed to keep him at a distance. But he needed Beau to understand.
Ethan needed to remember there was a line drawn in the proverbial sand, one he wasn’t willing to negotiate with Beau.
Blake’s enthusiasm increased, the way he sucked Ethan’s dick fervently into his mouth, drawing him deeper and deeper made his skin tingle.
With his eyes still locked with Beau’s, Ethan noticed the embanked fury etched on his attractive face, even from across the room. When his expression turned to one of disdain, Ethan suddenly felt like a royal fuck up.
All it would take was one word and he could have Beau. He knew he could. He could have Beau in a million different ways. But Ethan knew tomorrow would be the same as today, and although Ethan had committed to living in the illusion he had built around himself, a man like Beau would never survive like that. He was the kind of guy who shouldn’t be hidden from the world. He should be treasured, loved… something Ethan wasn’t capable of.
Not anymore anyway.
Ethan forced his gaze from Beau and looked down at Blake for the first time since Beau walked in the room. To his horror, Blake was also looking over at Beau, a grin tilting the very corners of his lips while he continued to swallow Ethan’s cock.
Ethan growled, an overwhelming possessiveness gripping him by the balls. Latching onto Blake’s hair rigidly, Ethan ground out the only word that formed in his mind. “Stop!”
Pulling away from Blake, Ethan fumbled to shove his dick back into his jeans, his hands trembling as he did, his lungs burning from the effort to suck in air.
He did not want Blake even looking at Beau.
Mine.
Fuck. Shit. Damn.
No, dammit, he wasn’t. Beau was not his.
Never would be.
Ethan swallowed hard, then turned to look at Beau. Before he knew what he was doing, he was storming across the room toward him, his hands balled into fists at his sides.
“This doesn’t change a fucking thing,” Ethan bit out through clenched teeth.
Beau stared back at him, his original derisive expression morphing into what appeared to be determination. And that only pissed Ethan off more. He didn’t want Beau reading something into this when it meant nothing.
For a moment, he thought Beau was going to touch him, to pull him close and, in a bout of lunacy, Ethan could envision falling into Beau’s arms, grabbing onto him for all he was worth. That’s when Ethan realized he was losing his mind. He wanted Beau to touch him. To pull him up against his hard body, to kiss him the way he had on Christmas, his touch so tender, so warm that Ethan had temporarily forgotten how to breathe.
Before he could reprimand himself for even considering something that was an absolute impossibility, Beau spoke. “It changes everything, E. Everything.”
Sonuvabitch.
Damn it all to fucking hell. Ethan knew right then and there that Beau was right. Things had changed. He’d never been possessive of anyone, never wanted to protect someone else, but seeing Blake goading Beau had awakened something primitive within him.
Something he didn’t even know how to handle.
Turning, Ethan headed toward the door, wanting to forget about Blake and Beau, but before he could reach the security that came from getting as far away from Beau as possible, he stopped in his tracks.
With a backward glance, Ethan took a deep breath and then told the biggest lie of his adult life. “Nothing’s changed, Beau. I don’t want this,” he paused, swallowed. “And I don’t want you.”
Chapter One
♂♂
February
“Son of a –” Ethan bit off the last word, the sound of his wrench hitting the corrugated metal wall satisfying what was left of his curse.
“Whoa,” Zane’s voice echoed through the large, open space and Ethan turned to face his younger brother. “Someone piss in your Wheaties this morning?”
“Fuck off,” Ethan growled, keeping his voice low enough for Zane not to hear him, but it gave him the satisfaction of saying the words.
“I heard that,” Zane said with a grin. “You got any coffee in this place?”
“You don’t drink coffee,” Ethan retorted as he went to pick up the wrench he’d launched across the room.
“No, but you could use a cup,” Zane declared. “Or ten.”
Zane muttered the last two words, but Ethan heard them loud and clear. He clamped his jaw shut to keep from saying anything. His mood was bad enough, he didn’t need to let Zane get to him right now. And truth be told, he really could use some coffee.
And maybe a personality transplant.
“Where’s Blake?” Zane asked as Ethan followed him into the small office that Ethan occupied from time to time. Zane previously used the office as well when he had worked for Walker Demolition. Since he had moved on to run one of the clubs at Alluring Indulgence Resort, Ethan was the only one who spent any time in there and even that was limited.
“He quit this morning.” One of the main reasons Ethan had resorted to throwing tools so early in the day.
“What the fuck, man?”
Ethan looked up at Zane, pausing in his pursuit of coffee. As he slid the pot out from the coffee maker, he rolled his eyes. “Sorry, didn’t realize you needed a translator.”
“Shut it. Why’d he quit?” Zane asked, dropping into the chair and leaning far enough back that it looked like he would tip over backward at any second. Maybe he would and then Ethan could laugh for the first time that day.
“He’s moving on,” Ethan answered, trying to be politically correct. He’d rather say “Because he’s an asshole” but that would sound personal.
“What are you going to do now?”
Ethan finished pouring his coffee and carried it over to the desk cluttered with papers and parts. Lowering himself into his chair, he lifted his ball cap and scratched his head before dropping it back in place. “I’m gonna work. What the hell did you think I was going to do?”
“You know what I mean. You can lay off being a dick. I’m not here to give you a hard time.”
“Why the hell are you here then?” It wasn’t like any of his brothers stopped by just to shoot the shit. Granted, Ethan saw them several times a week, but that was usually at his parents’ house or at Moonshiners.
“Oh, yeah, that.” Zane smirked. “Zoey’s in labor.”
“What the hell!” Ethan bolted up out of his chair, knocking over his coffee cup in the process. “Son of a fucking bitch.”
“Chill, bro. You need to calm the fuck down, you know that?”
Ethan was too busy grabbing napkins and throwing them at the spill to respond. Probably a good thing for Zane too because Ethan wasn’t in the mood to put up with his cocky ass attitude. It was only eight thirty in the morning and he’d been working for three hours already. He was tired and yes, he was in a foul fucking mood.
Once he mopped up the mess, he grabbed his keys and his wallet from the desk drawer, took his Stetson off the hat rack on the wall and tossed his ball cap on the desk. “What the hell are you waiting for? Are they at the hospital?”
“Yup,” Zane grinned as he got to his feet slowly, obviously testing Ethan’s patience.
“You coming?�
� Ethan asked, not bothering to look back at his younger brother. If he weren’t so damn tired, he’d put Zane in a headlock and take him to the ground like he’d done more times than he could count when they were kids. They were pretty well matched in height and weight now, but Ethan was confident he could do it. The idea put a smile on his face for the first time that day.
“Meet you there,” Zane hollered over his shoulder as he raced to his Jeep. “Don’t worry, we’ll be there when your slow ass gets there.”
Ethan would’ve responded with a “fuck off” but Zane was jumping in his Jeep and peeling out of the gravel lot before he had the chance.
As soon as he was behind the wheel, Ethan grabbed his cell phone and hit Zane’s number. When his brother picked up, he said, “What hospital are they at, jackass?”
He was answered by a rumbling chuckle. “St. David’s in Round Rock. Need me to wait for you?”
“I’ll see you there,” he snarled and hung up the phone. And yes, Ethan had to give Zane credit, he did have another smile on his face. Brief, but visible.
Twenty minutes later, Ethan’s mood had darkened once again. That’s what happened when he was left with too much time to think.
With a forced smile on his face, he strolled into the Labor and Delivery waiting room, searching for a family member. Any family member. He spotted Travis, Gage and Kylie first. They were sitting on a couch on the far side of the room against a wall of windows, looking like the loving, attentive threesome that Ethan knew them to be. Odd how they appeared to be cast with halo’s from the sun shining in behind them.
You’re losing it, Walker.
Trying to ignore the irritating voice in his head, Ethan headed in their direction. As he made his way over, he caught a glimpse of Zane standing in a corner beside V, who was sitting in a chair talking to Beau Bennett.
After a quick head nod as acknowledgement, he made a point not to look their way again. With the smirk on Zane’s face, Ethan knew his little brother was still trying to piss him off. That’s what Zane did. It irritated the shit out of him. Still, every time Ethan thought about the pain in the ass he knew his brother aimed to be, Ethan was still glad to have Zane back to his old ornery self. After the attack that Zane endured a year ago, Ethan had promised himself – and God – that he would be as tolerant as possible as long as Zane would pull through.
“Hey,” Ethan greeted Travis quietly as he approached. “How is she?”
“All is good,” Kylie assured him with a grin. “A nurse came out a few minutes ago. She said it shouldn’t be long.”
“Where’s Mom and Dad?” Ethan asked Kylie since she seemed to be the only one in a chatty mood.
This time Travis was the one to answer with a swift tilt of his chin toward the other side of the room. Looking back over his shoulder, Ethan saw his parents sitting side by side in an alcove, his father’s arm around his mother’s slender shoulders. They were huddled close together laughing as they flipped through what appeared to be a photo album. Probably Kaleb’s if he had to guess.
Ethan scanned the room looking for the twins and Sawyer, but he didn’t see any of them. As he was turning back to face Travis, he couldn’t resist the urge to look at Beau. They made eye contact, and there was that damned rush of adrenaline that lit Ethan up from the inside.
He tried not to notice how imposing Beau looked, just sitting innocently in a chair talking to V, muscles relaxed. Or how good he looked with that black Stetson tipped low on his head, blond hair peeking out from behind his ears, angular jaw and slightly crooked nose making his face as beautiful as it was rugged.
Promptly turning away, he ordered his brain to focus on the reason he was here. It damn sure wasn’t to ogle Beau. Ever since New Year’s Eve at the resort, he had managed to successfully put distance between them, seeing Beau only when absolutely unavoidable. And after all that hard work to stay away, he would definitely not be going there again.
He was there for more important things. Like the new baby that Zoey and Kaleb were about to have.
Holy fuck, he was going to be an uncle.
Oddly, the idea of becoming an uncle was the equivalent of being told he’d just been elected president. He felt bigger all of a sudden, like he could take on the world, and he had no idea why.
Ethan knew his brother Kaleb was excited as well, if not a little overprotective. Ok, so Kaleb was a lot overprotective, but still, Ethan somehow felt like he understood him.
A baby. The most precious gift they could’ve been given.
There was no way to rationalize what he was feeling or even why, but Ethan was anxious to become an uncle. Maybe because he knew he would never have children of his own, and at twenty-eight, he had actually come to accept that fate. After all, he had to commit to a relationship before he would commit to a family. Since that wasn’t about to happen, Ethan would settle for spoiling some nieces and nephews if his brothers were willing.
It was just too bad he would never be able to find what some of his brothers seemed to be finding these days. It wasn’t that it wasn’t possible, Ethan just didn’t see it happening anytime soon or in the future. As tempting as the idea had become in recent months, he knew it was just out of his grasp. The reward not quite worth the risk.
Speaking of risk…
His mind drifted to the argument he’d had with Blake earlier that morning. As soon as Blake showed up at the shop – late, of course – Ethan had been irritated with him. Specifically, the ill-timed ultimatum that Blake had offered him. As it would seem, Blake wasn’t in agreement with Ethan’s way of thinking. At all.
Yes, Ethan was gay. Blake hadn’t been telling him anything he didn’t already know when he felt the need to rant at Ethan first thing in the morning. He accepted who he was. Had accepted it since he was young and confused, knowing full well he was different from his brothers, but not able to control his feelings.
Had it not been for the small town that he lived in, and the hell he’d already lived through, Ethan might’ve actually been able to live his life openly as a proud gay man. But in the rural town of Coyote Ridge, he didn’t have that luxury. Hell, he had never even come out and told his parents, although he knew they weren’t oblivious to what was going on around them. Ethan didn’t doubt for a second that they would support him whole-heartedly if he ever had the desire to open up to them, but he wasn’t willing to put them through it.
Living in a small town, his parents were a vital part of the community, and he had already experienced hell on Earth, the least of which were the hateful, bigoted comments he endured on nearly a weekly basis. As long as he had a say in the matter, he was not putting his family through it too.
People weren’t as open minded as they claimed to be. Fortunately, – or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it – he’d learned his lesson early on. Knew exactly the sort of mistakes he wouldn’t make again. And, dumbass that he was, he had thought Blake understood that. Had actually believed they were on the same page.
Wrong.
Shit, they weren’t even in the same book.
“Walker family?” A sweet, yet authoritative voice called from behind him and there was a rustle of activity as most of the occupants in the waiting area all shuffled toward the nurse standing in the doorway with a huge smile on her face.
“The doctor is still in with baby and mom, but dad asked me to come out and tell you that everything is fine.”
His mother’s sob of joy had everyone turning to look at her. Instinct kicked in, and Ethan immediately moved to her side, putting his arm around her at the same time his dad did.
“When can we go in and see them?” Curtis asked gruffly, his booming voice the equivalent of yelling in a canyon, which meant everyone probably heard him for miles.
“Just as soon as we get them all settled. But, I suggest you go down to the nursery first. In a few minutes, we’ll take the baby in and get him all cleaned up.”
Him.
They had been told the baby was
a boy, but hearing the nurse confirm sent a rush of excitement through Ethan. He had a nephew.
Another delighted sob-slash-chuckle from his mother and the group laughed, turning to congratulate each other as though they actually had something to do with the blessed event. Ethan grinned like a fool. He couldn’t help himself. Hearing that the baby was doing well, and they wouldn’t have to wait much longer to finally meet him, he felt something loosen inside of him. Don’t ask him why he’d been anxious lately, but he had.
He joined the chaotic excitement, returning the brotherly embrace from Zane, then Travis and Gage. But when Ethan came face to face with Beau, he froze. Turning, Ethan hugged Kylie and then moved out of the group as fast as his legs would carry him.
“What’d I miss?” Sawyer’s voice thundered from behind them as the group dispersed.
“Where are the twins?” Ethan asked. They should’ve been there for this.
“On the way. Brendon had to stop and get something,” Sawyer explained, a suspicious smirk on his face.
As though that was the cue, Ethan’s attention was snagged by a bushel of color coming in through the door to the waiting room. What the hell was that?
A round of laughter erupted as they all realized Braydon was coming through the door, hidden behind a wall of balloons as he tried to squeeze in through the doorway. More balloons than Ethan had ever seen in one place. Bright jewel tones – red and green and blue and yellow – hovered above Braydon’s head like a cloud.
“What the fu–” Travis muttered, the curse word cut off when Kylie placed her hand over his mouth.
“There is no way you’re gonna get all of those balloons in that little room,” Kylie informed them with a beaming smile as the twins made their way toward the middle of the waiting area where everyone was now milling about.
Braydon looked up at his collection, then back to Kylie, a grin forming. “No problem.”
Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) Page 2