I stared at the photograph. It wasn’t a model moment, that was for sure. My head was down, my feet were dragging, my shirt was soaked through with sweat. But my shoulders were straight. I was looking forward to getting home and putting it up on my blog to prove that I had indeed accomplished something I never thought I could.
As soon as I arrived at my apartment I opened up my computer. I had already e-mailed the picture from my cell phone so that I’d be able to access it. I pulled up the blog and let my fingertips hover over the keyboard.
Until this point my blog had been completely anonymous. I was known only as Single Wide Female, or SWF. I hadn’t included any of my personal information, as advised by my technical guru and neighbor Kat. But Blue had asked for a picture of me crossing the finish line, and I was so proud of my accomplishment that I was willing to put it out there. What did I have to lose? Who would recognize me when I only had a handful of followers and even fewer commenters?
I typed up my blog post, describing the blue of the sky and the sense of wonder that I had actually made it to the finish line. Then I felt a sensation of fear well up within me. This was the moment when I would shift my blog from anonymous to claiming my own words—words that I’d had no intention of claiming when I had first typed a post. I needed to feel as if the world was open to me, not just the world near me but the world as a global concept. To me this was a step in that direction. I uploaded the picture, and tagged it with “Just for you, Blue.”
I smiled as I submitted the post. I was sure that Blue would see it.
Who was Blue? Was she a woman struggling with her weight and her life like me? Was she a young girl still trying to discover her place in the world? Or was it some tall, dark, handsome man, waiting to sweep me off my feet? As a knee-jerk reaction I edited the tag line of the picture to include:
Now it’s your turn; what finish line have you crossed lately?
Leaving the personalized note left me a little nervous. Would I scare a loyal reader off by being too direct? Would the challenge be answered with a picture or a comment—or worse, would Blue just not write anything at all? I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was hoping to have some kind of response soon.
I left my computer on as I went into the kitchen to make myself some tea. I wanted to savor my victory. I did, but I kept checking my blog.
Finally I decided to turn my computer off for the night. I was driving myself a little crazy with expecting a response from a total stranger. I fell asleep still thinking about Blue.
When I woke up I jumped out of bed, ignoring my sore legs, and instantly turned on my computer. I was hoping that Blue would have left a comment by now. When I logged into the blog I was happy to see the notification of a new comment. I clicked on it and found that Blue had indeed left a comment.
First of many finish lines you will cross, SWF, I’m sure.
Beneath the comment was a snapshot of one bright blue eye framed by thick dark lashes. Something about the eye itself made my heart skip a beat. I could see so much in that one glimpse. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted to see more. I was insatiably curious now. I typed out a quick response.
After all that sweat and hard work that’s all I get?
I bit into my bottom lip as I awaited a response. I felt as if I was cyber-flirting. Even though I didn’t know if Blue was a male or a female, I pretty much didn’t care. Blue had shown more interest in my feelings and my life than anyone I’d spent time with lately, so I was willing to embarrass myself a little bit. Of course I didn’t expect a response. But I was hoping for one.
While I was waiting for an answer I walked over to the drawer in my bedside table. I pulled out a small box and took out the small folded-up piece of paper from inside it. I carefully opened it up and smoothed it out.
I could now cross “Run a marathon” off my bucket list. I drew a pair of running shoes beside the item.
Next up was one that I didn’t think I was brave enough to post about on my blog, and certainly wouldn’t include a photograph as proof. It would require a lot less clothing. I smiled, despite my discomfort as I thought about it.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List
6 Go Skinny Dipping
By
Lillianna Blake
Copyright © 2015 Lillianna Blake
Cover design by Beetiful Book Covers
All rights reserved.
LilliannaBlake.com
Chapter 1
I watched the rain drip down along the window. The swirly pattern of its descent made me smile. That was the type of flexibility I wanted to find inside of me. That ability to change direction as it suited me. That was my new leaf, so to speak.
I listened for the teapot to shriek from the kitchen. I had woken up to a rainy morning and a contemplative mood. Of course, the first thing on my mind was the list. I held it in my hand as if it was sacred. I had poured my heart and soul into it and was not about to let go of the progress I had made.
So far I had not regretted a single adventure, but this next item on my bucket list—it was challenging. Usually the things on my list were things that were a little outside of my comfort zone, but not too terribly terrifying. But this time, I was more than a little nervous.
I stared down at the list in my hand. I had never really thought that I would get this far, so to see that item glaring up at me was a little shocking. It was also a little invigorating. I wanted more than anything to do these things, and I felt a sense of pride for accomplishing what I’d done so far.
As I stood up to walk into the kitchen I tucked the list into my pocket. I was still thinking about it when I took the teapot off the burner and set it aside. I switched off the stove and turned to grab a mug from a cabinet to put my tea in. In the process of turning I caught sight of something sliding underneath my front door. I raised an eyebrow at the piece of paper that glided across the tile floor of the entrance of my apartment. It was intriguing, but it was also a little unsettling. It meant that someone had been standing outside and waiting to push that paper under my door.
I walked over to it feeling cautious. I walked along the edge of the carpet, just in case someone was watching for my shadow on the other side of the door. It looked like a flier because of its bright orange color and its bold black text. I waited another moment to see if anyone would knock. Sure, there were salesmen in the neighborhood. Sometimes they liked to attach advertisements to the door handle or knock repeatedly until someone answered, but nothing like this had ever happened before.
I reached down and picked up the flier. It was an advertisement for a meet-up group.
Bored? Looking for some fun? Look no further! We are a group of adults that enjoy exploring and adventure! Some of our activities include:
Parasailing
Bowling
Bird-watching
Extreme Biking
I raised an eyebrow at the last item on the list. I wasn’t sure exactly what extreme biking was, but I didn’t think I wanted to do it. The list continued on, and at the end it included an “etc.”
I found it a little strange that the flier had been pushed under my door, but I figured that the advertisement was left at all of the apartments. Now that I had discovered what the flier was about I felt a little silly for being so paranoid.
I carried it back into the kitchen with me. I’d recently made a new friend—Stephanie. It was a little weird and awkward to make a friend as an adult. For some reason there was a barrier between adults that seemed to scream—“nope, don’t even go there.” But Stephanie was turning out to be a great friend. Unfortunately she was also more than a little occupied with Max, my best friend. Which left me essentially friendless and working very hard to be happy for them.
Part of my journey was putting myself out there and meeting new people, so I decided I would check out the meeting. It couldn’t do any harm, I was sure. But first, I needed to make a plan for the next item on my list. I took my mug of tea over to the couch and tried to picture
myself skinny-dipping.
“It’s a rite of passage,” I muttered in an attempt to convince myself. “Almost everyone has done it at least once.”
I cringed at the thought. There were times I’d been in the water and it had felt so amazing when the water washed across my skin that I wondered what it would be like to be completely nude. There had been times when I was in a bathtub and wished with all my heart that it was much larger. Pool, bathtub—there really wasn’t much of a difference.
Knowing what was next on the list and accomplishing what was next on the list were two very different things. I was sure that I had to plan ahead for this one. I couldn’t just show up at a public pool and dive in without anything on. Well, I could, if I wanted to be arrested—which was not on the list.
Chapter 2
As I sipped my tea, I thought about how I would pull this off. There weren’t any swimming holes nearby. It would take several hours for me to get anywhere near a lake that I would be willing to risk swimming in. However, there were plenty of public pools, not to mention hundreds of pools in local hotels and motels. I could rent a room, then I could slip out in the middle of the night and go for a naked dip. I might still get arrested, but even if I did, I would at least have paid for a room. Maybe a police officer would take pity on me.
I shook my head at the very thought of doing any of this. Maybe this was one item on my list that was far too big for me to manage. I didn’t want to end up with a mug shot of myself as a result of trying to be more daring. I knew I was obsessing. I could go back and forth for hours without making an actual decision.
Luckily I was headed into work in a few minutes, so I could get my mind off it. I had a feeling I was going to procrastinate about this for quite some time. I wanted to be the type of person that could just jump into things without an issue, but that was not exactly me.
As I headed out the door, I heard the sound of it clicking shut behind me. I felt a sense of security when I heard that click. Lately I had become much more aware of living alone. Maybe it was because I didn’t have Max running in and out of my apartment whenever he liked it. Maybe it was because I had come to terms with his not being a romantic option for me. Either way, it had crossed my mind that I was spending quite a bit of time alone. So the group would be a good thing to get into.
As I walked the few blocks to Fluff and Stuff I shivered at the lingering chill in the air. The rain had cooled off the day considerably. This made me even less interested in jumping into a body of water without a stitch of clothing on.
“Excuses,” I told myself with a slight shake of my head. As I continued down the sidewalk I heard the sound of laughter from across the street. It was coming from the outside seating area of a small cafe where Max and I often spent lazy afternoons.
It was Max’s laugh, but it was Stephanie sitting across from him. I knew that if they spotted me they would be friendly—maybe even invite me to join. But seeing them together in that intimate relaxed moment hurt.
I hurried the rest of the way to the laundromat hoping that they wouldn’t notice me. When I reached the shop, the employee working the morning shift was eager to leave. I barely nodded to her as she hurried out the door.
I felt a familiar sinking sensation. I experienced it every time I realized that my best friend Max was never going to be my boyfriend Max. So many years had gone by with my barely even considering other men.
It’s over now. I reminded myself sternly. There is more to life than pining away for someone who is never going to notice me in that way.
I sighed as I checked on the machines to make sure they were running properly. There was a young woman shifting her laundry from a washer to a dryer at one end of the laundromat. She had headphones on and didn’t seem interested in striking up a conversation.
I sat down on one of the wooden benches that lined the wall and ran my hands slowly across my cheeks. I tried to focus my mind on anything except Max.
It wasn’t long before I was thinking of Blue. Blue, who I’d never met, but had so much influence on my life. I had a feeling from the posts that he was a male, but I still wasn’t one hundred percent sure; and even that didn’t mean much. He could have been sixteen or sixty-three—I wouldn’t know. All I had seen was a photograph of what he claimed to be his deep blue eye—yes, only one of them.
“What is so interesting about that washing machine?” Max asked as he walked up to me. I had been so engrossed in my thoughts that I hadn’t even heard him walk in.
“Nothing,” I muttered in return with a small laugh. “Just thinking about some things.”
“Oh?” he asked and sidled up close to me. “What kind of things?”
“Life.” I shrugged. I wasn’t about to confess that I was thinking of him, or skinny-dipping, or Blue. If he found out what I was up to, two things would happen. He would laugh at me and he would insist on joining me.
“How’s Stephanie?” I asked, hoping to change the subject.
“She’s good,” he said. He was still watching me, as if he knew that I was not telling the whole truth. “She said she wants us all to go out some time, so let me know when you’re free.”
“Oh, sure, of course.” I nodded.
I didn’t think the idea of sharing dinner with the two would be such a great idea, considering that I might vomit if he tried to kiss her. Okay, so I liked Stephanie, I adored Max, and they were a cute couple. That didn’t mean that I had to eat while watching them make lovey-dovey faces across the table at each other.
“I saw you walk past the cafe,” he finally said as he sat down beside me.
Chapter 3
I felt the heat of a blush rising in my cheeks as Max waited for me to answer.
“Oh yes, I was running late.” I shrugged.
“Right.” He kicked his legs out in front of him and crossed his ankles. “As if the Fluff and Stuff can’t spin without you.”
I shot him a look. “You’re always making fun of my job,” I said, already starting to feel annoyed with him. “It’s just as important as yours.”
“I know it is,” he said. “But I also know that’s not why you didn’t stop and say hello. Are you really okay with Stephanie and me dating, Sammy?” he asked.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Well, she is your friend and I’m your—well, everything.” He winked playfully at me.
“Arrogant, that’s for sure.” I shook my head. “I’m fine with it. I like Stephanie and she seems like she can handle you.”
“I caught that.” He shot a light-hearted glare in my direction. “Well, she is nice—but I don’t know.”
“Don’t even start,” I warned him. “She’s perfect.”
“Maybe.” He sighed and stared at the same dryer I had been staring at. “Isn’t it funny how life just gets ahead of you sometimes?” he asked.
“What do you mean?” I stood up and walked over to a dryer to pull the laundry out that was ready to be folded.
“I mean—” He stood up and followed me. “—I had settled into the idea of not really finding anyone I could settle down with, and then all of a sudden Stephanie showed up in my life.”
“Ah, yes.” I nodded. “She surprised you.”
“She did.” He nodded.
“At least it’s a good surprise,” I muttered. “You could wake up and realize that you’re thirty-two with no potential mate in sight and a best friend who makes fun of your job!”
“I’m not making fun of it,” he said. “Besides, you make fun of mine all the time.”
“There’s a difference between not understanding your techno job and teasing.” I said. I began folding the clothes from the load.
“Alright.” He sighed as if he surrendered. “But that’s not the point. The point is that you’re selling yourself short. You have so much to offer, Sammy, but you hide yourself away.”
“I do not,” I shot back.
“You certainly hid when you saw Stephanie and me.”
“Oh, Ma
x, you’re being silly.” I shook my head. “In fact, I am going to a meeting tonight with a new and very adventurous group of people. I’m looking forward to it. So how is that hiding myself away?”
“I guess it isn’t,” he said, sounding a bit shocked. “I think it’s great, Sam.”
“Glad you do,” I said, my tone still short. “Contrary to what you may believe, Max, I do have a life beyond you.”
“I know you do,” he said with a slight pout. “Just don’t forget who held your hair back after that night on the island—”
“We agreed not to mention that.” I glared at him.
“Okay.” He smiled innocently. “I’m on my way out of your way,” he said. “But call me if you get bored with your new friends and need some Max in your life.”
“I’ll be sure to do just that,” I said with a slight laugh.
As Max left the laundromat I felt a little more secure. I’d been so wrapped up in him, for so many years, that it was actually nice to feel that unraveling. Of course now I had to go to the meet-up group. Somehow I didn’t think that I would mind it.
When I walked into the recreation center I immediately thought about turning around and walking out. I had gotten a little worried when I’d realized the location was the basement of an old church, but I was determined to still give it a shot. I hadn’t expected old folding chairs and stale coffee, but that was exactly what I walked into.
There was a small group of people gathered around a card table littered with abandoned tiny paper cups. I personally found tiny paper cups annoying. They weren’t big enough to have a real drink in, which meant you had to keep going back for more. Then they would start to get weaker from the liquid seeping into the paper; soon the cup was on the verge of collapsing, usually before I even had the chance to quench my thirst. It irritated me whenever I saw them. I had to imagine that whoever was in a factory right that minute making tiny paper cups had to share my same feelings.
Single Wide Female: The Bucket List Mega Bundle - 24 Books (Books #1-24) Page 16