by A. Zavarelli
Make me see what?
He reaches over and grabs me, dragging me onto his lap, notebook, and all. His eyes are as vulnerable as I’ve ever seen them, and his voice is uncharacteristically gravelly when he speaks.
“I’m sorry, baby.” He squeezes me so tight I can hardly breathe, his body shaking against mine. “I know I failed you. When I said I didn’t want this, it wasn’t true. I was a coward. I wanted it more than anything, but I didn’t trust myself not to let you down.”
Do you mean the way your father let you down? I ask.
Alessio looks at me with hollow eyes. “How did you know?”
Gwen, I admit. She told me about your family. I wanted to bring it up before, but I didn’t think you’d be receptive to it.
He sits quietly with his thoughts as he strokes my arm. I’m not sure if he’ll respond. Opening up is difficult for him, and I want him to, but I know I can’t force it either.
“I never wanted a relationship,” he confesses. “Experience taught me that happiness was an illusion. Then you came along, making me feel things I didn’t want to feel. I resented you for it, and I pushed you away because you fucking terrified me. I thought it was the right thing to do until you left, and I had a glimpse of what life would be like without you and Nino. That’s not a life I want, so even if I only get to keep you for a year, ten years, or however long fate decides, I want that. I’ll do what’s necessary to make it happen. You can be angry with me for as long as you feel like it, and I’ll take it. I deserve that, but I’m not letting you go.”
I stare at him, unmoving. I can’t seem to find the words I need to respond. Two hours ago, I thought he was going to kill me. Now he’s holding me like I’m the most precious thing in the world, and it’s like something has switched on inside of him for the first time. It’s everything I wanted, but it’s happening so fast it still doesn’t feel real. I don’t know how to trust that he won’t turn cold on me again.
“Natalia?” Concern creeps into his voice, and his grip on me tightens as if I might try to flee.
My vision blurs with tears, and I’m so sick of crying, but this time they are happy tears. Tears of relief.
Are we going to do this for real this time? I ask. No more bullshit?
“No more bullshit.” His lip twitches and then curves into a smile.
You can’t shut me out again, Alessio. I mean it. I won’t accept that anymore.
“I know,” he says. “It’s going to take time, but I’ll prove it to you. I swear it.”
I reach up to touch his face, but he intercepts my hand and brings it to his lips, kissing my ring.
“You’re still wearing it.”
I smile, even as I’m quietly crying in his lap. My eyes move to his ring, and I nod, a silent acknowledgment that he is too.
He leans closer, his lips brushing against mine. “Marry me.”
I thread our fingers together to show him that we’re still married. That hasn’t changed.
“Marry me again,” he says. “Because you want to.”
He pulls his hand free of mine, his brows pinching together in concentration. I’m not sure what he’s doing until he touches his forehead and then starts to sign, slowly and awkwardly.
Because I love you.
I laugh and cry at the same time, nodding as he offers me a boyish grin.
“I’ve been learning, but I’m still slow. I think I’ll need your help.”
I tell him that he definitely does, and then I reach for his face, pulling him toward me. Our lips collide, and everything else melts away. We kiss ourselves into a frenzy, and it’s only a matter of seconds before we’re tearing at each other’s clothes. He relocates us to the bed and gets me naked in record time, but I only manage to get his shirt off and his pants unzipped before he’s in me. I suspect it’s going to be a repeat of our earlier session, where we both come hard and fast, but Alessio sets a different pace this time. Now that he’s inside of me, he doesn’t seem to be in any hurry. He thrusts in and out of me leisurely while his hands roam over my body. It’s unexpected, and I realize that he’s not fucking me. He’s making love to me.
“My beautiful wife,” he whispers against my lips. “I’ll never get tired of this. You’re the only one, Natalia. My first and my last. I want you in my bed every night from now on.”
His admission stirs something feral and possessive in me. I suspected it, but his confirmation makes me feel drunk with happiness. I love that he’s only mine. I want him to only ever be mine, and I sign the words to him, which he repeats back to me. I know he means them. There’s no doubt in my mind when I look into his eyes. Loyalty is everything to him.
I squeeze my body around him, and we kiss until our lips are swollen and we come together. When he collapses beside me, he takes my hand in his, our gazes still connected.
“We’re having a baby.”
I nod, warmed by the expression on his face. I can tell he’s a little nervous but proud.
“I like this.” His palm cradles the bump with reverence. “I’m going to put a lot of babies in you.”
I laugh silently, and his lips tilt up in amusement.
He leans in and kisses my neck. “We’re a family. You’re my wife and the mother of my children, and nothing else will ever come before that. I promise you.”
I edge myself closer, and he rolls onto his back, giving me the crook of his arm. My head finds sanctuary against his chest, his heartbeat lulling me into a comfortable, happy place. I could fall asleep right here, but there’s something I need to do first.
I spell out Nino’s name with my hands, and Alessio knows exactly what I’m asking. He really has been learning.
“He’ll be here this afternoon.” His voice vibrates against my cheek when he answers. “Manuel is driving him so we could have this time to talk. He’s sending me hourly updates.”
I nod, grateful that we have some time. I know Nino is safe with Manuel, and there’s one thing I have to ask before I can move forward. For me.
I’d like to see the video of Enzo’s death.
37
Natalia
I’m nestled between Alessio’s legs, the warmth of his body pressing against my back. His arms are wrapped around my waist, and his tension is palpable as I set the phone aside. The video has ended, but I think I’ll be processing what I just saw for months to come.
“Are you okay?” He brushes the hair away from my face, studying me.
I turn to look at him, and I don’t hesitate to nod. I love him. I love him so much, not only for who he is but for what he did. Maybe it’s sick. Some might say it’s unhealthy to be satisfied by such a grisly revenge, but I have no sympathy for Enzo, and I think what Alessio gave me is priceless. I know now, with certainty, that Enzo will never hurt me or anyone else again. He paid for his crimes, and he did so gruesomely. He got what he deserved.
I reach for the notepad, but Alessio hands me his phone and opens the notes app instead. I relax my body into his and write a note.
Thank you. I’m sure it must have been difficult to lose a friend, but you did the right thing.
“It wasn’t difficult to lose someone I never really knew,” he answers. “I’ll do the same thing to anyone who hurts you.”
I understand, I write. I would do the same for you.
His lips curve into a smile that I will never tire of seeing. “I don’t know whether to be terrified or flattered now that I’ve seen what you are capable of.”
I made a promise to myself after Enzo that nobody would ever do that to me again, I explain. I’m okay with having blood on my hands if it means protecting my family and myself.
He considers it for a long, quiet moment.
“I thought it might bother you to see me that way,” he admits. “I didn’t know how you would feel about it.”
I shake my head, typing adamantly. I know what you do, but I didn’t come into this relationship with blinders on. I accept you for who you are. I just don’t want that dark
ness spilling over into our lives. I need to know you’re safe, that our children are safe.
“Well, you shouldn’t worry,” he assures me. “I’ve decided to reserve those skills for as-needed cases only from here on out.”
So that means you’re retiring?
“Not retiring, exactly. I will be changing careers. I’m tired of the gore. I think I’ve had enough for one lifetime.”
This news relieves me more than he could ever know. I will love Alessio no matter what, but that isn’t the life I want for him. I want him to do whatever makes him happy, and I tell him so.
“I’ve been giving it some thought,” he says. “Angelo and I have been talking it over, and we are going into business together.”
What kind of business?
He gets that boyish look on his face again, and it makes my heart beat a little faster.
“I wanted to build something we can pass down to Nino if he wants it, something we both love.”
Boats? I ask.
He nods. “The business will be charter brokerage exclusively for IVI. Yachts, catamarans, sailboats. High-end luxury for our members all over the world.”
There’s a peacefulness in his eyes when he talks about his plans, and it brings me comfort to know that he’ll be doing something he enjoys.
Nino is going to love it. You both get the same look on your face when you’re on the water. He must come by it naturally.
Alessio chuckles, and it’s such a beautiful sound, I could play it on repeat. He’s so relaxed right now I don’t ever want this day to end.
“It will give us an excuse to spend more time on the water, too,” he says. “We can do some research as we expand locations.”
Really? I turn into him.
“Yes, really.” He kisses me, and then his phone rings.
It’s Manuel, so I hand it to him anxiously. He answers, thanks him, and disconnects.
“They’re here.”
Neither of us wastes any time getting up. It hasn’t even been a full day since I’ve seen Nino, but after this morning, I’ve missed him already. Alessio seems nervous as he waits for me to slip on the robe from his bathroom. It smells like him, and it’s warm, and it will do until I get the energy to shower and change.
“Your clothes are in there.” He nods to the closet. “Whenever you need them.”
I peek over at the door, and it warms me to know he moved my things in here. No more division. No more separate rooms. We’re really going to do this marriage thing. When I look back at him, I know we’re not going to fuck it up this time.
I join him at the door, and he settles his hand on my lower back as we walk downstairs together.
“Should we move Nino up to the third level?” he asks.
Yes, I sign.
“I think I’d feel more comfortable having him close too,” he says.
We reach his door, and Nino is inside, still in his pajamas from this morning. He’s at the window, looking out over the lake. His home. There’s a softness to his face that lets me know he’s at peace again. It means everything to me.
“Nino,” Alessio’s voice cracks as he calls out to him, and it splinters my heart.
“Daddy!” Nino turns and barrels toward him, tears streaking down his cheeks before he even reaches him.
Alessio lowers himself on one knee, catching Nino in his arms as he collides with him. They hug, and Alessio visibly trembles as Nino squeezes him in his arms. Their reunion is far more emotional than I ever could have prepared for, and I start bawling too.
We’re all crying when Nino starts to sniffle and looks up at Alessio. “When can we go on the boat?”
He laughs, and so do I. Nino glances between us innocently. “What?”
“I love you.” Alessio ruffles his hair. “I’ve missed you.”
“I love you too, daddy. I missed you so much.”
They hug for another long minute, and then Alessio releases him. “Don’t forget to say hello to your mother. She’s missed you too.”
Nino comes to me, and I squeeze him in my arms until he protests. “I just saw you before bed, Mommy.”
I know. I let him go and sign to him. But I missed you.
“I missed you too.”
He says it as he wanders back to Alessio, clinging to his arm. Alessio gazes down at him with so much warmth in his eyes, it devastates me that they were apart for so long, but I can’t let it darken this day.
“Will you both come downstairs?” Alessio asks. “There’s something I’d like to show you.”
I didn’t know what to expect when we came down here, but it certainly wasn’t this. Nino lets out a squeal of excitement when we walk into the parlor and see that it’s still decorated for Christmas, exactly the way we left it.
Alessio wraps his arms around me from behind, murmuring into my ear. “The first of many Christmases together.”
I relax into him with a sigh, smiling when Nino darts toward the tree and starts checking the labels on the gifts.
“Can I open them?” He turns back, waiting for us to answer.
We both nod, watching as he sits on the floor and tears them open one by one. He thanks us for all of them, but I can see that Alessio has won the best gift award when Nino unwraps the remote-control boat.
“So cool!” He skims it over the tree skirt, making boat noises with his mouth while we laugh.
“There’s one for you too,” Alessio whispers in my ear. “I already opened yours.”
I look up at him in question, and he growls against me. “There’s nobody else I’d rather have tend to me, my creepy little stalker.”
My chest shakes with laughter, and I shrug. It’s true, and I can’t deny it.
He releases me and walks over to the tree, retrieving a small box from beneath it before he gestures me over to the couch. I sit down with him, and he hands it over. I’m not sure what it could be, but when I open it, there’s a note with words I recognize. They’re the same words I wrote on his gift, except with a different ending.
Because I’d rather be a source of comfort than pain. Keep this for the times you need tending, and I’ll be there to care for you. No matter the hour. No matter how large or small. This is my promise to you.
I open up the box beneath it, revealing a pavé diamond bracelet. It’s stunning, and I’m certain it probably cost a fortune, because I’ve never seen anything like it. On the side, in place of one of the settings, there’s a tiny button. I press it out of curiosity, and Alessio’s phone rings from his pocket. He pulls it out to show me there’s an alert on his screen that I’ve signaled for him. It shows my location and the time, and it keeps buzzing and ringing until he dismisses it.
I understand immediately this is for him just as much as it’s for me. He wants to keep me safe, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a more thoughtful gift. I hand it to him and then hold out my arm so he can secure it for me.
“Do you like it?” His fingers skim over the sensitive skin on my wrist.
I gesture for his phone and pull up the notes app.
I love it. I’ll feel better knowing you’re just a button push away.
“I wasn’t there before when you needed me,” he says. “But I will be now. I want you to use it. I don’t care what it is. If you’re sad, or you want to talk, or if you need me to hold you. Whatever it is, Natalia. I mean that.”
Even if I just want your dick? I smile, amusing myself as I show him the question.
His eyes flare at the idea. “Especially when you want that. You already told me once it belongs to you.”
Epilogue
Natalia
“You called for me?” Alessio’s voice echoes through the chapel as the heavy wooden door shuts behind him.
I turn away from the altar, curving my lips as I sign to him.
I have a need.
His eyes heat as he watches me drag the hem of my dress up my thigh.
“In a church, Natalia?” He scolds me, signing the words as he speaks them
. “Have you no shame?”
I shrug one shoulder, blinking at him innocently. Is it a sin for a married woman to want her husband?
“If it is, then let us be sinners.” He teases the words against my lips when he reaches me, dragging his hands up over my hips, bunching the fabric of my dress. “Tell me about this need you have.”
I reach down and stroke his cock through his trousers and then slowly unzip them before I respond.
Is that clear enough?
“This bracelet has turned into a full-time job.” His voice is tinged with amusement as he turns me in his arms.
I smirk as he unbuckles his belt with one hand while palming my bare ass with the other. It’s become an ongoing joke between us that I use the bracelet primarily for what he refers to as dick-on-demand. It was put to good use halfway into my pregnancy when my hormones were going completely nuts. I couldn’t get enough of him, night or day. It didn’t matter the hour. Regardless of where he was or what he was doing, he kept his word and came to please me. It’s undeniably hot knowing I have that power any time I want it. I use and abuse it proudly, but Alessio doesn’t mind.
“We only have ten minutes.” He breathes into my neck as his fingers move between my thighs. “But I’m not stopping until you come for me.”
I hum my quiet approval as I arch back into him, grinding my ass against his cock as he slides his fingers through my arousal.
“Always so wet for me,” he rumbles. “My little deviant.”
A protest of air puffs from my lips when he pauses to move some of the candles over on the altar, clearing a space. Then he grabs my hips, tilting me forward until I’m fully exposed to him. I don’t try to hide myself. Alessio has witnessed it all, including during childbirth, and it never changed the way he sees me. He takes me as I am, scars and all, and I bare my body without shame. I’m a mother, and a wife, and a woman with imperfections. None of that matters because I’m his.