by Tillie Cole
I watched Rune’s shoulders tense and his head snap in the direction of his pappa. I couldn’t make out what they were saying, but I heard clearly the raised voices, heard Rune responding aggressively to his pappa in his native Norwegian. His pappa dropped his head in defeat and headed back to the house, clearly hurt at something Rune had said. As Mr. Kristiansen walked away, Rune stuck his middle finger up at his retreating back, only dropping it when the front door of their house slammed shut.
I watched, rigid with shock. I watched as this boy—a boy I once knew so completely—became a stranger before my eyes. Disappointment and sadness washed over me as Rune began to pace across the yard between our two houses. His shoulders were stiff. I could almost feel the anger radiating off him even from this vantage point.
My worst fears had been realized: the boy I knew had gone.
Then I froze, stock still, as Rune stopped pacing and glanced at my bedroom window, directly below where I was standing. A gust of wind blew across the yard, lifting his long blond hair off his face and, in that second, I could see incredible pain, severe longing, in his eyes. The image of his strained face, as he stared at my window, hit me harder than a train. In that lost expression was my Rune.
This boy, I recognized.
Rune stepped toward my window, and for a moment, I thought he would try to climb through, the way that he did for all those years. But, abruptly, he stopped and his hands balled at his sides. His eyes closed and his teeth gritted together so tightly that I could see the tension in his jaw from where I stood.
Then, clearly changing his mind, Rune turned on his heel and pounded toward his house. I stayed at the office window, in the shadow. I couldn’t move with the shock of what I’d just witnessed.
Rune’s bedroom light turned on. I saw him walk around his room, then move to the window and sit on the wide ledge. He cracked it open. He lit another cigarette and blew the smoke through the open gap.
I shook my head in disbelief. Then someone entered the office, and my mama came to my side. When she peered out the window, I knew she’d realize what I was up to.
I felt my cheeks flame with heat at being caught. Finally, my mama spoke. “Adelis said that he’s no longer the boy we knew. She said he’s given them nothing but trouble since they went back to Oslo. Erik is lost and has no idea what to do. They’re real glad Erik got moved back here. They wanted Rune away from the bad crowd he fell in with in Norway.”
My gaze fell on Rune again. He threw the cigarette from the window, and rolled his head to lean against the glass. His eyes were focused on one thing and one thing only—my bedroom window.
As my mama moved to leave the office, she laid her hand on my shoulder. “Maybe it was a good thing you broke all contact, baby. I’m not real sure he could have handled everything you went through, from what his mamma has said.”
Tears filled my eyes as I wondered what had made him this way. Into this boy I didn’t know. I had deliberately cut myself off from the world for the past couple of years to save him pain. So that he could live a good life. Because knowing that over in Norway was a boy whose heart was still filled with light made everything I was going through bearable.
But that fantasy was quashed as I studied this doppelgänger of Rune.
This Rune’s light was dim, nothing glittered bright. It was obscured by shadow and mired in darkness. It was as though the boy I had loved had been cast aside in Norway.
Deacon’s car pulled into the driveway of Rune’s house. I saw Rune’s cell light up in his hand, and he slowly made his way from his room and sauntered off the porch. He walked with a careless swagger toward Deacon and Judson, who jumped out of the car. He slapped them both on the back in greeting.
Then my heart cracked in two. Avery slid out of the back seat and hugged Rune hard. She was wearing a short skirt and cropped top, showcasing her perfect figure. But Rune didn’t hug her back—though that did nothing to lessen my pain. Because Avery and Rune, standing side by side, looked so perfect. Both tall and blond. Both beautiful.
They all piled into the car. Rune got in last, taking shotgun, and then they rolled away from our street and out of sight.
I sighed as I watched the taillights fade into the night. When I looked back at the Kristiansen house, I saw Rune’s pappa standing at the edge of the porch, gripping the railing, staring in the direction in which his son had just departed. Then he lifted his face to the office window, and a sad smile spread on his lips.
He’d seen me.
Mr. Kristiansen lifted his hand and gave me a small wave. As I waved back, I saw a look of utter sadness etched on his face.
He looked tired.
He looked heartbroken.
He looked like he missed his son.
I returned to my room, lay back on my bed and pulled my favorite photo frame into my hands. As I stared down at the beautiful boy and the smitten girl staring back, both so in love, I wondered what had happened in the last two years to make Rune as troubled and rebellious as he appeared to be.
Then I cried.
I cried for the boy who was my sun.
I mourned the boy I once loved with everything I had.
I mourned Poppy and Rune—a couple of extreme beauty and even quicker death.
Poppy
“You sure you’re okay?” my mama asked as she stroked my arm. The car rolled to a stop.
I smiled and nodded my head. “Yeah, mama, I’m good.”
Her eyes were rimmed with red and tears were building in her eyes. “Poppy. Baby. You don’t have to go to school today if you don’t want to.”
“Mama, I love school. I want to be here.” I shrugged. “Plus, I have history fifth period and you know how much I love it. It’s my favorite class.”
A reluctant smile pulled on her mouth and she laughed, wiping her eyes. “You’re just like your mamaw. Stubborn as an ox and always seeing the sunshine behind every cloud. I see her personality shining through your eyes every single day.”
Warmth blossomed in my chest. “That makes me real happy, Mama. But I mean it, I’m truly okay,” I said sincerely.
When Mama’s eyes filled with water again, she shooed me from the car, pushing the doctor’s note into my hand. “Here, make sure to hand that in.”
I took the paper, but before I shut the car door, I ducked down to say, “I love you, Mama. With my whole heart.”
My mama paused and I saw the bittersweet happiness spread on her face. “I love you too, Pops. With my whole heart.”
I shut the door and turned to walk into school. I always thought it was strange, arriving at school late. The place was so quiet and still, kind of apocalyptic, the total opposite to the rowdiness of lunch period or the mad dash of students in between classes.
I made my way to the school office for Mrs. Greenway, the secretary, to process my doctor’s note. As she handed me my hall pass, she asked, “How you doing, darlin’? You keeping that pretty head of yours up?”
Smiling at her kind face, I replied, “Yes, ma’am.”
She winked at me, making me laugh. “That’s my girl.”
Checking my watch, I saw that my next class had only been in session fifteen minutes. Moving as quickly as I could to avoid missing anything else, I rushed through two sets of doors until I arrived at my locker. I yanked it open and pulled out the pile of English Lit books that I needed for my class.
I heard the door at the end of the short hallway opening, but paid it no mind. Once I had everything I needed, I shut my locker door with my elbow and headed for class, wrestling with my many books. When I looked up, I stopped dead.
I was sure my heart and my lungs stopped working. Standing about eight feet in front of me, seemingly as glued to the spot as I was, was Rune. A towering and fully grown Rune.
And he was staring at me. Crystal-blue eyes held me in their trap. I couldn’t have turned away even if I had wanted to.
Finally, I was able to find a breath, and filled my lungs with air. Like a jump lea
d, the action caused my heart to beat, to beat furiously under the stare of this boy. The one, that if I was being honest with myself, I still loved more than anything in the world.
Rune was dressed as he always had—black muscle t-shirt, black slim-fit jeans and black suede boots. Only now, his arms were thicker; his waist was toned and leaner, tapering in at his hips. My eyes traveled to his face and my stomach flipped. I thought I had seen all his beauty as he stood under the lamplight last night, but I hadn’t.
Older and more mature, he was quite possibly the most beautiful creature I had ever seen. His jaw was strong, perfectly defining his Scandinavian face. His cheekbones were prominent, but not in any way feminine, and a light dusting of blond stubble graced his chin and cheeks. The constants, I discovered, were those dark-blond eyebrows furrowed over his almond-shaped bright-blue eyes.
The eyes that even the distance of four thousand miles, and a timescale of two years, could never erase from my memory.
But that gaze, the gaze that was currently boring through mine, didn’t belong to the Rune I knew. Because it was filled with accusation and hatred. These eyes were glaring at me with unconcealed contempt.
I swallowed back the pain that was clawing up my throat, the pain of being on the receiving end of such a hard stare. Being loved by Rune brought the heady sensation of warmth. Being hated by Rune was like standing on an arctic ice shelf.
Minutes passed by and neither of us moved an inch. The air seemed to crackle around us. I watched as Rune’s fist clenched at his side. He seemed to be mentally warring with himself. I wondered what he was fighting inside. The look on his face grew darker still. Then, behind him, the door opened, and William, the hall monitor walked through.
He looked at Rune and me, serving up the excuse I needed to break free from this too-intense moment. I needed to gather my thoughts.
William cleared his throat. “Can I see your hall passes?”
I nodded and, balancing my books on a raised knee, went to hand mine over, but Rune shoved his in front of mine.
I didn’t react to his blatant rudeness.
William checked his pass first. Rune had been picking up his class schedule, that was why he was late. William handed back Rune’s pass, but Rune still didn’t move. William took hold of mine. He looked at me and said, “I hope you feel better soon, Poppy.”
My face paled, wondering how he knew, but then I realized the pass had said I’d been to see my doctor. He was simply being kind. He didn’t know.
“Thank you,” I said nervously and risked a look up. Rune was watching me, only this time his forehead appeared lined. I recognized his expression of worry. As soon as Rune saw me staring at him, reading him correctly, the worry was quickly replaced by the scowl he had previously worn.
Rune Kristiansen was way too handsome to scowl. A face that beautiful should forever wear a smile.
“Go on, you two, get to class.” William’s hard voice pulled my attention back from Rune. I pushed past them both, and rushed out through the far doors. As soon I was through to the next hallway, I glanced back, only to find Rune staring at me through the large panes of glass.
My hands began to shake at the intensity of his gaze, but then he suddenly moved away, as if he was forcing himself to leave me alone.
It took several seconds to gather some composure, then I hurried to my class.
I was still shaking an hour later.
* * *
A week passed by. A week of avoiding Rune at all costs. I stayed in my bedroom until I knew he wasn’t home. I kept my curtains drawn and my window locked—not that Rune would have tried to come in. The few times I had seen him in school he had either ignored me, or glared at me like I was his greatest enemy.
Both hurt in equal measure.
During lunch periods I stayed away from the cafeteria. I ate my lunch in the music room and spent the rest of the time practicing my cello. Music was still my safe haven, the one place where I could escape the world.
When my bow hit the string, I was transported away on a sea of tones and notes. The pain and grief of the last two years disappeared. The loneliness, the tears and anger, all evaporated, leaving a peace I could not find anywhere else.
Last week, after my awful hallway reunion with Rune, I’d needed to get away from it all. I’d needed to forget the look in his eyes as he glared at me with such hatred. Music was normally my remedy, so I threw myself into intense practice. The only problem? Each time I finished a piece, as soon as the final note faded and I lowered my bow, that devastation cut back through me tenfold. And it stayed. Today, after I finished playing at lunch, the anguish haunted me for the rest of the afternoon. It weighed heavily on my mind as I exited the school building.
The courtyard was bustling with students making their way home. I kept my head down and pushed through the crowd, only to turn the corner and see Rune and his friends sitting on the field in the park. Jorie and Ruby were there too. And so was Avery.
I tried not to stare as Avery sat beside Rune, who was lighting up a cigarette. I tried not to stare as Rune began to smoke, his elbow resting casually on his knee as he leaned back against a tree. And I tried to ignore the flip of my stomach as I hurried by, Rune’s narrowed eyes briefly meeting mine.
I quickly averted my eyes. Jorie jumped to her feet and came running after me. I managed to get far enough from Rune and his friends that they wouldn’t hear what Jorie had to say to me.
“Poppy,” she called as she stopped behind me. I turned to face her, feeling Rune’s watchful gaze settle on me. I ignored it.
“How are you doing?” she asked.
“Fine,” I replied. Even I heard the slight tremble in my voice.
Jorie sighed. “Have you spoken to him yet? He’s been back over a week.”
My cheeks blazed. I shook my head. “No. I’m not real sure that’s a good idea.” I drew in a breath and confided, “I have no idea what I would say anyhow. He doesn’t seem to be the boy I knew and loved for all those years. He seems different. Looks like he’s changed.”
Jorie’s eyes flared. “I know. But I think you’re the only girl that sees that as a bad thing, Pops.”
“What do you mean?” Jealousy sparked in my chest.
Jorie pointed to the girls gathering around where he sat, aiming to appear casual, but failing epically in their endeavor. “He’s all anyone is talking about, and I’m pretty sure any girl in this school—except you, me and Ruby—would sell their soul to the devil for him to even acknowledge them. He was always wanted, Pops, but well, he had you and we all knew he wouldn’t leave you for anything or anyone. But now…” She trailed off, and I could feel my heart deflating.
“But now he doesn’t have me,” I finished for her. “Now he’s free to be with whomever he wants.”
Jorie’s eyes widened when she realized she had once again put her foot in her mouth. She squeezed my arm in support, wincing apologetically. I couldn’t be mad at her though, she was always speaking before she’d thought it through. Besides, everything she said was true.
A moment of awkward silence passed, until she asked, “What are you up to tomorrow night?”
“Nothing,” I replied. I was itching to leave.
Jorie’s face lit up. “Good! You can come to Deacon’s house party. Can’t have you sitting in alone another Saturday night.”
I laughed.
Jorie frowned.
“Jorie, I don’t go to parties. No one would invite me anyway.”
“I’m inviting you. You’ll be my date.”
My humor dropped. “I can’t, Jor.” I paused. “I can’t be there when Rune is. Not after everything.”
Jorie leaned in closer. “He won’t be there,” she said quietly. “He’s told Deacon he isn’t going, that he’s going somewhere else.”
“Where?” I asked, failing to disguise my curiosity.
She shrugged. “Hell if I know. Rune doesn’t really talk much. I think it only adds to why he’s attracting group
ies like there’s no tomorrow.” Jorie stuck out her bottom lip and prodded my arm. “Please, Pops. You’ve been gone so long, and I’ve missed you. I want to spend as much time with you as I can, but you keep hiding yourself away. We have years to make up for. Ruby will be there too. You know I’d never leave you alone.”
My eyes inspected the ground, trying hard to think up an excuse. I looked up at Jorie and I could see that my refusal was upsetting her.
Chasing away the pangs of doubt in my chest, I relented. “Okay, I’ll come with you.”
Jorie’s face split into a huge smile. “Perfect!” she said. I laughed as she brought me in for a quick hug.
“I need to get home,” I said as she released me. “I’ve got a recital tonight.”
“Okay, I’ll come get you at seven tomorrow night. Good?”
I waved my hand and began walking home. I had only made it a few hundred yards before I felt someone walking behind me through the blossom grove. When I looked over my shoulder, there was Rune.
My heart kicked into sprint mode as my gaze caught his. He didn’t look away from me, but I did from him. I was terrified he would try to talk to me. What if he wanted me to explain everything? Or worse, what if he wanted to tell me that what we had was nothing?
That would break me.
Quickening my pace, I kept my head down and rushed all the way home. I felt him trailing me the entire way, but he made no move to overtake.
As I raced up the steps of my porch, I looked to the side and saw him leaning against the side of his house, near his window. My heart flipped as he pushed back his hair. I had to keep my feet rooted to the porch, in case I dropped my bag and ran over to him, to explain why I let him go, why I cut him off so horribly, why I’d give anything for him to kiss me just one more time. Instead, I forced myself to go inside.
My mama’s words played heavily on my mind as I walked to my bedroom and lay down … maybe it was a good thing you broke all contact, baby. I’m not real sure he could have handled everything you went through from what his mamma has said…