Ann bit back a laugh as she slipped her hand into her husband’s arm and started to pull him to the library before he became lost in an argument with his butler.
“Do you believe that?” the Duke said to her as he looked over his shoulder back at his servant. “I pay that man’s salary.”
Ann couldn’t stop herself from laughing this time. Oh, how she loved to see the Grand Duke humbled. It was good for him. The fact that it was obvious that Stevenson treated him that way for that exact purpose only made it all that much sweeter.
“Come,” she said. “I am sure there is a great deal of correspondence you need to deal with.”
He frowned back at his servant one last time then smiled down at her. “Yes, you’re probably correct.”
Ann could only shake her head as she got her husband safely ensconced behind his large desk. As she turned to the shelves to find a book, she couldn’t help but smile to herself as she thought of the last time the two of them had been in this room together. The night of the ball.
Shaking off the embarrassment building inside of her, she quickly retrieved the book she wanted and told her husband that she would be in her rooms if he needed her.
He looked up from his papers and smirked at her, raising an eyebrow. “I am always in need of you my dear,” he said.
She blushed furiously and shook her head as she hurried to leave him before she allowed him to take her again on that very desk.
Once she was upstairs, she found Margaret unpacking her bags.
“The new dresses arrived for you, Your Grace,” the maid said. “And Her Grace, the Dowager, asked that you call on her when you returned home. The meeting with the Queen needs to be finalized.”
Ann sighed heavily. She was back in London and her life was no longer her own.
Plopping down in a chair by the fire she opened her book and tried to read. But her mind continually drifted off, pondering what was to be her life. A man that wanted her body but didn’t truly love her. A home that at times felt cold and imposing. And now she would have to meet the Queen. All the while, pretending that her life was wonderful.
Sighing heavily, she realized this was her life and things would never change.
Over the next few days, she fell into a routine. A late night attending some lord’s gala. Holding irrelevant discussions with ladies she barely knew. Waking up late, with the Duke already away and gone for the day. Spending the afternoon shopping with her mother-in-law or attending some lady’s tea. Then, once again, dressing in fine gowns and going to another event.
Sometimes, the Duke would accompany them. Other times they were expected to entertain themselves. Of course, they were always accompanied by a squad of footmen. Under no circumstances was she ever to be alone in public.
Or at home, it seemed half the time, if it wasn’t Margaret checking on her every few minutes, It was Old Stevenson wondering if he might be of assistance.
At first, she had thrown herself into the running of the household. But in all honesty, she had realized almost immediately that Stevenson, and Misses Tolliver, the housekeeper, did a much better job than she could have done. They knew the staff, in addition, they knew the Duke’s preferences, desires, and wants better than his own wife.
Admit it, she thought to herself. They were very good at their jobs. Of course, they were. The Duke wouldn’t have them working there unless they were.
So, on mornings like this one, she found herself pacing back and forth in her room. Bored and troubled.
Her stomach churned as if she were coming down with something. Perhaps it was the roast from last night. Although, the thought of cook ever serving anything that had turned, seemed ridiculous.
Now that she thought of it. It had been this way for the past several days. Thankfully, it didn’t last long.
She hoped it wasn’t the sweating sickness people had been talking about. It had laid up several of her acquaintances for weeks in bed. Making them weak. And in the case of Lord Danbury, had actually killed him.
Of course, the man had been in his seventies. So, it had not taken much.
Resting a hand on her stomach, she bit back a touch of discomfort. Would the Dowager be upset if she canceled their plans for the afternoon?
Sighing, she wondered if she should send word. As she sat there worrying about the Dowager, a sudden bolt of awareness hit her. She was late. Her cycle was late. She was never late. Counting back, she realized that she was ten days past her expected time.
A cold fear washed through her as her hand once again came to rest on her stomach. Was she expecting? Could that be possible? So soon?
A thousand questions fought with a thousand worries to take control of her mind. All while a dozen different emotions washed over her.
The Duke’s child. Was she really going to deliver him a child? What would his reaction be? Would he be happy? Or disappointed in her? It was so soon. Their marriage had barely begun. She would grow fat and ugly.
He would no longer want her. Of that she was positive. Her body would no longer entice him. What then?
A deep sadness filled her as she realized her husband would surely find solace in some other woman’s arms.
As she thought about it. A tear began to form in the corner of her eye. This was not the time. He didn’t love her. How could she bring a child into this world with a man who didn’t love her? What if he didn’t love the child?
A child. The thought sent a quick surge of wonder through her. His child. Maybe that would make him love her. No, she realized almost immediately. He would see her as the mother of his children. Not his true love.
There was such a difference, she thought as once again her mind wrestled with all of the ramifications. Oh, how she wished she could talk to her mother. She would know what to do.
Should she tell him? Of course. He would come to realize eventually. She couldn’t hide it from him forever. But now? Today? What if he was unhappy? She would have ruined their marriage too soon.
His mother? No. if she told the Dowager, the woman would tell half of London. If she had mentioned something about an heir a dozen times, she had mentioned it a thousand. Word would get back to the Duke of course.
Who could she share this with? Who would be on her side?
“Lydia,” she whispered to herself. Her sisters were the only people that she could surely trust. Yet, they were a day’s carriage ride away. It wasn’t as if she could pop around the corner and break the news to them.
And they were not due to be brought to London for another month.
Could she press the Duke to retrieve them early? Would he do that for her? He had been rather adamant in wanting two months alone to begin their marriage. Some silly piece of advice he had received somewhere.
Yet, they were not alone. His mother and his servants surrounded them. Of course, they weren’t. So why shouldn’t she have her sisters with her?
Once again, she slowly began to rub her stomach. A child. Who would ever have believed that she would be a mother? Suddenly, a feeling of pure happiness washed through her entire body. A child. Someone who would love her no matter what. Someone she could care for. Watch over. Teach and help. A person she brought into this world. A person who needed her.
Smiling to herself, she closed her eyes and let the feelings fill her. Yes, the Duke might be disappointed. And yes, he would find her gross and disgusting as she grew large and ungainly. But a child. Her child.
Even if he did abandon her for another woman. She would have his child. His legitimate heir if it was a boy. He might not love her. But he would never be able to ignore her. Of that, she knew deep in her soul.
Should she tell him now? What if she was mistaken?
Ann searched her body and knew that she was not mistaken. The signs were there. A missed cycle, swollen breasts. Discomfort in the mornings. And of course, she and her husband had been together so often, how could she not be increasing.
Why hadn’t she realized this could happen. Oh, sure
ly, she had been aware of the possibility. But the reality was so shocking.
“A child,” she murmured to herself. A reality that could not be disguised.
She would tell him, she thought as she got up from her chair. He deserved to know the truth. Yes, a fear ignored would always come back to haunt her. And while it might cause her to lose him. It was better to face it now than carry around this worry with her always.
Yes, she would tell him, she thought as her stomach once again threatened to rebel. But this time it was not morning sickness. This was pure worry over the fact she was about to change their lives forever.
Sighing, she made her way downstairs to find her husband in the library, at his desk buried behind a pile of papers.
“Your Grace,” she said hesitantly as she screwed up her courage. How does a woman tell her husband that she is with child? Does she just blurt it out? Or should she lay the groundwork first? Offering hidden hints and subtle suggestions?
No, this was the Duke, that would never work. He only heard the actual words spoken. Hidden meanings were lost on him.
He looked up and smiled as he said, “There you are. I wanted to let you know that I am off to my other estate tomorrow. The one we didn’t visit on our tour. There has been a change in the vote schedule in parliament and I can get away for three or four days.”
Ann rocked back on her heels. This was not how she had expected this to go.
“Do you wish me to accompany you,” she asked. “If so, I need to send word to your mother. We were scheduled to attend Lord Pemberton’s ball tomorrow.”
“No. No, there is no need,” he said as he riffled through the pile of papers until he found the one he was looking for. “I will leave the carriage for you and mother. I will ride out. It will be nice to spend the day on horseback. I don’t get to do that often enough.”
Ann’s soul sank. It was as if he was looking forward to being away from her. Was she that much of an anchor on his life?
“The main house on the estate is closed up,” he added as he turned a page. “I will stay at Lord Gresham’s, next to my lands. I believe his family is already in attendance and I have a standing invitation.”
Her stomach churned and she had to bite down hard to stop herself from being sick right there in front of him. Lord Gresham. Did that mean Lady Clarice would be there? Of course, she would be, Ann thought with a sickening certainty. The woman would somehow know that he was going to be there and make sure she was available.
Or, had he already informed her? Perhaps this was his true reason for going at this time? Because he knew she would be there.
Her knees shook as she forced herself to walk across the room and sit down across from him.
The Duke continued to study the papers before him. The idiot, she thought. How dare he act as if there was nothing of importance going on. How dare he be so oblivious.
Finally, he looked up from his papers and frowned slightly.
“I assume you will be perfectly fine. I will be gone but a short while.”
She took a deep breath as a plan began to form in the back of her mind.
“No, Your Grace. Of course, you must take care of your estates. I understand perfectly.”
He smiled with a sense of relief then lifted an eyebrow. “Of course, we will have tonight. And just think of when I return. They do say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
She smiled weakly. “Yes, they do say that, don’t they?”
As she looked into his eyes. A sadness filled her. A turning point had come and gone, she realized. And now it was time for her to care for her own soul if she was to maintain any sense of wellbeing.
And the one thing her child was going to have was a mother who was there for her.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Ann rested her hand on her husband’s chest as she reached up to kiss him goodbye.
“Be careful, Your Grace,” she said as she looked up into his eyes. The thought of him riding alone on the roads filled her with worry. One more thing to fret about, she thought as she stepped back.
He smiled down at her then told Stevenson to care for things before he turned and left without looking back.
Ann’s heart broke as Stevenson closed the door behind her husband. She could feel it all slipping away. Any hope for happiness between them. Once again, her life had shifted without her assent.
Sighing, she returned to the library to read for the next several hours. She must wait until the Duke was far enough away that he could not be recalled. Her plans required it.
As she sat before the fire, turning the pages in a book she knew she would never remember, her glance was continually pulled to the clock in the corner. Each swing of the pendulum seemed to last for an entirety.
Only after two hours did she finally sigh with relief and put aside her book. Rising, she stepped out of the library and called for Stevenson. The butler appeared almost immediately as if he had been waiting for her claim to his attention.
She swallowed hard, then lifted her chin. “Please have them bring around the carriage?”
The butler’s eyebrows lifted slightly.
“I will be visiting my sisters,” she added as if that was all the explanation he needed.
The butler’s eyebrows lifted even further. “At the Brookenham estate?” he asked.
“Yes,” she replied, while maintaining eye contact. If he caught a hint of doubt in her he would never comply.
“Your Grace,” he said as he frowned at her, “Does His Grace know of your intentions?”
Ann bit back a smart remark. It wasn’t Stevenson’s fault for asking such a question. He was simply performing his duties.
“No,” she said. “I have only just decided that I must.” A small fabrication, but necessary.
Still, he continued to frown at her. “Your Grace, perhaps if we sent word to His Grace. I am sure we could have him back within a day or so. If you waited until he returned. You will have to travel through the night …”
Ann’s stomach tightened into a knot. Why did everything have to revolve around her husband’s desires and wishes? Why weren’t her concerns and needs ever taken into account? No, this must not be allowed to continue.
“The carriage, if you please.”
A touch of doubt filled her when he continued to stare at her and not immediately jump to answer her demand.
“Think of it this way,” she said, “I can either use the family’s carriage with a pair of footmen and John Coachman to watch over me. Or I can hire a carriage and have strangers take me to my sisters. Which is it to be?”
His brow knit with obvious concern. Until he nodded slightly, “Will your maid be traveling with you, Your Grace?”
She shook her head. “No, I will be staying with my sisters. There is no room for a maid. And in all honesty, no need for one.”
Once again, he frowned deeply. She wondered which bothered him more. The thought of her traveling without her husband’s permission. Or the thought of her traveling without a lady’s maid.
After a long pause, the butler bowed at the waist slightly. Finally, her insides relaxed just a little. Perhaps she could accomplish this after all. Perhaps she still retained a little control over what happened to her.
“And Stevenson,” she said as he turned to leave so that he might issue the necessary commands, “no sending word to Her Grace the Dowager.”
A brief flush to his cheeks let her know that had been his exact plan. He grimaced and bowed once again, “Of course, Your Grace.”
As Stevenson left to get the carriage and staff ready, Ann hurried upstairs to have Margaret pack. She wanted to discuss with the maid which dresses she should take for her sisters. Suddenly, the thought of seeing Lydia and Isobel again filled her with joy.
She had missed them terribly.
Their easy laughter. The constant jibes and probes. The way they looked at the world. So innocently.
Later, as the carriage finally broke free from London
she was able to relax. No one had stopped her. Everyone had acted as if it was perfectly normal for her to leave her home without her husband’s permission. Sometimes, it was good to be a Duchess.
Leaning back on the squabs, she rested a hand on her stomach and looked out the window at the setting sun. Where was the Duke now? she wondered. Probably halfway to his estate. What would he think when he returned and found her gone?
Would he be upset? Or relieved?
She thought about it for a moment and realized he would obviously be upset. The idea of her doing something that he had not approved of would be more than enough reason.
No, he would be more than upset. He would be furious. The thought made her insides tremble. The thought of disturbing her husband was rather troubling, but she could not allow that to sway her. No, she must do this.
She sighed heavily and closed her eyes, letting the rocking of the coach pull away some of the tension in her body.
.o0o.
His Grace, the Duke of Norwich took Lady Clarice’s arm as he led her into the dining room. He supposed he shouldn’t have been surprised to find her here with her parents. Where else would she be? But, once he had realized his error he had shrugged it off.
The woman was not his favorite person. But manners and expectations covered awkward moments like this. Everyone knew their role. It was easy to hide the truth beneath a mountain of manners.
Once he was seated, he thanked Lord Gresham once again for his hospitality.
Lord Gresham nodded. Lady Gresham beamed as if she had caught the biggest fish of the day.
“I thought, Your Grace, we might host a party. A small get together, the musicians in the village are actually quite good. And I know how much you enjoy dancing.”
Norwich grimaced.
Lady Gresham had the good grace to blush as she realized the implications of her words. Obviously, everyone at the table was thinking of his dance with Ann in Brookenham’s garden.
“Unfortunately,” he said, “I will be here but a day or so. And rather busy. I must return to London as quickly as possible. After all, I am only recently married.”
Duke In Disguise (The Stafford Sisters Book 1) Page 16