by Kasie West
I gave him a stare of impatience. “Spit it out, fill-in Bradley, or that’s what you’re going to be from here on out.”
“Do you realize the acronym for fill-in Bradley is FIB? It’s kind of ironic, right?”
I smacked his arm playfully several times while saying, “Tell me your name.”
He laughed and grabbed my hand, pushing it down onto the center console then trapping it there with his. “My name is . . .”
“You’re right, this is super climactic. I don’t think there is anything you can possibly say that will match the anticipation I feel right now.”
“You’re not helping.”
“Should I guess?”
“We have about fifteen minutes, so you might as well.”
“Okay, let’s play Twenty Questions.”
“All right. Hit me. Not literally, though.” He squeezed my hand then let it go.
I smiled. “First question. Were you named after anyone famous?”
“Hmm. Well, yes and no. I mean, there are famous people with my name but I was named after someone not so famous with my name.”
I tilted my head at him. “Really? You have to be confusing like that?”
“Is that one of your questions?”
“No, if you’re going to be so strict with the rules, it’s not. My next question is, can your name also be a last name or close to a last name?”
“What do you mean ‘close to a last name’?”
“Like by adding a letter or something. William isn’t necessarily a last name, but Williams is. Phillip to Phillips. Edward to Edwards. You get it.”
“I do.”
“Then there are the unmodified last names that can also be first names, like Taylor, Scott, Carter, Thomas, Lewis, Harris, Martin, Morris—”
“You think my name is Morris?”
“Just an example.”
“You sure think about names a lot. Wait, don’t tell me, you’re one of those girls who’s already named all her future children.”
“No, I’m not.” Well, not all of them.
“That’s good. And yes, my name can be a last name.”
“A modified one?”
“No.”
“A common one?”
“Not so much.”
I pursed my lips to the side, thinking. “Is it a name that can also double as a word?”
“Explain.”
“You know, like Hunter or Forest or Stone—”
“Or Tree?”
“Ha-ha. No, I was going to say Grant. As in, grant me the patience to deal with this boy while I am trapped in a car with him.”
“Trapped? I seem to recall you practically begging to come with me.”
“I don’t beg.”
With this he let out one big laugh.
“Okay, fine, I begged on prom night but whatever.” I hit him again. Then something occurred to me. “So why were you waiting in the parking lot anyway? You live six blocks from the school and your sister has a cell phone. Plus your sister said you had somewhere to be.”
He was quiet for so long that I thought maybe I’d brought up a sore subject. Finally he said, “If I tell you, I don’t want you to think I’m some sort of creep.”
“I make no promises.”
“I was worried about you.”
“About me?”
“I pulled in right as Bradley had unlinked your arms from his waist and pushed you away. Then you were yelling at each other. And the look on your face after he left . . . I just wanted to make sure you were okay and that you had a ride home. I pulled out a book so I didn’t look too creepy while waiting to see what you were going to do.”
Two feelings competed to take over my emotions. The first was extreme embarrassment at how pathetic I must’ve looked. The second was appreciation at how nice he had been without even knowing me. The gratitude won. “Thank you,” I said. “That’s very . . .”
“Creepy?”
“No, sweet. So is that why?”
“Why, what?”
“You said it wasn’t my smile that got you to go to prom with me but something else. Was it that you felt sorry for me?”
“Maybe a little at first, but then, you looked so . . .”
“Hot?” I prompted when he didn’t finish.
He smiled. “So lonely.”
The smile that had been on my face with the joke slipped off. “Lonely?”
He didn’t respond.
“I have a lot of friends.”
“Don’t be mad. It was just an observation. I was probably wrong.”
“You are wrong.” Here I’d thought he’d seen something in me that I hadn’t known I possessed, something he had figured out about me. It was the main reason I’d wanted to find him. Nobody had ever looked at me with the intensity that he had that first night. Nobody had ever seemed to see inside of me, beyond the obvious. But really he just felt sorry for me. He didn’t know me at all. Why wasn’t I at Logan’s party right now?
“Okay, I’m sorry. But good thing I felt that way or you wouldn’t have had a fake boyfriend that night.”
“True.”
He ran a hand through his hair and threw me a big-eyed look as if to apologize again. It helped. “My name. It can’t double as a word, no.”
Right, back to the game. “Okay, so it’s not a super-famous person, it could be a last name but not a very common one, and it can’t be used in a sentence. This is hard.”
“Well, there are only a million names, so yeah. . . .” He had a nice smile. His top teeth were straight but the bottom ones were competing for space, smashed together in a slightly crooked row. “And I think those are the only questions you can ask about a name, so do you give up?”
“No, those are not the only questions about a name. Is it a place?”
“I’m sure everyone can find a place with their name.”
“So not a place that you know of, then?”
“No.”
“Okay, so not Dallas or Houston, then—”
“You have a thing for Texas?”
“Those were just the first ones I thought of.” I looked around the car and wondered if there were any clues in there. Mail or notes. There was nothing.
“Are you trying to cheat?”
“Maybe. So your sister’s name is Bec. Can you tell me about any special meaning behind that?” I asked, thinking maybe there was a theme.
“That’s not a yes-or-no question. Are we done with the game?”
“Okay, Mr. Rule Follower, I withdraw the question.”
He turned down the radio that had been the background noise of our conversation. “My sister is named after Rebecca from the Bible, but that won’t help you because my dad named my sister and my mom named me. My dad is very religious. My mom’s a hippie, free-loving painter.”
“Really? How did that happen?”
“My mom entered some paintings into an art show put on by the church my dad attended. Twenty years later and they’re still together.”
“Cool.”
“Yes, they are pretty cool.”
I stared at the glowing numbers of the radio station. It wasn’t a station I ever listened to, so I didn’t recognize the quietly playing song at all. “You know what we’ve succeeded in doing with this game?”
“What’s that?”
“Increasing the anticipation.”
He laughed. “I know, right? Can I just be fill-in Bradley forever?”
“No.” I turned toward him in my seat. “I really want to know your name.”
He gripped the wheel and stared at the road. The sun had set and the sky had turned gray and was darkening more with each passing minute. He licked his lips and his voice went husky and soft. “‘The seen, the known, dissolve in iridescence, become illusive flesh of light that was not, was, forever is.’”
I wasn’t sure what he had just said but I knew I wanted him to say it again. “That’s beautiful. What is it?”
“Part of a poem. When my mom was pregnan
t with me, she went to see an art show that came through town. Monet’s “Water Lilies” were some of those paintings and a poem by Robert Hayden was displayed with them. She had always loved the painting but that day she fell in love with the poem. So she named me after the poet.”
“Robert?”
“No.”
“Hayden . . .” I realized I had said it with a bit of reverence and I cleared my throat to pretend that was why.
“Is it disappointing?”
“No, not at all. I like it a lot.”
“I’m kind of fond of it as well.”
“Way better than fill-in Bradley.”
“How is Bradley anyway?” He gave me a sideways glance.
“I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since that night.” I’d been telling too many lies lately, so I felt the need to add, “He texted me. I tried to call him back and he didn’t answer. Then he called me back but I missed it. Then I left a message for him. I haven’t decided if I’m going to call him again.”
“What’s the deciding factor?”
That was a good question. He should’ve been gone. I didn’t need to call him for him to be gone. “I don’t know. I shouldn’t be deciding at all. He left me at prom. In the parking lot. I wasn’t expecting it.” I was talking aloud without filtering my thoughts at all, so I shut my mouth before I said other things I didn’t mean to.
He raised his eyebrows, but I couldn’t read his expression. A large bug hit the windshield with a thump. He turned on the wipers, spraying water to clear it away. “You wanted it to end on your terms?”
“Yes. I mean, no, I didn’t want it to end . . . maybe. What about you? Bec was right, wasn’t she? You really do want your girlfriend back.”
He let out a breath. “Possibly.”
That was as close to “of course I do” as it got for guys, I thought, but I played along. “What’s the deciding factor?”
He tapped the steering wheel with his thumbs, took a deep breath, and said, “Tonight, I guess.”
CHAPTER 13
“Hayden.”
He laughed as he turned off the engine. “Are you just saying it to say it again or do you actually have something to say this time?”
“Mostly I’m just saying it because I can, but I do have a question.”
“What’s that?”
“Are you studying acting?”
“Yes.”
“Good. You’re very talented at it.”
He met my eyes. “Thank you.”
“And what about poetry? Your mom named you after a poet. Did you come to appreciate it?”
“Are you nervous about getting out of the car?”
“Unlike you, I am not an actor.” I was afraid I’d ruin his ploy to get back with Eve due to my terrible acting skills.
“No need to be. We’re here as friends, right? No acting involved.”
“Right.”
He reached for the car door handle.
“Wait! Let me fix your hair.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. You want her to want you, right?” I thought he’d leave but instead he turned toward me with a tired look on his face. I quickly grabbed the gel from my purse before he changed his mind. “The key is to only use a little.” The gel was blue and claimed “Super Support,” so I squeezed out a dime-sized drop onto my palm, rubbed my hands together, then pushed them through his hair.
“You actually have really great hair. It just looks like your mom cut it.”
“You don’t even know my mom.”
“Well, any mom.” The front of his hair was drooping a bit so I gave it one last pass then smiled. “There.”
“Your work is done?” he asked.
I met his eyes and realized my styling process had closed the space between us. I backed up. “Yes, she’ll be all over you by the end of the night.”
“Who knew hair was that powerful?” He kept his gaze on me, the one that seemed to search my soul, then a smile spread across his lips. My heart gave a jump that surprised me and I quickly dropped my gaze.
I took my cell phone and lip gloss out of my purse and slipped them into my pocket while he opened his door and got out. By the time I’d tucked my purse with the rest of its contents under the seat, he was on my side of the car opening my door. He gave me a hand out. After he shut and locked the doors, he faced the house and I could see him visibly take a breath, the air flowing into his lungs causing his shoulders to rise and fall.
“Are you nervous?” I asked, a little surprised.
“Maybe. Thanks for coming with me.”
“Of course.”
“Okay, here we go.”
“Hayden?”
“Yes, Gia?”
“Nothing. I just wanted to say your name.”
He smiled, which was what I was hoping for. He just needed to relax. I knew Bec wanted me here to keep him away from Eve, but who was I to stop him if that’s what he really wanted? He led me up the walk and around the side of the house to a gate that was propped open.
“Oh. Look at that. Your ex-girlfriend’s house backs up to the ocean.” I had known we were close to the beach—I could hear the waves and smell the ocean breeze—but I hadn’t realized we were this close.
“Pretty cool, right?”
The secluded beach was full of people eating, talking, dancing. Hayden scanned the area and I could tell when he saw her because he went still. I followed his gaze and went still myself. It wasn’t that she was drop-dead gorgeous or anything, but just looking at her, I could tell she had more quirk and personality than I’d ever have. Her hair was a shockingly white blond that she wore choppy, one side longer than the other. Mine was brown and boringly all the same length. She was short and curvy while I was tall and lean. She wore a T-shirt that said something on the front I couldn’t read but I was sure it was funny or odd, just like Hayden’s were. They belonged together and after tonight they probably would be back together. He wanted it, and from the way she was now looking at Hayden, her eyes lighting up with joy, it was obvious she wanted it too. Bec was going to kill me.
Eve waved and he nodded.
“I’m just going to take off my sandals. I didn’t realize we’d be on the sand.” Wedges were not right for this. I should’ve worn flip-flops. No wonder Bec had given me that look.
“Sure.”
“Can I just put them back in your car?”
“Of course.” He handed me the keys but didn’t offer to walk me.
“Okay, then . . . I guess I’ll see you in a minute.”
I walked back to his car, unbuckled my sandals, and threw them in the backseat. Normally I was so confident walking into a new place. Why did I feel so nervous now? Maybe I shouldn’t have come. All I’d wanted was to see Hayden again, find out his motivations for going to prom with me so I could stop obsessing about it. So that things could go back to normal. I’d done that. But I was here now. I could stay for a little while for Hayden’s sake. We were only twenty minutes from my house. Maybe once Hayden and Eve got back together, I could call my brother or Claire for a ride and head over to the other party.
I followed the path back to the beach. Hayden had moved about twenty feet farther into the party but was now talking to Eve and another guy. I had several options—a food table across the way, a makeshift dance floor, or a group surrounding a bonfire. Or, of course, I could go see how Hayden was faring. I chose that option.
I took two steps in his direction and my foot landed on something sharp. With a quick breath between my teeth, I checked to make sure it wasn’t glass. It was just a piece of a shell and it was only a surface scratch. I brushed off my foot and then joined Hayden.
“So the second I took off my shoes, I stepped on a—”
“Gia,” Hayden interrupted, grabbing my hand and pulling me to his side. I stumbled slightly but he held me firm. “I want you to meet Eve and Ryan.”
“Hi.”
“And, guys, this is my girlfriend, Gia.” He slid a han
d down my back and gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek after the announcement.
Whoa. What? In the two minutes I’d been gone, something had changed and I wasn’t sure what. I turned on a smile and held out my hand. “Nice to meet you.”
The guy grabbed my hand. “Good to meet you.” When he let go he took Eve’s. Oh. And there it was. Bec was wrong. It was option number one Eve was interested in. She wanted Hayden here to make sure he was still pining over her but she was still very much attached to whoever this guy was.
Eve’s brilliant smile had faded just a bit as she took me in. From this close I could see her T-shirt. It said, I like turtles. I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to be funny or if she really did have a thing for turtles.
“You brought someone,” she said. “I didn’t realize you were . . . dating anyone.”
Hayden in all his smoothness said, “I hope that’s okay. The invitation said plus one.”
The invitation said plus one? And here she looked like she was in shock that he had actually brought someone.
“Right. It did. I know how close you and your sister are so I thought . . . But yes, of course it’s fine. Come get something to eat. I’m sure you want to catch up with some people you haven’t talked to in a while. Everyone is here.”
“Yes, I’d love for Gia to meet everyone. You ready, hon?”
I took his offered hand and squeezed it. “Yes.” We started to walk away then I turned back. “Oh, and thanks for inviting us, Eve. This looks amazing. Happy graduation.” She nodded me a thanks and then walked the other way.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Hayden mumbled under his breath as we walked toward a long table full of food by the patio of the house.
“Don’t be. I owe you.”
We stopped in front of the table and I stared at the food spread before us. “Are you hungry?”
His gaze was on the ocean in the distance, his jaw tight. It seemed as though he hadn’t heard my question at all.
I put my hand on his back. “You okay?” I didn’t know why I asked him that; it was obvious he wasn’t. He had come here tonight thinking his ex-girlfriend had invited him because she wanted to get back together with him and he had just found out she hadn’t.