by J. E. Bright
Jelly Roll gave Robin a hurt look and tilted his melted horn.
“Oh, sorry,” said Robin. He opened his arms to everyone in the room. “We need to focus on the problem at hand!”
Buttermilk Biscuit tossed his mane. “You’re right,” he said. “I don’t know what came over us.”
Sparkleface and Butterbean stared at Robin in awe.
“Those slaps worked really well,” said Butterbean.
Sparkleface nodded. “I liked watching it.”
The Teen Titans, the unicorns, and the flerd gathered in the grassy square outside the castle to wait for the Gumdrop Goblin.
“That goblin’s almost here,” said Robin. “We need a plan.”
“I say we form a friendship circle,” suggested Jelly Roll, “so we can hug him from all angles and show him that he’s loved and valued.”
“Or…” Butterbean said, “we could kick him in the face.”
“Butterbean!” gasped Raven. “What’s wrong with you?”
“That just seems like the fastest way to get rid of him,” replied Butterbean.
“But…” said Raven, “you taught me friendship and love are always the best ways to deal with problems.”
“Did I?” answered Butterbean. “That sounds ridiculous.”
“Agreed,” said Robin as the Gumdrop Goblin lumbered into the town square. “Titans, go!”
Robin, Cyborg, Starfire, and Beast Boy bravely charged toward the goblin. They dropped into attack positions. Before they could fight, the Gumdrop Goblin scooped up the four Titans in his giant hand. Casually and effortlessly, he tossed them across the entire candy kingdom.
They screamed as they soared away, disappearing into the distance.
“Oh no,” cried Sparkleface. “What do we do now, Raven?”
Raven set her jaw in determination. “We do what the old Butterbean and Sparkleface would have done.”
“Not punch him in the face?” suggested Butterbean.
“Good,” said Raven. “And…?”
“Have the unicorns play their music!” said Sparkleface.
“Exactly,” said Raven.
Jelly Roll raised his damaged head. “But my broken horn will only make funny sounds.”
“Butterbean,” asked Raven, “what do you have to say about that?”
Butterbean smiled, fluttering her pretty wings. “Well, a broken horn doesn’t matter if you play from your heart. Just do your best and we’ll be proud of you no matter what.”
“That’s what I’m talking about!” Raven cheered.
The unicorns circled closer together. They began tootling their horns, making funky beats. Sparkleface, Butterbean, and Raven got into the groove while the unicorns aimed their beats up toward the giant goblin. The Gumdrop Goblin furiously started pulling candy chunks off the castle and gobbling them down.
Jelly Roll’s horn didn’t sound the same as before, but he adapted quickly to the new noises he could make.
The goblin seemed somewhat calmer, although he kept eating pieces of the castle.
“It’s working,” said Sparkleface. “But it’s not enough!”
“I’ve got it,” said Raven. She spread open her arms with a magical flourish. Swirls of dark energy circled around her, creating gigantic arms stretching out from her.
Raven turned toward the Gumdrop Goblin with her enormous arms. To the goblin’s surprise, Raven wrapped her vast limbs around him and gave him a warm hug.
“I love and value you, Gumdrop Goblin,” said Raven.
The goblin dropped the chunk of candy tower he was munching. A happy smile lit up his face. “That’s all I needed to hear,” he growled.
The Gumdrop Goblin turned around and left the square, skipping cheerfully back into the forest.
Raven’s arms shrunk back down to normal. She hugged Butterbean, Sparkleface, and the unicorns. “We did it!” she cheered.
Her teammates returned from their trek across the realm, looking rather disheveled.
“Okay, let’s pound some face!” Robin declared. He glanced around, searching for the goblin. “Hey, where’d he go?”
Raven gave Butterbean a meaningful wink. “We handled it,” she said, “with friendship.”
“And that worked?” asked Cyborg. “Huh.”
“Then we solved the problem and learned the lesson,” announced Starfire.
A bright white light glowed on the edges of the Titans’ vision.
“We’re going back home!” hooted Beast Boy.
“Good-bye!” cried Sparkleface. “We’ll never forget you!”
“You’ll always be part of our flerd,” added Butterbean.
The white glow overwhelmed the Teen Titans, and they lost sight of Butterbean, Sparkleface, the unicorns, and the candy tower.
When their vision cleared, the Titans found themselves back in Jump City, on the street in front of the department store. Control Freak was still there, watching Pretty, Pretty Pegasus on the storefront TV. The episode was just ending, and Control Freak wiped his eyes, obviously emotional from the touching story.
“That was really beautiful,” Control Freak said softly. “Well done, Titans.”
“Hey!” Robin shouted. “It’s Control Freak! Get him!”
Starfire blasted the villain with her powerful eyebeams. Beast Boy turned into a ram and head-butted Control Freak, while Cyborg shot a burst of compressed sound from his sonic cannon at the creep.
Control Freak howled as the Titans pummeled him.
Raven shook her head and sighed. Had they learned nothing?
One sunny morning, Raven sat up in bed. She winced and pressed her fingers against her temples. “What a headache,” she groaned.
Moving gingerly, Raven floated toward the door. “I really need peace and quiet today,” she murmured.
Just then, Robin leaped into the doorway. He made a crazy face and an even stranger noise.
Raven yelped and shot backward, startled. She gasped. “What was that?”
“That, Raven,” replied Robin, “was crazy!”
“Oh no,” Raven said, covering her forehead with her hand. “Please don’t tell me today is—”
Cyborg, Beast Boy, and Starfire also leaped into the doorway around Robin. “Crazy Day!” they cheered in unison.
“Okay,” breathed Raven. “Stop right now.”
Robin shook his head, grinning madly. “Not until one of us out-crazies the rest and is named the new Captain Crazy!”
Raven pushed past her teammates and floated into the living room. “You do Crazy Day every year,” she said, “and I still don’t know what the point is.”
“There is no point,” replied Robin, hurrying in front of her. “Isn’t that…”
Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy joined Robin in front of Raven. They all crossed their eyes and lolled their tongues. “Craaaaaazy?” they finished.
Robin suddenly stood up straight and crossed his arms. “But really,” he said seriously, “the point is to just let off some steam. So, as the five-time reigning Captain Crazy of Crazy Day, I want everyone to show me some crazy!”
Beast Boy and Cyborg grabbed bowls heaped with sugared cereal. They started eating messily, but they weren’t using spoons.
“Check it out,” announced Beast Boy. “We’re eating cereal with forks! Whaaat?”
“How does the milk stay on the fork?” asked Cyborg. “It doesn’t!”
“Look!” called Starfire. “I have the big shoes!” She hobbled across the living room in shoes much too large for her feet. “It is enough to drive one crazy!”
Raven rubbed her temples again. “Today’s not the day for this,” she moaned.
Beast Boy turned into a big goose. “Actually,” he said, “today is the day for this. Crazy Day! Remember, Rave?”
“Can you all stop saying ‘crazy’?” pleaded Raven.
Concerned, Starfire peered at Raven. “Why do you never participate in the competition?”
“Maybe because you guys already dr
ive me crazy every day,” Raven replied. She pivoted to return to her room. “I’m going to lie down.”
Robin jumped in front of her again. “On the ceiling?” he asked.
“Crazy!” chanted Beast Boy, Cyborg, and Starfire.
Before she entered her room, Raven shook her head and grimaced. “And thanks for making my headache worse,” she said.
Then she stepped inside and closed the door behind her.
Raven floated in the middle of her chamber, trying to calm herself. “The one day I need them to not to annoy me—”
A searing blast of pain zapped through her brain. She fluttered backward, losing her balance as the world seemed to turn inside out. Spirals of kaleidoscopic color surrounded her, swirling dizzyingly.
“What’s going on?” she cried.
Her body started to spin along with the whirl of colors, twirling her into its center as though she were being pulled into a black hole.
“Whoa!” Raven gasped.
Quick flashes of memories flared up around her: herself in a tranquil park by a duck pond, then lost in a canyon of flames, then atop an insanely tall tree, then floating in the dark void of outer space. Raven waved her arms and glanced around wildly, trying to make sense of it all.
“Where am I?” she whimpered.
“You are in your mind,” a deep voice answered.
“Oh,” said Raven. “No wonder it’s so dark.”
“And it’s about to get darker,” the voice continued, “because I’m here to break it.”
Wispy images streamed from Raven’s skull out into the darkness, pictures of Butterbean and Sparkleface, scary skulls, vampire bats, candy bars, raging demons, and slices of gooey pizza.
“Cute,” said Raven bravely. “But if you want to drive me crazy, you’ll have to do better than that.”
“Oh, don’t you worry,” the voice replied. “I know exactly how to drive you crazy.” Its insane laughter echoed throughout her mind.
“Well,” Raven said, trying not to show that she was wincing, “that laugh is kind of annoying. You got that going.”
“Hmph,” the voice said.
Then the world inside Raven’s brain swirled again, sucking her deep into a whirling vortex of madness.
Meanwhile, her teammates huddled outside her bedroom door, listening to the crashing sounds inside.
“The ruckus is coming from Raven’s room,” said Starfire.
“I know we’re not allowed in there,” said Robin, “but maybe we should see what’s going on?”
“Are you crazy?” gasped Beast Boy.
Everyone blinked.
“Why, yes, my dear sir,” replied Robin in a terrible British accent. “I am! Whoo-hoo!”
Robin turned the knob and pushed open the door to Raven’s room.
“Raven…?” Cyborg asked as they entered.
They looked up to find Raven lying flat against the ceiling.
“Sorry, Raven is not here,” a deep, frightening voice replied out of Raven’s mouth. “I have taken over her mind and body.”
The Titans all shuddered. That voice was creepy!
Then Robin rubbed his chin. “Lying on the ceiling,” he mused. “Talking in a crazy voice…”
“She’s doing it,” said Cyborg. “She’s going after your crazy crown!”
“Crazy voices rule!” cheered Beast Boy. He deepened his own voice and made it scratchy. “Beast Boy is not here, either.” He laughed in delight.
“She said she did not want to be crazy on Crazy Day,” said Starfire, “but she is the craziest of us all.”
“Oh, thank you,” said the voice, sounding pleased. “I have been called the Lord of Madness from time to time.”
Inside the wild whirlpool of her mind, Raven watched her teammates chat with her body on the ceiling. “Ugh,” she groaned. “What’s wrong with them?” She shook her head and told the voice, “If they haven’t driven me crazy yet, there’s not much hope for you.”
“Don’t give up on them just yet, Raven,” the voice said.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Raven asked, suspicious.
“You’ll see,” the voice teased. “Now… if you want me, come and get me.”
A thick, soupy fog swirled around Raven until she lost all sense of direction in the haze. “Oooh,” she said, sounding both sarcastic and a little scared. “This is so mysterious. It feels like my mind is breaking.”
Raven wandered through the fog. How long she walked in the mists… she had no idea.
Eventually, she reached a clearing. Inside was a huge sphinx, a creature with the body of a lion, the wings of an eagle, and the face of Starfire.
“Halt!” demanded the Starfire Sphinx.
“What are you supposed to be?” asked Raven.
The Starfire Sphinx ignored Raven’s question. “To pass me the by and go the way, the answer to my riddle you must say.”
“Go for it,” said Raven. “I love riddles.”
The Starfire Sphinx cleared her throat. “What is running and walks, and with a mouth and talks, and has a head and also a bed?” she asked.
Raven squinted at her. “What?”
“Oooh,” the Starfire Sphinx chirped nervously, “did I misspoken the riddle?”
“Yeah,” Raven replied. “You definitely misspokened it.”
“I will try again,” the Starfire Sphinx said. “Ahem. What runs with its head to its bed, and a mouth is having, and does not walk?”
Raven rolled her eyes. “Really?”
The Starfire Sphinx screwed up her face in concentration. “What has a bed in its mouth and is talking, but also not walking to his head?” she tried again.
“You’re starting to drive me crazy,” Raven complained.
Behind Raven, a scary crack zigzagged in the wall of fog. There was no damage to the fog itself, but instead to Raven’s entire interior reality.
The Starfire Sphinx looked insulted. “This is a very difficult riddle,” she pouted.
“That’s the point,” Raven seethed. She let out a little hiccup of frustration, and a chunk of the ground fell into a bottomless pit below. Raven gazed down into the hole beside her and took a deep breath, calming herself. She even smiled a little. “I’m sorry,” Raven told the Starfire Sphinx. “Just take your time and try to remember what the riddle is about.”
“Well, I-I—” the Starfire Sphinx stammered.
“Do you even know what the answer is?” asked Raven.
“Of course I do!” the Starfire Sphinx said indignantly.
“Yeah, right,” Raven scoffed.
“It is the river, Raven!” declared the Starfire Sphinx.
“Cool,” said Raven. “The answer is a river.”
The Starfire Sphinx’s lion shoulders slumped. “You may pass,” she said sadly.
Raven smiled as she strolled past and back into the fog beyond.
In the Titans Tower living room, Raven sat cross-legged on the ceiling, hanging upside down. “You think that’s crazy?” the deep voice asked out of her mouth. “Watch this!”
She clapped her hands and a patterned lamp shade appeared on her head. “How do you like my hat?” the voice asked.
“Ray-ray so cray-cray!” said Beast Boy.
Starfire grinned. “That is not even the hat!”
Cyborg nudged Robin with his metallic elbow. “I think I know who our new Captain Crazy is going to be.”
Robin spun to face his teammates. “No way!” he insisted angrily. “I refuse to let Raven be the craziest on Crazy Day!” C’mon, Robin, he scolded himself. You have to up your game. He started to slap himself hard on the face as the other Titans watched in concern.
“The Crazy Day is supposed to be fun, Robin,” said Starfire softly.
“Yeah, dude,” agreed Beast Boy, turning into a chicken. “You’re starting to scare us.”
“You’re acting kind of crazy,” added Cyborg.
“Good!” screamed Robin. “But not crazy enough!” He gasped out deep,
ragged breaths. “Time for some crazy training!”
While a bizarre song blasted throughout the Tower, Robin ran around performing crazy exercises. First he did a set of push-downs instead of push-ups, pulling himself toward the floor.
“Robin’s push-downs make none of the sense,” exclaimed Starfire.
Then Robin made the craziest straw ever to be called a crazy straw, with dozens of twists and loops. He poked one end into a big glass of milk and got slurping.
“That is one crazy straw, bro!” bleated Beast Boy, who had changed into a goat. “How many loops is the milk going to go through?”
Instead of replying, Robin rushed out to buy dozens of televisions. Then he sold them for a deep discount.
“What’s wrong with him?” demanded Cyborg. “He can’t afford to sell those TVs at such low prices. He must be crazy!”
As the song faded out, Robin flexed his arms, showing the results of all his training. His biceps popped up on the underside of his arms. “Crazy!” he declared.
Meanwhile, inside her mind, Raven was still lost in the mists. She stumbled through the murk for what felt like weeks.
Finally, the smoke cleared, revealing a giant chessboard.
As Raven walked closer, she could see that the pieces were life-size. In fact, the rook was shaped like an elephant—it was Beast Boy. And the knight next to him was Cyborg!
Raven rolled her eyes, already over this chess thing. “So what are you two supposed to be?”
“We sort of, like, challenge you to a game or whatever,” said Beast Boy.
“Yes,” added Cyborg dramatically. “It is a game of checkers… to the death!”
“This is actually chess, not checkers,” said Raven.
Beast Boy shrugged, which looked odd on an elephant. “What’s the difference?”
“Ugh,” said Raven, rubbing her temples again.
When she had calmed herself, Raven stared out at the chessboard, deciding what to do. After considering many opening moves. Raven conjured up a giant magic arm that picked up a black pawn and moved it forward two squares.