by Duffy Brown
I gave Arnett the money she’d forked over for the sisters’ defense since they were home free … literally, after getting released from jail. I was expecting a red velvet cake on my doorstep anytime now.
Arnett headed out the door, and with no break at all, KiKi stormed in. I had been expecting her on my doorstep anytime as well.
“I shouldn’t be talking to you,” she huffed while storming around the hallway. “I’m still ticked about last night. How could you leave me out of the action like you did? You and Gloria just pranced off into the night and all the fun, and you left me with the windmill cookies and Mrs. Jones-Brown rattling on about her rotten husband. I wonder if he has any idea what she’s up to?”
“Boone was with you.” I started pricing clothes that had come in yesterday and getting them ready to put out on the sale racks.
“He ran off like a shot when he couldn’t get you on the phone and Emmitt and Foley were nowhere to be found. I think he loves you.”
I stopped hanging for a minute and blushed like a schoolgirl. “I think he does too.”
“Since we got the Willie/Bonnie Sue mess straightened out, your mamma helped me move out of the Pines this morning and I want to get the house in order before Putter comes home tonight from golfing. The thing is, I forgot my favorite robe; it’s hanging on the back of the closet door. Bernard Thayer is headed this way for a dance lesson because someone standing in this very room canceled his lesson yesterday. Let’s make a deal, if you get my robe, I’ll give the lesson and we’ll call it even.”
“I’ll close the Fox for lunch and get it.” I stopped pricing and put down my pen. “I was thinking you … we should try and tone things down a bit. No more caskets in the Beemer, no more midnight runs to Bonaventure. Let Savannah take care of itself for a while.”
“Walker’s making a fuss?”
“Walker puts up with a lot, and maybe Uncle Putter is tired of putting up with a lot. He’s been doing it for while now, you know.”
KiKi grabbed my hand, her face serious. “Something’s going on with Putter. You’re flipping your hair and your eye’s twitching.”
“I know nothing.” At least that part was true. “I’m just saying let’s concentrate on the wedding. Weddings are safe. We have cake and flowers and dancing and we’ll wear pretty dresses. I have mine; we need to get yours.”
“You’re not leveling with me and I’m finding out why.”
“All’s level, like Kansas-prairie level. I’m just trying to enjoy the wedding plans.” I made a cross over my heart. “Promise.”
At noon I taped an “Out to lunch, be back at 1” sign on the door. I never closed for lunch, but this time I felt like I owed Auntie KiKi. I had canceled on Bernard and she’d been left out of the Emmitt/Foley take down last night. The Bernard part was for my good, the left-out part for her good.
I hitched up BW and headed for the Pines. “Its ten-thousand-steps time,” I singsonged to my walking companion. He didn’t look overjoyed.
It felt good to have the sisters back in their house on one side and Auntie KiKi back home on the other side. The Willie/Bonnie Sue mess was another matter. They hadn’t deserved to die for swindling people, but I understood where Emmitt and Foley were coming from. They’d lost their money and their home. But instead of saying they were glad they’d done what they did, they’d insisted they were innocent. Why not take credit for what they did?”
I opened the squeaky gate to the Pines, and BW and I cut around the fountain and across the deserted patio. I opened one of the patio doors, a bad smell washing over me. I kept the door open and stepped inside to quiet. Usually there was a TV blaring, the clanking of dishes, people talking, Mr. Jim hurrying around. “Hello.” I called out. “My aunt moved back home and she forgot her robe, and what is that smell?”
“Bug spray. They’re spraying for … bugs. Get the robe and then you getter leave.”
“I’m sorry about Dexter.”
“Not as sorry as he’s going to be.” She laughed, kind of a creepy laugh. “Just go, will you?”
“Eugenia, that smell isn’t insecticide, it’s … gasoline? Your shoes are covered in it.”
“No, they’re not.”
I pushed my way past Eugenia, BW following me into the kitchen, to see Dexter Thomas, dazed, his forehead bloody, gagged and tied to a chair. He was soaking wet with … gasoline? There were puddles of it all around the kitchen.
I stopped dead, terror shooting up my spine. “Eugenia, this is a really bad idea.”
I turned around to a dueling pistol aimed at my chest. “Why didn’t you just leave?” Eugenia yelled. “I told you to go. You had your chance and now it’s too late. And before you get any wise ideas to leave now, this gun is loaded, not like Emmitt’s last night. My daddy used to fire this thing every New Year’s Eve—tradition, he said. I paid attention. Sit over there.”
“Why burn down the Pines? I don’t get it.”
She waved the pistol. “Insurance money.” She glared at Dexter. “And because some people got it coming, even you. You got Walker Boone and I got nothing. No wedding, no dress, no Sugar Bell. You get it all. I hate you!”
“I get that you hate me but … but let my dog go. He’s never hurt anyone; he doesn’t even bark at people. Don’t take this out on BW. Besides, if he gets away, it’ll look like I just got trapped in the flames. Please.” I bent down, snuggled next to BW, and slid off my ring. Petting him, I twisted the dental floss I had around the back of the ring into BW’s collar, holding the ring in place. At least I hoped it would.
“All right, fine. Just get him out of here before I change my mind.”
I stood. I looked BW in the eyes, trying to be stern. BW and I didn’t do stern; we did “How about we split this cookie and watch Gilmore Girls?” I pointed out the kitchen door and yelled, “Go.”
BW looked at me, confused and hurt.
“Get out!”
He didn’t budge. I picked an apple off the counter and threw it at BW, hitting him in the side. He yelped, breaking my heart, then took off. I bit back a sob thinking that the last time I would see BW I was mean to him. This sucked but the only thing I could do right now was play for time.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as I sat down to keep Eugenia calm. “You got them locked up in the basement?”
“Your fiancé’s got them all up at the bank—sent a bus for them and everything. He wants to turn Sleepy Pines into a co-op where the residents buy into the house. Then the place would have money for repairs and everything that needs to be done around this dump.”
Keeping the pistol aimed at me, Eugenia picked a pink plastic lighter off the table where Auntie KiKi had had brownies and me an apple the night of the storm. Eugenia flicked the lighter, the orange light dancing in her hands, Dexter white as the cabinets behind him. “It sure is gonna be one big old repair job,” Eugenia giggled, “once I get done with the place.”
“Your dad’s okay with the co-op idea?”
“Better than having to sell it like a lot of big old homes in Savannah do. These places are money pits, nothing but big outdated money-sucking money pits for years and years and years. Daddy could still be manager with the co-op and live here, and that’s what he wants, but I don’t. I have to burn this place down before it goes co-op. The money’s mine, I’m done being poor, this way I get the insurance money and I get rid of Dex all at one time. It’s one of those win-win situations.”
Eugenia sat on the edge of the table facing Dex and me, the window behind her. She swung her legs back and forth, flicking the lighter, pistol still pointing my way. “Why couldn’t Daddy just sell to Dex like I wanted him to?” she said to herself more than to me. “Dex would have left his wife and married me. Wouldn’t you?” She glared at Dex and he nodded in agreement. “I had the dress picked out, a date at Sugar Bell; I even picked out the flowers, pink hydrangeas and white gardenias. Doesn’t that sound lovely?”
Eugenia looked at me. “Guess how I got old Dex here t
oday? I texted him that Elder Planning was making the Pines part of their investments and Daddy wanted to show him around the place to see how much it was worth. He fell for it. Dexter Thomas will do anything that makes money for Dexter Thomas. He’s just like Willie and Bonnie Sue and going to wind up just like they did.”
“Willie and Bonnie Sue?”
“They deserved it, with their scam. I planned those two murders down to the finest detail. They deserved what they got for scamming everyone out of money, including my dad. We were just making ends meet and then Daddy invested, trying to make a quick buck, and things got worse. You gotta love the ground peanuts in the inhaler. I never dreamed those sisters would bury Bonnie Sue’s body. I thought the police would find the inhaler, then Bonnie Sue in their Caddy, and just charge Elsie and Annie Fritz. It was so easy to get Bonnie Sue in the car. I told her the sisters wanted to buy more shares in Spring Chicken. She showed up and I smothered her. I wanted the scandal to ruin the Pines, make Daddy sell the place; then I would get Dexter. So easy. But did any of my ideas work out? Nothing worked out like it was supposed to, but now it will. This is another good idea. This idea is foolproof.”
Something moved in the window behind Eugenia. Oh please, God, let it be Boone and not the cops. The cops had a habit of storming into places and yelling, like they had last night, and in that case it was fine. Today, Eugenia was upset enough to drop the blasted lighter and set the whole place on fire and herself right along with it. The trick was to get to Eugenia before she dropped the lighter, and then there was the little problem of the pistol. The pistol had only one shot to worry about. Just one.
“Eugenia,” I said, trying for distraction and maybe a little trust. “The best revenge is living well. Just let Dexter go and get on with your life.” I stood up very slowly.
“Easy for you to say. You have a life; you have a guy.”
“I didn’t always have the guy.”
Eugenia did a little shrug, then added a demented smile. “But after I get the insurance money, I’ll be living pretty good too.”
She flicked the lighter again. “It’s showtime. I was waiting till the schools let out, and today happens to be an early dismissal. I volunteer at the school libraries, so I know about these things. The fire department will have a much harder time getting here with school traffic clogging the roads. The fire can really catch hold and we’ve had issues with the plumbing around here, so the sprinkler system isn’t working all what well, especially with a little help from yours truly.”
I heard tapping in the hallway, nails against hardwood. I’d heard it a million times before and it always made me feel happy. Today was no different. I turned to the door, BW suddenly standing there wagging his tail.
“Hot dog,” I yelled. BW barked twice, the sound echoing in the big tiled kitchen, making Eugenia jump. She fired the pistol into the air as I lunged for the lighter. Boone raced into the kitchen and grabbed Eugenia. The lighter slid from my fingers, Eugenia slipped out of Boone’s grip, I got Eugenia and Boone got the lighter, his string of swear words filling the room as the lit end landed in his palm.
“Police!” Aldeen yelled from the doorway, two uniforms behind her rushing for Eugenia. Boone handed Aldeen the lighter. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“Better than him.” Boone nodded at Dexter.
I headed to the fridge to get ice for Boone’s hand and he pulled me toward him, BW trotting over. “I now have new respect for dog tricks.”
“I had to throw an apple at our dog to get him out of here.”
“He’s a hero.” Boone held up the ring. “Earlene saw a very sad BW with leash trotting across Barnard. She got him on the bus with a treat, found the ring and called Big Joey, who called me. The three of us figured that was SOS Reagan-style and that meant the Pines.”
“That’s pretty fast work, mister.”
“Hey, in case you didn’t notice I’m a fast operator.” Boone kissed me hard. “And you should know, sweet stuff, that this is just the beginning.”
Auntie KiKi's Very Best Martinis
Hi, Everyone,
Reagan and I and Bruce Willis spend a lot of time together talking about the latest murder here in Savannah and who in the world could have done such a thing. Usually Reagan and I are sitting on the front porch of Cherry House, and more often than not, thanks to yours truly, martinis are involved. Many of you have wanted to know just want kind of martinis I have in that silver shaker I bring along, so here I am to share my favorite recipes. Some have vodka, some no alcohol, but all are mighty tasty. Next time I’ll share my gin martini treasures.
Love from Savannah,
Auntie KiKi
Both Worlds Martini
Chocolate martini for when you need both chocolate and a martini
1½ ounces chocolate liqueur
1½ ounces crème de cacao
½ ounce vanilla vodka
2½ ounces half-and-half
chocolate syrup, for rim
ice
Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker filled with ice and shake. Pour into a chilled cocktail glass rimmed with chocolate syrup. Add cherry skewered on toothpick. Does that sound delicious or what?
Espresso Martini
Just what you need to wake up those brain cells
2 parts vodka
1 part Galliano Ristretto
½ part fresh coffee
gomme syrup (optional)
ice
Shake all ingredients in a shaker with ice and double strain into a chilled martini glass.
Lemon Drop Martini
When you need a little zing in your life
2 ounces vodka
½ ounce triple sec
½ ounce lemon juice
ice
In a shaker with ice, add vodka, triple sec, and lemon juice. Shake well. Strain into chilled martini glass rimmed with sugar.
Apple Martini
May not keep the doctor away, but it sure tastes good
2 ounces Smirnoff Green Apple
½ ounce apple schnapps
splash sour mix
slice green apple
ice
Add Smirnoff Green Apple, sour mix, and apple schnapps. Shake with ice and strain into chilled martini glass. Garnish with the apple slice.
Beach Bum Martini
Perfect for lazy summer days
2 ounces vodka
juice of ½ lemon
2 teaspoons Baker’s (extra-fine) sugar for rimming glass
lemon slice
ice
Mix vodka and lemon juice; pour over ice. Shake well. Pour into a glass and stick a lemon slice on the rim.
Hot Southern Nights Martini
To share with that certain hot person in your life
2 ounces mandarin vodka
2 tablespoons orange juice
8 feathers fresh rosemary
orange slice
ice
Muddle rosemary; add to vodka and orange juice. Pour over ice. Shake, strain, and pour into a martini glass with an orange slice on the rim.
Sweaters and Scarves Martini
For getting rid of the chill in your bones
2 ounces Grey Goose vodka
1 pinch fresh ginger
1 fresh green apple
1 tablespoon lime juice
dash ginger ale
ice
Muddle ginger and two apple slices. Add to vodka and lime juice. Pour over ice, shake, strain, and pour into a glass. Top with ginger ale and add an apple slice to the rim.
Summer on the Veranda Watermelon Martini
For summer sippin’
sugar
kosher salt
6 ounces watermelon juice (mash or use food processor and strain)
2½ ounces vodka or S.Pellegrino sparkling water
2½ ounces limoncello or orange liqueur or orange juice
1 ounce fresh lime juice
ice
watermelon wedges for garnish
Chill g
lass in freezer. Combine sugar and salt; dip dampened glass rim in sugar/salt mixture. Fill cocktail shaker with the watermelon juice, vodka or sparkling water, liqueur, and lime juice. Fill shaker with ice and shake six to eight times. Strain and pour into the glasses and garnish each with a watermelon wedge.
Savannah Martini
When you visit Savannah, have one of these at Jen’s and Friends and think of your Auntie KiKi.
1 tablespoon finely grated orange chocolate
1 teaspoon sugar
2 orange slices
½ cup premium chocolate ice cream, at room temperature for 5 minutes
1 ounce orange vodka or fresh-squeezed orange juice
ice
Gently stir together the chocolate and sugar and put it on a plate. Run an orange slice around the rim of a chilled martini glass and dip the rim in the chocolate/sugar mixture to coat. Add the ice cream and vodka to a cocktail shaker with ice and shake well. Strain into the prepared glass and garnish with the remaining orange slice.
Pussy Foot Martini
No alcohol and so yummy
1 ounce orange juice
1 ounce lemon juice
1 ounce lime juice
2 tablespoons grenadine syrup
1 teaspoon sugar syrup
1 egg yolk
cold sparkling water (optional) or a shot of vodka
orange slice
ice
Pour all the juices and syrups into a cocktail shaker with ice and add the yolk. Shake well, then strain into a large tumbler half filled with ice cubes. Top off with fizzy water if preferred. Garnish with an orange slice.
The Prissy Fox Martini
No alcohol so you can keep a clear head for shopping
juice of a ripe pink grapefruit
juice of half a lemon
2 ounces sugar syrup (made with equal parts sugar and water, heated until sugar is dissolved, then cooled)
cold sparkling or soda water