by Parker, Ali
“Cadence, you are getting way ahead of yourself. Yes, it is a good thing Trent is gone. And yes, I’m glad the girls will never have to worry about being manipulated by him. However, I’m sorry, but I don’t feel Gabriel is anything like that.”
She and I were not going to agree on the matter. She wasn’t the one who would have her heart ripped out of her chest when his betrayals and lies grew bigger. She wasn’t the one who would be left to wipe the tears of her little girls.
“I should probably get home,” I said. “I’m exhausted and I don’t want to think about any of it. I certainly don’t want to talk about it.”
She smiled and nodded. “I’ll leave it alone. Go home and get some sleep. I’ll bring the girls home later.”
“No, you don’t have to do that.”
“Cadence, I love you, but you look like hell. Have you been up all night?”
“Mostly, yes.”
“Go home and get a few hours of sleep. The girls and I were up late last night watching movies. It isn’t going to do anyone any good to have a cranky mom and cranky kids in the same house. It’s a recipe for disaster. I’ll bring them home after I’ve fed them breakfast. I may have promised them they could have some cake.”
I groaned. “Mom, you have to stop feeding them cake for breakfast. I’m sure there is a rule against it.”
“It’s an apple streusel cake. That’s mostly healthy.”
I rolled my eyes. There was no arguing with her. “All right. I could use a couple of hours of sleep. Thank you.”
She put her hand over mine. “You’re welcome. Sleep on this Gabriel situation. Don’t do or say anything rash. You’re exhausted. I think you might be able to see clearly when you’ve had some time to think about it.”
I scoffed and dragged myself to the kitchen to dump out the rest of the coffee. “I’ve had all night to think about it. Do you know he didn’t even come after me after I left? I was at the hotel for a good thirty minutes. He never showed up. He went back to the party because that’s what was most important to him.”
She winced. “Ouch. That was not his best decision.”
I felt vindicated. “Exactly. I was not his priority. His precious money was. If he would have shown up at the hotel, maybe that would have changed things. He didn’t. It made it very clear to me what really mattered to him and it wasn’t me. I figure it is only a matter of time before he ghosted me anyway.”
“Ghosted you? Killed you?” The look on her face was priceless.
I smiled. “No, not killed me. He would have disappeared. Vanished. Like a ghost. He would have gotten what he needed from me and have no more use for me. He would complete that wish list of his. He would probably meet another woman and that would be that.”
She slowly nodded. “It does not make me happy that he lied about the situation, but I’m still not convinced it was intentional. Go home. Sleep. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
I gave her a hug. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
I left her house, my brain and body weary as I drove to my place. By the time I made it through the front door, I was ready to fall into bed. Knowing the girls would likely be waking me up, I took the time to put on my pajamas. I didn’t want them to know I had such a shitty night that I’d gone to bed in my clothes. They’d have questions I didn’t have the answers to.
It was going to be hard enough to explain to them we wouldn’t be seeing Gabriel again. I dreaded that conversation. Knowing my girls, they wouldn’t just let it die. They’d ask over and over until it finally sunk in that they wouldn’t see him anymore.
I had learned my lesson. Again. No more gorgeous, sexy men for me. I was going to become a nun or the closest thing to it.
Chapter 35
Gabriel
My eyes burned as I stared up at the flight board. My flight back to Portland had been delayed due to something with the plane. I was tempted to rent a car and drive back but didn’t trust myself not to fall asleep on the long drive back. I hadn’t slept a wink. My eyes were bloodshot and hurt from being open for so long.
Everything felt wrong. My skin felt itchy and there was a buzz in the back of my head. I had tried alcohol. I had tried coffee. Nothing was working to restore a sense of normalcy in my mind and body. When I had gotten through airport security only to find my flight had been delayed, it had nearly sent me to my knees. I checked for another flight and found nothing. I was at the mercy of the airline. I got the feeling they didn’t care that I had an angry, hurt woman to attend to.
I needed to talk to Cadence. I had gotten back to the hotel about an hour after she’d left me standing on the sidewalk. I was still in disbelief she’d left me in New York. I understood dumping me at the party, but she’d left the fucking city. That told me all I needed to know about how pissed she was.
I remembered the disbelief I had felt. I had been in shock, wandering around the hotel. I had some crazy idea she was lurking about the hotel. At first, I thought maybe she was in the hotel bar. I had looked for her before going back to the room, only then realizing her makeup and stuff was cleared out of the bathroom. Her suitcase was gone. She’d left me. She had left me without leaving a note or sending me a text.
Every phone call I made after I realized she was gone had gone unanswered. An hour ago, those calls had started going directly to voicemail, telling me she was either blocking my number or her phone was off. She was shutting me out. Telling me without using words that she didn’t want to hear from me. I refused to believe it was a permanent situation. I could not accept it was over with her.
Even thinking of that possibility had me feeling woozy. My stomach was in knots. I had fucked up. I knew it, and if I could go back, I would have done it in a flash. I felt like an asshole. I should have chased after her. I shouldn’t have introduced her as my wife. I should have been upfront with her about the stipulations that went along with me getting the money.
There was a lot of “should haves” and none of them helped me now. I couldn’t lose her. I would grovel if necessary. I would reject the money if that made her feel better. I didn’t need to grow the retreat. Things were fine as they were. I could stick with my original plan and continue scrimping and saving to get what I wanted. I would tell her the money didn’t mean shit if she wasn’t in my life. I couldn’t do any of that if I didn’t get to her.
I growled, staring at my flight number and the word delayed following it. “Fuck.”
I stomped to one of the many empty chairs and flopped down. I was glad there weren’t a lot of people around. I wasn’t in the mood for being in public. I was wallowing in my own misery when someone sat beside me. I was about to get up and move to one of the other empty chairs when I looked over and saw Tim.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him. It was rude. I knew it was rude, but I was in a horrible mood and not up for ass kissing.
He smirked. “I suppose the same thing you are. I’m on this flight. Rather, I hope I’ll be on this flight.”
“Oh,” I said, realizing he lived in Portland. “Sorry. I’m irritated with the delay.”
He smiled. “It happens. I make this trip quite often and I’ve learned to always expect it to be delayed. I hope the trip was worth a minor delay in your return plans.”
I nodded. “Absolutely. Thank you again for putting my name in the hat and convincing the board I was worthy of the donation.”
He smiled. “I’ll be honest, it had very little to do with me. It was really my wife and daughter who made it happen.”
“Your wife and daughter?” I asked with confusion.
“A little over a month ago, our daughter got into some trouble. Trouble that could have ended badly. She’s in this phase right now that is pushing her mother and me to our wits’ end. I swear the child has made the last few black hairs I have turn gray. She is wild. We keep hoping she’ll settle down. I think after her encounter with you, she just might.”
I shook my head, absolutely confu
sed. “I’m not sure I met your daughter. Was she there last night?”
He laughed. “No. She doesn’t go to those things. She finds them stuffy and boring. You met her at your retreat.”
“At my retreat?” I asked, searching my memory banks to try and remember the daughter. I rarely got the names of the guests. I felt horrible for not remembering her.
“She had a little too much to drink, courtesy of one of her bad decisions. She apparently got lost and slept off her drunkenness in the woods. You found her.”
I groaned. “I’m sorry,” I said, remembering how pissed I had been. “I shouldn’t have been so hard on her. I was frustrated and a little scared for her.”
“You did exactly what you should have. You scared her enough to think long and hard about her decisions.”
“Wasn’t she with a group of car salesmen?” I asked, remembering the incident much more clearly.
He sighed. “She was. It was one of the many jobs she has had. She no longer works for the company. After her incident in the woods, she quit that job and has re-enrolled in school. You really helped set her on the straight and narrow. I wanted to thank you personally. My wife did a little digging into your retreat and we both agreed that the donation should go to a place like that.”
I was relieved things had turned out the way they had. It could have been much worse. “You don’t have to thank me. I was doing my job. Your daughter is not the first one to have gone off the path. She was the first one to pass out in the woods all night, though. It scared me. I followed her advice and put up more lighting. I never want to lose another guest.”
He chuckled. “She has a funny way of testing the boundaries in every sense of the way.”
“I’m glad it worked out.”
He looked around. “Where’s your lovely wife?”
I grimaced. I couldn’t lie to him, even if it cost me the donation. “Cadence isn’t my wife.”
“What?” he asked with surprise.
I shook my head. “She isn’t my wife. We were seeing each other, but I’m afraid I screwed that up.”
“She isn’t your wife? You could have fooled me. Hell, you did fool me.”
I grimaced, waiting for the man to tell me he was revoking his offer. “I’m so sorry. I never meant to fool you. I got caught up in the moment and it just came out.”
“I suppose my assumptions about your marriage status didn’t help. I’m sorry for that.”
“It isn’t your fault. I should have told you from the very beginning I don’t have a family.”
He nodded, staring out the windows before turning to look at me again. “The two of you seemed to be genuinely in love. You reminded me a lot of my wife and me back when we were first married. People used to tease us, claimed we had stars in our eyes. I saw that in her eyes. I was convinced she was in love with you.”
“Our marriage was a surprise to her. Needless to say, it wasn’t a good surprise. She’s pretty pissed at me—for good reason.”
He chuckled. “I can’t tell you how often my wife gets pissed at me. I seem to step in it at least once a week. I don’t mean to, but it just seems to be my thing. She always forgives me. Sometimes, it takes a little more begging, but she loves me. That’s what matters. When someone you love makes you mad, it can feel like hurt. You have to fix the hurt. Misunderstandings are a dangerous thing in a relationship. Your job is to always be very clear about how you feel about her. As long as you’re honest about that, the rest of it is an easy fix.”
I mulled over what he was saying. I had never told her how I felt about her. I didn’t really know how I felt until I realized she was gone. I needed to be with her. My heart would never be the same without her.
“Thank you. I will take your advice, and hopefully, I can fix the mess I made.”
He chuckled. “I have confidence you will.”
We talked a little more about the retreat and my plans. My eyes kept moving to the screen. I was anxious to get back to Portland. I wasn’t sure how I was going to talk to her, considering she wasn’t taking my calls, but I would find a way.
By the time the plane finally touched down in Portland, it was afternoon. Every minute that passed without me being able to talk with Cadence was driving me crazy. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I needed coffee, but with the way my stomach was feeling, I didn’t dare.
I made it to my truck in the parking lot and called her again. The phone once again went directly to voicemail. “Shit! Shit! Shit!”
I leaned my head against the headrest and closed my eyes. There had to be a way to find her. I searched my memory, analyzing every conversation we had in the hope I would find a clue as to how to find her. I would drive every street in the city. I was not going to go away without a fight. She had to know what I felt for her.
I shook my head knowing, I had just lived up to one of her biggest fears. Trent had done a real number on her and she was already skittish. I had been dishonest. She was feeling betrayed. I knew it. I knew she was pissed at me and herself for falling for me. I wanted her to know I fell hard for her as well. I should have said it when I had the chance.
I didn’t and now I might never get the chance.
Chapter 36
Cadence
The bed moving, followed by little bodies snuggling up to me, woke me up from the nightmare I’d been having. I smiled and wrapped an arm around my youngest and pulled her against me. “Good morning,” I murmured.
“Mom, it’s lunchtime,” Autumn answered.
I groaned, rolling to my back and rubbing my eyes. I could see the daylight coming in through the blinds. “Is it really lunchtime?” I asked. It felt like I had only fallen asleep an hour earlier. My brain was not ready to be awake just yet.
“Yep,” Hazel answered. “Nanny said she would make us lunch because you were too tired. I thought you weren’t coming home until the next day. You said two sleeps at Nanny’s house.”
“I changed my mind,” I mumbled, in no mood to explain the status of my love life to a six-year-old.
“Girls!” my mother shouted from someplace beyond my open bedroom door. “Let your mom get up. Lunch will be ready in a few!”
I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to stay in bed all damn day. The girls jumped off my bed, shaking it as they went. I groaned, feeling hungover. The alcohol had worn off sometime in the middle of the night while I sat at the airport. The hangover feeling was a result of a broken heart, anger, and lack of sleep.
I threw off the blankets, knowing I was only prolonging the inevitable. If I didn’t get my ass up, they’d be back with my mother in tow. I stumbled out of bed and walked directly into the adjoining bathroom. I turned the shower spray on lukewarm and stripped. I needed a shower to wash it all away. I needed to forget all about the last twenty-four hours.
I stood under the water, my face turned up to the stream of water. It was doing little to take away the anger and bitterness, but it was going a long way to waking me up. I wasn’t planning on doing much of anything for the day, but I had to be somewhat awake. I didn’t want to be a zombie vegging out on the couch.
After dressing in old jeans and an even older hoodie, I made my way to the kitchen. The girls were sitting at the table, eating grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup.
“Thanks,” I mumbled to my mom, walking around her to start the coffee.
“I made you one as well,” she said. “You need to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Eat anyway.”
I wasn’t going to argue with her. I didn’t have it in me. With a full cup of coffee and a grilled cheese in hand, I took a seat at the table with my mom and daughters. The girls had scarfed down their lunch in record time.
“Girls, why don’t you go play for a bit?” my mom said.
I tried to hide my expression, knowing it would be one of irritation. She was sending the girls away so we could have yet another talk. I didn’t feel like talking. I wanted to sit and watch sappy romantic comedies on
TV.
“What?” I asked once the girls were gone. “I haven’t changed my mind about anything.”
“That’s too bad,” she chided. “You’re making a mistake.”
My mouth fell open. “Mom! Whose side are you on?”
“I’m on your side. I’m always on your side. I didn’t tell you enough back with Trent, so I’m going to tell you now. You’re making a mistake cutting that man out of your life. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes. I promise you it won’t be his last one. You’re bound to screw up now and again as well.”
“Gee, Mom, your pep talk skills just keep getting better and better.”
“Don’t be sour,” she scolded, making me feel like that same eighteen-year-old girl who’d fallen in love with an older man and wanted her mother’s approval.
“I’m not sour.”
She laughed, dipping a chunk of her sandwich into the tomato soup before taking a bite. “You’re cranky. I think you need more sleep.”
“You think?”
“Young lady, I’m still your mother, and while you might be an adult, I will still wash your mouth out with soap for sassing me.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s just, I can’t do it again, Mom. I just can’t. I survived after Trent and maybe even thrived a little, but that was different. I can’t get my heart stomped all over again. If it hadn’t been for the girls and you, I don’t think I would have been able to pull myself together. He broke me.”