Remembering Beau was behind him, he turned, nodding his head toward a hallway on the far side of the living room. “And there’s a bathroom and one guest room down that hall.”
He couldn’t bring himself to mention that his bedroom was upstairs. If he was lucky, he’d give Beau the hands on tour of that room soon enough.
Once in the kitchen, Ethan rummaged through the refrigerator, looking for something to make. He’d gone to the store a couple of days ago, so there were plenty of options. He just wasn’t sure what to prepare for Beau. Ethan was tempted to cook for him, but then again, it would require more time and patience than he felt they had at the moment.
“Any requests?” he asked, glancing over the top of the refrigerator door at Beau who was leaning against the wall in the doorway, watching him. His sexy arms were again crossed over his bulky chest.
Ethan’s mouth watered and suddenly he was starving… but not for anything he would find in the refrigerator.
♂♂
Beau tried to appear casual.
He was pretty sure he failed.
Leaning against the wall, he watched Ethan move through the immaculately designed kitchen. He wondered if the guy knew how intensely sexy he was. Even more so when he was comfortable in his own surroundings. He doubted Ethan even tried, but the powerful way he moved could almost be considered erotic. He lacked the grace that some men had, but he exerted an underlying self-assurance that was a total turn on.
Damn.
“I’m not picky,” Beau answered Ethan’s question. “At least not when it comes to food.”
When Ethan’s eyebrow lifted in that smooth, confident way, Beau smiled. Yes, he was certainly picky about the partners he chose to be with. In fact, Ethan was the first man that Beau found himself openly attracted to. Well, aside from Zane, but even Beau could admit that was different.
Very different.
His attraction to Zane had been laced with confusion, uncertainty. Almost like an experiment. A way to confirm that he wasn’t whom he had been pretending to be. With Ethan, he knew exactly what he wanted, and he wanted so much more than mere minutes rolling in the sheets. This was what he wanted, the easy conversation, the interaction that made his heart burst with excitement.
Beau cared for Zane. They were friends. But that’s all they were. Zane was a man that Beau could rely on when times were tough or when he needed someone to talk to. A man who would have his back when things got tough and high five him when there was something to celebrate.
However, when it came to Ethan…
With Ethan, Beau felt entirely different.
Sure, there was an attraction. Intense and exquisite. Confusing in its own right, but not in the same way. Beau knew what he wanted with Ethan. He’d known it for a while. And the opportunity to get to know him better was right here in front of him. Beau only hoped he didn’t blow it.
“Sandwich?” Ethan asked.
Beau nodded. “Sounds perfect.” And quick, something Beau was certainly in the mood for. “What can I do to help?” he asked as he pushed off the wall and took two steps across the kitchen until he was practically pressing against the breakfast bar facing Ethan.
Ethan nodded toward a door as he said, “Grab the bread out of there.”
Beau didn’t hesitate before he was opening the oversized pantry, instantly taking stock of the food selection. Everything was organized neatly on each shelf, and there was more food in Ethan’s pantry than Beau had bought in probably three months. There were boxes and jars and cans, all of which were lined up in what appeared to be some sort of order that must’ve made sense to Ethan.
As he reached for the bread, – having to choose between white and wheat – he skimmed the cans. Mostly vegetables, beans, and even a couple of cans of ravioli. It was odd how personal it felt to be perusing Ethan’s food supply. He liked the feeling, strangely enough.
“Do you like to cook?” he asked Ethan, pulling the loaf of bread out of the small box it was kept in.
Ethan looked up at him, pausing as he sliced a fresh tomato on a cutting board. “Yeah.”
Beau noticed the uncertainty on Ethan’s face, as though admitting that he enjoyed cooking was a part of himself he didn’t like to reveal.
“Well, we’ll get along nicely, then,” Beau said easily, setting the wheat bread down in front of Ethan before turning to the built-in refrigerator that took up the majority of one wall.
“Why’s that?” Ethan asked.
“Because I like to eat.”
Ethan laughed, the sound rusty but soothing at the same time.
Beau searched the refrigerator for longer than he probably should have. It was stocked just as well, if not more so, than the pantry. Tons of fresh food, including vegetables and fruit, more meat and cheese. A gallon of milk, a six pack of Heineken – Ethan’s beer of choice. Several jars of applesauce. And an enormous jug of chocolate syrup.
Pretending that he wasn’t checking out what type of food Ethan opted for, Beau grabbed a jar of mayo and a bottle of spicy mustard. When he turned back, he noticed Ethan watching him, a subtle grin on his delectable lips.
“Sorry,” Beau said shyly as he took the items and set them alongside the abundance of fresh meat and cheese that were decorating the counter beside Ethan.
Opting not to retreat, which was something he would’ve done in the past, Beau decided he was going to embrace this moment. He still wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point, but he wasn’t about to ruin it. Being here, doing something as mundane as making sandwiches, Beau felt closer to Ethan than when they’d been making out at the shop just a short while ago.
His entire body heated rapidly as he remembered that kiss. It was amazing. Even better than last night or the first kiss they shared on Christmas Day, and for the longest time, Beau wasn’t sure anything would ever compare to that.
“Can you grab a couple of plates out of the cabinet?”
Beau headed over to the cabinet that Ethan nodded toward and grabbed two plates before returning to his side.
“One or two?” Ethan asked, sliding slices of bread out of the plastic wrapper.
“Three,” Beau said with a smile. He didn’t eat often, but when he did, he ate a lot. At six-foot-six, two hundred forty pounds, Beau wasn’t a little guy. Considering he spent at least eight hours a week in the gym, another forty on his feet at work, he couldn’t skimp on food if he had a say in the matter.
Ethan handed him six slices of bread and Beau laid them out on a plate while Ethan did the same with four pieces. For the next few minutes, they built fat sandwiches, their arms, shoulders, and hands grazing one another every so often, sending shards of awareness coursing through him.
“Was it me? Or was that the most immensely satisfying sandwich making of your life?” Ethan muttered as he grabbed his plate and headed toward the dining table, causing Beau to laugh as he followed.
“Not gonna argue,” Beau agreed with an amused smirk, “immensely satisfying.”
The two of them sat across from one another while they ate. Beau expected it to be awkward, but surprisingly enough, as soon as they were seated, Ethan opted for conversation. Maybe not a topic Beau was happy about, but at least he chose to fill the silence.
“That comment Ricky made yesterday,” Ethan began, glancing up at Beau. “Has he ever said something like that around you before?”
Instead of answering immediately, Beau admired the view off of the back of the house, the crystal blue waters of the infinity pool that were probably cold enough to send his balls into hibernation for a year. The trees that encircled the backside of the house, even when they were dismal from the cold winter temperatures, offered the same sort of privacy that Zane’s house had.
Finally, letting his gaze settle on Ethan once more, Beau opted to answer. “No.”
He didn’t even want to think about what Ricky had said. More importantly, he didn’t want to think about the fact that he had left Ricky with his legs still intact. He s
hould’ve pulverized the bastard right then and there. As he ate, he studied Ethan momentarily and then followed up with a question of his own. “Has he said that to you before?”
“To me? No. Around me? Yes.” Ethan wasn’t paying attention to much more than the sandwich that was left on his plate. “I’ve heard it numerous times. Mostly when we’re at Moonshiners. The guy doesn’t possess enough balls to say it to my face.”
Beau’s hand instinctively clenched into a fist. He had to put his sandwich down, or he risked squeezing it into a mushy mess. “He’s a bastard,” Beau retorted.
“There’re a lot of those in this town,” Ethan confirmed. “You’ll do yourself a favor if you learn to ignore them. Or better yet, just keep your personal business to yourself.”
Beau wasn’t sure he could do that. For one, he didn’t want to hide who he was. He was at a point in his life when he knew what he wanted. And two, he knew there would be those who would never accept him, but Beau had spent his life around people who did accept him – why would he want to hide from them now?
“Is that why you’re hiding?” he asked, the words blowing out of his mouth like a volcanic eruption that he was unable to stop.
The glare he received from Ethan told him he should’ve kept his mouth shut. Only now the words were out, and he really wanted to know.
“I’m not hiding,” Ethan said, although he didn’t sound convincing.
“No?”
“No. It’s just nobody’s fucking business.”
Beau was tempted to argue, but he knew it was pointless. Not to mention, he wasn’t interested in pissing Ethan off. However, it did seem like that was fairly easy to do. Getting into a pissing match with the man he wanted to spend more time with wasn’t going to benefit either of them, so Beau simply nodded his head, letting the subject drop.
“So, Dillinger’s let you go because they’re slow?” Ethan asked when the silence consumed them long minutes later.
At least the subject had changed, and Ethan didn’t sound like he was ready to strangle him.
“That’s what Ralph says. Now I’m starting to wonder.”
Beau remembered Ricky’s statement from yesterday:
Told you he was a queer, Ralph.
At the time, Beau got the impression Ricky had been talking about him, not Ethan.
“Wonder about what?” Ethan looked up. “It’s not like they know you’re gay.”
Beau picked his sandwich up, then put it back down. Part of him agreed with Ethan because he wasn’t sure how anyone would know. Well, no one other than Zane and V. And now Ethan. And maybe Blake. “How do you figure that?”
“Never mind.”
“No. Answer me.”
Ethan peered up at him, his eyes wide as though he couldn’t believe Beau had the nerve to talk to him that way.
Well, the man would have to learn soon enough… Beau wasn’t the submissive type. And he hoped he was going to get to prove to Ethan just how un-submissive he really was.
Chapter Fourteen
♂♂
Whether it was because of the conversation or because of his nerves from sitting this close to Beau, but Ethan’s appetite had diminished rapidly. Pushing his plate and the last untouched sandwich sitting on it away, he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.
Beau had insisted that he follow up on his statement. Part of him wished he hadn’t said a word. The other part wanted to get this out in the open. And he’d be the first to admit that Beau’s snide remark had rubbed him the wrong way, putting him on the defensive.
“Fine. So, tell me this… how is it that you spent the majority of your life not knowing you were gay?”
Ok, so that definitely didn’t come out sounding the way he had hoped. Obviously, by the frown on Beau’s face, he had taken it exactly how it sounded.
“Sorry,” Ethan began, but Beau instantly cut him off.
“No, don’t apologize,” Beau said with a hint of frustration in his voice. “I’m curious how all of a sudden you think you know me.”
Ethan stared intently at Beau, unsure what to say next. He’d already inserted his size fourteen boot right into his mouth, and he didn’t trust himself not to do it again. And Beau was right. Technically, Ethan didn’t know him. However, he did know Beau’s history.
“I’ve heard my fair share of stories about you and my brother.”
The shocked look on Beau’s face had Ethan wondering whether…
“Oh. My. Fucking. God,” Ethan exclaimed as he shoved back from the table in a rapid attempt to get to his feet. Catching himself before he nearly stumbled to the floor, Ethan began backing up as though Beau was actually coming at him. “You fucked my brother.”
In true Beau fashion, he didn’t budge from his chair, but he pushed his plate away. “I haven’t fucked your brother.”
Ethan didn’t believe him for one second. “No?”
Beau twisted sideways in his chair to face Ethan more fully. “No, I have not fucked your brother.”
Ethan watched him, noticing the way his eyes shifted away from his face briefly. Beau might not be lying, but he was hiding something. For the life of him, Ethan didn’t know what that could possibly be… then it dawned on him. “But he fucked you.”
Beau didn’t say a word and the idea of Beau and Zane together suddenly made Ethan nauseous. Grabbing his plate off of the table, Ethan hurried out of the room. Tossing the uneaten sandwich in the trash, he headed to the sink, his stomach suddenly churning. Turning on the water, he rinsed the plate and stared blankly into the stainless steel bowl, his hands shaking.
He was fucking shaking.
Why?
Why the hell did he care who Beau had been with in the past? It wasn’t like they had anything serious going here.
“It didn’t happen the way you think it did,” Beau said softly, his voice sounding much too close.
Before Ethan could escape, he found himself pressed between the counter’s edge and Beau’s hulking body. His breath hitched in his chest, and he gripped the edge of the counter until his knuckles turned white.
“It doesn’t matter how it happened,” Ethan stated firmly, his voice hard and cold but lacking the conviction he knew it should have.
“It does matter.” Beau set his plate on the counter and then took Ethan by the shoulders, turning him to face him.
Ethan forced his eyes closed, unable to look at Beau. Here he was, contemplating sleeping with this guy. The same guy who’d been with his very non-gay brother. He couldn’t even process how it might’ve happened and the more he thought about it, the worse he felt.
“Look at me, E.”
Ethan shook his head, unable to force his eyes open.
When Beau’s hands came up to cup his neck, his thumbs brushing along his jaw, he was tempted to cave. To give in to this man’s touch. God, how long had he wanted Beau? And now he had that opportunity, but he couldn’t even bring himself to look at him.
“Open your eyes,” Beau whispered, his voice sounding tortured.
Ethan opened his eyes, peering directly into Beau’s beautiful brown gaze.
“I swear to you,” Beau said, his voice soft and deep, “it isn’t what you think.” Beau paused, his thumbs continuing to brush along the underside of Ethan’s jaw. “You’re right. I’ve spent the majority of my life not knowing who I was. I always managed to pretend I was interested in women. And you might find this hard to believe, but I’ve never had sex with a woman one-on-one. It’s always been…”
Ethan searched Beau’s face, listening as his sentence trailed off. It didn’t take long before he could fill in the blank. “Only when Zane was there.”
Beau nodded, but he didn’t move away. Ethan could see the pain etched across his brow, in the gentle creases at the corners of his eyes. Studying him, Ethan let himself get lost in the warmth of Beau’s hands on his face.
“You love him?” Ethan asked, unsure he wanted to know the answer to that question.
For some strange reason, Ethan believed him. At least Beau hadn’t tried to deny he had feelings for Zane. He wouldn’t have believed him if he did because Zane and Beau had been friends for most of their lives.
“I was confused, and I was definitely fooling myself. Being with Zane helped me to realize a vital piece of information about myself.”
Ethan kept his mouth closed, wanting Beau to open up to him, but not necessarily wanting to hear the details.
“Zane fulfilled a physical need. One that seemed important at the time. But he didn’t satisfy the emotional one.”
“And you think I will?” Ethan asked defensively.
He didn’t want Beau to make this more than it was. It was one thing to give in to the attraction, to finally succumb to the chronic ache that drove him batshit crazy whenever he thought about Beau. But it was entirely different for Beau to want more from him.
Ethan wasn’t capable of giving more.
“I didn’t say that,” Beau answered smoothly, the briefest of smirks on his lips. “But I will say that this is different. What I feel for you is… different.”
“If you’re looking for something more, I –”
“Don’t say it,” Beau stated steadily, his thumb resting against Ethan’s lips, effectively shutting him up. “Do me a favor, will you?”
Ethan found himself nodding.
“Don’t overthink this just yet. We’ve come this far. Let’s just see where it goes.”
Ethan wasn’t sure why, but he was giving in to Beau’s request. He was right. There was no reason to overthink this. No need to make it more complicated than it was. After all, Ethan had spent years immersing himself in meaningless, casual sex. Ever since Gavin. So, there was certainly no reason why he couldn’t do the same with Beau.
And as much as he wanted to live by that mantra, why was it that Ethan already realized that it wouldn’t be nearly that easy?
♂♂
Ethan (Alluring Indulgence) Page 12