by Anna Zabo
A chuckle from Adrian. “I could come to you, you know. Wherever you are.”
So tempting. So utterly tempting. But also dangerous. “If they know who you are...”
“They’ll follow me to you.” There was the bitter edge Adrian’s voice had lacked before. “Makes sense.”
“It’s gonna be like that, Adrian. Forever.”
“Maybe. Maybe not.” A long pause. “But you’re worth it.”
Was he, though? There were other men—other people—Adrian could love. Lovers without complicated lives. But he kept those words behind his mouth.
Didn’t seem to matter, because a frustrated sharpness bled into Adrian’s words, as if he could see Dom, or hear those thoughts. “Listen to me. You are worth it. I’ll take what the world throws at us.”
“Adrian—”
A breath, and a voice that was layered with worry, fear, and love. “Please don’t shut me out.”
Dom blinked away yet more fucking wetness in his eyes. “Okay.” That came out as a whisper. This was hell. No matter which way he turned, he was going to hurt Adrian. “Then at least let me tell you what to look for?”
“You mean with photographers and shit?”
“Yeah. And like...prep for what people might ask you.”
Again, it was almost as if they were in the same room. He felt Adrian’s sigh. Imagined him combing fingers through that auburn hair of his. “All right. Tell me.”
So he did. He listed all of the invasive questions he’d ever heard the gossip press throw at the band, all the shit he’d seen Ray and Zavier go through. All the questions he, as Domino, had refused to answer. Hell, the press had already pestered his mom and dad. “And they’ll probably dig into your family, and ask them shit, too.”
That got him a dark chuckle. “Is it bad if that pleases me on some level? Especially if they start asking Father Patrick about his queer little brother shacking up with a loud, tattooed rock star?”
Okay, that was kinda amusing in a weird way. “Your silver linings are interesting.”
“I’m not always the nicest person,” Adrian replied wryly.
Everyone had their moments of spite. This one, Dom understood. But there was another part of that whole exchange he wanted to know more about.
“Are we shacking up?” Despite everything, despite knowing the best thing to do was to let Adrian go, this thought warmed Dom straight to his bones. To have Adrian, to be home with him permanently was a fucking dream.
“If you’d like to. We’d have a lot of details to work out, but I’m serious, Dominic. I’ve been since the beginning. Not a fling. And I’ll take what comes.”
Agony ripped through Dom’s heart. Everything he wanted. All that he could not ask Adrian to give. “I—need to think about that.”
“I figured you might.” There was that soothing tone again. “Trust what I say, though.”
“I will.” He believed Adrian, believed that Adrian believed what he said was true. Knew that it wasn’t. “I should let you go. You have work tomorrow.”
“Okay. But I want you to do something for me.”
Dom pushed out a breath, his pulse kicking up. Wasn’t lust—he was too damn tired and strung out—but that sense that whatever it was that Adrian offered, he would need. “What?”
“Kneel for me.”
He obeyed before he even thought about it, sliding onto the hotel room floor. “Yes.”
“Stay there until you find your center, Dominic.”
A fresh wave of tears threatened. “I might be here a long time.”
“I don’t think so. You’re strong. And I love you.”
Dom leaned against the bed and bit back the words he wanted to say, the ones that would refute all three statements. But his heart and soul had already settled into the work Adrian had laid before him. “All right.”
“Night, babe.”
“Good night.”
When the line went silent, Dom set the phone down on the floor, buried his head in his hands, and finally let the stress and fear and anxiety wring the tears out of him. It didn’t hurt, though, and that surprised him. Felt cleansing. He took a breath, then another.
Maybe, maybe he was strong at his core. Domino was. And, as everyone kept pointing out, he was Domino Grinder.
So what would Domino do?
He raised his head and sat for a while, letting thoughts tumble through his head until one settled in and stayed. Domino wouldn’t let go of the man of his dreams, so maybe Dom shouldn’t, either.
It was so fucking hard, though. He trusted what Adrian said, but he knew he’d change Adrian’s life for the worst.
Which was better? Fighting or letting go? He still didn’t know.
Slowly, he rose to his feet and shook out his legs—then called room service for a burger and a beer. Tomorrow he’d sit down with the band and their manager and figure out what came next.
Chapter Twenty
The week after the revelation about Dominic both flew by fast and went excruciatingly slowly. Greg had made good on his threat, and a mere two days later, Adrian’s own photo had been splashed across a website, along with the headline DOMINO GRINDER’S SECRET LOVER and some painfully intimate tidbits about their dinners. He’d wandered over to Poet and Whiskey after work, intent on giving the owner a piece of his mind, and spotted more than a few people following him.
And when he’d gotten to Poet and Whiskey, he’d pretty much killed every conversation by walking into the place. The owner found him first, and apologized profusely for the invasion of privacy. She assured him that Greg had been fired. So he’d stuck around for a beer and been surprised when the staff and patrons closed ranks around him.
The night was pleasant, and he ended up texting Dominic about it.
Not everyone is an asshole.
Dominic had been pleased. Yeah, I know. My new therapist keeps pointing that out, too.
They’d been texting every day, and talking when they both knew each other was alone. It hurt to be apart. Adrian tried to keep the loneliness out of his voice, so not to add to Dominic’s stress. He sounded so tired most days, but the connection helped.
None of this was easy. Watching the news about Twisted Wishes on Twitter and the gossip sites was unnerving. And so were finding people hanging out in front of his house waiting for Adrian to come out each morning.
He’d never kept a huge footprint on the internet, but there was enough public information out there. His address from real estate records. His résumé still lurked on some job-hunt sites. They’d found his gym membership, though no one there had given any reporter the time of day, thank goodness.
Work was most certainly not amused with Adrian’s sudden celebrity status. But the building was secure and the front desk extra vigilant—one of the perks for working at a bank in New York City. He had suggested to Jackson that they not work out or take lunch, lest he be drawn into the fray.
Jackson waved a hand. “Adi, I am so unconcerned with this job and with those ‘reporters’ trying to dig into dirt on you.”
The first part of that made Adrian pause. “Did you—” He lowered his voice. “You got it?”
“Of course I fucking got it.” Jackson gave him a sly grin. “Just took a while for the paperwork to come through and for them to figure out my compensation. I’m turning in my notice as soon as I’m finished talking to you.”
Oh. A strange mix of elation and sadness rocketed though Adrian. Jackson was leaving. Off to a job that meant something.
Dominic was up in Chelsea, passionately recording his heart out and dodging the press, something he might not have had to do if Adrian hadn’t made him—less careful? More open?
Adrian caught Jackson frowning. Shit. Head in his own problems. “Hey, I’m really glad for you.”
Jackson leveled him a look. “You ai
n’t happy, Adrian.”
“I am for you. I’m just—” He shrugged. “There’s a lot on my mind.”
“Like your dude. And the people following him. And you.” Jackson sat against the edge of Adrian’s desk.
“Honestly, I think at this point Dominic’s more upset that I’m being drawn into the chaos that is his life than he is that he was found out. Part of him realized it would happen eventually. And when I figured it out, I think it gave him a mental heads-up that this was coming.”
“Transference,” Jackson said. “He tell you that you guys should break up yet?”
Adrian didn’t bother hiding his flinch. “Not in so many words.”
A chuckle from Jackson. “Let me guess—doesn’t want to screw up your life?”
Almost exactly the words used. “Pretty much.”
Jackson grunted. “Adi. I’m gonna go in and tell Russ I’m out of here in two weeks, which you can bet means I’m being escorted out right after they do an exit interview.” He stood and looked down at Adrian. “You know this office is gonna grind to a halt.”
“Yeah.”
“So what the fuck are you doing here when you should be talking to your man?”
The question hit Adrian hard. He hadn’t even considered heading over to the studio, not when he was being tailed. Not when Dominic was in a state of panic at the chaos. “I figured once things calmed down, we’d figure shit out.”
Jackson raised an eyebrow. “You’re not a fool, Adrian. You know better. He’s a rising star—a rock star. This is gonna be his life.”
And there was the truth. Adrian pushed away from his computer, his heart pounding. He wanted to be part of that life—part of Dominic’s world. Chaos or no. If he let go of Dominic, there’d be no more quiet moments in his library. No more waking up to that smile.
Jackson stood. “Stay for the fireworks, then get out of here and go do what I know you want to do.”
Adrian nodded, lips pressed tight, and watched Jackson exit and head down to Russ’s office. Because cube walls didn’t keep out anything, there was already murmuring around him. Whispered conversations, and this time it wasn’t about Adrian’s sex life with a rock star.
Domino. Dominic. Jackson was right. After the show, he needed to go to Dominic and argue that this shouldn’t end. That the fame, the annoyance of the notoriety, was nothing compared to the agony of losing Dominic. His passion, his beauty, and his love.
He knew his feelings were returned. Dominic loved him—wanted him. Just didn’t see a way to be together.
Adrian glanced around his cube, and thought of the email sitting in his personal account from Marcella Crane. Thought about the other from Ray Van Zeller.
Jackson was leaving this job. Maybe it was time for Adrian to, as well. There wasn’t anything at all holding him here, other than a paycheck.
He stood and wandered out into the hallway. Other people were popping up over their walls, peering toward the boss’s office. Five minutes later, it wasn’t Jackson, but William who marched down the hall. “You.” He pointed at Adrian. “You knew this was happening.”
“I knew he was interviewing, yes. That he’d found something that excited him in a way this place never did.” Adrian cocked his head and leveled a look at William. “There’s more to life than just a paycheck.” He didn’t honestly know whether he was talking to William—or to himself.
William shook his head. “It’s only going to mean more work for you.”
“Maybe.” Adrian scooped up his phone. “Maybe not. We’ll see.” He turned his back on William and headed for the elevators.
“Where the fuck are you going?” William’s voice rose shrill and hard behind him.
He waved a hand in the air. “Figure it out. You’re the genius on the floor, William.”
A minute later, he was on the elevator and heading to the lobby. Five minutes later, he was pounding down the steps into a subway station. Pretty sure someone was following him. Or maybe he was just paranoid. Didn’t really matter at this point.
He had enough signal to fire off a text to Dominic. We need to talk.
When he passed through the next station, a reply came in. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to do this to you.
Fucking hell. You are not breaking up with me over text, Dominic Bradley! Of course, the fucking train halted on the tracks and he no longer had signal. Adrian closed his eyes for a moment, then the train lurched forward.
When he reached the closest stop to the studio, he marched out of there and up to the street. No reply from Dominic. Maybe avoidance. Maybe panic. He didn’t know, but this wasn’t going to end without them speaking.
He definitely was being followed now. And photographed. Adrian hit the call button on his phone and listened to the other end ring and ring and ring.
Finally—finally—as he got to the building that housed the recording studio, Dominic picked up.
“Adrian—”
“Don’t. Just—don’t. I know it’s hard. I know you want to. But don’t.”
A hiss, as if Dominic was breathing out through his teeth. “Do you have any idea what your life will be like? The fans? The press? Nothing will be normal again.”
“Sure it will.” Adrian stopped in front of the building, surrounded by fans and photogs and a ton of cell phones being pointed his direction. He was vaguely aware that people were calling his name, but all he could do was crane his head up and look at the building. Count the floors. “And I have a fairly good idea what the non-normal part will be like, too.”
“How could you?”
“Because I’m standing on the sidewalk in front of your studio. I’m sure if you check Twitter or something, you’ll see video.”
Silence.
“Dominic.”
“You’re outside?”
“I am.”
“Why?”
He rolled his eyes. “Take a fucking guess, genius.” He laughed. “You are so impossible sometimes.”
“Oh my god. You are there. There’s about a dozen live feeds. Ray has one up. Holy shit.” On the other end, a deep rumble of a voice—probably Zavier—said something. “Yeah, but I can’t just—” Dominic took a breath.
“Yes, you can,” Adrian said. “You can come down here and rescue my sorry ass from this.”
“I’m—not dressed.” Dominic’s voice was a harsh whisper.
He knew what Dominic meant, and ignored it completely. The look he wore didn’t matter for this. “I’m one hundred percent certain you have clothes on, Dominic.”
Silence on the other end, which only emphasized the crush and chatter of the crowd around him. He lowered his own voice, ducked his head, and closed his eyes to block out all those people staring at him. “Babe, please.”
His next step was to fall apart on the sidewalk. It was too much to handle, the emotions. Knowing that every word, every expression was being transmitted over the internet to god knew who. Maybe even his siblings. Fuck knew what Patrick would think, him begging for his lover in public.
But he’d endure what he could for Dominic. Because Dominic had to endure so much more now that his true name was out.
An exhale on the other line. “Oh my god, Adrian. Hang on. I’ll be right down.”
He had no idea what had changed Dominic’s mind, but relief shot through him. “Thank you.” He clicked off his phone, but kept his eyes closed for a little longer. Found the calm, the center, and the control, even if his heart was trying to pound its way from his chest. His stomach was in tatters.
Maybe they would break up. There was always that possibility, even if he hated the thought. But it wouldn’t be because of fear or the public or any of this shit.
He blinked his eyes open and raised his gaze to the door of the building. They fit together. In bed. Outside it. He loved the shy bookworm as much a
s the over-the-top rock star. Loved everything in between, too. The surrender and the steel. All of the things that made Dominic Bradley utterly himself.
The lobby door opened, and Dominic was there, pushing through the crowd of people. “Excuse me,” Dominic ground out. “Can you all just...get out of my way?”
Dominic was—different—this way. But also the same. A T-shirt clung to his body, exposing his tattoos. He was wearing the faded jeans Adrian was so used to seeing on him, but with sneakers, not his dress shoes. His hair was a mess—more Domino than Dominic, but glasses perched on his nose.
When Dominic finally reached him, he grabbed Adrian by the shoulders and gave a little shake. “What are you doing here, Adrian?”
He peered into those wide brown eyes. “Do you remember when you asked me if I liked my job?”
Dominic slid his hands up to Adrian’s neck. They were strangely cool. Soothing. Or he was overheated. “I remember everything about that night,” he said.
“I fucking hate my job. It’s awful. My best friend just quit and I’m going to be stuck in that corporate hell alone.” After that statement blazed across the internet, he’d probably get pushed out. “I’m here because nothing in the world matters more to me than you. Not the job, not my grandparents’ house, not even my library. I’d burn it all down if it meant I could be with you. I love you.”
Dominic’s shoulders dropped. “Fucking hell, Adrian.”
There were tears lurking back in the corner of his eyes and in his mind. He missed family. Missed connections. Jackson had been a lifeline for years. So had Janelle, but they were friends—not this. Dominic was so much more than a friend. He’d become part of Adrian’s life.
“I mean it.”
Those hands rose to cup his face, and Dominic stepped close. Pressed his forehead to Adrian’s. “I know you do. You’re surprisingly, refreshingly truthful about every damn thing in the world.”
Adrian met those lovely brown eyes. “Surely not everything.”
A laugh, then the humor fell away. Thumbs stroked Adrian’s cheeks. “You know, this is the way my life is.” He nodded to the crowd rocking around them, all the people taking photos and videos and no doubt texting and tweeting all of this. “Chaos. No privacy.”