It was ten minutes before the cheers had died down sufficiently for the voice of the Consul to be heard again. He then rose, in some agitation, to announce that the messengers had returned that had been sent to me in the Senate’s name: they reported that I had expressed myself unable to obey their summons, and had explained that I was being forcibly taken away to the Guards’ Camp. This news caused consternation and confusion among the benches, and a ragged debate followed, the conclusion of which was that my friend Vitellius suggested sending for King Herod Agrippa: Herod, being an outsider, but in close touch with political currents in Rome, and a man of great reputation both in the West and the East, might be able to give them seasonable advice. Someone seconded Vitellius, pointing out that Herod was known to have a strong influence over me, that he was respected by the Imperial Guards, and that at the same time he had always been well-disposed towards the Senate, among whom he had numerous personal friends. So a messenger was sent to beg Herod to attend as soon as possible. I believe that Herod had arranged for this invitation, but I cannot be sure. At all events he did not show himself either too ready to go or too slack in going. He sent a servant downstairs from his bedroom to tell the messenger that he would be ready in a few minutes, but that at the moment he must be excused, as he was in a state of dishabille. Presently he came down smelling very strongly of a peculiar Oriental scent called patchouli, which was a standing joke at the Palace: it was supposed to have an irresistible effect on Cypros. Caligula, whenever he smelt it on Herod, used to sniff loudly and say: ‘Herod, you uxorious old man! How well you advertise your marital secrets!’ Herod, you understand, did not wish it to be known that he had spent so long on the Palatine Hill, or they might suspect that he had been taking sides. He had, in fact, left the Palace disguised as a servant, mixed with the crowd in the Market Place, and only just reached home when the message came for him. He used the scent as an alibi, and it seems to have been accepted. When he arrived at the Temple the Consuls explained the position to him and he pretended to be surprised to hear that I had been acclaimed Emperor, and made a lengthy protestation as to his absolute neutrality in City politics. He was merely an allied king and the trusted friend of Rome, and so he would remain, by their leave, whatever her government. ‘Nevertheless,’ he said, ‘since you appear to be in need of my advice I am prepared to speak frankly. The republican form of government appears to me in certain circumstances a most estimable thing. I would say the same of a benignant monarchy. Nobody can, in my opinion, make a hard-and-fast pronouncement that one form of government is essentially better than another. The suitability of each form depends on the temper of the people, the capacity of the ruler or rulers, the geographical extent of the State, and so on. Only one general rule can be made, and it is this: No sensible man would give that’ (here he gave a contemptuous snap of his fingers) ‘for any government, whether democratic, plutocratic, aristocratic, or autocratic, that cannot count on the loyal support of the armed forces of the State over which it pretends to rule. And so, my lords, before I begin to offer you any practical advice I must ask you a question. My question is: Have you the Army behind you?’
It was Vinicius who jumped up to answer him. ‘King Herod,’ he cried, ‘the City Battalions are loyal to a man. You see their three colonels here among us to-night. We have great stores of weapons too and vast supplies of money with which to pay any further forces that we may require to raise. There are many of us here who could enlist a double company of troops from our own household slaves, and would gladly give them their liberty on their undertaking to fight for the Republic.’
Herod ostentatiously covered his mouth so that they should see that he was trying not to laugh. ‘My friend Lord Vinicius,’ he said, ‘my advice is don’t you try it! What sort of a show do you think that your porters and bakers and bath-attendants would make against the Guards, the best troops in the Empire? I mention the Guards because if they had been on your side you would certainly have told me about it. If you think that you can make a slave into a soldier by tying a breastplate on him, putting a spear in his hand, hanging a sword round his middle and saying: “Now, fight, my boy!” – well, I repeat, don’t you try it!’ Then he addressed the Senate again as a whole. ‘My Lords,’ he said, ‘you tell me that the Guards have acclaimed as Emperor my friend Tiberius Claudius Drusus Nero Germanicus, the ex-Consul, but without first asking your consent. And I gather that the Guards have shown some hesitation in allowing him to obey your summons to attend this House. But I also gather that the message that was sent him did not emanate from you as a body but from an unofficial caucus of some two or three senators; and that only a small party of excited soldiers – no officers among them – were in attendance on Tiberius Claudius when it was delivered. Perhaps if another delegation were now sent to him, with proper authority, the officers at the Guards’ Camp would advise him to treat it with the respect that it deserves and would check the holiday spirit of the men under their command. I suggest that the same two Protectors of the People should be sent again, and I am ready, if you desire, to go with them and add my voice to theirs – in a quite disinterested way, of course. I believe that I have sufficient influence with my friend Tiberius Claudius, whom I have known from boyhood – we studied under the same venerable tutor – and sufficient interest with the officers at the Camp – I am a frequent guest at their mess-table – and certainly, let me assure you, my Lords, I have sufficient eagerness for your good opinion, to be able to settle matters to the satisfaction of all parties concerned.’
So at about four o’clock that afternoon, as I was eating my long-delayed luncheon in the Colonels’ Mess at the Guards’ Camp, with every movement that I made silently, closely, though respectfully watched by my companions, a captain came in with the news that a delegation had arrived from the Senate and that King Herod Agrippa, who was here too, wished to speak to me privately beforehand.
‘Bring King Herod in here,’ said the Senior Colonel. ‘He’s our friend.’
Presently Herod entered. He greeted each of the Colonels by name and slapped one or two of them on the back and then came over to me and made me a most formal obeisance.
‘May I speak to you in private, Caesar?’ he asked, grinning.
I was disconcerted at being addressed as Caesar and asked him to call me by my proper name.
‘Well, if you’re not Caesar, I don’t know who else is,’ Herod answered, and the whole room laughed with him. He turned round. ‘My gallant friends,’ he said, ‘I thank you. But if you had been present at the meeting of the Senate this afternoon you really would have had something worth laughing at. I have never seen such a mob of infatuated enthusiasts in my life. Do you know what they think? They actually think that they are going to start a civil war and challenge you Guards to a pitched battle, with no one to help them but the City Battalions, and perhaps a Watchman or two, and their own household slaves masquerading as soldiers, under the command of sword-fighters from the amphitheatre! That’s rich, eh? As a matter of fact, what I have come to tell the Emperor I can say in front of you all. They have now sent him a delegation of Protectors of the People, because, you see, there is not a single one of their own number who dares come himself: the Emperor is going to be asked to submit himself to the Senate’s authority, and if he doesn’t, why then they’ll make him. What do you think of that? I came along with them after promising the Senate that I’d give the Emperor a few words of disinterested advice. I am now going to keep my promise.’ He turned sharply round again and addressed me. ‘Caesar, my advice is, be rough with them! Stamp on the worms and watch them wriggle.’
I said stiffly: ‘My friend King Herod, you seem to forget that I am a Roman and that the powers even of an Emperor depend constitutionally on the will of the Senate. If the Senate sends me a message which I am able to answer politely and submissively I shall not fail to do so.’
‘Have it your own way,’ Herod answered with a shrug, ‘but they won’t treat you any the better for it. Cons
titutionally, eh? I must bow of course to your superior authority as an antiquarian, but has the word “constitution” any practical meaning to-day?’
Then the two Protectors were admitted. They repeated what the Senate had asked them to say, in a mechanical and unpersuasive duet. I was desired to do nothing by violence, but to yield without further hesitation to the power of the Senate. I was reminded of the dangers that they and I had escaped under the late Emperor and begged to commit no act that could be a cause of fresh public disasters.
The sentence about the dangers that they and I had escaped under Caligula was repeated three times in all, because first one of them made a mistake, and then the other went to his rescue, and then the first one said it all over again. I said, rather testily: ‘Yes, that verse occurred once before, I think,’ and quoted the Homeric tag that is found so often in the Odyssey:
Glad from death’s peril to have won scot-free –
Our comrades not so fortunate as we.
Herod was delighted with this. He recited comically: ‘Our comrades not so fortunate as we,’ and then whispered to the Colonels: ‘That’s the point. All that they really care about is their own dirty hides.’
The Protectors of the People grew flustered and went on gabbling their message like a brace of ducks. If I resigned the supreme power that had been unconstitutionally awarded me, they said, the Senate promised to vote me the greatest honours that a free people could bestow. But I must place myself unreservedly in their hands. If, on the contrary, I acted foolishly and persisted in my refusal to attend the House, I would have the armed forces of the City sent against me, and once I was captured I need expect no mercy.
The Colonels crowded round the two Protectors with such threatening looks and mutterings that they hastily explained that they were only repeating what had been put into their mouths by the Senate, and that personally they wished to assure me that I was the only proper person, in their opinion, to rule the Empire. They begged us to remember that in their quality both as ambassadors of the Senate and as Protectors of the People their persons were inviolate, and not to do them any indignity. Then they said: ‘And the Consuls privately gave us a second message that we were to give you in case our first doesn’t please you.’
I wondered what this second message could be.
‘Caesar,’ they answered, ‘we were ordered to tell you that if you do want the monarchy you must accept it as the Senate’s gift and not as the gift of the Guards.’
That made me laugh outright: it was the first time that I had so much as smiled since Caligula’s assassination. I asked, ‘Is that all, or is there a third message in case I don’t like the second?’
‘No, there is nothing more, Caesar,’ they answered humbly.
‘Well,’ I said, still much amused, ‘tell the Senate that I don’t blame them for not wanting another Emperor. The last one somehow lacked the gift of endearing himself to his people. But, on the other hand, the Imperial Guards insist on making me Emperor, and the officers have already sworn their allegiance to me and forced me to accept it – so what can I do? You may carry the Senate my respectful compliments and tell them that I shall do nothing unconstitutional’ – here I looked defiantly at Herod – ‘and that they can trust me not to deceive them. I acknowledge their authority, but at the same time I must remind them that I am in no position to oppose the wishes of my military advisers.’
So the Protectors were dismissed, and very glad they were to get away alive. Herod said: ‘That was all right, but you would have done much better to have spoken firmly, as I suggested. You are only delaying matters.’
When Herod had gone the Colonels told me that they expected me to pay every Guardsman 150 gold pieces as a bounty on my accession, and 500 gold pieces each to the Captains. As to what I should pay the Colonels, I could please myself. ‘Would you be satisfied with ten thousand apiece?’ I joked. We agreed on 2,000, and then they asked me to appoint one of themselves in the place of Caligula’s Commander, who had taken part in the conspiracy and was now apparently attending the meeting of the Senate.
‘Choose whomever you like,’ I said, indifferently.
So they chose the Senior Colonel, who was called Rufrius Pollius. Then I had to go out and make an announcement about the bounty from the tribunal platform and receive the oaths of allegiance from each company of soldiers in turn. I was also asked to announce that the same bounty would be paid to the regiments stationed on the Rhine, in the Balkans, in Syria, in Africa, and in all other parts of the Empire. I was the more willing to do this because I knew that there were arrears of pay owing everywhere, except among the Rhine troops, whom Caligula had paid with the money stolen from the French. The swearing of allegiance took hours, for every man had to repeat the oath, and there were 12,000 of them; and then the City Watchmen came into the camp and insisted on doing the same, and then sailors of the Imperial Navy came crowding up from Ostia. It seemed endless.
When the Senate received my message they adjourned until midnight. The motion for adjournment was made by Sentius and seconded by the senator who had pulled the ring off his finger. As soon as it was voted they hurried out and back to their houses, where they packed up a few belongings and drove out of the City to their country estates: they realized the insecurity of their position. Midnight came and the Senate met, but what a thin House it was! Hardly a hundred members were present, and even these were in a panic. The officers of the City Battalions were present, however, and as soon as proceedings opened, bluntly asked the Senate to give them an Emperor. It was the only hope for the City, they said.
Herod was quite right: the man who first offered himself as Emperor was Vinicius. He seemed to have a few supporters, including his rat-like cousin Vinicianus, but not many, and he was snubbed by the Consuls. They did not even put the motion to the House that the monarchy should be offered to him. As Herod had also foreseen, Asiaticus then came forward as a candidate. But Vinicius rose and asked whether anyone present took the suggestion seriously. A wrangle followed and blows were exchanged. Vinicianus came off with a bloody nose and had to lie down until the flow ceased. The Consuls had difficulty in restoring order. Then news was brought that the Watchmen and Sailors had joined the Guards at the Camp, and the sword-fighters too (I forgot just now to mention the sword-fighters); so Vinicius and Asiaticus both withdrew their candidatures. Nobody else came forward. The meeting broke up into small groups talking anxiously together in whispers. At dawn Cassius Chaerea, Aquila, Lupus, and The Tiger entered. Cassius attempted to speak. He began by referring to the splendid restoration of the Republic. At this there were angry shouts from the officers of the City Battalions.
‘Forget about the Republic, Cassius. We’ve decided now to have an Emperor, and if the Consuls don’t give us one pretty soon, and a good one too, that’s the last they’ll see of us. We’ll go to the Camp and join Claudius.’
One of the Consuls said nervously, looking at Cassius for support: ‘No, we’re not quite agreed yet about appointing an Emperor. Our last resolution – carried unanimously – was that the Republic was now restored. Cassius didn’t kill Caligula merely for the sake of a change of Emperors – did you, Cassius? – but because he wished to give us back our ancient liberties.’
Cassius sprang to his feet, white with passion, and cried: ‘Romans, I for one refuse to tolerate another Emperor. If another Emperor were appointed I should not hesitate to do to him as I did to Gaius Caligula.’
‘Don’t talk nonsense,’ the City officers told him. ‘There’s no harm in an Emperor, if he’s a good one. We were all very well off under Augustus.’
Cassius said, ‘I’ll give you a good Emperor, then, if you promise to bring me the watchword from him – I’ll give you Eutychus.’ You may remember that Eutychus was one of Caligula’s ‘Scouts’. He was the best charioteer in Rome and drove for the Leek Green faction in the Circus. Cassius was reminding them of the fatigues that Caligula had forced the City troops to do for him, such as building stab
les for his race-horses and cleaning them out when they were in use, under Eutychus’s fussy and arrogant supervision. ‘I suppose you enjoy going down on your knees and scrubbing the muck from a stable floor at the orders of an Emperor’s favourite charioteer?’
One of the Colonels sneered: ‘You talk very big, Cassius, but you’re afraid of Claudius, none the less. Admit it.’
‘I afraid of Claudius?’ Cassius shouted. ‘If the Senate told me to go to the Camp and bring his head back, I’d cheerfully do so. I can’t understand you people. It amazes me that after having been ruled for four years by a madman you should be ready to commit the government to an idiot.’
But Cassius could not convince the officers. They left the Senate without another word, assembled their men in the Market Place under the company banners and marched out to the Camp to swear allegiance to me. The Senate, or what remained of the Senate, was now left alone and unprotected. Everyone, I am told, began reproaching his neighbours, and all pretence of devotion to the failing Republican cause vanished. If a single man of them had shown himself courageous it would have been something: I should have felt less ashamed of my country. I had long suspected the veracity of certain of the heroic legends of ancient Rome related by the historian Livy, and on hearing of this scene in the Senate I even began to have doubts about my favourite passage, the one describing the fortitude of the senators of old after the disaster of the River Allia, when the Celts were advancing on the City and all hope of defending the walls was gone. Livy tells how the young men of military age, with their wives and children, withdrew into the Citadel after getting in a store of arms and provisions, resolved to hold out to the last. But the old men, who could be only an encumbrance to the besieged, remained behind and awaited death, wearing senatorial robes and seated in chairs of office in the porticoes of their houses, their ivory rods of office grasped firmly in their hands. When I was a boy, old Athenodorus made me memorize all this and I have never forgotten it:
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